House (Season 6)


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House (2004–2012), created by David Shore, is about an irreverent, controversial, but successful doctor who trusts no one, least of all his patients.

Broken [6.01]

 * House: [to another patient in during a group session] Cut your wrists, huh?
 * Dr. Beasley: Greg, there are certain topics...
 * House: Oh, I'm sorry. Is suicide taboo? Gosh, if I'd broken a rule on my first day, I will kill myself.
 * Beasley: Group's over!


 * Beasley: I know you're scheming. Working on your next elaborate plan to get out of here. Why don't you put the plan on hold for a few days? See what happens. Just let me do my job. If you prefer private to group, we can do that. Maybe try some SSRIs. If you think nothing's working, you can always go back to your scheming.
 * House: God, if only you'd said that 2 minutes ago. Before I came up with my new scheme. Now I'm committed. Ha! Get it?


 * House: How come every time you compliment me it sounds like an accusation?


 * House: What exactly is the difference between pretending to cooperate and actually cooperating?


 * Dr. Darryl Nolan: Everything in your life has been about finding the truth. But suddenly with this guy, you decide to reinforce a sick man's delusions! You just want to take a swing at me, hm? You don't care about getting out. You don't care about him. You don't even care about the truth! [Scoffs] You don't care about anything, House! I'm transferring you to Winslow Psychiatric. You'll have better luck pulling the wool over their eyes. I'm done!
 * House: Don't. I need help.


 * House: I want to get better. Whatever the hell that means. Sick of being miserable.
 * Nolan: So you'd like to be happy.
 * House: Again with the reflecting. Yes! I'd like to be happy.
 * Nolan: Being happy is an excellent goal. Not many patients can crystallize exactly what they're hoping to get out of this.


 * House: They didn't break me. I am broken.


 * House: I have had relationships.
 * Nolan: You screwed up relationships. Every one of them. Almost like that was the goal. I want you to trust... people.


 * House: Successes only last until someone screws them up. Failures are forever.


 * House: Things change. Doesn't mean they get better. You gotta make things better. You can't just keep talking and hope for the best.

Epic Fail [6.03]

 * House: I quit.
 * Foreman: [pause] You can't quit.
 * House: I think you're confusing me with Jake Gyllenhaal.


 * Cameron: You saw House, how was he?
 * Foreman: He was... good. He was honest, took responsibility. It was kind of weird.


 * Wilson: What was my one condition for allowing you to tag along?
 * House: Try not to be a jerk. I'm trying. I'm just failing.
 * Wilson: Roll your meatballs and keep an open mind. [After a few seconds] How hard are you trying not to make a ball joke right now?
 * House: They're smoking. Your balls.
 * Wilson: Oh! Ow. No, no. They're browning way too fast.
 * House: Blue is the color you got to watch out for.
 * Wilson: Enough!


 * House: Taste this.
 * Thirteen: God. This might be the best thing I've ever eaten... and yes, I'm including what you're thinking of now.


 * Foreman: I brought you a donut. [pause] The florist was closed.
 * Thirteen: I'll get a vase and put it in water.

The Tyrant [6.04]

 * [Foreman, Cameron and Chase enter the office]
 * House: Oh my God it's three years ago! — Does that mean I'm still crazy?


 * [Thirteen got a job offer]
 * Foreman: Douglas owes me a favor.
 * Thirteen: Most people send chocolates.
 * Foreman: I'd stand outside your apartment all night holding up a boombox, except you told me you hate eighties music.


 * Wilson: [to House] It's easy to be nice to people you like. But being nice to people you hate, that's a skill. Do it.


 * Chase: Only psychopaths can kill other people without having some sort of breakdown.

