Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Season 1


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Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001- 2011) is a criminal drama television series, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Major Case Squad, an elite group of detectives specializing in cases of political sensitivity or public attention.

One [1.01]

 * [A brutal jewelry store robbery puts Goren and Eames on the trail of a ruthless murderer.]




 * Capt. Deakins: Goren, I realize how unstimulating police procedure can be to a right-brained guy like you, and I say this with all the respect due a Detective First Grade -- touch all the bases.




 * Goren: Does it bother you that the same people who just jacked $300 million are maxing out a stolen credit card?
 * Eames: Once a thief. You said yourself, they're impulsive.
 * Goren: Okay, if it doesn't bother you.




 * [Goren and Eames are reviewing a security camera's records of a woman in a jewelry store]
 * Goren: You notice anything unusual?
 * Eames: Not really.
 * Goren: It's just that she's putting lipstick on her eyeball. She's taking a picture of the safe.




 * [Goren continues watching the tape, saying nothing.]
 * Eames: Am I missing something?
 * Goren: I just like to watch.




 * Eames: Don't equivocate. He's a bad guy.
 * Goren: Bad guys do what good guys dream.


 * Carver: Funny thing about the law. Right hand performs the crime, left hand pays for it....
 * Defense Attorney: Um...how can my client help himself here?
 * Carver: Names and addresses and I take the death penalty off the table.


 * Eames: She got her hands on this [diamonds], why she didn't run--
 * Goren: It wasn't about that, it was about him.
 * Eames: Men come and go, but diamonds--
 * Goren: Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.


 * Goren: It could be a prison tattoo.
 * Eames: How could he get to prison without leaving his prints in the system?
 * Capt. Deakins: How'd my luggage end up in Amarillo last Christmas?


 * Goren: She won't run, Ms. Lewin.
 * Nora Lewin: [to Carver] Do you trust his judgment?
 * Carver: On this, yes, yes I do.
 * Lewin: Should I trust yours?


 * Defense Attorney: Life without parole? That’s pretty steep. He’s got no record of violence.
 * Carver: He does now. And the offer is not going to hold. We found him and we’ll find the others with or without his help. [leans back, juggling his hands] Life. Death. You choose.


 * Gia DeLuca: We're both dead anyway. You killed us.
 * Eames: Think again, Gia. You've got a long and healthy life ahead of you.
 * Goren: I lied. Sorry.

Art [1.02]

 * [An apparent dual murder/suicide of an art expert and an assessor turns out to be more than meets the eye when investigations lead to high-quality forgeries of Nazi-seized art.]


 * Eames: Popular opinion has this pegged as a murder/suicide.
 * Goren: I never trust opinion polls.




 * Capt. Deakins: All my favorite theories shot to hell in 60 seconds.




 * [Eames and Goren stand in a museum looking at a Monet.]
 * Eames: It's beautiful.
 * Goren: Impressionists are too pretty.
 * Eames: Right. You probably like those sweaty naked people in the next room.
 * Goren: Lucian Freud? As a matter of fact, I do.
 * Eames: You can't put that stuff in your home. You can't live with it.
 * Goren: I'm not interested in living with it. I'm interested in thinking about it.




 * Langer: There's nothing in life I enjoy quite so much as being threatened by a beautiful woman.




 * Langer: Tax fraud. How mundane.
 * Goren: But smart. I like smart.

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 * Goren: Hey. This is nice. (Walks in.)
 * Eames: He can't help himself. Can I come in?

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 * Goren: Did you know there's an original Salvador Dali hanging at Rikers Island? He donated it in the 60s.
 * Langer: That's fascinating.
 * Eames: You're going to get to see it firsthand.

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 * Goren: Right! It's a Monet. It's all in the lighting.

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 * Langer: Americans have no idea what art is anymore.

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 * Moon: You don't know. You don't know what it's like.
 * Goren: What, to work so hard?
 * Moon: Yes.
 * Goren: And still be a nobody.
 * Moon: Yes.
 * Goren: Welcome to the human race.

