Legally Blonde

Legally Blonde is a 2001 film about a stereotypical airheaded blonde sorority girl who enrolls in Harvard Law School to show a former boyfriend (and prospective fiancé) that she is capable of being "serious".
 * Directed by Robert Luketic. Screenplay by Karen McCullough Lutz and Kirsten Smith. Based on the book by Amanda Brown.

This summer go blonde! (Taglines)

Elle Woods

 * And two weeks ago, I killed Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, when I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed!
 * So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.
 * He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger.
 * All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.
 * Bend... and snap!
 * The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.
 * Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!
 * I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!
 * [to Warner] I've been waiting for a long time for you to say that. But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.
 * [Speaking at the class graduation as valedictorian in Harvard.] On my very first day at Harvard, a very wise professor quoted Aristotle, "The law is reason free from passion"; Well, no offence to Aristotle, but in my three years at Harvard, I have come to find passion is the key ingredient to the study and practice of law, and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly you must always have faith in yourself. Congratulations, Class of 2004... [excited] We did it!

Emmett Forrest

 * You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?

Professor Callahan

 * Do you think she just woke up one morning and said, 'I think I'll go to law school today'?

Paulette Bonafonté

 * [Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian] So, what does this Vivian got that you don't got - three tits?
 * Could I have been anymore goddamn spastic?
 * [to her ex-husband] I'm takin' the dog, Dumbass!

Others

 * Elle's father: Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious. And you, Button, are none of those things.
 * Aaron Mitchell: I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an I.Q. of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time…from my fourth grade paper.
 * Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were.
 * Professor Stromwell: A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you.  And to sharply question what  you know.
 * Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap! Works every time.

Dialogue

 * Warner: Elle, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
 * Elle: So, you're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?
 * Warner: No, that's not entirely true&mdash;
 * Elle: Then what? My boobs are too big?
 * [Everyone in the restaurant hears this and turns to their table]
 * Warner: [whispers] Your boobs are fine.


 * Warner Huntington III: Pooh Bear, just get in the car.
 * Elle: No. [starts walking away, sniffling]
 * Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.
 * Elle: [defeated] Okay. [gets in car]


 * [Elle is looking at a magazine and sees a picture of Warner's older brother and his fiancée]
 * Elle: Oh, my God! Do you know who this is?
 * Old Lady: No.
 * Elle: That’s Warner's older brother.
 * Old Lady: Who?
 * [Elle reads article about Warner's brother and his fiancée]
 * Elle: This is the type of girl Warner wants to marry. This is what I need to become to be serious.
 * Old Lady: What? Practically deformed?
 * Elle: No... a law student.


 * Margot: You'll need this.
 * Elle: Your scrunchie?
 * Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
 * Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap-dance after the final.
 * Margot: Yeah – luckily.


 * Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
 * C.U.L.A. Adviser: Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
 * Elle: Okay.
 * C.U.L.A. Adviser: And a heck of an admissions essay.
 * Elle: Right.
 * C.U.L.A. Adviser: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
 * Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me; I can handle anything.


 * Elle: I'm reading about the LSATs.
 * Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your....


 * [Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting]
 * Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin.... to generic! All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".
 * Entire Sorority Group: Aye.


 * Warner Huntington III: ...You? got into Harvard Law...?
 * Elle: What, like it's hard?


 * Professor Stromwell [writing on the board]: "Law is reason, free from passion." Does anyone know who wrote those immortal words?
 * David [raising his hand]: Aristotle.
 * Professor Stromwell [approaching him]: Are you sure?
 * David: Yes.
 * Professor Stromwell: Would you be willing to stake your life on that?
 * David [thoughtful pause]: I think so.
 * Professor Stromwell: And what about...[pokes random student with her pointer] his life?
 * David [nervously]: I...I don't know.
 * Professor Stromwell: I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for interpretation, but very little room for self-doubt. [faint smile] And you were right. It was Aristotle.


 * Elle: So, if you don't know an answer, they're just gonna kick you out?
 * Emmett: So, you have Stromwell, huh?
 * Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you, too?
 * Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once.... not in class — I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah, she'll kick you right in the balls.... or wherever.


 * Professor Callahan: Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?
 * Elle: Neither.
 * Professor Callahan: And why's that?
 * Elle: I would rather have a client who's innocent.
 * Professor Callahan: Dare to dream, Miss Woods. Miss Kensington, which would you prefer?
 * Vivian: Malum prohibitum, because then the client would have committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.
 * Professor Callahan: Well done, Miss Kensington. It's obvious you've done your homework. Now, let's look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said-- [Elle raises her hand] Yes, Miss Woods?
 * Elle: I changed my mind. I'll take the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.


 * Vivian: Nice costume.
 * Elle: You, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.


 * (In the checkout line at an electronics store, Emmett encounters Elle, dressed in a Playboy bunny suit, waiting to buy a laptop.)
 * Emmett: (clears throat)
 * Elle: Don't ask.
 * Emmett: Wasn't gonna.


 * David: I called your room last night; I was wondering if we could go out some time.
 * Girl: No.
 * David: Why?
 * Girl: Because you're a dork. Girls like me don't go out with guys like you.
 * Elle: Excuse me. [turns around and slaps David] Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together, and I haven't heard from you since.
 * David: [pause] I'm sorry?
 * Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
 * David: Both?
 * Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
 * Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?