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 * Foreman: I went down to the morgue to rerun the antibodies test.
 * Chase: We ran it twice.
 * Foreman: Turns out I couldn't get in. They had an armed guard. But I saw this. [He holds out a sheet of paper.] It's a sign-in sheet from the morgue. Your signature. [Chase slowly takes the paper from Foreman.] 9:45 this morning. That's right before you guys ran the test. What were you doing there?
 * Chase: Follow-up on a clinic case.
 * Foreman: What case?
 * Chase: You think this is really important...
 * Foreman: One of the patients in the morgue was a 70-year-old woman who had scleroderma. You and Cameron, if you took that woman's blood, you could have messed up the test results so we treated Dibala for the wrong disease.
 * Chase: Cameron had nothing to do with it.
 * Foreman: [loudly] You son of a bitch.
 * Chase: He was going to kill the Sitibi. Every last one of them.
 * Foreman: [shouting] I don't care what he was going to do. He came to us and put his life in our hands.
 * Chase: [quietly] All the good we've done... Every life we've saved... It would have meant nothing... If we just sent him off to kill hundreds of thousands of people. Look at the news. The moderates are taking over. There's hope for peace talks. You tell the world that I faked this test, Dibala becomes a martyr. The massacres begin.
 * Foreman: I cover this up, I become your accomplice. You think you can guilt me into that?
 * Chase: If the cops are going to come for me, please warn me... So that I can tell my wife first.
 * [Foreman takes the sign-in sheet and Chase sits back down.]
 * Foreman: Chase... You really think you can kill another human being without any consequences to yourself?
 * Chase: [his mouth moves for a moment without sound; shakes his head] No.

Instant Karma [6.05]

 * Foreman: [about House] When is he getting his license back so we can stop playing this game?
 * House: [looks at the file] Maybe never. This game is fun.

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 * [Thirteen arrives at House's apartment; House answers the door]
 * Thirteen: Stay out of my life.
 * House: Okay. [goes to shut the door, but Thirteen stops him.]
 * Thirteen: I know you cancelled my reservation. You obviously saw me log in when you were spying on me in the coffee shop.
 * House: I was talking to you. I was spying on the MILF in the running shorts.

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 * Cuddy: Thirteen called.
 * House: She have a theory that makes more sense than abdominal epilepsy?
 * Cuddy: She said someone hacked into her email account and cancelled an airline reservation. I'm guessing Foreman.
 * House: Really? You're accusing Foreman, not me? Cool.

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 * House: People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

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 * [After Chase realizes House knows about the real cause behind Dibala's death, and House switched the records to cover it up]
 * Chase: How'd you find it?
 * House: Fat old black guy, knew he had to be taking something for his cholesterol.
 * Chase: And what now?
 * House: I'm not the boss.
 * Chase: You don't think I should be fired?
 * House: Why? Doubt we'll ever be treating a genocidal dictator again. Better a murder than a misdiagnosis.
 * Chase: [Standing up and looking House in the eyes] Whether you want to be in charge or not, you are, and you always will be.

Brave Heart [6.06]

 * Cuddy: I need to know what your plans are.
 * House: First we take Berlin and then we circle around behind Poland and yell "surprise!".

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 * House: You've a little devil on your shoulder told you to kill a guy. And you've got a little angel won't shut up. Telling you, you're going to burn in a lake of fire.
 * Chase: I'm fine!
 * House: You shouldn't be! Talk to someone. Docs fixed me up in 7 weeks. You're... 10 minutes, tops.

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 * Foreman: [after allegedly dead patient regains consciousness during autopsy] He was briefly conscious, then his systolic dipped below sixty and he was out again.
 * House: Differential diagnosis for resurrection - go.

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 * [Chase is sitting in a church confessional]
 * Chase: Bless me father, for I have sinned.
 * Priest: Take your time. How long has it been since your last confession?
 * Chase: I killed a man.
 * Priest: Oh.
 * Chase: It was the right thing to do.
 * Priest: Who lives or dies is not your decision to make.
 * Chase: Sometimes in an operating room it feels like it. I'm a doctor.
 * Priest: Well then you should know more than anybody that every human life is sacred.
 * Chase: Why? Tell me what's sacred about a dictator who kills hundreds of thousands of his own people.
 * Priest: What is sacred about a doctor who kills a patient?
 * Chase: Is it just the slippery slope you're worried about? Afraid if for forgiving me for killing the worst person on Earth sets a bad precedent? I promise, I won't tell anyone. Just forgive me.
 * Priest: Saying ten Hail Marys isn't going to do you any good.
 * Chase: Look, what do I have to do? What does God need me to do?
 * Priest: You can't have absolution without first taking responsibility. You have to turn yourself in to the police.
 * Chase: What and go to jail for the rest of my life? What's just about that? I did the right thing! There has to be another way.
 * Priest: You want absolution? I told you how to get it.