Smothered [1.03]

 * [A murdered crack whore leads detectives to the scion of a wealthy and influential family.]

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 * [Goren tweezers a small object off the heel of a dead woman found in a hotel.]
 * Eames: What is that?
 * Goren: Fish scale.
 * Eames: Great, she was attacked by a shark.
 * Goren: [Seriously] Sharks don't have scales.
 * [Eames sighs.]

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 * Goren: His "arrangement with his wife" is that he gets to be a bad boy once a month, but then he has to tell her what he did.
 * Capt. Deakins: Oh those wacky Belgians.

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 * Eames: She also tasted positive for lithium.
 * Goren: Might have been for depression.
 * Capt. Deakins: What's so depressing about being a crack whore?

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 * [Goren and Eames are on a stakeout. They glance at a passing man.]
 * Eames: No, too short. Surveillance is my strong suit.

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 * [Watching homeless people sneak in and out of steam tunnels.]
 * Goren: You ever think what it's like living down there?
 * Eames: With what one bedrooms are going for, I've considered it.

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 * Capt. Deakins: All those in favor of he's our guy, raise your hand.
 * [Goren and Eames look at each other.]
 * Capt. Deakins: Oh, that's good.

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 * [Eames prepares to kick a motel door in.]
 * Eames: Housekeeping. Ready or not--

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 * Goren: You're under arrest for the murder of Lois Romney.
 * Jameson: What, you're serious?
 * Eames: You don't see us wearing clown shoes, do you?

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 * Mrs. Van Acker: You people are all over the map.
 * Eames: We're pretty good at reading maps, Mrs. Van Acker.

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 * Carver: So you see, Mr. Jameson. The only fingers in the pie are yours.

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 * Jameson: That vindictive, stupid bitch.
 * Carver: We are all ears.

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 * Goren: "Returned due to insufficient postage." Somebody must have missed the last rate hike.

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 * Goren: My mother didn't like my girlfriends either, even if she pretended to, but she didn't kill any of them.

The Faithful [1.04]

 * [Goren and Eames investigate the death of a sexton in a respected church, only to lose their primary suspect when he, too, is murdered.]

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 * [Deakins and Eames watch Goren shouting and cheering bravo to a homeless man in the Interrogation room.]
 * Capt. Deakins: Great. The Goren Show's back in town.

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 * [After Goren interviews a manic, schizophrenic homeless man.]
 * Eames: You were good talking with Howard.
 * Goren: Mmm. Lots of practice.

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 * Capt. Deakins: Step into him.

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 * Eames: You know us. We're the NYPD. We lie all the time. And we're good at it.

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 * Eames: After 18 years in foster care, Kevin turns up an uncle.
 * Goren: Touching, isn't it?

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 * Capt. Deakins: What about you? Any dazzling insights you'd like to share?
 * Goren: Uh...no.

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 * Eames: You thinking of converting? Because I think Father Capanna would love to baptize you.
 * Goren: Too late, you're speaking to a lapsed alter boy.
 * Eames: I should've known. Disregard for authority, fascination with bad behavior....

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 * Lawyer: This is pure harassment.
 * Eames: You have no idea how many times a day we hear that.

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 * Forensic Accountant: Next to Immaculate Conception, how the Church handles its money is one of the great mysteries of the faith.

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 * Eames: [To Goren] Listen to you. What did you think you were doing here? A catch-and-release program?

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 * Carver: [To Goren] Detective, if you try and run one by me like that again, I'll have your badge.

Jones [1.05]

 * [The Major Case Squad chases after a ladies' man who has reeled out of control and is killing off his demanding girlfriends.]

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 * Eames: I didn't take this job to get noticed.

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 * [After finding another petite corpse]
 * Eames: Big day for little women.

