Henny Youngman

Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was a comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire.

Quotes

 * The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
 * "Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000


 * Take my wife - please!
 * Take My Wife, Please!: Henny Youngman's Giant Book of Jokes (1999)


 * Business was so bad the other night the orchestra was playing "Tea for One."
 * Don't Put My Name on this Book (1976), p. 92


 * My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.
 * Insurance Newsweek, volume 45 (1944), page 60


 * I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother,
 * 101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman (1976). Brochure..

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)
Lawrence J. Epstein's "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)


 * I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


 * My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.


 * We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


 * My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.


 * My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.


 * My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.