Haven (TV series)

Haven (2010-2015) is a supernatural television series, loosely based on The Colorado Kid, by Stephen King. It premiered on the SyFy channel on July 9, 2010, and has recently finished its second season. It revolves around Audrey Parker, an FBI agent, who moves to the small town of Haven, and stays to investigate her past and help those suffering from a series of supernatural afflictions known as "The Troubles".

Welcome to Haven [1.01]

 * Audrey: FBI, who are you?
 * Nathan: Haven PD, who are you?
 * Audrey: F-B-I are you deaf?


 * Nathan: Keep your hands where I can see them.
 * Audrey: Okay, what am I gonna do, pull out another gun?


 * Nathan: Welcome to Haven. You like pancakes? We got good pancakes.
 * Audrey: What about lobster? Isn't Maine famous for lobster?
 * Nathan: I don't like lobster. I really like pancakes.


 * Audrey: [after Nathan is hit by a car] So, you seriously can't feel pain?
 * Nathan: It's called idiopathic neuropathy.
 * Audrey: You really couldn't feel it when that car door hit your hand?
 * Nathan: No.
 * Audrey: Can you feel fire?
 * Nathan: No.
 * Audrey: Ice?
 * Nathan: Oddly, yes. I can feel ice.
 * Audrey: You can feel ice?!
 * Nathan: No. I can feel a headache coming on, though.


 * Audrey: My cellphone, oh no. It's-
 * Duke: It's toast. But I got you another one. [pulls out a pink phone]
 * Audrey: A princess phone? Seriously.
 * Duke: You really need to work on your thank you's.


 * Duke: I don't talk to cops. Even cops that I like.


 * Nathan: Need some help?
 * Audrey: No, No, I'm alright. Thank you.
 * Nathan: Okay, then.
 * Audrey: Unbelievable!


 * Nathan: Shame about the car.
 * Audrey: Eh, it's a rental.


 * Audrey: Nathan really doesn't like you.
 * Duke: Let me guess, what did he say? He's unreliable. Dishonest. And a general pain in the butt?
 * Audrey: Ass. Yeah, he said ass.
 * Duke: Wow.


 * Audrey: You know every other kid I knew dreamed that their parents would come claim them. Then they'd turn out to be rock stars. But I just dreamed that... You know what never mind.
 * Nathan: Too late to stop now.
 * Audrey: I dreamed that my mother would roll up in a big bus and rescue every kid in every orphanage in the world and bring them home.
 * Nathan: Might be a good idea to let that one go.
 * Audrey: Yeah, well I wish I could.

Butterfly [1.02]

 * Audrey: You don't mind do you?
 * Nathan: Mind what?
 * Audrey: I invited myself along.
 * Nathan: It's a huge metal ball. Who could resist that?
 * Audrey: Exactly.


 * Audrey: So, what was that between you and his daughter?
 * Nathan: I asked Hanna to the prom without her father's permission. He found out, and said she couldn't go.
 * Audrey: So the prom is why the Rev would barely look at you?
 * Nathan: Well that. And 'cause we ignored him, ran up to the ledge, and watched the meteor shower.
 * Audrey: And...?
 * Nathan: And... meteor showers are better naked.
 * Audrey: Nathan Wuornos! Just another teenage boy trying to tear a girl's clothes off.
 * Nathan: No, the meteor shower was my idea; the rest was hers.


 * Nathan: February 1983. I was seven. I went sledding on that hill right over there. I crashed into a tree, but I felt fine, so I ran back up the hill, ready to go again, and Lisa Botkee took one look at me, and threw up. I had blood all over my coat and a bone sticking' out of my arm, and I never felt a thing. Wasn't the only thing that happened that year. Don't remember a lot of it, people whispering, kids pulled out of school...
 * Audrey: "The troubles." [Nathan nods his head]
 * Nathan: Couple of years later, I got better and I stopped hearing about 'em.
 * Audrey: And you're afraid they're coming back?
 * Nathan: No. They are back. And I'm afraid they won't go away this time.
 * Audrey: I might need to stick around for a while and see.


 * Audrey: Okay, so first question is why is there a metal ball?
 * Nathan: Everyone knows that ball.
 * Audrey: Second question, there's a ball everyone knows about?


 * Audrey: Excuse me, sir. Agent, uh, Officer Parker, Haven PD. Sorta.


 * Audrey: What did I do on my vacation? I was cocooned by my blanket. You came and got me out. No big deal.


 * Nathan: Maybe I am alone, maybe I always will be, but I'm not trying to lose myself at the bottom of a bottle.


 * Audrey: You want to grab something to eat?
 * Nathan: How about pancakes?
 * Audrey: Yeah, I could eat some pancakes.