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 * Goren: You know, I have a theory about why certain men are attracted to petite women. You wanna hear it?
 * Talbott: Not particularly.
 * Goren: Petite women are a snug fit for small men.
 * Talbott: That's so ridiculous.
 * Goren: No. I think I'm onto something here. Small men can feel like they have a titan missile in their pocket. You're a small guy. What size shoe do you wear?
 * [Goren thumps his foot onto the table.]
 * Goren: I wear a 13. you look like a 9 or ... you know, like an 8?
 * Talbott: I'm an ... oh, God, I don't even want to talk to you about this. Don't drag me into this.
 * [Talbott fends Goren off. Goren laughs with delight.]
 * Goren: You got small hands, too! That's the giveaway, isn't it? It's always the little things. [laughs] Oops!

The Extra Man [1.06]
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 * [Looking at a victim's international driver's license picture]
 * Eames: The maid said he was good looking. This makes him look like all three of the Three Stooges.

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 * [On hearing that a customer who ordered a suit has been killed.]
 * Tailor: This is a disaster. The pattern's been made, the cloth's been cut.

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 * Eames: [Going through victim's rolodex] Here's George W.'s address in Texas.
 * Goren: [Going through victim's papers] Really? I have a letter from Donald Trump thanking Dupont for his "timely advice." And he misspells the word "investment."
 * Eames: You'd think Trump's secretary would use spell-check.

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 * [Upon finding forgeries of character references in the victim's assistant's apartment]
 * Goren: Why would an heir to the Dupont fortune need phony character references?
 * Eames: Low self-esteem?

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 * Capt. Deakins: If a guy was picking my wallet and my bed, I'd want him whacked, too.

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 * [Eames and Goren review the record of a con.]
 * Eames: Conviction for assault, assault, assault...
 * Goren: A collector.

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 * Carver: Charge them for a murder they didn't commit of a person who isn't dead? I can't begin to count the number of violations that would entail.
 * Capt. Deakins: Mr. Carver. This man Dupont, or whatever his name is, has had us chasing our tails for a couple of weeks now. I don't know about you, but I do not like being made a fool of.
 * [Carver looks like he's wavering. Goren looks encouraging.]
 * Goren: Payback is the healthy human response here.

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 * Goren: 10 to one he'll call me back. He has something to prove to me one.
 * Carver: 10 to one?
 * Eames: I've taken him on before, Mr. Carver. I'm down 18 bucks.

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 * Carver: Don't tell me you feel sorry for this guy.
 * Goren: Someone to teach you how to ride a bike, two people that think you're special, makes a difference.
 * Carver: Some people get by on a lot less.
 * Goren: They shouldn't have to.

Poison [1.07]

 * [An anonymous phone call reporting murders at a hospital lead detectives in search of an angel of death, and cause them to accidentally discover a case of OTC drug tampering.]

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 * Eames: For once, I was really hoping you were wrong.

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 * Eames: Here it comes, Necedrol headache number 14.

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 * Eames: The FDA analyzed the cyanide. it's all from the same batch, but they're still trying to get a line on where it came from.
 * Goren: I put out the word to my own sources.
 * Capt. Deakins: What sources?
 * Goren: Watchdog groups who keep track of shipments of dangerous chemicals.
 * Eames: Tree-huggers.

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 * Goren: What about the great American pastime?
 * Eames: Which one? Dieting or cheating on your taxes?
 * Goren: Suing.

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 * Eames: No traces of cyanide in the apartment.
 * Goren: Something here stinks.
 * Eames: Too bad it's not almonds.

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 * [Goren and Eames talk to one of Goren's sources about cyanide shipments.]
 * Tree-hugger: Didn't Bobby tell you? We got alternative methods of gathering information.
 * Eames: You hack into the companies' computers?
 * Tree-hugger: Well, if you're going to make it sound illegal--

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 * Lawyer: You think this old lady with one and a half lungs ran around the hospital like a tooth fairy from hell?

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 * [Deakins passes by and watches Goren staring at a piece of paper.]
 * Capt. Deakins: You going to share with the rest of the class?

