Last Man Standing (season 7)


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Last Man Standing (2011–2017, 2018–2021) is an American television sitcom starring Tim Allen as a senior employee of a sporting goods store in Denver, Colorado, who is a married father of three daughters and a grandfather to his oldest daughter's son, Boyd.

Welcome Baxter [7.01]

 * Vanessa: Eve just called. She and Kristin will be here any minute.
 * Kyle: Crap.
 * Vanessa: What did you think the banner was for, Kyle?
 * Kyle: No, I'm trying to DVR my favorite show, but it's not on.
 * Vanessa: Well, maybe they got cancelled. You know, the TV business can be a heartless bastard.
 * Kyle: Cancelled? Why would they cancel a popular show that everybody loves?
 * Mike: Maybe, they are a bunch of idiots!


 * Mike: Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man, here to talk about, well, talking. It's one of my favorite hobbies. A wise man once said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.". And then it was said an even wiser man said to that guy, "Look, jackass, listen up. You might learn something.". All right, you got me. I'm the second wise man in that story. Let's be honest, if nobody's talking, then nobody's listening. If nobody's listening, nobody's learning. And if nobody's learning, then good TV shows get cancelled. They will. But even in our country and even within our families, not communicating seems to be the weapon of choice right now. We un-friend, un-like, and un-follow instead of trying to understand each other. Now, it doesn't matter which side you're on, although one side literally has the word "right" right in it. If we just hunker down in our separate corners, nobody wins. Except Location Services on your phone. In America, we've always been able to have tough conversations. Civil rights, Vietnam, the human hot potato Kanye West. He's yours. Uh, no, yours. You can have him. No, he's not ours. He's like, yours. You can have him. No, we don't. Literally, we don't want him. So to the families of America and to the American family, keep talking. Unless you know a smarter guy with better ideas is talking, then you could just listen to him. Baxter out.

Man vs. Myth [7.02]

 * Mike: Hey.


 * Ed: Hi, Mikey.

Giving Mike the Business [7.03]

 * Chuck: Okay.


 * Mandy: We're back!

Bride of Prankenstein [7.04]

 * Mrs. B: Thanks. I love this holiday. It is so spooky. Could one of you grab my mug out of the microwave?


 * Vanessa: Wow!


 * Mike: Oh, that's great. Oh, that's a great prank, man, it's... Oh, it's... oh, it was just me trying to scare you, man. Take it easy, breathe a little bit.

One Flew Into the Empty Nest [7.05]

 * Mike: Mr. Zhen, uh, I'm Mike Baxter. Ni hao, Huanyíng. Please, call me Henry.


 * Mike: That's 'cause bacon can keep a secret.

The Courtship of Vanessa's Mother [7.06]

 * Mike: No, no, Ed. I don't want to go see nude men with you. Ed, you have got some nerve breaking up with my mother like that.


 * Mike and Vanessa: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Dreams vs. Reality [7.07]

 * Vanessa: You've had a setback, okay?


 * Chuck: Greetings. I'm Ed Alzate of the Outdoor Man Grill.

HR's Rough n' Stuff [7.08]

 * Mike: Busy, busy, busy.


 * Mike: Oh, I really can't say. But if I could say, I would say yes. You really can't sit on a complaint, Kyle.

The Gift of the Mike Guy [7.09]

 * Mandy: Eh.


 * Mandy: Oh, Mom. You don't have to hang my snowflake ornament. I made in the second grade.

Three for the Road [7.10]

 * Woman: His identity is lost, like the lives of those he took. The Leadville Murder Chronicles are brought to you by Flom Flom. Flom Flom... get connected.


 * Ryan: Yeah.

Common Ground [7.11]

 * Mike: Morning, Jen.
 * Jen: Good morning, Mr. Baxter.


 * Mike: This is great.

Cabin Pressure [7.12]

 * Mandy: Uh, no thanks. I was gonna get tapas with my friends.


 * Kristin: Guys, don't snap at each other. We are here to relax.

The Best Man [7.13]

 * Joe: So the scientist says, "The last time I saw that monkey, he was on the elephant, trying to put the cork back in.".


 * Kristin: Yes. You did, liar.

Sibling Quibbling [7.14]

 * Narrator: Previously on Last Man Standing...
 * Joe: So the scientist says, "The last time I saw that monkey, he was on the elephant, trying to put the cork back in.".


 * Mike: Look, you're the one. You are.

Arrest Her Development [7.15]

 * Kyle: Yeah.


 * Man: Thanks for the chat, Mike.

Urban Exploring [7.16]

 * Chuck: Hmm...

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 * Both: Oh.

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 * Kyle and Jen: Whoa!

Cards on the Table [7.17]

 * Kristin: We got a little problem with the restaurant. Our Sunday brunches are in the red. All-you-can-eat might've been a mistake in a store that caters to lumberjacks.

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 * Mike: Good, good, good, good.

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 * Mike: No, go ahead.

Otherwise Engaged [7.18]

 * Chuck: Ed's on his way up.

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 * Mike: Huh.

The Passion of Paul [7.19]

 * Mike: Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man, talking about passion. They say if you do something you love for a living, you'll never work a day in your life. And no work is a pretty sweet deal. You get to feel what it's like to be a congressman. But if you're not careful, turning your passion into a job could make you fall out of love with it. That's why I've rejected offers from several prestigious firms to become a gigolo. Making your passion your profession means it's bound to become work. Sure, you and your buddies painting yourselves blue for Halloween might have been fun that first time. But when you're coating on the layers for your 6,000th Blue Man show in Vegas, you might regret chasing that dream. For me, the outdoors has always been my sanctuary, but in my effort to share it with the world, I spend a lot of time chained to a desk. When I start feeling like putting my fist through this computer I'm talking into, that's when it's time for me to head back to nature. I don't mean driving past nature in a Winnebago and going, "Is that a tree?" I need the real thing, the kind that's so cold it hurts your face. That's how you know you're really in it. Henry David Thoreau said, "All nature is your congratulations, and you have cause to bless yourself.". In other words, go outside. Hope I don't see you out there. Baxter out.

Yass Queen [7.20]

 * Mandy: Morning.

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 * Kyle: Thank you.

The Favourite [7.21]

 * Kristin: Yeah.

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 * Mandy: Great.

A Moving Finale [7.22]

 * Mike: Mm-hmm.

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 * Mike: Right.