I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is a 2007 sex screwball comedy film directed by Dennis Dugan and starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James. The film was released on July 20, 2007 in the U.S., August 16, 2007 in Australia and on September 21, 2007 in the UK and Ireland. They're as straight as can be, but don't tell anyone. (taglines)

CPT Phineas J. Tucker

 * Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business.
 * Whenever, whatever. That's the code.
 * [When Chuck says he and Larry have always been together, in reference to their shifts in the fire department] So were my balls. Now I only have one of them.
 * If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?
 * And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people.

Dialogue

 * [They are both injured from an accident on the job. They are both in hospital beds]
 * Larry: Chuck. What's going on, man?
 * Chuck: Brace yourself, Larry. What I'm gonna tell you is pretty rough. They removed your entire body. You're nothing but a head now.
 * Larry: What?
 * Chuck: They said that there was enough fat in your head to rebuild you a new body, so they got scientists in the other room working on it. God willing, you're gonna be alright.
 * Larry: Oh, you know, you're such a dick.




 * Larry: Domestic partnership.
 * Chuck: Domestic partnership? You mean like faggots?
 * Larry: No, I mean yeah. But no, not us. Obviously, just on paper.
 * Chuck: Paper faggots?
 * Larry: Well, the accepted vernacular is "gay"... but yes.




 * Chuck: What do you got?
 * Larry: Maxi Pads.
 * Chuck: What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!


 * Chuck: The only thing I'm doing with my eyes is putting a bag over your head, you toothless moron!


 * Kevin: Yeah, yeah! Gay love!


 * Asian Minister: Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle.


 * Kevin: Hey, apple dumpling. What's crack-a-lacking?


 * Chuck: I'm not an animal! I'm a whore!


 * [Chuck and Larry are being harassed by homophoic protestors]
 * Protestor: [to Chuck] Faggot!
 * Chuck: What did you call me?
 * Protestor: Faggot.
 * [Chuck punches the protestor out]
 * Chuck: The accepted vernacular is "gay"!


 * Hobo/Witness: The wires are all in place, and they have tapped all of our phones. And the Chinese government is in on it! And Elizabeth Taylor... is Bigfoot.

... There's a microphone in the cake! [Digs into cake] ...They moved it.


 * Eric: What happened to your place?
 * Chuck: Uh... Roaches. Yeah, big giant roaches. They ate my dog.
 * Tori: Bastards.
 * Larry: Language!
 * Eric: Roaches are so eewwy!
 * Chuck: Did ya here that? Roaches are eewwy.
 * Larry: 'Eewwy' is another word not allowed said in this house. Okay?
 * Chuck: I think eewwys a nice word.
 * Larry: Shut up.
 * Chuck: Eewwy!

Taglines

 * They're as straight as can be, but don't tell anyone.
 * How far would you go for a friend?
 * Chuck has just found the perfect girl. Too bad he's agreed to marry his best friend.

Cast

 * Adam Sandler as Charles Todd "Chuck" Levine, Larry’s husband and Eric & Tori’s stepfather
 * Kevin James as Lawrence Arthur "Larry" Valentine, Chuck’s husband and Eric & Tori’s father
 * Jessica Biel as Alex McDonough
 * Ving Rhames as Fred G. Duncan, Kevin’s husband
 * Nick Swardson as Kevin McDonough, Alex’s brother and Fred’s husband
 * Steve Buscemi as Clinton Fitzer
 * Dan Aykroyd as Captain Phineas J. Tucker
 * Nicholas Turturro as Renaldo Pinera
 * Richard Chamberlain as Councilman Banks
 * Mary Pat Gleason as Teresa
 * Rachel Dratch as Sara Powers
 * Matt Winston as Glen Aldrich
 * Peter Dante as Tony Paroni
 * Cole Morgen as Eric Valentine, Larry’s son and Chuck’s stepson
 * Shelby Adamowsky as Tori Valentine, Larry’s daughter and Chuck’s stepdaughter
 * Allen Covert as Steve
 * Lance Bass as Bandleader
 * Dave Matthews as Salesman
 * Blake Clark as Crazy Homeless Man
 * Dan Patrick as New York Cop
 * Tila Tequila as Hooters Girl
 * Jamie Chung as Hooters Girl
 * Dennis Dugan as Cab Driver
 * Rob Corddry as Jim the Protestor
 * Jonathan Loughran as David Nootzie
 * Becky and Jessie O'Donohue as Donna and Darla
 * David Spade as Transvestite Groupie (uncredited)
 * Rob Schneider as Asian Minister (uncredited)
 * Arne Starr as Court Supporter (uncredited)
 * Jim Ford as Criminal Stuck in chimney (uncredited)