Harmony [1.03]

 * Duke: [seeing Nathan looking terrible] You might want to consider switching to decaf, buddy.
 * Nathan: [affected by the troubles] What's it feel like? The sun?
 * Duke: Feels good.

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 * Nathan: We can't shoot the doctor.
 * Audrey: No.
 * Nathan: And we can't go in that room. So, why are we sneaking up on him?
 * Audrey: Because, Haven doesn't have a swat team. It has a dispatch lady who calls you, hon.

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 * Audrey: Do you really think a drug spill could do this?
 * Nathan: Eh, seen worse. I went to college.

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 * Audrey: I'm sorry I had to do that, Nathan. Are you okay?
 * Duke: Yeah, I'm fine.
 * Audrey: I was talking to Nathan.
 * Nathan: Nothing. I felt nothing.

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 * Duke: And I was having such a nice day!
 * Nathan: Let me go.
 * Duke: I don't think so. You're in time out.

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 * Duke: If you keep doing that, you're going to hurt yourself. Oh, I forgot. You're special.

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 * Audrey: Okay, you know what, I admit it. This weird stuff, it kind of does turn me on.

Consumed [1.04]

 * Audrey: I have a theory.
 * Nathan: Surprise.
 * Audrey: You're not going to like it.
 * Nathan: Surprise again.

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 * Audrey: You know I was thinking about... how there are two different Havens. There's the one right that's right beneath the surface, and there's the one right underneath that.
 * Nathan: Sounds like every town.
 * Audrey: It's definitely not like every town. But you, Nathan, you live in both Havens, and I think we're going to find that very useful.
 * Nathan: Might be.

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 * Duke: But I think I've made it pretty clear. I don't talk to cops. Even cops that I like. Which technically you would be the only one, so congratulations. But nonetheless, I still don't do it.
 * Audrey: That was almost a compliment. Heavy on the almost.
 * Duke: I'll be more careful next time.

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 * Woman: Do you think my rooster's sick?
 * Nathan: The lab will test him I'm sure.
 * Woman: He looks okay still chasing the hens. Not all of them mind getting caught.

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 * Audrey: What's this stuff?
 * Nathan: Want to be a local? Helps to look like one.
 * Audrey: Thanks Nathan, that's really sweet. And I thought I just had to squint a lot.

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 * Duke: Well, well, well. Look who's here. How's the farmer's market?
 * Audrey: Not so great thanks to you. How's your afternoon?
 * Duke: Entertaining.
 * Audrey: Really?
 * Duke: You're looking lovely. And you're looking very... Nathan-y.
 * Nathan: Yeah...?

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 * Nathan: Nothing black market of course.
 * Duke: [Sarcastically] Of course not, Nathan.

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 * Audrey: I've seen this movie. It doesn't end well.

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 * Audrey: What? Is my zipper undone?
 * Vince: No. It's just, you look- uh nice.
 * Audrey: Yeah, I've been getting that a lot lately. I'm trying to find something to wear to this restaurant opening tonight.

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 * Audrey: Will you guys look at me! Okay, what's wrong? Is it too professional?
 * Vince/Dave: No.
 * Vince: Not professional.
 * Dave: But it is too...
 * Vince: Sunny?
 * Dave: Exactly, yeah. It's sunny.
 * Audrey: I don't do sunny. Can you just hold on? Right there.

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 * Vince: [Audrey coming out in another dress] Uh, a little uh, branchy?
 * Dave: Leafy-branchy.
 * Audrey: [going back in changing rooms] Okay, no.

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 * Vince: [Audrey coming out in another dress] A little girly!
 * Dave: Thin straps.
 * Audrey: Okay, alright. I'm going to try just a couple more.

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 * Vince: Try this.
 * Audrey: Really? I can't believe you guys are giving me fashion advice.

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 * Audrey: You're staring again.
 * Dave: But in a good way this time. That sounded creepy even to me.

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 * Duke: By the way, you looked nice in that dress last night.
 * Audrey: There it is again. Nice.

Ball and Chain [1.05]

 * Nathan: [seeing aging Duke having trouble getting out of the car] You okay? You need a hand?
 * Duke: When you're nice to me, it reminds me that I'm dying.
 * Nathan: Well, hurry the hell up, then.
 * Duke: Thank you.

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 * Audrey: I don't believe it.
 * Nathan: It's true.
 * Audrey: You golf?
 * Nathan: Indeed I do.
 * Audrey: You're a golfer.
 * Nathan: I am.

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 * Nathan: You don't have any hobbies?
 * Audrey: Yeah. Crime scenes.
 * Nathan: Sounds relaxing.

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 * Audrey: When are you going to get past this 'I hate Duke' thing? You know what, your right! Why even talk about it? It's going SO well between you two!

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 * Audrey: Do you remember the woman he was making out with at the bar on Friday night?
 * Duke: I think it's very sweet you still say making out.