 * Elle: Oh, Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
 * Warner Huntington III: Uh, yeah.... [Vivian gives him an evil look] no.
 * Elle: Well, this is so much better than that! Excuse me; I have some shopping to do.
 * Vivian: Four hours, huh?


 * Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
 * Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.


 * Serena: Oh, my God, there she is! Elle!
 * Margot: Elle, we came to see your trial!
 * Serena: Oh, look! How cute! There's, like, a judge and everything.... and jury people.
 * Margot: Vote for Elle!
 * The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat!

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 * [Elle is waiting in line at the water fountain, where Enrique Salvatore is taking too long. Elle taps her foot impatiently.]
 * Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.
 * Elle: These aren't last season.... [looks down, gasps, and runs back into court room] He's gay! Enrique is gay!

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 * Elle: [Explaining how no straight man knows designers] Warner, what kind of shoes are these?
 * Warner Huntington III: Um.... black ones.

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 * Emmett: Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date?
 * Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
 * Emmett: Where?
 * Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
 * Emmett: And how long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
 * Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
 * Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is....?
 * Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
 * Emmett: Right.
 * [Everyone gasps/laughs]
 * Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me.
 * Emmett: Yes, Mr. Salvatore?
 * Enrique Salvatore: I was confused. You see, I thought you said "friend." Chuck is just a friend.
 * Emmett: Oh.
 * Chuck: [leaving the courtroom] YOU BITCH!
 * Enrique: [standing up] Chuck, wait!

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 * Elle: Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
 * Chutney Windham: Because they got wet.
 * Elle: Exactly. Because isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?
 * Chutney Windham: Yes.
 * Elle: And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, thirty perms before in their life be well aware of this rule? And if in fact, you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would have had to found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible. Isn't that right?
 * Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
 * Elle: You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father.
 * Chutney Windham: [in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him! [points at Brooke] I thought it was YOU walking through the door!
 * [Courtroom audience gasps]
 * Judge: Order, order! Order!
 * Elle: Oh, my god.
 * Brooke: Oh, my god.
 * Judge: Oh, my god. Bailiff, take the witness into custody where she will be charged for the murder of Heyworth Windham. In the matter of The State vs. Brooke Windham, this case is dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.
 * [Courtroom audience cheers. Guards grab Miss Windham by the arm and arrest her.]

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 * [Emmett and Vivian are visiting Brooke in jail. When Vivian makes a rude comment about Elle and Callahan, Emmett is displeased with her unprofessional behavior, as he knew the whole truth about Callahan's advances on Elle.]
 * Emmett: (to Vivian) You have no idea what you're talking about.
 * Brooke: What's going on?
 * Emmett: Elle quit. Callahan hit on her so she quit.
 * Brooke: Oh, my god. Scumbag.
 * Vivian: (realizes her mistake in wrongfully accusing Elle of something she didn't do) Oh, God.
 * Brooke: What?
 * Vivian: I feel so terrible, I made a huge mistake.
 * Emmett: Well, there's something we can do about it.

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 * Vivian: You know, I'm still shocked that you didn't give Callahan the alibi.
 * Elle: It wasn't my alibi to tell.
 * Vivian: I know, I thought that was very... classy of you.

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 * [After being escorted into the courtroom by the bailiff, Brooke smiles at Callahan intently after learning the truth from Emmett.]
 * Callahan: What are you so happy about? You're on trial for murder.
 * Brooke: Get up.
 * Callahan: What?
 * Brooke: You're fired. I have new representation.
 * Callahan: Who?!
 * [Callahan is shocked when Elle returns to the courtroom escorted by Dorky Dave.]

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 * Vivian:[about Warner] You know, when he first applied for Harvard, he got wait-listed. He got in because his father had to make a call.
 * [Elle was shocked by this because she got in with a convincing video essay, while Warner had to be put in a waiting list for transfer students.]

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 * [After watching Elle's video essay, many of the Harvard's faculty looked a bit dismayed, especially the head of admissions]
 * Admissions Rep 1: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs.
 * Head of Admissions: Fashion major?
 * Admissions Rep 1: Well, sir, we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for diversity?
 * [Another Admissions representative looks through Elle's portfolio]
 * Admissions Rep 2: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive.
 * Head of Admissions: She was in a Ricky Martin video.
 * Admissions Rep 1: Clearly, she's interested in music.
 * Head of Admissions: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project.
 * Admissions Rep 1: Uh-huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
 * Head of Admissions: Elle Woods. [pauses] Welcome to Harvard.

Cast

 * Reese Witherspoon - Elle Woods
 * Matthew Davis - Warner Huntington III
 * Luke Wilson - Emmett Richmond
 * Victor Garber - Professor Callahan
 * Selma Blair - Vivian Kensington
 * Jennifer Coolidge - Paulette Bonafonté
 * Ali Larter - Brooke Wyndham

Taglines

 * This summer go blonde!
 * Boldly going where no blonde has gone.
 * Blondes DO have more fun!
 * Don't judge a book by its hair color!
 * Believing In Yourself NEVER Goes Out Of Style!
 * Meet Elle Woods. She's a lawyer with a heart of gold...and a mane to match!