Leverage (season 3)


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Leverage (2008–2012) is an American TV series created by John Rogers and Chris Downey. It follows a group of thieves who steal mainly from corrupt corporations to return money to their victims.

The Jailhouse Job [3.1]

 * The Italian: You know what they say. That Rome was not built in a single day. But it burned in one.




 * Eliot: He don't wanna do it.
 * Parker: Aw. But I love jumping on elevators!
 * Hardison: I know.
 * Parker: This is my special elevator rig you got me for Christmas.




 * Nate: Guys, no. I committed a crime, I got caught, and now I am gonna serve my time.
 * Sophie: Nate, what kind of world would it be if everybody that committed a silly little crime went to prison, huh? Complete madness.




 * Hardison: Nate, did you find us a client in prison?
 * Nate: Yes, we are going to help Billy Epping and maybe take down a warden at the same time.




 * Billy Epping: You stabbed me!
 * Nate: Oh, come on. Just a little. It's fine.




 * [Eliot is strapping Nate into a chair.]
 * Nate: This is just to sell the con, right?
 * Eliot: Yeah, it's to sell the con. Nate, do you know what I did to the last guy who tried to run a con on his own team?
 * Nate: [nervously] Are we okay, Eliot?




 * Nate: What about my team?
 * The Italian: They lead dangerous lives. Thieves die all the time.
 * Nate: Now that, you should not have said.
 * The Italian: I don't know. You seem highly motivated.




 * Sophie: [pointing at drink] So how's that going for you?
 * Nate: Thanks for asking. Good. What I realized is that I tried being a drunk honest man, a sober thief. So I am going to try being a drunk thief. Try that for a little while. You not gonna try to save me, are you?
 * [Sophie takes the glass, sips from it and hands it back to him]
 * Sophie: You're a thief now. You can save yourself.

The Reunion Job [3.2]

 * Nate: What, are you lurking?
 * Eliot: Yeah. I'm a lurker. It's my thing.




 * Hardison: So we're on this.
 * Nate: Yeah. [grins] Well, we were always on this. I just wanted you to explain to me why. [Rises up and walks away]
 * Hardison: You know how I feel about mind games, Nate! Negatively! [turns to see Eliot grinning] What are you looking at, lurker?




 * Hardison: He is the CEO of Dubertech. Back in the 90s, he wrote the book on database security, and I mean literally wrote "the book". [Holds up the book]




 * Parker: For a den of evil spies, this place smells delicious. Hardison, confiscate some pastries.




 * Eliot: Nobody else thinks it's weird that you can just buy anybody's yearbook online?
 * Hardison: You know, it's real cute, man, how you still believe in privacy.




 * Eliot: Getting bullied in high school is not an excuse for propping up dictators. Look, take Hardison. He got bullied his whole high school career. He's not a criminal.
 * Sophie: [At the same time] Um, uh, think about that.
 * Parker: [At the same time] Yeah, he is.
 * Eliot: Not a bad criminal.
 * Hardison: Hey, what makes you think I was bullied in high school?
 * Eliot: FYA, you got a Green Hornet doll!
 * Hardison: First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it's Green Lantern. Educate yourself.




 * Sloan: Sir, your meeting with the Iranians is the 28th--
 * Duberman: Sloan, I've spoken at Davos, I've met presidents, prime ministers. I've got a yacht with a squash court. But what's the meaning of any of it if I can't rub it in their faces?




 * Sophie: An assassin? Nikki's an assassin?
 * Hardison: Yeah. I guess we weren't the only ones with the bright idea to pose as alumni. This chick's connected to wetworks jobs all down the east coast. Russian mob, Italian mob... There's a New Zealand mob?




 * Sophie: [As she's fighting Nikki/Miranda] I always hated cheerleaders.



The Inside Job [3.3]

 * Nate: Are we ever gonna talk about that kiss?
 * Sophie: Kiss? Uh, I don't remember a kiss. I remember a slap. You're still working off the slap.

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 * Nate: Let's go steal a Parker.

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 * Hardison: Now Wakefield's a big player in the world cereal market. And by cereal, I mean wheat, corn, rice, all that stuff.
 * Sophie: So it's a grocery store.
 * Hardison: Yeah, if Godzilla's a gecko.

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 * Charles Rushing: Is that really necessary? I mean there's a certain order--
 * Sophie: This company is on the brink. It is hemorrhaging money. Now someone will be blamed. Now I can either be your white knight or the angel of death. Your choice.

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 * Sophie: Quiet and sneaky is fine if you're thinking like a thief. Thieves find entrances, but grifters? Uh-uh. We make them.