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 * Nathan: You went home with her just like that?
 * Duke: No, Nathan. First I passed her a note in study hall.

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 * Duke: Do you really hate me?
 * Nathan: Hate's a strong word.

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 * Nathan: You're not going to die today. When you die, it's going to be cause' I killed you myself.

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 * Nathan: He's not exactly fatherhood material.
 * Audrey: But apparently you are.

Fur [1.06]

 * Nathan: Full moon last night.
 * Audrey: Oh, look at you. Trying to make a werewolf joke [Nathan stares] You know, you should smile more often. People will know when you're joking.
 * Nathan: Probably.

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 * Audrey: Can we talk off the record?
 * Vince: That sounds exciting.
 * Dave: He says that when the waiter offers to pepper his salad.

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 * Eleanor: Well, you want to fill me in on everything, or are my services no longer required?
 * Audrey: No, I think we have it from here. Thank you.
 * Eleanor: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Doesn't have to be true to make you feel better.

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 * Audrey: What about posting a sign? Why does everything in this town have to be such a huge secret?!

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 * Garland: That animal's gotta' be killed. That's it.
 * Audrey: Before it teaches other wolves to break into cars?

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 * Landon: Think you can do better?
 * Audrey: By better? Do you mean hit the target?

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 * Nathan: You really think this Jess Minion is a witch?
 * Audrey: You were just talking about werewolves a few seconds ago, but witches are out of bound?

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 * Audrey: I don't believe she's a witch.
 * Nathan: Whatever she is. . . She's interesting.

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 * Audrey: Just because you like her doesn't give her a free pass.

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 * Nathan: You wanna get some pancakes?
 * Jess: I don't like pancakes. But i'd love to have breakfast with you.

Sketchy [1.07]

 * Audrey: God, why can't I just walk away from this town?
 * Eleanor: Well, you could, but we both know Haven has its... charms. Audrey, is that what you really want, to leave, to go back to the FBI?
 * Audrey: I want to find this thing
 * Eleanor: And?
 * Audrey: I want to kick its ass.

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 * Duke: Oh, Haven's finest. You know I could add "ass" to that "Haven's finest ass." And it would still work. For both of you. Just in different ways.

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 * Nathan: So you saw the prowler?
 * Jess: A glimpse. Barely. He was 6'7". One eyebrow. Fu Manchu. Carried a small slingshot. Had a tattoo.
 * Nathan: Of what?
 * Audrey: Does it matter? He was a 6'7", unibrow, sling-shotty monster.

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 * Audrey: Jess, I think Detective Wuornos needs to come by and conduct a safety review of your home. I'd say around 8:00?
 * Jess: Great. I shot a deer, so we're having venison. Maybe you can bring a nice bottle?
 * Nathan: Of wine?
 * Audrey: No, antacid.

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 * Jess: Maybe someone should get that?
 * Nathan: Hello. Nathan Police Department. I mean Haven PD, Wuornos speaking.

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 * Audrey: That was painful to watch.
 * Nathan: No one was forcing you to.
 * Audrey: 'Of wine?' Maybe we should show that to suspects who won't talk.

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 * Audrey: And I'm pretty sure Eleanor winked at me.
 * Nathan: What?
 * Audrey: She's a doctor. She knows when things aren't normal. And I'm getting the feeling that she knows a lot more.

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 * Nathan: She winked at you?
 * Audrey: There was winkage.

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 * Nathan: At least it wouldn't remind me of my own problems.
 * Audrey: How does any of this remind you that you have no game with chicks?

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 * Nathan: What if it's not something normal? What do we do?
 * Audrey: We go to lunch. But you're not going to like it!

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 * Nathan: What if you had gotten him mad and something did happen?
 * Audrey: A bucket of cold water, it works on dogs.

Ain't No Sunshine [1.08]

 * Audrey: You've been weird about this Jess thing from the start. You have a beautiful woman waiting up for you, you have a partner who's willing to do the boring paperwork, and you still don't want to go? Nathan, I wasn't gonna say anything before, but it's not like you have people calling you at all hours of the day to hang out. Tell me. Tell me. Come on, what's going on?
 * Nathan: I don't know if I can make it happen.
 * Audrey: Make what happen? [Nathan gives her a look] Oh... Wait, this isn't your first time, is it?
 * Nathan: No!
 * Audrey: Well what?-
 * Nathan: It is my first time since I've... been like this. I can't even feel my own damn skin. I can't feel her skin. I don't know what else I can't do.

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 * Audrey: Hey, you know that whole friends thing? You were right, I don't think I ever really had any. But I do now. And so do you. [she kisses his cheek and he looks shocked - he felt it]

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 * Nathan: What's that cop's name?
 * Audrey: . . . Steve?
 * Nathan: Stan. How about her?
 * Audrey: Okay, okay, I get it. Good morning Stu.
 * Stan: ... Morning, Audrey.
 * Nathan: Morning, Stan.
 * Stan: Hey, Nathan.
 * Audrey: Crap.

