Horrible Bosses 2 (film)

Horrible Bosses 2 is a 2014 American comedy film about three friends that decided to start their own company, but things don't go as they planned so they decide to do a kidnapping instead.
 * ''Directed by Sean Anders. Written by Sean Anders.

New crime; same tools.

Bert Hanson

 * I respect you gentlemen for wanting to roll up your sleeves and build something, stake your claim. Now I came to this country with nothing. And through risk and hard work, I made my own American dream come true.
 * You honestly think hard work creates wealth? The only thing that creates wealth is wealth. And we have it, you don't.
 * (last words) Big mouth, nothing behind it!

Rex Hanson

 * Truth be told, Pop and I...we've hit a rough patch lately. He's refusing to cover some of my expenses, blah blah blah. Long story. Anyway, your timing could not have been better.

Detective Hatcher

 * (only in the extended version, about Bert) You're very forgiving. Because almost everyone I've talked to thinks he's an asshole.
 * Who said anything about kidnapping?
 * (after recognizing the trio in the car chase) Goddamn it! It's those idiots. (only in the extended version) I knew I never said anything about kidnapping.
 * (while being held hostage by Rex) You shoot this prick! You shoot this prick right now!

Dialogue

 * (after waking up out of Rex's closet, only to find him gone)
 * Kurt: Will you look at this fucking view during the daytime? You kidding me? Unbelievable!
 * Nick: He seems gone. Bed's made.
 * Kurt: I can't believe this.
 * Dale: We should maybe just check (yelling) HEY! REX!
 * Nick: Hey.
 * Dale: REX! REX!
 * Nick: Dale!
 * Dale: Huh?
 * Nick: Did you have a plan if he responded?
 * Dale: I didn't think that far ahead.
 * Nick: Of course you didn't.
 * Kurt: I would have been just quieter.
 * Nick: You're even dumber in the mornings.
 * (the following is seen in the extended version only)
 * Kurt: What are you worried about?
 * Nick: Let's go.
 * Dale: Fifty-fifty chance, you know. Fifty-fifty chance he was here.


 * (Nick is calling Bert, however a cell phone rings in Kurt's pocket, he gets it out)
 * Dale: Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?
 * Kurt: I don't know. It's blocked.
 * Nick: (realizes Kurt has the dark phone) Oh, no.
 * Kurt: (answers phone) Hello.
 * Nick: (right behind Kurt) Hi.
 * Kurt: Who is this?
 * Nick: It's me, dickless! (angrily slams phone to the ground)
 * Kurt: Hey, what are you doing? You're supposed to call the dark phone.
 * Nick: I did! You've got it in your hand. You were supposed to tape that under the bench.
 * (after finding out that Kurt left Bert his own phone instead of the untraceable one on the bench)
 * Kurt: Oh...
 * Dale: Oh, shit! So, what phone does he have?!
 * Nick: Bert has Kurt's phone, with our contact information on it.
 * Dale: (starts to hit Kurt) And all the pictures of us from when we used to be friends? Are you kidding me?!
 * Kurt: Easy, easy, easy. Knock it off! Okay, look, this is no big deal, all right? We'll just punt. We'll do it tomorrow. All right? I mean, as long as we don't call the phone, he'll never find it.
 * Nick: He found it.
 * Kurt: What? How? We are screwed. Shit!
 * Dale: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I got an idea.
 * (extended version)
 * Dale: Okay, I'm gonna call that phone. If he's talking on it, he's not gonna look through it.
 * Kurt: Yes! Call my phone.
 * Dale: All right. All right. What's your number? What's your number?
 * Kurt: You don't know my phone number?
 * Dale: I don't know my phone number.
 * Kurt: Well, I don't know it. I never call myself.
 * Nick: I know both of your numbers. Area code 323...
 * Kurt: That's all I need. That's all I need.
 * Dale: Okay yes.
 * Kurt: I got there. I got there. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. Ahem.


 * Nick: Guys, I'm not gonna kidnap someone based on 9 to 5.
 * Dean 'MF' Jones: That's because you're Jane Fonda.
 * Kurt: Ooh, snap.
 * Dale: That's right, you're the scaredy-cat one. You're always the last to man up about everything. You're dragging your feet.
 * (the following is seen in the extended version only)
 * Dale: Wh-why are you here if you're not gonna participate?
 * Nick: First of all, if anyone, I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin. But I'm not having this conversation
 * Kurt: Holly, please, I'm Lily fucking Tomlin, if anybody is. Sitting in the big chair, giving David O. Russell shit.
 * Dale: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got the 'tude. He's got the 'tude. You're Fonda, man.
 * Kurt: You're Jane Fonda. That makes you Jane Fonda.
 * Nick: (to Dale) That makes you Dolly Parton.
 * Kurt: Ooh.
 * Dale: Great. Woman's got her own theme park. She's a national treasure.
 * Kurt: She has two national treasures.
 * (end of extended version)
 * Dean 'MF' Jones: Can I pose a question to you colonizers?
 * Nick: Happened a long time ago.
 * Dean 'MF' Jones: How do you kidnap somebody without them knowing they've been kidnapped?