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 * Goren: Get an indict against the mother.
 * Carver: For what?
 * Goren: Murder.
 * Carver: With what?
 * Goren: With whatever. C'mon. Don't you have the grand jury eating out of your hand?
 * [Goren gestures wildly at the wall.]
 * Goren: I bet you could indict that clock.

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 * Carver: The evidence passed muster with the grand jury.
 * Lawyer: Oh, right. Was my client indicted before or after the ham sandwich?

The Pardoner's Tale [1.08]

 * [A reporter who has a history of uncovering police corruption is gunned down in the street and the case leads to the buying and selling of pardons.]

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 * Goren: I got to see a buddy about a '71 Malibu. Want to come?
 * Eames: Sure. I love meeting your buddies.

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 * [Goren and Eames go to question a buddy of Goren's, an auto-mechanic.]
 * Lewis: I still can't get used to seeing you in a suit.

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 * [Lewis works on an engine while he talks to Goren. Eames stoops to look under the hood while he talks.]
 * Eames: 351 four-barrel. Who are you trying to outrun?
 * Lewis: Whoa. I think I'm in love.

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 * Greg: I should've shot you when I had the chance.
 * Goren: I've heard that.

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 * [To a witness.]
 * Goren: Boo! --Made you look.

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 * Assistant:Here, let me highlight for you--
 * Goren: That's okay. The search warrant doesn't stipulate highlighting.

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 * Eames: Last December, Wieger and Nawrocki both made calls to the Development Office of Pelham University.
 * Deakins: Development? Isn't that the Ivy League word for hitting people up for money?

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 * Eames: There they go, down the rabbit hole.

The Good Doctor [1.09]

 * [With no body and no evidence, Goren and Eames try to put together a case against a plastic surgeon who might have killed his wife.]

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 * Goren: But from Saturday afternoon, not a peep from her.
 * Capt. Deakins: Maybe she had laryngitis.

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 * Goren: Your Honor, if we search his car and his apartment, and it turns out his wife is alive, where's the harm?
 * Judge Van Vliet: It's the fourth amendment, detective. Not the 3 and 2/3rds amendment.

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 * Goren: You know us. We're like dumb dogs. We catch a scent and we follow it.

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 * Capt. Deakins: So let's check our status here. No corpus delicti, no evidence of foul play, no evidence Dr. Kelmer is guilty of anything except being a son of a bitch. I miss anything?

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 * Witness: We work together. Any relationship we have is strictly business.
 * Goren: We got these photos from a private investigator. This thing you're doing to the doctor with your tongue. What business is that, strictly?

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 * Dr. Kelmer: You stupid idiots.
 * Eames: Sticks and stones.

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 * Carver: "Trust me." Hell of a closing argument.

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 * Carver: I make my living putting trust in juries. Now is not the time to stop.
 * Goren: I'll take them any way they come.

Enemy Within [1.10]

 * [Goren and Eames investigate the death of an elderly and paranoid banker after an arsonist sets his building ablaze]

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 * Goren: Mr. Zainer, we're all working stiffs here. Anything you tell us right now stays between us.
 * Zainer: Please. You're putting me in a lousy position.
 * Goren: Well, let's try it like this. What do you feel comfortable telling us?
 * Zainer: Nothing. But that's not an option, is it?
 * Goren: It's good you have a sense of humor about it.

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 * Eames: The only way Edward can sell that building is if the old man cleared out.
 * Capt. Deakins: So they burn him out. I'll have to remember this the next time my mother-in-law comes for a visit.

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 * Eames: AA meeting book, there're meetings marked off. If I were in this family, I'd probably drink too.

The Third Horseman [1.11]

 * [Goren and Eames hunt a possible serial sniper who is targeting abortion doctors.]

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 * [Goren picks up a piece of lint from the floor and asks for a plastic bag.]
 * Eames: Suspicious dust balls?


 * Sheriff Wilson: [impatient] For the last time! You don't have a choice, you've got to let us in! [his partner furiously breaks the glass door window] You ain’t gonna need those.

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 * [On the subject of abortion.]
 * Eames: What do you really think?
 * Goren: I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant.

