Harry Graham (poet)

Jocelyn Henry Clive "Harry" Graham (23 December 1874 – 30 October 1936) was an English writer. He was a successful journalist and later, after distinguished military service, a leading lyricist for operettas and musical comedies. He is now best remembered as a writer of humorous verse in the tradition of grotesquerie and black humour, exemplified by the verses of W. S. Gilbert and Hilaire Belloc, in his "Ruthless Rhymes."

Quotes

 * What hours I spent of precious time, What pints of ink I used to waste, Attempting to secure a rhyme To suit the public taste, Until I found a simple plan Which makes the lamest lyric scan! When I’ve a syllable de trop, I cut it off, without apol.: This verbal sacrifice, I know, May irritate the schol.; But all must praise my dev’lish cunn. Who realise that Time is Mon.
 * Poetical economy, Lines 1-12

A Macaronic Poem
Kaiser Wilhelm II, visiting Brussels, spoke at length with Baron de Haulleville, Director of the Congo Museum, in French, German and English. Harry Graham imagined their conversation.


 * "Guten Morgen, mon ami! Heute ist es schönes Wetter! Charmé de vous voir ici! Never saw you looking better!"
 * Lines 1-4


 * "Ich muss cherchez mon hôtel. What a charming Schwätzerei, sir! Lebe wohl! Adieu! Farewell! Vive le Congo! Hoch der Kaiser!"
 * Lines 13-16

Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes (1899)
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes; Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.
 * Billy, in one of his nice new sashes,
 * ''Tender-Heartedness


 * When Grandmamma fell off the boat, And couldn’t swim, and wouldn’t float, Maria just sat by and smiled - I almost could have slapped the child!
 * Indifference


 * Weep not for little Leonie, Abducted by a French Marquis! Though loss of honour was a wrench, Just think how it's improved her French.
 * Compensation


 * O'er the rugged mountain's brow Clara threw the twins she nursed, And remarked, "I wonder now Which will reach the bottom first?"
 * Calculating Clara


 * That morning, when my wife eloped With James, our chauffeur, how I moped! What tragedies in life there are! I'm dashed if I can start the car.
 * Tragedy


 * When Baby's cries grew hard to bear I popped him in the Frigidaire. I never would have done so if I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff. My wife said: 'George, I'm so unhappé! Our darling's now completely frappé!
 * L'Enfant Glacé


 * Uncle, whose inventive brains kept evolving aeroplanes, fell from an enormous height upon my garden lawn last night. Flying is a fatal sport, uncle wrecked the tennis court.
 * Uncle


 * "There's been an accident!" they said, "Your servant's cut in half; he's dead." "Indeed!" said Mr Jones, "and please Give me the half that's got my keys."
 * Accident