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 * Cuddy: I sent this in to the State Licensing Board. I've signed off on all your hours.
 * House: Why?
 * Cuddy: Because it's easier this way.
 * House: You're uncomfortable with me.
 * Cuddy: No. Going by the book is pointless. You're gonna learn nothing.
 * House: Good. I thought it was because of the sexual tension.
 * Cuddy: There was no sexual tension.
 * House: There was tension. And it made me feel funny, so...
 * Cuddy: Here. [hands him the letter]
 * House: It's too bad. I was kinda getting into the whole hot for teacher thing.
 * Cuddy: Are you sure you're okay?
 * House: Yeah. False alarm... what about us?
 * Cuddy: We're good, just like this. You press my buttons, I press yours.
 * House: By buttons you mean... [epiphany] huh... [on his way out] You do make me feel funny.

Known Unknowns [6.07]

 * House: Really, I've got no idea what's wrong with her. So odds are... not fatal.

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 * Cuddy: Tell me what you came here for, House.
 * House: I've got a legitimate medical reason.
 * Cuddy: You must be so proud.
 * House: [Sees Cuddy's breasts in a low-cut top] I've forgotten it. I guess it's no big deal since I was only using it as an excuse to come check out Patty and Selma.
 * Cuddy: I feel bad. I haven't named your testicles.
 * House: Word on the street is you set a new personal best for low-cut.
 * Cuddy: I don't know why you chose to give them names of somebody's aunts.
 * House: It's a compliment. They're always smoking.

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 * Chase: You lit a fuse, you need to watch the bomb go off.

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 * Wilson: Yes you can sit here running up my hotel bill or you can go get the woman of your dreams.
 * House: I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.

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 * House: [giving his diagnosis on the phone] Now Cameron... pick up the phone and give me a dramatic exit.

Teamwork [6.08]

 * House: This envelope is oddly medical-license-shaped.
 * Cuddy: Congratulations.
 * Foreman: [Chase and Cameron walk into House's office] House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star.

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 * House: Taub thinks it's a brain issue. Thirteen thinks it's multi-focal.
 * Foreman: And neither of them wants to work here.
 * House: Don't take their words for it. Taub's problem is his wife. Thirteen's problem is you. Chase and Cameron's problem is the dead African dictator. None of them has a problem with the work.

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 * House: I owe you an apology. I was w… I was wrwrw…
 * Chase: What were you wrong about?

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 * Chase: What I did may be the worst thing I ever did. It may be the best I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer. But I did it. Me. And even if it destroys me, I'd do it again today.
 * Cameron: You don't mean that. This isn't you.
 * Chase: I'm not running away from what I did because you want to pretend I never did it.

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 * House: Your husband killed a patient, and you're breaking up with me?
 * Cameron: You ruined him. So he can't even see right from wrong. Can't even see the sanctity of human life any more. [long pause] I loved you. And I loved Chase. I feel sorry for you both, for what you've become, because [her voice starts to break] there's no way back for either of you.

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 * House: You're not right for her.
 * Lucas: And you are?
 * House: Less wrong.

Ignorance Is Bliss [6.09]

 * [House throws a wrapped bagel on the counter.]
 * Cashier: $2.32.
 * House: Put it on Dr. Wilson's tab.
 * Cashier: I don't know who Dr. Wilson is, and we don't have tabs.
 * House: [bends down closer to her] Do you know who I am?
 * Cashier: No.
 * House: Good. [walks away]

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 * Chase: I've got it under control.
 * Foreman: That's what you said about the Dibala incident. And obviously you didn't.
 * Chase: And talking about it obviously made things so much better.

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 * Thirteen: Speaking of House... why did you come back? You must've taken a major paycut.
 * Taub: Life's too short to worry about money.
 * Thirteen: Your wife feel the same way?
 * Taub: She's happy to cut back on some things — like... sex.

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 * Taub: I trust you had a wonderful Thanksgiving?
 * Chase: I don't remember. So I guess, I did.

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 * House: [Chase is not participating in the diagnosis] Give me something or I'll get your ex-smarter half on the phone and ask her!
 * Chase: House.......... [gets up and punches House in the face]

Wilson [6.10]

 * Wilson: Where's House?
 * Taub: Performing his ritual hiding-from-Cuddy-to-avoid-getting-a-new-case dance. It's sort of a jazz-fusion kind of thing.
 * Thirteen: He's probably eating lunch in the morgue.