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 * [To Goren]
 * Eames: Promise me a margarita when this is all over.

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 * Lawyer: He's invoking his right to be silent.
 * Eames: Well, he doesn't have the right to be deaf, so he's going to have to listen to what we have to say.

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 * Capt. Deakins: This guy has a death wish and he's going to take someone down with him.
 * Eames: We can always hope he gets the order mixed up and shoots himself first.

Crazy [1.12]

 * [A prominent doctor is killed during his son's bar mitzvah, and all signs point to a distinguished psychologist who is on retainer with the DA's office.]

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 * Eames: A divorce judge. The gift that keeps on giving.

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 * Doctor: These are very bad people.
 * Doctor's companion: Yeah, they're very bad people. They're New York City police detectives.

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 * Eames: I love everything about this job but that. Buddy-boy system.

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 * Carver: Your client's not insane. He's in love. Maybe it's hard to tell the two apart, but the law can.

The Insider [1.13]

 * [The father of a celebrity is killed, and the detectives uncover an FBI sting operation targeting the mob.]

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 * Goren: The club is connected, Captain.
 * Deakins: The magic gut speaks.

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 * Goren: Since when does a 20-year old debutante use the word "dagger?"
 * Deakins: Maybe she read it in a fashion magazine.

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 * Carver: You heard him. The man wants compelling evidence.
 * Eames: Right. And I want a foot massage from Derek Jeter.

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 * Goren: She was weak, and you used her. And that really pisses me off.

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 * Eames: It's lonely at the bottom.

Homo Homini Lupis [1.14]

 * [A loan shark kidnaps an embezzling executive's wife and two daughters as collateral on a huge debt]

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 * Carver: The dominoes are falling, Mr. Pettijohn. You want to get ahead of them before they fall on you.

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 * Goren: [to Maggie, after she's rescued] You’re not weak. You’re strong. You lived through it.

Semi-Professional [1.15]

 * [An amateur hit man kills the mistress of a judge up for nomination to appellate court, and detectives try to understand why.]

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 * [Carver watches Goren peer closely at a dead body.]
 * Carver: Is his investigative style so ... sociable?
 * Eames: Yeah, sure.

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 * [Goren goes through a law article written by the victim.]
 * Goren: "Fair Speech and the Fair Use Doctrine: The First Amendment and Encryption Software."
 * Eames: Stop it. You're making me hot.

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 * Carver: First you call him a plagiarist, then you call him a murderer, now you change your mind. This is no way to treat a justice of the New York Court.

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 * Eames: History of violence. Sounds like a distinguishing feature of the semi-professional hit-man. [Goren looks at her, impressed] I only look like I'm not paying attention to you.

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 * Goren: He's paranoid! Pathological!
 * Carver: Is that police code for "hot-blooded?"
 * Goren: Well, don't put words in my mouth, or some kind of attitude!
 * Carver: If he's involved, why on earth would he sign a search warrant for Mr. Cox?
 * Goren: Because he knew we wouldn't find anything!
 * Carver: That's paranoid.

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 * Carver: You want to arrest Blakemore?
 * Goren: Arrest would be an understatement.

Phantom [1.16]

 * [A paroled bank robber is killed two days after he gets out of Sing Sing, and the trail puts Goren and Eames on the trail of a nonexistent man.]

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 * Goren: One thing this line of work teaches us is that guys will do anything for love.
 * Eames: Or money.

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 * Eames: The only money I got from my family was the 50 bucks my dad gave me for my prom dress.
 * Goren: Is that the same year you were selling apples outside city hall?
 * Eames: It was matchsticks, and it was snowing.

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 * [Watching as a suspect approaches the conference room.]
 * Eames: Ready?
 * Goren: Yeah. Let's play.

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 * Charlotte: I want to know how you got my pager number.
 * Eames: It's just one of those things we get to do when we're investigating a murder.

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 * [After Charlotte makes a statement.]
 * Goren: I believe you.
 * [Charlotte looks at Eames. Eames shrugs apologetically.]
 * Eames: I come from a family of cops.