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 * Jess: Actually we have dinner.
 * Audrey: Awesome. Nathan, would you please marry this woman! Sorry. Did i just make that awkward?
 * Jess: Oh, we have to get to second base first. Sorry, I made that even more awkward.

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 * Jess: Isn't he cute when he wants to take charge.
 * Audrey: He is cute. You should see him around babies.

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 * Vince: It's too dark for it to come over here right?
 * Audrey: Yeah. That's what I'm thinking.
 * Dave: I still don't know how you can know that.
 * Audrey: It's in my supernatural shadow guide. It says, hold on. Yep we're screwed.

As You Were [1.09]

 * Audrey: Ask me anything. The first boy that I kissed was when I was 18. My favorite singer is Ray Charles.
 * Garland: Ray Charles?
 * Audrey: Okay, Fine, I lied it's Justin Timberlake. And my middle name is Prudence. Self-inflicted at my confirmation.

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 * Vaughn: [as Audrey after Nathan shoots him] How did you know it was me?
 * Nathan: Audrey. I can feel her touch.

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 * Audrey: Just how "me" was he?
 * Nathan: Pretty you. I mean, pretty mu- [chuckes] Pretty much exactly you.
 * Audrey: Yeah? And when did you realize he wasn't me?
 * Nathan: I just... I knew.
 * Audrey: [laughs] Yeah, you think you know me that well?
 * Nathan: No. Not that well. What's your middle name?
 * Audrey: My middle name? Really? It's Prudence. Self-inflicted at my confirmation. And yours?
 * Nathan: Thaddeus.
 * Audrey: Thaddeus?! Thaddeus.
 * Nathan: Inflicted by the chief.

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 * Duke: Are you crying?
 * Audrey: No.
 * Duke: Cause' crying will not be tolerated.
 * Audrey: Shut up. I am so armed.

The Hand You're Dealt [1.10]

 * Duke: For the record, this place gives me the heebie jeebies.
 * Audrey: Huh. I had you pegged as one of the cool kids.
 * Audrey: For the record, no one was cool in high school. Not even me.

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 * Audrey: Do you want to get some coffee?
 * Nathan: You could use some.
 * Audrey: Okay.
 * Nathan: Just black for me, thanks. I think I'm done with the fancy stuff.
 * Audrey: Great, high five for the real thing. [they high five and Nathan can obviously feel it]

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 * Nathan: Parker, you don't need to be on the clock 24-7. Go.
 * Duke: Wow. Nathan Wuornos being magnanimous is a rare and beautiful...
 * Nathan: Please, take him and go.
 * Audrey: All right, great, thank you.
 * Duke: I was giving you a compliment. I'm just saying, that was legitimate, from the heart.

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 * Nathan: Let's say a guy like me who can't feel anything, meets a woman and discovers he can feel her touch. That sounds- seems like fate, doesn't it?

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 * Nathan: Kind of busy here, Duke.
 * Duke: You say that as if I come looking for you, ever.

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 * Nathan: Duke, Go!
 * Duke: I'm off like a dirty shirt.

The Trial of Audrey Parker [1.11]

 * Ezra: Miss Parker, do you have a favorite nut?
 * Audrey: Excuse me?
 * Duke: I think he means, other than Nathan...

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 * Nathan: It's password protected. Come on Parker, where's the trust?
 * Garland: He's trying to hack into her personal files, and he's worried about trust issues?

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 * Julia: Just how did you meet these fine gentlemen?
 * Duke: A friend introduced us. He said they like to play poker.
 * Julia: Did he also say they liked to kidnap their opponents and drag them out to the open sea?
 * Duke: I'm picking up on your sarcasm.

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 * Nathan: What makes you think I have something to say to you?
 * Garland: Because you're my son. I pay attention.

Resurfacing [1.12]

 * Audrey: Do we really have a skeleton inside a wrecked boat? Is there going to be an eye patch or a dead parrot?
 * Nathan: That's life on a seaside police force. What? Do you miss the FBI already?
 * Audrey: No, I just hope we get a treasure chest.
 * Nathan: I'm glad you're staying.