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 * House: Religion just killed another person.

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 * Wilson: I'm not here for an argument, House!
 * House: No. Right. That's room 12A.

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 * House: Disappointment is anger for wimps.

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 * Wilson: You can't change a table.
 * House: Actually you can. You just need a coat of paint and the guts to use it.

The Down Low [6.11]

 * House: I need the drugs
 * Eddie: We're in textiles.
 * House: [yelling] I need the drugs! [Eddie looks at him blankly] Hmmm. Works for Jack Bauer.

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 * Mickey: An adult wants to get wasted, why is it anybody's business what substance they use?
 * Taub: Because some of those substances are against the law.
 * Mickey: So your problem isn't that it's immoral. Your problem is that it's illegal. I got the same problem.

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 * House: That receiver doesn't respond to manual stimulation. Maybe if you took off your shirt.
 * Thirteen: Actually, I resorted to something more exotic. I call it reading the instructions. Turns out if you screw the antennae into the wrong sockets, it doesn't actually work.

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 * Taub: Knowing this guy's an undercover cop doesn't get us any closer to curing him.
 * House: Good point. You know what they say. Information is not power. Wait...

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 * Chase: Guy's a hero. He's risking his life to put these dealers in jail.
 * House: I'm sure the dealers who take their places will be very grateful.

Remorse [6.12]

 * Thirteen: Why do you want to meet her so badly?
 * House: Psychopaths always fascinate me. I think it's their cultural literacy and strong family values. Or is that Jews?

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 * House: [to Foreman and Thirteen] Go have sex.
 * Thirteen: No, thanks.
 * House: Fine, I'll cover the Viagra and the lubricants. Just get me a receipt.
 * Foreman: We have zero feelings for each other.
 * House: Well, that's too bad, 'cause things worked much better when you did. Would it help if I slept with her?

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 * House: So when you watch Star Wars, which side do you root for?
 * Valerie: Dr. House. What are you doing?
 * House: Just checking in on your radiotherapy.
 * Valerie: From what I hear, you never visit patients. And now, you've come to chat with me twice.
 * House: I want to know how you like being a management consultant. I'm thinking of getting into it. That or psychopathy maybe. Which pays better?
 * Valerie: I think you're already into one of them. Dr. Hadley made a joke yesterday. She said I sound like you.
 * House: I'm sure you understand what “joke” means.
 * Valerie: So you're not just out for yourself? For example, you would never interrupt a sick woman's treatment just because of some personal obsession?
 * House: Of course I'm self-interested. We all are. We're born that way. The rest of us are born with consciences.
 * Valerie: Which is something you just sound ecstatic about.
 * House: I'm not saying it's logical. I'm just saying it's human.
 * Valerie: So if you know your conscience is just an animal instinct, you don't need to follow it. I think you realize that. That's why you're talking to me.

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 * Chase: I'd give her a day. Two days at the most.
 * House: Great. You be the clock. Everyone else will be the doctors.

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 * Wilson: [entering the office] What are you doing?
 * House: Paying Wibberly's mortgage for a few months. [rips check out of the book] Congratulations on another successful round of hectoring.
 * Wilson: Wait a minute, is that actually a check for him?
 * House: No. It's a giant novelty item for winning the lottery. You're just standing really far away.

Moving the Chains [6.13]

 * House: I don't need to see the scan. I can tell from your little puppy dog eyes that his pituitary's fine. Are you gonna say it or should I?
 * Taub: You were right about the steroids. You're a genius.
 * House: Next time with feeling.

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 * House: Hey, I don't care where an idea comes from, as long as it makes sense and embarrasses someone.

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 * House: Okay, why don't you tell me my real evil plan.
 * Wilson: I don't think there is an evil plan. You regret not having a relationship with your own family. And you don't want to see Foreman go down that same path. I think you're actually being nice.
 * House: Oh shut up! You can't accuse me of an opossum attack and underhanded kindness in the same visit.
 * Wilson: Then I'll come back.

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 * House: You're turning white.
 * Glenda: What does that mean?
 * House: It means he doesn't need football to get a good job anymore.

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 * House: You know why you're black?
 * Daryl: Because God loves me more than he does you?

5 to 9 [6.14]

 * House: I was with your boytoy on a stakeout last night.
 * Cuddy: You were with Lucas?
 * House: He needed someone who could diagnose a soft tissue injury from across the street. Apparently he doesn't know any good doctors.

