Housesitter (film)

Housesitter is a 1992 romantic comedy film about a woman with con-artist tendencies who worms her way into the life of a reserved architect by claiming to be his wife.
 * Directed by Frank Oz. Written by Mark Stein.

She's turning his house into a home...hers!taglines

Newton Davis

 * Half the things we tell ourselves are fiction.


 * Wow! You're a genius. You're like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.


 * What do you say, Gwen? "Gwen" do you get off... and "gwhere" can we "gwo"?

Gwen Duncle

 * I don't want your money. I will take the furniture, though.


 * I really didn't intend for it to get this elaborate, it's just that everyone around here keeps treating me like I'm somebody... except you.


 * Oh, grow feathers and go shit in a tree.

Other

 * Marty: What are you, insane? Why didn't you just kick him in the balls and tell him he has ugly children?

Dialogue

 * Moseby: What kind of work are you in, Bernie?
 * Ralph: I'm retired.
 * Moseby: Oh? From what?
 * Ralph: From all the big hairy bullcrap.


 * Gwen: I don't want your damn money.
 * Newton: No, just my damn house.


 * Marty: Of marriage?
 * Newton: It's not a marriage! It is a simple arrangement in which I will share my house with her and in exchange for which she will argue with me in public and generally make my life incredibly terrible.
 * Marty: That's marriage.


 * Newton: Tell me why for God's sake did you come here?
 * Gwen: I just wanted to see what it would be like to live in that picture.


 * Gwen: I think this marriage is worth saving.
 * Newton: WHAT MARRIAGE?


 * Newton: So, what do you think, can you show this to Moseby?
 * Marty: Ah... you'd better do it.
 * Newton: Why? He likes you.
 * Marty: Davis, if I take that in there and Moseby starts carrying on about how brilliant it is... I'm going to take the credit.
 * Newton: What?
 * Marty: Mmm hmm.
 * Newton: You're my friend, where are your ethics?
 * Marty: My ethics are that I know this about myself, so I'm not going to take this in there and screw you over.


 * Becky: Do you know why I said no to you that day? It's because you scared me, building this house, putting a big ribbon around it... I didn't want to marry a dreamer. I'm not that brave. But when I see you through Gwen's eyes you look very different to me.
 * Newton: How?
 * Becky: Well, I could see how a dreamer, with somebody who believes in him, could do great things.


 * Newton Davis: Don't you remember the time I... I... I had myself delivered to you in a box for your birthday? And... and the guy I paid to deliver the box screwed up and delivered me to the wrong apartment? And... and how the... the lady who opened the box... uh... freaked out and started screaming? And I ran out of there just as you poked your head into the hall. And... and the next thing I know, this one's bashing me for having an affair with her neighbor, and this one's bashing me for being some kind of gift-wrapped pervert? And... and all I had to protect myself was... was a dozen roses. And... and... and you never even read the note.
 * Bus Driver: What did the note say?
 * Newton Davis: I... I'll tell you what it said... it said... marry me, Gwen, I'm lost without you.


 * [final lines]
 * Newton: I love you, Gwen.
 * Gwen: Actually, it's Jessica.

Taglines

 * She's turning his house into a home...hers!


 * She came. She saw. She moved in.

Cast

 * Steve Martin - Newton Davis
 * Goldie Hawn - Gwen Duncle/Buckley/Phillips
 * Dana Delany - Becky Metcalf
 * Julie Harris - Edna Davis
 * Donald Moffat - George Davis
 * Peter MacNicol - Marty
 * Richard B. Schull - Ralph/Bernie Duncle
 * Ken Cheeseman - Harv
 * Laurel Cronin - Mary / Mary Duncle
 * Roy Cooper - Winston Moseby
 * Christopher Durang - Reverend Lipton