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 * Nathan: Do you remember third grade?
 * Duke: I remember you really liked the Pet Shop Boys.
 * Nathan: Spring. You waited inside for me with a bunch of your friends after gym class. You're all smiling, congratulating me.
 * Duke: Do we have to do this right now?
 * Nathan: Yep.
 * Duke: Okay. Okay. I told you that Carla Rose had a crush on you.
 * Nathan: I felt like I won the lottery.
 * Duke: Nathan, that was 25 years ago.
 * Nathan: You all slapped me on the back. Remember that? "Go talk to her. Talk to her." So I walked down the hall and I got up to her and I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. I finally open my mouth enough to actually tell her that I liked her too...
 * Duke: She screamed.
 * Nathan: Screamed because there was blood dripping down my back. From?
 * Duke: The tacks that we stuck in it.
 * Nathan: When you were "congratulating me." You had a pool going on how many you guys could stick in my back before I noticed.
 * Duke: Sixteen.
 * Nathan: Sixteen.
 * Duke: Nathan, if it wasn't for me, you never would have even talked to her.
 * Nathan: I didn't talk to another girl for two years after that!
 * Duke: I was eight years old!
 * Nathan: Uh, so was I.

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 * Nathan: You know, uh, Haven PD doesn't have a special agent.
 * Duke: Oh, come on now. You can't tell me that wasn't special.

Spiral [1.13]

 * Nathan: I hear you're afraid of Max Hansen.
 * Duke: Ah, screw it. Normally I'd try to act all manly, but, yeah, I'm terrified. Why do you ask?
 * Nathan: Make it a lot easier on you if he was dead, wouldn't it?
 * Duke: Are you offering?
 * Audrey: Where were you earlier, Duke?
 * Duke: Oh, did somebody take care of my little problem?
 * Audrey: Just answer the question.
 * Duke: They did? They- Thank you! Thank you! That is outstanding. All right, hmm? Oh, no, don't worry about it. I'm not offended that you asked. It's fine. So... How did he die?
 * Audrey: He was swallowed by a crack in the ground.
 * Duke: He was swallowed by a crack in the ground, yes! Yes. Nathan, come on. I mean, if I could do that, why am I out here playing Jed Clampett with a shotgun in my lap?

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 * Audrey: You're the one person that I can absolutely trust, and if you're gonna wear this, then we need to be honest with each other. [takes his hands with the badge] What's wrong? [Nathan looks at her] You felt that.
 * Nathan: Yeah. I can feel you.
 * Audrey: How long have you known?
 * Nathan: [smiles] A while. I... I wasn't sure what to think about it for a long time.

A Tale of Two Audreys [2.01]

 * Agent Howard: Audrey Parker.
 * Audrey: Agent Howard.
 * Agent Howard: How's local cop life treating you?
 * Audrey: You know, cats in trees. Like that.

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 * Audrey Parker (new): So you think I caused the frogs and the bugs. What are you thinkin', did I use my magic wand or maybe my tricorder?
 * Audrey: First of all, a tricorder is just for readings.

Fear and Loathing [2.02]

 * Audrey: Is Duke here?
 * Nathan: Too many cops in one room.

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 * Duke: You know, my experience... when people are scared, they either run or they fight. I'd start planning for both.

Love Machine [2.03]

 * Evi Ryan: Look at you. Getting all domestic.
 * Duke: Yeah, well, you know, I, uh, learned it living with you.


 * Evi Ryan: I cleaned. (Duke looks skeptical) Well, I cooked. (Duke looks skeptical) I was fun.
 * Duke: Yeah. You were fun.

Sparks and Recreation [2.04]

 * Nathan: A boy grows up in Haven, he plays baseball for the Sea Dogs or the Cutters. Everybody picks a side. Been a tradition for 50 years. Blue or Red.

Roots [2.05]

 *  Duke: Tell me you have a plan.
 * Audrey: Why would I need a plan? I've got you.
 * Duke: That's true.

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 * Nathan: So now you need someone from each side to make the Trouble happen?
 * Dave: Like epoxy.
 * Vince: Or peanut butter cups.

Audrey Parker's Day Off [2.06]

 * Nathan: So you've lived this day before?
 * Audrey: Yeah.
 * Nathan: You're stuck in my second-favorite Bill Murray movie.

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 * Nathan: You're stuck in my second-
 * Audrey: Second-favorite Bill Murray movie. See? We had this conversation.
 * Nathan: And Duke died?
 * Audrey: Yeah.
 * Nathan: Would have been something to see. [Audrey flicks him on the head] Ow!
 * Audrey: You know what? You were there, and you were pretty upset about it.

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 * Nathan: [dying] This is kind of strange.
 * Audrey: I'm not going to let you die, okay? Do you understand me? Stop it. Do you understand me? I'm going to fix this.
 * Nathan: It doesn't hurt. The only thing I feel is you.

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 * Duke: Love that Chris. What a guy. [Nathan smiles] What?
 * Nathan: Chris is troubled. You don't look at him, you don't get all man-crush.
 * Duke: [scoffs] No way. [looks at Nathan] Oh! Wow. Now you tell me?!
 * Nathan: Hey, no judgements. He's a handsome guy.