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 * [Charlotte realizes that Goren and Eames tricked her into telling them about her boyfriend.]
 * Charlotte: You played me. Good cop, bad cop.
 * [Goren and Eames glance at each other. Charlotte prepares to leave.]
 * Charlotte: I shoulda remembered. All cops are bad cops.

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 * Eames: [To Goren] My witnesses did better than yours.

Seizure [1.17]

 * [A woman is murdered with the same MO of a serial murderer awaiting trial. Goren and Eames must race against time to find the killer.]

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 * Eames: Serial killer groupies. And I thought I was pathetic with my ABBA fan club card.

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 * [Goren goes through a suspect's family photo album while Eames rummages in the suspect's closet.]
 * Goren: What did I tell you about the negligent dad?
 * Eames: I don't know. I forgot to write it down.

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 * Defense attorney: We thought you wanted to talk about your legal, uh, predicament.
 * Carver: My only predicament here is deciding which tie to wear to your client's execution.

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 * Goren: She wasn't driven to kill out of rage, she chose to kill out of love.
 * Carver: Love?
 * Goren: It's a many-splendoured thing.

Yesterday [1.18]

 * [A dumped body dead for 20 years proves to be the corpse of an unsolved disappearance Captain Deakins worked on as a detective.]

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 * Eames: [referring to the corpse's clothing] That's a black denim miniskirt from the London Limited. They only made them the one season. 1983
 * Goren: You wore one of these?
 * Goren: I looked good in it, too.

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 * Carver: You're saying there's an accomplice. A Leopold to Morrisey's Loeb.
 * Eames: Well, half a Loeb. The half Morrisey didn't fry on drugs.

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 * Eames: He was too strange for the chess club? That must be some kind of record.

Maledictus [1.19]

 * [The severed head of the daughter of a Russian mafia boss is sent to her publisher's office, but what starts out looking like a mob hit turns into something very different.]


 * [Goren pulls a diamond necklace out of the mouth of the victim's head.]
 * Goren: What do you think this means?
 * Eames: Robbery wasn't the motive?

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 * Capt. Deakins: [to Goren] Did you tell Kenneth Strick he plucks his eyebrows?
 * Goren: Yes. [to Eames] He does, right?
 * [Eames nods to Deakins.]
 * Deakins: Well, he complained to the Mayor.

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 * Goren: Strick is a straight guy who can only get excited wearing women's clothing. That usually goes hand-in-hand with masochism.
 * [Deakins eyes Goren. Eames looks at him.]
 * Eames: I learn something new every day.

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 * [In regards to two prostitutes from Canada.]
 * Eames: The girls say Strick paid them five grand each. And here I thought hockey players and maple syrup were Canada's biggest exports.

Badge [1.20]

 * [Goren and Eames investigate the involvement of city cops in the death of an auditor.]

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 * [After hearing a witness's explanation of his alleged poverty]
 * Eames: Gee. I need a hanky.

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 * [Speaking to Goren about a suspect]
 * Eames: Terry Randolph's a woman. Funny how that detail escaped your powers of observation.

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 * [Discussing a leak of information from inside of One PP, Eames brings up the Chief of Detectives' office.]
 * Goren: I can vouch for his assistant.
 * Eames: Denise? You dog.

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 * Carver: Bring Mrs. Wang in. Threaten her with, off the top of my head, I can think of a dozen statutes she's violated.
 * Eames: The most we'll get from her is that she tipped off Terry Randolph about the requisition for leuko samples.
 * Carver: Then put that CSU technician through the ringer. Or the head of the school security division, Mancuso.
 * Goren: Besides the fact that we have no leverage against them, I doubt they have any first-hand knowledge of the murders. All they can offer is hearsay.
 * Carver: Then find Randolph's accomplices. The other ex-cops.
 * Goren: What, accomplice testimony with no corroboration?
 * Carver: The drug dealers they've been shaking down?
 * Goren: Witness credibility problems.
 * Carver: [sitting back] You'd make a hell of a defense attorney.

