Hamlet 2

Hamlet 2 is a 2008 comedy about a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher who rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages a politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.
 * Directed by Andrew Fleming. Written by Andrew Fleming and Pam Brady.

One high school drama teacher is about to make a huge number 2.

Dana Marschz

 * I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!
 * Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.
 * It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating.
 * [in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!
 * It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!

Cricket Feldstein

 * You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!

Epiphany Sellers

 * I still get nervous around ethnics.

Dialogue

 * Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
 * Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
 * Cricket Feldstein: My balls?


 * Dana Marschz: You can't let your ethnic narrow-mindedness stop your son from thriving in our culture.
 * Mr. Marquez: I have to take exception to that characterization.
 * Dana Marschz: Heywood's a bad boy. He's a gang banger. A deadbeat. But he also has a gift.
 * Mrs. Marquez: Who is Heywood?
 * Dana Marschz: Your son. Heywood Jablome.
 * [pause; realization dawns upon Dana]
 * Dana Marschz: Oh. I just got that.


 * Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
 * Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
 * Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
 * Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!
 * Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
 * Dana Marschz: It was?

Cast

 * Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz
 * Catherine Keener - Brie Marschz
 * Joseph Julian Soria - Octavio Marquez
 * Skylar Astin - Rand Posin
 * Phoebe Strole - Epiphany Sellars
 * Melonie Diaz - Ivonne
 * Arnie Pantoja - Vitamin J
 * Michael Esparza - Chuy
 * Natalie Amenula - Yolanda
 * David Arquette - Gary
 * Elisabeth Shue - Elisabeth Shue
 * Amy Poehler - Cricket Feldstein