The Tides That Bind [2.07]

 * Duke: Body washed up on the beach today. Guy with a tattoo.
 * Evi: Really, did it say "I Heart Haven"?

Friend or Faux [2.08]

 * Audrey: Okay, so who'd you piss off this time?
 * Duke: Maybe he pissed me off. Is that a possibility?
 * Audrey: Yeah, it's least likely.

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 * Duke: Well, I guess that answers that. Nathan definitely has a copy.


 * Audrey: Yeah.
 * Duke: Yeah.
 * Audrey: And this one still can't dance.

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 * Nathan: You meet me in the atrium.
 * Audrey: Copy that.
 * Nathan: Don't say "copy."

Lockdown [2.09]

 * Dr. Underwood: Hi. I'm Hugh Underwood. I'm a doctor.
 * Chris: Yeah, Chris Brody. I'd shake your hand, but I'm pretty much dying.

Who? What? Where? Wendigo? [2.10]

 * Nathan: I hear a squirrel.
 * Audrey: We are in the woods, Nathan.
 * Nathan: Two squirrels chattering means they're having a conversation. This is just one. It means he's scared of something large.
 * Audrey: Boy Scouts?
 * Nathan: Moose Hunter magazine. [Audrey stares] I was a kid.

Business as Usual [2.11]

 * Duke: You know, we don't talk enough, me and you.
 * Dwight: This doesn't have to get ugly. I walk out of here, it's over.
 * Duke: Great. If you don't mind, you can just leave the box in the umbrella stand on your way out.
 * Dwight: Give me the key.
 * Duke: Do I actually have to say "no" to that, or can I just assume it's a rhetorical statement?

Sins of the Fathers [2.12]

 * Simon Crocker: You're taking this well.
 * Duke: Yes I am. You see, I'm pretty sure that you're the result of the brownies this girl gave me last night. God, what was her name? Tall, Dutch girl...
 * Simon Crocker: You're not imagining this.
 * Duke: Says the dead guy I last saw 27 years ago.

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 * Audrey: So what do you think? Clones? Ghosts? Zombies are trendy.

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 * Chief Wournos: You buried me in a cooler? What cooler?
 * Nathan: Blue one.
 * Chief Wournos: What a waste of a good cooler.

Silent Night [2.13]

 *  Duke: Merry Christmas. You know, I'm flexible this year, naughty or nice.

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 * Audrey: Duke, you know, our friend? He's got a mustache, a goatee, he wears a lot of jewelry, makes all these jokes, only looks out for himself.
 * Nathan: I'm friends with that guy?

301 [3.01]

 * Duke: [Nathan trying to fix his car] Nathan, you can't fix this. Listen to me. [Nathan pushes him] Hey!
 * Nathan: You've been telling me what I can't do since we were kids. Now Audrey's missing, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere! Do not tell me I can't fix this! I'm gonna fix this.
 * Duke: This is not helping! Will you please stop acting like a lovesick child?!
 * Nathan: What?
 * Duke: You are in love with Audrey. [Nathan scoffs] What, did you think that was a secret?
 * Nathan: You don't know what you're talking about.
 * Duke: No, I do. I understand-
 * Nathan: No, you don't understand anything.
 * Duke: No, I understand that if you-
 * Nathan: When Audrey touches me, I can feel it. She's the only one I can feel.
 * Duke: What?
 * Nathan: She's the only one.

Stay [3.02]

 * Duke: I gotta tell you, if I were gonna have to live multiple lives, I would have picked someplace more exotic, you know? Warmer climate- Bali, Costa Rica, Hong Kong.

The Farmer [3.03]

 * Audrey: The Hunter. It's a meteor storm.
 * Nathan: Okay.
 * Audrey: It comes every 27 years, and when it does, I go.
 * Nathan: Go where?
 * Audrey: I don't know. Apparently I just... vanish. It happened when I was Lucy and Sarah, too.

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 * Audrey: Nathan, you need to understand that I-
 * Nathan: But I don't understand. I don't have any idea where your head's at. You're going away in 46 days, but you don't want to fight it? And instead, you ask Duke to start killing people, and you don't even talk to me about it. That's what I don't understand. Why- Why won't you talk to me?
 * Audrey: Talk to you? Like you told me about the tattoo that you got just so that you could kill Duke.
 * Nathan: I was trying to protect you.
 * Audrey: Well, don't.
 * Nathan: I'll see you around the office, Parker.

Over My Head [3.04]

 * Nathan: What's with the gloves?
 * Jordan: Well, you're right about one thing. You don't get the tat unless you're troubled. [takes off one glove]
 * Nathan: So?
 * Jordan: Pain. Terrible, searing pain. One touch and you're doubled over on the floor, wishing you'd never been born.
 * Nathan: Can you control it?
 * Jordan: Of course not. I can't touch anyone without them. I haven't been able to for years. [Nathan grabs her hand] Stop! What are you doing? [gasps] You don't feel it?
 * Nathan: No. I don't feel anything ever. That's my trouble.