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 * Randolph: [to Goren] You're not that frugal. You buy nice clothes. Pay full price. Nothing in your size is ever on sale. You buy good quality accessories like that leather case. You're not married, so you spend money on dates. You like good food. You have someone to clean your apartment every week. You're smart, have lots of interests and hobbies, and you spend a fortune on them. I don't wonder that you don't have money for a house, I wonder how you make subway fare the way you spend money.

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 * [Terry Randolph is being arrested,]
 * Randolph: This is a mistake. I didn't do anything.
 * Goren: You stole a confidential police file. That's grand larceny. An overt act in furtherance of a conspiracy to commit murder. You see, one of my hobbies, is studying the laws you were once paid to enforce. It's, uh,... surprisingly cheap.

Faith [1.21]

 * [The murder of a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist leads detectives to a chronically ill girl that nobody has ever seen.]

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 * Detective: Lucy Hotpants there, thinks the guy died of spontaneous combustion.
 * Goren: Right after he was spontaneously hit in the head.

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 * Eames: "To Erica, for giving me a reason to go on."
 * Sales clerk: So romantic, don't you think?
 * Eames: You don't want to know what I think.

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 * [After Goren asks an apparent 14-year old Lou Gehrig's patient on the phone about the disease's impact on her menstrual cycle]
 * Capt. Deakins: If I hadn't heard it with my own ears--

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 * Carver: Cantler -- the geneticist with the bestseller?
 * Goren: Two bestsellers and four wives. Apparently the professor likes the ladies--
 * [Goren looks pointedly at Eames, who grins.]
 * Goren: --and vice-a versa.
 * Eames: You know us. We like men who play with the building blocks of life.

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 * Barb: What's wrong with you that makes you want to destroy someone good like Erica?
 * Goren: [chuckles] I'm just a natural born skeptic.

Tuxedo Hill [1.22]

 * [The murder of a plumber leads to a corporate malfeasance plot and a conspiracy to hide an accounting scam.]

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 * Eames: That would make it two coincidences.
 * Goren: One more and it's a conspiracy.

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 * CFO: The Tuxedo Hill Group is a special purpose partnership capitalized by third-party equity to hedge certain Mattawin assets.
 * [Goren and Eames look at each other.]
 * Eames: We have no idea what you just said.

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 * [Goren picks up a witness's lap dog.]
 * Goren: That's a cute dog.
 * [Goren shows it to Eames.]
 * Goren: Isn't it cute? What's his name?
 * Karyn: Ebit.
 * Goren: Ebit. Is that because he's such a itty-bitty little doggy?

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 * Eames: Diamonds and dogs. All the best friends a girl needs.

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 * Goren: Don't you read your own financial statements?
 * Crowley: I'll let you in on corporate America's dirty secret. Financial statements are Rubik's cubes. Confusion and mystery are built into the design. They are meant to be inscrutable, unknowable.
 * Goren: Then how does a guy like me know what stocks to buy?
 * Crowley: Ask your Aunt Minnie. She knows as much as anyone. The market is twenty percent perception, eighty percent emotion. Do you think that high-tech crashed because people stopped using computers? No, it was fear.
 * Goren: It was a bubble--
 * Crowley: My dear detective, it's all a bubble. The Dow, the NASDAQ, the AMEX, it's all one big bubble that floats on the dreams and ambitions of every American. It may contract, it may expand, but it will never burst. Because of the ingenuity of the American capitalist.

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 * [Crowley tries to strike a deal with Goren.]
 * Crowley: No! No, look! You're going to need me!
 * Goren: And what can you offer to make up for the misery you prepared to wreak on thousands of people who trusted you? What fanatics do to us with guns and bombs, you tried to do with an accounting trick! Don't you think for a minute that you deserve anything better than they do.
 * [Crowley is taken away.]
 * Carver: I'm going to make an announcement to the press. And then I'm gonna call my broker.