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 * Wilson: How's it going?
 * Cuddy: [calls Marina on her cell phone as she talks to Wilson] Got three hours to save this place from bankruptcy, I just fired one of my best employees, and the woman taking care of my sick child isn't returning my calls.
 * Wilson: Rachel's gonna be fine, I'm sure whoever he or she is deserved it, and we're not going bankrupt. Are we?
 * Cuddy: Don't worry. The board will fire me before they allow that to happen.
 * Wilson: They'd never fire you.
 * Cuddy: I just told Atlanticnet Insurance I'd terminate unless they gave us a 12% bump.
 * Wilson: They might fire you.

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 * Cuddy: What do you think I should do about Atlanticnet?
 * Wilson: You're asking a guy who paid full sticker price for his last car. You ask House? He's a master manipulator who always gets what he wants.
 * Cuddy: This situation is out of control enough already. House is the last person I want to get involved.

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 * Cuddy: They should be pressuring other hospitals to be more like us, not trying to make us more like them. It's stupid.
 * House: Putting your job on the line in an effort to stamp out stupidity isn't?
 * Cuddy: You would.
 * House: Probably. But then I also wanted to try to cure cancer by infecting a guy with malaria to win a $50 bet. You really want to be like me?

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 * House: They're not going to fire you. And you're not going to quit.
 * Cuddy: Why not?
 * House: Because you're an idiot.

Private Lives [6.15]

 * Wilson: What are you doing tonight?
 * House: Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking.
 * Wilson: It's pathetic. You divide your nights between porn and the Discovery Channel.
 * House: Right. Playing Dance Dance Revolution is a much better choice.

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 * Foreman: You plan on doing any work today?
 * House: I thought I might do a little light doctoring in the afternoon.

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 * [When Wilson invites Chase to go speed dating along with House]
 * House: You brought a date?
 * Chase: Wilson seemed to think it was a good idea.
 * Wilson: You need to dive back into the pool.
 * House: And he has to swim in ours? You go to a bar, you bring your ugly friends.
 * Chase: It's not a beauty pageant.
 * House: Life is a beauty pageant. Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.
 * Chase: Oh, come on. I'm not that good-looking.
 * House: Yeah, you are.
 * Wilson: You kind of are.
 * Chase: So you attribute every relationship I've ever had to the height of my cheekbones?
 * Wilson: Not the whole relationship. Just the beginning.
 * House: The rest is your hair.

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 * [During speed dating]
 * House: I'm a diagnostician. I find out what's wrong with people, and I fix it.
 * Melodie: Don't all doctors do that?
 * House: Yeah, but they can't dance like I can.

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 * Wilson: Because you're not ordinary, House. You're way out there on the fringe somewhere. I'm your best friend, and half the time I don't understand you. You're alone. Been alone your whole life.

Black Hole [6.16]

 * Thirteen: We think a severe allergic reaction could be causing systemic breakdown.
 * Artie: To my son's sperm?
 * Taub: Actually, his semen is more likely the problem... Which, I realize is not what you were reacting to...

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 * Abby: It's a black hole.
 * Foreman: She's hallucinating.
 * Taub: I certainly hope so.

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 * [Texting between Taub and Rachel; then House and Rachel when he steals phone]
 * Taub: Whatcha doing?
 * Rachel: groceries.
 * Taub: What r u wearing?
 * Rachel: U don't want to know.
 * House: Take off your shirt.
 * Rachel: R u nuts?
 * House: Touch yourself.
 * [Rachel smiles, contemplates. Back in House's office]
 * Taub: House! It's not funny. I got enough problems already.
 * House: Trust me, this is gonna help.

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 * [Monitor in cog sci lab displays an image of someone swinging a bat]
 * Thirteen: What are you thinking?
 * Abby: About Nick playing baseball.
 * Taub: Holy crap!
 * Chase: That's amazing.
 * Foreman: Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.
 * Chase: Does anything get you excited?

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 * Jeanine: Can I help you with something?
 * Wilson: Yes. Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about this dining table.
 * Jeanine: It's made of wood, and you eat off it.
 * Wilson: So you're paid by commission?
 * Jeanine: It's furniture. Find something you like, let me know, I’ll ring it up.
 * Wilson: Thank you so much.