Double Jeopardy [3.05]

 * Duke: How is it that I call you guys, and I end up spending the night in jail?
 * Tommy: It's procedure. Jack Daniels accused you of assault, and we got plenty of paperwork to file. Anyway, you have a court date with Judge Boone tomorrow.
 * Duke: Boone? Again? The guy hates me.

Real Estate [3.06]

 * Duke: [Tommy takes out a gun after they're trapped in the house] Seriously? A ghost just removed the front door. And you really think that shooting at the windows is gonna help?

Magic Hour [3.07]

 * Duke: Why are you so nervous?
 * Audrey: I've been what, at least three other people in my life, and one of them was in love with the Colorado Kid. And he could be on the other side of that door and all I can think about is, I should have worn my other pants.
 * Duke: Audrey, you are officially a girl.

Magic Hour Part II [3.08]

 * Audrey: [crying over Nathan] Nathan... I was the one that was supposed to... I was supposed to go. I have always loved you. I always will love you.

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 * Duke: Nathan's welcome back from the dead party's in full swing.
 * Audrey: What's the public reason for the party?
 * Duke: Taco Tuesday.
 * Audrey: Oh. [Duke laughs]

Sarah [3.09]

 * Duke: [stuck in 1955] Hey, I just want to thank you for bailing me out. I thought I was going to be in there till The Beatles.
 * Junior: The who?
 * Duke: Them too.

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 * Nathan: We got to fix whatever you did to change the future.
 * Duke: No, look, I kept a low profile, okay? I know the rules.
 * Nathan: The rules?
 * Duke: The time-travel rules.

Burned [3.10]

 * Duke: I'm telling ya, you got the wrong kid, coppers.
 * Audrey: Ginger didn't do anything wrong. We just wanna ask her a couple of questions.
 * Duke: [to Ginger] Yeah, that's what they always tell me too, but what I wanna know is where are my client's crayons? Where are my client's video games? [Ginger smiles] Where is my client's call with Justin Bieber? You got rights, kid.
 * Ginger: I do?

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 * Ginger: You are pretty funny.
 * Duke: Yes. I am funny.
 * Ginger: You look like a pirate.
 * Duke: Do you know what my favorite vegetable is?
 * Ginger: Arrrr-tichokes.
 * Duke: [looks really excited] You knew that one?!

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 * Nathan: Audrey is immune to the troubles. Ginger couldn't make her do anything. How was Ginger gonna help you?
 * Jordan: You're not immune to Ginger, Nathan. If we had Ginger, we had you. If we had you, we'd be able to control Audrey, but I really cared about you. I love-
 * Nathan: Why do you want to control Audrey?
 * Jordan: Last time around when she was Lucy Ripley, she refused to go into the barn. She ran, almost got away. In case Audrey refused to go in this time, Ginger was going to be our insurance policy.
 * Audrey: What's so important about the barn.
 * Nathan: Answer her.
 * Jordan: It's not really a barn. It's way more than that. We just know that when she goes inside, both she and it disappear for 27 years, and once they're both gone, the troubles in Haven stop. Haven becomes a haven again, for the troubles- for you and me, Nathan.

Last Goodbyes [3.11]

 * Nathan: You look worried.
 * Claire: We're running out of suspects in our circle.
 * Nathan: You two are clear, and you think there's a good chance I could be the skinwalker? [looks at Audrey] The first time I felt your touch was the day you kissed me... here [touches his cheek]. It was such a small thing for you. But for me, I... [she takes his hand] I hadn't felt anything... for a long time. I can feel you now.

Reunion [3.12]

 * Audrey: Dance with me.
 * Nathan: I'm not much of a dancer. It's tough when you can't feel your feet.
 * Audrey: Why do I always go for the shy ones? [Nathan remembers Sarah saying that in 1955]

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 * Audrey: Meteor shower starts soon. For a second there, I didn't know if I was gonna live to see it.
 * Nathan: Arla saved you from Robbie. She didn't kill you when you discovered she was Claire.
 * Audrey: Well, the barn will be here in a few hours. Then maybe we can figure out what Arla really wants. I'm gonna go up. What are you doing?
 * Nathan: What I want to do is stay here with you. I'm gonna fix this. [takes her hand] I'm not gonna let this be our last night. I'm not giving up.

Thanks for the Memories [3.13]

 * James: Who are you?
 * Nathan: Nathan. Nathan Wuornos. I'm your father.
 * James: I've always wondered who you were.
 * Nathan: This would be weird even if we weren't meeting in a giant, supernatural steam room.