 * Nick: Are you guys shitting me in there?
 * Dale: Well, I mean, his dad sold him out for, like...honestly, it was probably nothing to him.
 * Kurt: Pennies to him.
 * Dale: The guy's so rich.
 * Kurt: That would rock me to my core. I mean, have a little empathy, Nick. Please?
 * Dale: Yeah.
 * (the following is seen in the extended version only)
 * Dale: You know what's going on? You're holding a grudge right now.
 * Nick: Am I?
 * Dale: Yes, you do that. You get all tight, and you're going to get cancer.
 * Kurt: You got to let the past be the past.
 * Nick: I don't want that.
 * Dale: Let the past be the past.
 * Nick: Yeah. The past? Well, we're not in the fucking past. We're in the goddamn present. And you guys are...
 * (end of extended version)
 * Nick: What are you talking about? You're acting like you have Stockholm Syndrome.
 * Dale: What is that?
 * Kurt: Like, jet lag?
 * Nick: No.
 * Dale: Dude, do I look tired to you?
 * Nick: You don't, no.
 * Kurt: You don't look tired to me.
 * Dale: I'm fine.
 * Nick: Stockholm Syndrome's when you bond with your captors, idiots.
 * Kurt: Oh, okay. Well then, hold on a second. He's the hostage. So, technically, this would be reverse Stockholm Syndrome.
 * Nick: Yes, true.
 * Dale: Yeah, and we don't have that. Okay? He's just a really, really, really, really, really likable guy. I like him a lot.
 * Kurt: He's really likable.
 * Dale: He's cool. The guy's a winner.
 * Kurt: That's so true.
 * Dale: It's so nice to be around a winner for a change.
 * Kurt: Oh, it feels right Nick! Come on, man.
 * Nick: Here's what we're gonna do, we're gonna go in there. We're gonna tell him cops were never a part of this plan, and the shit ends now. Let's do it.
 * (theatrical version)
 * Nick: Come on!
 * (extended version)
 * Kurt: Okay. But you got to hear us out about festering.
 * Dale: I mean, it's like you can't have a conversation with the guy.


 * (while waiting for the train to pass by)
 * Dale: Hey can I hop out and piss really quick?
 * Nick: No you cannot. We're in a car chase.
 * Dale: Super long train. I feel like I could get it done.
 * Kurt: It is a lot of freight.
 * (later while they are still waiting for the train to pass by)
 * Dale: I feel like I could've pissed by now.
 * Nick: Let him go. Open the door. Get him out.
 * Dean 'MF' Jones: Caboose coming.
 * Dale: Ah, shit!
 * (car chase resumes)


 * (after Dale gets Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies)
 * Nick: I call lookout, and I will let you know when I see Swiper.


 * (in the extended version, while Dale and Kurt are hiding in the men's bathroom during Julia's sex addiction group in session)
 * Dale: Oh, fuck, I have to piss.
 * Kurt: What?
 * Dale: I have to piss. I'm nervous. I have to piss. I'm sorry.
 * Kurt: Shh! Go, go, pee, just pee.
 * Dale: It's gonna make too much noise.
 * Kurt: No, no, no. Put your--put your--just dip your dick into--into the toilet.
 * Dale: Oh, sit down and do it? Okay.
 * Kurt: Yeah, yeah.
 * Dale: (unzips his zipper but notices...) It doesn't reach.
 * Kurt: What?
 * Dale: It doesn't reach. Should it reach?
 * Kurt: I mean...I don't know if it's about "should", but...
 * Dale: I'll put the seat up.
 * Kurt: Put the--yeah, put the seat up and just dip your butt in the bowl.
 * Dale: (while urinating) Oh, my god. (flushes toilet) Oh, there we go.
 * Kurt: Shh! Shh!
 * Dale: Oh, shit! Sorry.
 * Kurt: Shh! It's okay.
 * Dale: Sorry, I always flush.
 * Kurt: It's all right.
 * Dale: Okay. I'm just gonna wash my hands really quick.
 * Kurt: No! What are you gonna wash your hands for?
 * Dale: Huh?
 * Kurt: Why are you gonna wash your hands?
 * Dale: I always wash my hands.
 * Kurt: You have gloves on.
 * Dale: I know, but probably, you know some stuff gets under there.
 * Kurt: Fine, fine, just be quiet.
 * Dale: Let me just wash them really quick. I'll feel better about them.
 * Kurt: Okay, okay.
 * (Dale starts washing his hands)
 * Kurt: Shh! Shh!
 * (Dale starts getting paper towels from the dispenser, causing loud rustling)
 * Kurt: Oh, my God, Dale, stop it.
 * Dale: Huh?
 * Kurt: There is--there is literally no element of sneak in anything you're doing.
 * Dale: It's just gross not to.
 * Kurt: Oh, I gotta go now too.
 * Dale: You gotta go?
 * Kurt: Yeah.
 * (Kurt starts urinating, then whistles as he does so)
 * Dale: Do you golf with the other hand? Shh! Don't whistle!
 * Kurt: I have to. The only way to get this train going. (continues whistling)
 * Dale: Shh! Shh! Shh!
 * (Kurt flushes the toilet)
 * Dale: Why did you flush?!
 * Kurt: It just happens!
 * Dale: Why did you flush?!
 * Kurt: It's a good habit!
 * Dale: Shit! Shh! Shh!
 * (Kurt repeats everything Dale did, then opens the trash bin next to him)

Cast

 * Jason Bateman as Nick Hendricks
 * Jason Sudeikis as Kurt Buckman
 * Charlie Day as Dale Arbus
 * Jennifer Aniston as Dr. Julia Harris
 * Kevin Spacey as David Harken
 * Jamie Foxx as Dean "Motherfucker" Jones
 * Chris Pine as Rex Hanson
 * Christoph Waltz as Burt Hanson
 * Jonathan Banks as Detective Hatcher
 * Lindsay Sloane as Stacy Arbus
 * Keegan-Michael Key as Mike
 * Kelly Stables as Rachel
 * Lennon Parham as Roz
 * Suzy Nakamura as Kim