Head of State (2003 film)

Head of State is a 2003 American political comedy film about an African-American alderman from Washington DC who is now thrust into the US presidential elections of 2004.
 * Directed by Chris Rock. Written by Chris Rock and Ali LeRoi.

The only thing white is the House. (taglines)

Dialogue

 * [at the rally in Chicago, Mays prepares to speak but turns off the teleprompter]
 * Mays Gilliam: They had a speech written for me about what the people need, but you guys are the people. You know what you need. [takes off coat] Better schools, better jobs, less crime. How many of you, right now work two jobs just to have enough money to be broke? That ain't right. If you work two jobs, and at the end of the week, you got just enough money to get your broke ass home, Let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"
 * Crowd: That ain't right!
 * Gilliam: How many of you have children that they call stupid? Don't be ashamed! It ain't your fault. I asked my niece the other day, "What's four plus four?" She said, "44." But that ain't her fault! That's the school's fault. If your child's school has old-ass books and brand-new metal detectors, let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"
 * Crowd: That ain't right!
 * Gilliam: It ain't right. And now we got these corporations stealing all the money. They ain't stealing their money, they stealing our money! The pension. You work for 35 years. You thought you'd leave your kids a will, now you're gonna leave them with a won't! You show up to get your pension, they give you a pen! Give you a damn pen! What in the hell am I supposed to do with a pen? I should stab you in the neck with this pen, Mr. Pension Taker.
 * Old man: [stands up and points at Mays] Get your hand out of my pocket!
 * Gilliam: Taking everybody's pension, and nobody going to jail.
 * Mitch Gilliam: [to attendee] That's some bullshit. Ain't it?
 * Mays: Meanwhile, you and I steal a Big Mac with cheese next thing you know, we on Death Row!
 * Crowd: That ain't right!
 * Gilliam: [as crowds get more agitated] How many of you work in a city you can't afford to live in? That ain't right! How many of you work in a mall you can't afford to shop in? That ain't right! [crowd responds with That ain't right! with every question] How many of you clean up a hotel... you ain't never gonna be able to stay in? That ain't right! And we got nurses that work in hospitals they can't even afford to get sick in. It ain't right! It ain't right. It ain't right. [to campaign staffers] It isn't right! [to crowd] That shit is wrong! It's dead wrong!


 * [Mitch Gilliam is being interviewed in a late-night talk show about his platform for the vice-presidency]
 * Maureen Levert: How would you deal with white-collar crime?
 * Mitch Gilliam: There's no such thing as white-collar crime. and there's no such thing as black-on-black crime. Crime is crime. Let me explain something to you: I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top. If you rob me, I'll whoop your ass.


 * ''[The Gilliam brothers try to force Vice-President Brian Lewis to a presidential debate, and try one more idea as he practices his golf putting at home]'
 * Mays Gilliam: Your mother's ass is so big, when she sits down she's three feet taller. Yo, Lewis! Your mother's got a really big ass!
 * Lewis' Advisor: Sir, it's time we prepare for a debate.
 * Vice-President Brian Lewis: Nah, give me one good reason I should debate that jerk.
 * Lewis' Advisor: He talked about your mother, sir!
 * Lewis: So what? [gets slapped by his mother, who does have a large butt]
 * Mrs Lewis: Are you going to just let him talk about me like that? [tearfully walks off]


 * [closing statement at the Presidential Debate. VP Lewis has called out Mays' lack of experience in government affairs]
 * Mays Gilliam: You're right, Vice-President Lewis. I am an amateur. When it comes to creating so many enemies that we need billions of dollars to protect ourselves, I'm an amateur. When it comes to paying farmers not to grow food while people in this country starve every day, I'm an amateur. When it comes to creating a drug policy that makes crack and heroin cheaper than asthma and AIDS medicine, I'm an amateur. But there's nothing wrong with being an amateur. The people that started the Underground Railroad were amateurs. Martin Luther King was an amateur. Have you ever been to Amateur Night at the Apollo? Some of the world's best talent was there: James Brown, Luther Vandross, Rockwell, the Crown Heights Affair.
 * Martin Geller: Hall and Oates!
 * Gilliam: The Fat Boys, Rob Base. But you wouldn't know nothing about that. Why? Because when it comes to judging talent and potential.. you, my friend, are an amateur!
 * Vice-President Brian Lewis: I believe the alderman is over his time.
 * Gilliam: No, no you had eight years of talk. Now it's my turn. I'm gonna get mine. I'm getting mine!
 * Arbiter: [reacting to audience] Ladies and gentlemen, hold your applause, please.
 * Gilliam: How can you help the poor if you never been poor? How can you stop crime if you don't know no criminals? How can you make drug policy if you never smoked a chronic? How can you do that? Just a nickel bag. I'm a real American. I've been high, I've been robbed, I've been broke. My credit is horrible. They won't even take my cash! Now, you're always talking about "God bless America, and no place else," but isn't it obvious that God has blessed America? America is the richest, most powerful nation on Earth. If America was a woman, America would be a big-titty woman [everybody laughs at the description] and everybody loves a big-titted woman. So in closing, I'd like to say [to Lewis] you are full of shit! "God bless America and no place else." How about "God bless Haiti"? How about "God bless Africa"? How about "God bless Jamaica"? I'm not talking about Jamaica, the beach tribes y'all love, I'm talking about stabbing in Jamaica. That's what I'm talking about. So tonight, I want to say God bless America, [waves hand] and everybody else! The whole world! God bless you! I'm Mays Gilliam, and I'm running for President of the United States of America. Ya heard? [entire audience is on standing ovation]

Taglines

 * The only thing white is the House.

Cast

 * Chris Rock - Mays Gilliam
 * Bernie Mac - Mitch Gilliam
 * Dylan Baker - Martin Geller
 * Nick Searcy - Vice-President Brian Lewis
 * Lynn Whitfield - Debra Lassiter
 * Robin Givens - Kim
 * Tamala Jones - Lisa Clark
 * James Rebhorn - Senator Bill Arnot
 * Keith David - Bernard Cooper
 * Stephanie March - Nikki
 * Jeremy Borash - Wrestling announcer
 * Tracy Morgan - Meat Hustler