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 * Duke: [Nathan trying to stop Audrey from going into the barn] Listen! She's trying to help all these people. She's trying to help this town, and it is her choice. It's not yours. It's not mine. I hate it. But it's still her choice.
 * Nathan: You're in love with her too.
 * Duke: Yeah.
 * Nathan: Then how can you let her go?

Fallout [4.01]

 * Duke: I'd like to know how I even got to Boston.
 * Mack: Oh, you saying you got amnesia or something?
 * Duke: No. Maybe. Yes. Which answer's going to get you to uncuff me?
 * Mack: None of the above.

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 * Duke: If I could just borrow your phone for two minutes. I promise you're not going to get in trouble.
 * Nurse: Appreciate you looking out for me.
 * Duke: Oh, trust me, dear, that bedpan change could have been a very different experience.
 * Nurse: And they say chivalry is dead.

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 * Jennifer: If I was gonna ditch you, I would've done it before I had to flash that orderly my boobs.
 * Duke: All I said was we needed a distraction.
 * Jennifer: Well, it worked, didn't it?

Survivors [4.02]

 * Dwight: A body found in public on Founders' Day. I was hoping that people might actually be able to celebrate, that Haven could get back to normal.
 * Nathan: This isn't normal?

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 * William: You remember the events, but the emotions, what were were they? What did you feel?
 * Audrey: Pissed off.
 * William: No. Your boyfriend, did you love him?
 * Audrey: No.
 * William: You've been in love before, right? Real love, big love.
 * Audrey: No.
 * William: And yet you feel it every day. It's that aching in your heart, the weight. It's for someone that you haven't met in this lifetime.

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 * Nathan: It's a bad idea. I need a roster...
 * Frank: I don't give a damn if you're still a cop! You've got no authority in this town.
 * Duke: If it makes you feel better, I—I never thought you had any authority.

Lost and Found [4.04]

 * Lexie: You know, you kept saying that I'm not who I think I am. If I make it to the other side... who will I be?
 * William: Whoever you most want to be.

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 * Nathan: Audrey! The Troubles haven't ended. Killing me is the only way now.
 * Lexie: I'm not killing anyone, certainly not someone I've never met before. And who is Audrey? My name is Lexie.

The New Girl [4.05]

 * Nathan: Your name is Lexie?
 * Lexie: I guess you guys were expecting somebody else?
 * Jordan: Shoot him!
 * Lexie: [confused] I'm not shooting anyone. Who are you people?

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 * Lexie: Okay, listen up, you lunatics. Move a muscle, lose your head. I know it doesn't seem like I know how to use this thing, but I do.
 * Vince: What do you want, Lexie?
 * Lexie: Ideally? A stiff drink and a reason why y'all are trying to blow away "cheekbones" here.

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 * Vince: You make sure this happens. If it doesn't, the Guard won't just be here for Nathan.
 * Duke: Good pep talk.

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 * Lexie: And Troubled people in this town--they can do that stuff? Why the hell does anybody still live here?

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 * Nathan: You've done peyote?
 * Lexie: Sure. This morning I flew through a multidimensional door, okay? I think peyote makes sense.

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 * Duke: You know, I've been thinking about what happened down in that basement. You just stepped aside and let Tyler try to take me.
 * Lexie: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. I just... I... I didn't want to get stabbed. I was scared.
 * Duke: See, that's where I get stuck. The way you jumped out of that barn, went down in that basement... I guess I'm just having a hard time believing that you were scared. I think you knew that my curse would kick in and save me.
 * Lexie: I really... I don't know the first thing about it.
 * Duke: But Audrey Parker would. Isn't that right, Audrey?
 * Lexie/Audrey: Damn it, Duke. Yeah. It's me.

Countdown [4.06]

 * Gloria: Okay, Seth Hughes, 25. Running errands, walks out of a bakery with a dozen muffins, and... gets rigor mortis. Yes, normally that happens after death, but in Haven. Look at that. It's like the actin and myosin in his cells went bonkers.
 * Duke: Bonkers?
 * Gloria: Yeah, it's a medical term.

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 * Audrey: Besides, what about the deal that you made with the Guard?
 * Duke: Since when doesn't the Guard want me dead? Look, I still think this is our very best bad plan.

William [4.09]

 * Audrey: [about Nathan] He's the "Weight in my heart" guy.

See No Evil [5.01]

 * Duke: I’m going to find Jennifer.
 * Nathan: Hey, what happened to her in the cave? After she shut the door she collapsed.
 * Duke: I don’t know. She got dizzy. You try operating a supernatural door to another dimension using a vampire novel and a positive attitude. You know when I do find her, we are going to take a very long trip and not send a postcard!

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 * Nathan: Ok, Mara knows that Dwight’s location is sealed, that means she’s on her way to one of us. Be careful, she took down Dwight.
 * Duke: And I will never let him hear the end of it.