House of 1000 Corpses

House of 1000 Corpses is a 2003 American exploitation horror film written, co-scored and directed by Rob Zombie, and starring Chris Hardwick, Rainn Wilson, Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon Zombie, and Karen Black. The plot focuses on two couples who are held hostage by a sadistic backwoods family on Halloween. Zombie's directorial debut, the film drew from a multitude of influences, particularly American horror films of the 1970s, including The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes. There's no turning back! #taglines

Otis

 * It's all true. The bogeyman is real and you found him.
 * Huntin' humans ain't nothin' but nothin'. They all run like scared little rabbits. Run, rabbit, run. Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit. Run rabbit. Run, rabbit, run! RUN, RABBIT, RUN!
 * Better you leave here with your head still full of kitty cats and puppy dogs.
 * Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin' to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin' ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin' about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin' no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever. Now, I'm gonna remove your gap... But! If you make so much as a fuckin' peep! I'm going to cut you like a pig and make you eat your own fucking intestines... you got me?
 * Bill... He's a good guy, Ohhh hoo... He's been great help to me. A real blessin'... I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better specimen. You don't know what kinda dry spell I've had here. Total Block, Total Block! But Bill... He's OK.

Captain Spaulding

 * [after shooting Killer Karl] Goddamn, motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit.
 * But MOST of all... fuck YOU!

Baby

 * Ain't the only thing tasty in this house.
 * We like to get fucked up, and do fucked up shit.
 * Give me a "B", give me an "A", give me a "B" give me a "Y", What's that spell? What's that spell? WHAT'S THAT SPELL?
 * There once was a woman who lived with her daughter in a cabbage garden; along came a rabbit and ate up all the cabbages; the woman said, "Go into the garden and drive out the rabbit."
 * Hey, Poopy-pants. What's new?
 * Whatever you need to do, you do it. There is no wrong. If someone needs to be killed, you kill 'em. That's the way.
 * These are all my dolls. I used to like to chop their heads off and their arms and stick 'em up on the wall.
 * You gotta have the marshmallows, that's what makes it fun.

Jerry Goldsmith

 * That was so badass! Dr. Satan! Ahhh! Dr. Satan!
 * Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!

Grandpa Hugo

 * I hate fucked up families.
 * What are you, Jimmy Olsen, cub reporter for the Daily Asshole?

Dialogue

 * [Mary screams]
 * Otis: Shut your mouth!
 * [more screams]
 * Otis: I said, shut your fucking mouth!
 * [screams]
 * Otis: Listen, you Malibu middle class Barbie piece of shit, I'm tryin' to work here. Work? You ever work? Yeah, I'll bet you have. Scoopin' ice cream to your shit-heel friends on summer break. Well I ain't talkin' about no goddamn white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain't readin' no funny books, mama. Our bodies come and go but this blood... is forever. Now, I'm gonna remove your gap... But! If you make so much as a fuckin' peep! I'm going to cut you like a pig and make you eat your own fucking intestines... you got me?


 * Otis: Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in fire if I told ya you could see Hell. Meanwhile, you're too stupid to realize you got a demon stickin' out your ass singing, "Holy Miss Moley,
 * [Whole family joins in]
 * Otis: Got me a live one."


 * Lt. George Wydell: [holds a photo of Denise] Have you seen this girl in the past 24 hours?
 * Captain Spaulding: Yeah, cute kid. Ain't my type though. You know, I like 'em with a little more meat on 'em. Ha ha. The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
 * Deputy Steve Naish: Come on clownie, just answer the damn questions. We ain't interested in your love life.
 * Lt. George Wydell: Cut the crap Spaulding and get with the facts.


 * Mary Knowles: [sees Baby on Bill's lap] Get off him!
 * Mary Knowles: [Baby doesn't budge] I said get the fuck off him you stupid fucking whore! Fucking slut!
 * Baby: [Baby gets pushed to the ground] Oh, you shouldn't of done that!
 * Mary Knowles: Oh, really? Are you gonna do something about it?
 * Baby: I'll do something, motherfucker. I'll fucking cut your tits off and shove 'em down your throat!


 * Captain Spaulding: I know what your problem is.
 * Bill Hudley: What's that?
 * Captain Spaulding: Ya'll think us folk from the country's real funny-like, dontcha?
 * Bill Hudley: Jerry...
 * Captain Spaulding: Yeah, well saddle up the mule, ma. Slide me some grits, I's got to get me some edu-cation, uh hu hu hu.
 * Bill Hudley: Jerry...
 * Captain Spaulding: You asshole!


 * Otis: I'm the one who brings the Christmas candy. Now tell me, who's your daddy? I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy.
 * Mother: Who's your daddy?
 * Otis: I'm the one who beats you when you're bad.
 * Baby: Who's your daddy?
 * Mother: Who's your daddy?
 * Otis: [walking to Denise, while wearing her father's skin] Come on, sweetie. Give the old man some sugar.
 * Denise Willis: Daddy, Daddy.
 * Otis: [taking off his robe] And I'm the one who loves ya when you're fucking dead!


