Lesbian Vampire Killers

Lesbian Vampire Killers is a 2009 horror-comedy film starring James Corden about the legend of Carmilla the Vampire Queen and her war with the villagers of Cragwich, Suffolk.

Fletch

 * The name's Fletch.
 * Maybe it's just... that I don't like kids, y'know.
 * (about Jimmy's hiking idea) That... is one of the shittiest ideas for a holiday I have ever heard!
 * So... what're five beautiful girls like you doing out on a night like this?
 * These girls are going to the exact same place we are going!
 * (after the final battle) Completely fucking unbelivable!

Jimmy McLaren

 * Did you punch a girl?
 * Let's go hiking.
 * {to Trudi) That doesn't even make the slighest bit of sense!
 * (after Fletch destroys his phone)What was that for?
 * She has a pure spirit.
 * (when the lesbian vampires are hovering at the door) So, all we need to do really is sit tight and wait 'til morning. I mean, it's not like we're going to say Hey, lesbian vampires, come into our cottage, is it? (realizes what he's done has invited them inside) Ah, shit.

Carmilla the Vampire Queen

 * If you strike me down, you shall bring about a curse to your daughters, and your daughters' daughters! And when I am struck down I shall rise again, more powerful than you can ever imagine!
 * McLadden...

Eva

 * We are gathered here, under the light of the red Moon.
 * It is time.

Dialogue

 * Jimmy: I have an idea.
 * Fletch: Does it involve girls?
 * Jimmy: An idea.
 * Fletch: DOES IT INVOLVE GIRLS?
 * Jimmy: Let's go hiking!
 * Fletch: (bursts out laughing:) THAT... is one of the most depressingly shittiest ideas for a holiday I have ever heard!
 * (opening narration)


 * Narrator: At the dawn of the Roman era, our hamlet was beseiged by a beast. A creature from the deepest pits of Hades, born of the hatred of men, and the lust for women. Its name, Carmilla.
 * Jimmy: Wherever it lands on the map, we'll go!
 * (he throws his dart which lands somewhere in Suffolk)


 * Fletch: (goes up to look) How do you pronounce that? Crags-wich? Crag-wich?
 * Jimmy: I'll tell you what it is, it's called an A-D-V-N-T-U-R-E, my friend.
 * Lotte: Do you like Carmilla?
 * Jimmy: Uh, I dunno. Is that who it is?
 * Lotte: Yes, Carmilla, the Vampire Queen.
 * Jimmy: Vampire Queen?
 * Lotte: Yes, but according to beliefs she's much more than your average vampire. She's rumoured to be over two thousand years old.
 * Jimmy: So you believe in all that Dungeons & Dragons jumbo?
 * Lotte: Oh, my family were very superstitious.

Cast

 * James Corden - Fletch
 * Mathew Horne - Jimmy
 * Paul McGann - The Vicar
 * Emer Kenny - Rebecca (The Vicar's Daughter)
 * Lucy Gaskell - Judi
 * Louise Dylan - Anke
 * Ashley Mulheron - Trudi
 * Tiffany Mulheron - Heidi
 * Vera Filatova - Eva
 * Silvia Colloca - Camilla
 * MyAnna Buring - Lotte
 * Emma Clifford - Ms. Rossi
 * Margarita Hall - (Daughter of darkness)