Lockdown [6.17]

 * House: I take maybe 1 in 20 cases. A lot of the people I turn down, end up dying. It's really a good argument for there being more than one me when you think about it.

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 * Chase: You had a conversation with House, you came back, informed me I'd been forever poisoned by him, and started packing.
 * Cameron: Interesting how your story leaves out the part where you murdered another human being.

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 * Foreman: [Looking at complaints filed against House] Damn it, they're all named Lisa Cuddy.
 * Taub: He's not even here and he's screwing with us. Where's the joy in that?
 * Foreman: ...You really want to get into his head?
 * Taub: Yeah, but I decided against stabbing myself in the leg, or getting addicted to pain pills.
 * Foreman: You can, uh, skip the stabbing. [pulls out a bottle of pain pills]

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 * House: I like being alone. At least, I convince myself that I'm better off that way. And then I met someone at a psychiatric hospital of all places. She changed me. And then she left. We're better off alone. We suffer alone. We die alone. Doesn't matter if you're a model husband, or father of the year. Tomorrow will be the same for you.

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 * Cameron: I still don't know why I said that. It's not even true. I did love you. Just... not in a way that would have ever worked.
 * Chase: Why not?
 * Cameron: Because everything you said is true. I'm a mess. I married a man I knew was dying. So... God knows how screwed up I already was. Him dying messed me up even more. I pushed you out of my life. And I'm-I'm un-unfixable. Not you.

Knight Fall [6.18]

 * Wilson: People change, House.
 * House: Sure. They get older, ovaries start drying up, and nice guys like you look attractive again.

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 * Foreman: All it takes is one bad eyeball.
 * Thirteen: Or testicle, cow brain or my personal favorite, [looks at Chase eating] pig rectum with a side order of sphincter.
 * [Chase looks back at her and takes a big bite of his sandwich]
 * Taub: I think they call that breakfast in Australia.

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 * Wilson: Hey. I can't believe I'm about to say this. Sam...
 * House: Told you so.
 * Wilson: No, she didn't dump me. She wants to get to know you better.
 * House: Damn it. I never should have let her see me naked.
 * Wilson: It goes against all my instincts, but I said all right.
 * House: Why?
 * Wilson: She thinks I was hiding her from you.
 * House: You were.
 * Wilson: I don't want her to know.
 * House: So you're asking me to condone a relationship based on lies and mistrust.
 * Wilson: Yeah.
 * House: When and where?

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 * William: I thought you were gonna tell her.
 * Thirteen: It's not my call, but if you ask me, she's waiting for you to.
 * William: Knights are supposed to be selfless.
 * Thirteen: Right, they conquered countries and built castles by being selfless. Bravery and loyalty are great qualities, for soldiers. If you want to be king, sometimes you have to be willing to take what's yours.

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 * House: I guess you've never heard the expression, "gas chromatography machines don't lie."
 * William: Neither does Miles. He's the best knight I've ever known. It's why he was chosen king.
 * House: Miles is a jealous idiot. And you're just an idiot.

Open and Shut [6.19]

 * Taub: So we flirt, it's fun.
 * Thirteen: It's dangerous. That woman would totally do you.
 * Taub: You think? Nothing is going to happen.
 * Thirteen: All I'm saying is if you want to be on a diet, you might want to stop hanging out by the dessert cart.

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 * Chase: Not that I could ever do it. I was jealous of House, and Cameron never touched him.
 * Thirteen: Not counting the emotional fondling.

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 * Taub: So the only time you're not interested in my marriage is after you blow it up?
 * House: You were the moron who took marital advice from Tila Tequila.

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 * Thirteen: A woman who likes sex must be sick?
 * House: Just because everybody in this room wishes that all women were horny all the time, doesn't make it so.

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 * Taub: Seriously? Our patient's dying and we can't move past my sex life?
 * House: Seriously, you think it'd kill her if we spent 15 seconds mocking you?

The Choice [6.20]

 * House: I woke up in the wrong bed this morning.
 * Nurse Jeffrey: Any bed you're in is the wrong one.
 * House: That's not what your mama said. Oh! Snap.
 * Nurse Jeffrey: I'll be going now. To Human Resources.

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 * Thirteen: I'm gonna check out this new lesbian bar tonight.
 * House: Your life is awesome.