 * [last lines]
 * Captain Spaulding: Sweet baby Jesus, girl. What the hell happened to you?
 * Denise Willis: [mumbling] I got away.
 * Captain Spaulding: You... hey, I recognize you. Oh, there's a whole bunch of people been looking for your ass, girl.
 * Denise Willis: I gotta get to a doctor.
 * Captain Spaulding: All right, all right. Just sit back and relax. I'll get you to a doctor.
 * [Denise rests her head on the seat]
 * Captain Spaulding: That's it. I'll get you there.


 * Bill: How long have you been running this place?
 * Captain Spaulding: How long is a piece of string? Too God damn long, that's how long.
 * Bill: No, really.
 * Captain Spaulding: Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar.
 * Bill: The Duke?
 * Captain Spaulding: Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that.
 * Bill: You mean John Wayne?
 * Captain Spaulding: Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? (rolls up his sleeve to reveal a John Wayne tattoo) A great American.
 * Bill: Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction.
 * Captain Spaulding: I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for?
 * Bill: You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country.
 * Captain Spaulding: I don't drive cross country.
 * Bill: But if you did.
 * Captain Spaulding: I don't.
 * Bill: But suppose for a second you did.
 * Captain Spaulding: Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling.


 * Captain Spaulding: Mary fucking Moses! Ya' all get the fuck outa here.
 * Killer Karl: Cool it Clowney. Keep your paws where I can see them.
 * Richard Wick: Yeah, d-don't move or I'll b-blast a hole the size of a k-Kansas City watermelon through your ugly-ass b-bozo face.
 * Captain Spaulding: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
 * Killer Karl: Go grab that other asshole out of the shitter and drag his ass back in here.
 * Richard Wick: Right.
 * Captain Spaulding: You miserable motherfucker, I ought to leap over this counter and bash your fucking balls in.
 * Killer Karl: All right, Tippy, hand over the cash box and I might leave your brains inside your skull.
 * Captain Spaulding: Well, I'll tell you what, Ski King, why don't you just take your Mama home some chicken and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in ya ass.
 * Killer Karl: I don't like chicken. And, I hate clowns. Put that shit down. PUT IT DOWN! fine That is it! I'm gonna count to ten and you're gonna hand over all the cash, or I'm gonna splater your grease paint mug all over from here to the state line! One.
 * Captain Spaulding: Fuck yo mama.
 * Killer Karl: Two.
 * Captain Spaulding: Fuck yo sister.
 * Richard Wick: What are we gonna do?
 * Stucky: Hey, I know you. You work down at the hardware store. right? Richard Wick right?
 * Richard Wick: Shut your trap.
 * Killer Karl: Quiet down both of you! Three.
 * Captain Spaulding: Fuck yo grandma.
 * Stucky: Hey I remember now all the guys make fun out of you. They call you Little Dick Wick.
 * Richard Wick: Shut up!
 * Stucky: Little Dick Wick played with his prick, don't his smell just make you sick?'
 * Richard Wick: Stop singing I hate that song.
 * Killer Karl: Put your Fucking mask back on. fuck it!
 * Captain Spaulding: Most of all fuck you! Goddamn motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit.

Taglines

 * The most shocking tale of carnage ever seen.
 * The movie some never wanted you to see.
 * There's no turning back!
 * True horror is back!
 * You'll never get out alive.
 * God bless this house.
 * Dare You Enter...
 * Life and Death are Meaningless...And Pain Is God

Cast

 * Sid Haig - Captain Spaulding
 * Bill Moseley - Otis B. Driftwood
 * Sheri Moon Zombie - Baby Firefly
 * Karen Black - Mother Firefly
 * Erin Daniels - Denise Willis
 * Hardwick - Jerry Goldsmith
 * Rainn Wilson - Bill Hudley
 * Jennifer Jostyn - Mary Knowles
 * Tom Towles - Lieutenant George Wydell
 * Walton Goggins - Deputy Steve Naish
 * Matthew McGrory - Tiny Firefly
 * Robert Mukes - Rufus "RJ" Firefly Jr
 * Dennis Fimple - Grampa Hugo Firefly
 * Jake McKinnon - Rufus "Earl" Firefly Sr
 * Harrison Young - Don Willis
 * Irwin Keyes - Ravelli
 * Michael J. Pollard - Stucky
 * Chad Bannon - Killer Karl
 * Walter Phelan - S. Quentin Quale / Dr. Satan
 * William H. Basset - Sheriff Frank Huston
 * David Reynolds - Richard "Little Dick" Wick
 * Joe Dobbs III - Gerry "Goober" Ober
 * Gregg Gibbs - Dr. Wolfenstein
 * Rob Zombie (uncredited) - Dr. Wolfenstein's assistant