Jeremy Hardy

Jeremy James Hardy (17 July 1961 – 1 February 2019) was a British comedian, known for his appearances on radio panel shows such as The News Quiz and I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue.

Quotes

 * It seems a shallow observation, but… the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, October 1998 (rebroadcast on BBC 7, 30 May 2006)


 * It is a stupid observation, but the Labour Party are not an smart lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same town, you would blame bad parenting, wouldn't you all?
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, July 1997 (rebroadcast on BBC 7, 23 July 1999)


 * … really very critical of hereditary peers, but they — I mean — they've got their faults, but some of those faults have been in the family for generations.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, October 1998 (rebroadcast on BBC 7, 6 June 2006)


 * You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, October 1998 (rebroadcast on BBC 7, 6 June 2006)


 * I don't get this fashion for happy funerals. He said he wanted all his mates to be in a good mood and smile, and this is a very fashionable idea, that when you die, it's supposed to be a celebration and joyous and everyone laughing, but I want people's lives torn apart when I go.  I want to be embalmed and brought out when we have guests.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, October 1998 (rebroadcast on BBC 7, 13 June 2006)


 * My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her "You're eleven, make your own!"
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, July 2002


 * Have you ever looked at Kylie's teeth? Those teeth are proportional to the teeth of a camel in the mouth of a toddler.
 * QI, BBC Two, 6 November 2003


 * If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.
 * Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the Nation, BBC Radio 4, 13 September 2004


 * The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.
 * Radio Times, 5-11 August 2006, referring to Film4's Fifty Greatest Films


 * All socialists have bad backs because we slouch — except when we’re watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.
 * Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the Nation, BBC Radio 4, 2007


 * Most harm is done by people who are awake.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, May 16, 2008


 * Why don't they just accept that life is sad and cheer up it's not forever.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, June 2008


 * The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, November 2008


 * Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, November 2008


 * The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, 23 January 2009


 * People say I'm self-deprecating, but I don't think I'm very good at that.
 * BBC News tribute, Rory Bremner, 1 February 2019


 * On Vince Cable: But he's charming and northern; he's the man tasked with crushing the poor in their own accent, isn't he really?
 * The News Quiz series 72 episode 1, BBC Radio 4, 24 September 2010


 * It was developing countries where people are more cheery, wasn't it? ... Well, because when people are materially disadvantaged, maybe they're more optimistic, because they know that their destiny's not entirely in their own hands. And so they just have to hope for the best. Whereas in the developed world, where materially we've got plenty of stuff, and lots of opportunities, we know that the only thing stopping us from being happy is ourselves, which of course is a kind of downward spiral into disillusionment and hopelessness, isn't it, really? Because you can't -- you're never gonna get rid of yourself, so if you're basically unhappy, you're always gonna be unhappy, and in the remaining time that you've got left, you're either gonna be in despair about the fact that you've wasted your life, or maybe a bit cheerful about the fact that it's nearly over.
 * The News Quiz, BBC Radio 4, 8 January 2011

Attributed

 * Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.
 * Quoted without source in