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 * Thirteen: Yeah, it sucks what he's doing to her too. But it's hardly the same. To be faithful to his wife, our patient has to deny his identity. Taub just needs to...
 * House: Resist his biological imperative.
 * Thirteen: It is easier to say no to dessert than to pretend you don't eat.
 * House: Says someone who's obviously never been on a diet.

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 * House: If history is written by the victor, how do we find out what really happened?
 * Chase: Talk to the loser.

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 * Cuddy: I just want us to be friends.
 * House: Funny. That's the last thing I want us to be.

Baggage [6.21]

 * Nolan: You're late.
 * House: You're fat.

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 * House: I'm not stressed... beyond the stress induced by you telling me how stressed I am.

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 * House: Patients are boring, as people. This one, I'm sure, was no exception. But her situation was interesting. Besides I was still avoiding Wilson. No better way to avoid than leaving the hospital.

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 * House: Aren't therapists supposed to be nurturing?
 * Nolan: Nowhere... is that in the manual.

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 * Nolan: Have you gotten any other people angry at you over anything?
 * House: Well, yeah. That's why I called it an ordinary week.

Help Me [6.22]

 * House: Crush syndrome is basically a buildup of potassium. If we remove potassium...
 * Cuddy: We're already treating with sodium bicarbonate.
 * House: But not with glucose and Insulin. Glucose in the Kit. There's gotta be a diabetic here somewhere.
 * Cuddy: You wanna dose the Insulin here in a non-hospital setting? That is insane! It's not worth it.
 * House: Really? 'Cause I think I'm the only one here who knows what a leg is worth. And fortunately, you're not the one in charge--he is. And he knows that I'd testify against him if Hanna sues for cutting off a leg without exhausting every option.
 * Cuddy: [to fireman] Give us a minute. [To House] I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me.
 * House: Really? Wow. So this is all about you now.
 * Cuddy: You took her side against me right after you heard about my engagement.
 * House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
 * Cuddy: I don't love you. So just... Accept it and move on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
 * House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-aged single mom who's dating a man-child.
 * Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around you and make their own lives worse while they try to keep you from collapsing. I'm done.
 * House: Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
 * Cuddy: What are you clinging to, House? You're gonna to risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do you have in your life, honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you... You've got nothing, House. Nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm gonna convince her to let me cut her leg off. If you have any decency left, you'll just stay out of it.

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 * House: You asked me how I'd hurt my leg. I had a blood clot, and the muscle was dying. And I had all these doctors telling me I should amputate, and I said no, and they did this... Very risky operation. I almost died.
 * Hanna: But you saved your leg.
 * House: I wish I hadn't. They cut out a chunk of muscle about the size of my fist, and they left me with this mutilated, useless thing. I'm in pain... every day. It changed me. Made me a harder person, a worse person. And now... Now I'm alone. You don't want to be like me. You got a husband who loves you. You have friends. You can start a family. You have a life. And this... This is just a leg.

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 * Foreman: You can't blame yourself for her death. This wasn't your fault!
 * House: THAT'S THE POINT!! I did everything right, she died anyway! Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?!
 * Foreman: You shouldn't be alone right now. You're bleeding.
 * House: I'm gonna give you a task as an employee. Get out of my way.

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 * Taub: [sees Thirteen put an envelope on House's desk] What's that?
 * Thirteen: I'm asking for some time off.
 * Taub: What's wrong? [Thirteen doesn't respond] Are you okay?
 * Thirteen: Obviously not.

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 * Cuddy: I ended it.
 * House: What?
 * Cuddy: I'm stuck, House. I keep wanting to move forward, I keep wanting to move on, and I can't. I mean, my new house, with my new fiancé, and all I can think about is you. I just need to know if you and I can work.
 * House: You think I can fix myself?
 * Cuddy: I don't know.
 * House: 'Cause I'm the most screwed up person in the world.
 * Cuddy: I know. I love you. I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.

Cast

 * Dr. Gregory House - Hugh Laurie
 * Dr. James Wilson - Robert Sean Leonard
 * Dr. Lisa Cuddy - Lisa Edelstein


 * Dr. Eric Foreman - Omar Epps
 * Dr. Robert Chase - Jesse Spencer
 * Dr. Allison Cameron - Jennifer Morrison


 * Dr. Chris Taub - Peter Jacobson
 * Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley - Olivia Wilde