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 * Nate: All right, guys, it's a party. But before we rescue Parker, we've gotta find out where she is.
 * Hardison: Nate, you do realize the entire building is looking for Parker? I mean the actual, physical building is looking for her. Look, any cameras that I piggyback, any sensors that I access, anything I do to find Parker, could lead the bad guys right to her.
 * Nate: All right, so what's your play?
 * Hardison: Wh-what's my play?? Nate, I'm hacking a security system that the Pentagon calls overkill with a laptop I found in the back of my car!

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 * Parker: Laser trip wires. In a ventilation shaft?!

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 * Nate: You couldn't beat the Steranko, even in your prime.
 * Archie: Which I'm long past, thanks for the reminder.

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 * Parker: It's not an ASCII code, it's a shell code.
 * Eliot: That's great! You're awesome! Let's go!

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 * Archie: You know there are days I regret...
 * Parker: It's OK, I would not have fit in with a family.
 * Archie: Now you have gone out and made your own.

The Scheherazade Job [3.4]

 * Nate: Let's go steal the man on the street... in Africa.

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 * Hardison: I am the Super-Skrull. Okay? I have all y'all's skills. I hack, I grift, I thieve.
 * Eliot: Do you fight?
 * Hardison: I have a dog for that. Name's Megabite.

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 * [After Nate reveals the part he needs Hardison to play in the con]
 * Hardison: You know what you've done? You asked me to play the violin in front of people!
 * Nate: Yes, well, you said you were good.
 * Hardison: As a child! That was ten years ago!
 * Nate: Oh, c'mon, c'mon, Hardison. Listen, you know, told me you could do anything. You told me you were Super-Skull!
 * Hardison: Skrull. Skrull. Get it right. Super...Super...Super-Skrull. Who has the combined powers of the Fantastic Four. One of whom is not Itzhak Perlman!

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 * The Italian: Mr. Ford, in the service of good, sometimes we have to deal with bad people and do bad things.
 * Ford: Really? 'Cause I work with a bunch of bad guys who are more honorable than you'll ever be. If we're gonna have this arrangement, never play me again.

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 * Hardison: Nate... Hypnosis is something you do to a mark. Not your own crew.
 * Nate: No, no, no. It's exactly what you do to your own crew. Yeah, you push whatever button you need to, to get them to do what needs to be done. You wanted to know what other quality you needed to run your own crew. Well, that's it. And you don't have it.

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 * [After Hardison and Parker leave]
 * Sophie: [To Nate] Alone again. If I didn't know you better, I think you like it like that.

The Double Blind Job [3.5]

 * Fake FBI Guy: FBI, sir. That young lady's in our custody.
 * Hardison: Aw, see, you made two mistakes, bro. First, you flashed that fake-ass FBI badge at me. Second, [points at Eliot] you spilled his coffee.
 * [later, at the pub]
 * Nate: Where's Eliot?
 * Hardison: Oh, he had to change his shirt. He got coffee on it...and some blood, some teeth.

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 * Nate: Since when do you question me?
 * Sophie: Since you went off the rails and we had to pull you out of jail and ended up getting blackmailed, thank you very much.
 * Nate: Fair enough.

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 * Eliot: You realize the last guy that pushed Hoffman ended up dead.
 * Nate: Yeah, well, let him take his best shot. We'll see who walks away this time.
 * Hardison: [to Eliot] Prison's changed him.
 * Eliot: Better or worse?
 * Hardison: I'm not sure.

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 * Sophie: You do realize that that stunt you pulled defines 'out of control.'
 * Nate: I just wanted you to see that I would never put any of you at risk if I wasn't willing to take the same chances myself.
 * Sophie: I love how you think that's comforting.

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 * Sophie: I'm glad she finally got closure.
 * Parker: Who?
 * Sophie: Ashley.
 * [Parker crushes the beer bottle in her hands]
 * Sophie: You need to talk to him.
 * Parker: Who?
 * Sophie: Hardison.
 * [Parker crushes the bottle further]
 * Sophie: You don't like it when he talks to other women.
 * Parker: I don't care who he talks to.
 * [Sophie picks up a glass shard]
 * Sophie: What you're feeling is called jealousy, Parker.
 * Parker: [Laughs] I'm not jealous. No. I'm not jealous. No. It's just that when I see them together, I...Don't Like It.

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 * Parker: So, I have to tell you something.
 * Hardison: Okay. [pause] Did--did you want to talk now?
 * Parker: Yeah, okay. So, the thing is, I think that maybe I might be having feelings. Like weird, weird feelings... f-for...[pauses, looks around] pretzels.
 * Hardison: Pretzels. Okay. Well, they're right here. When you want them.

The Studio Job [3.6]

 * Hardison: Now, I rigged my laptop to record your com. Now this means that I can alter your pitch from anywhere to make you sound like Darth Eliot...
 * Eliot: [voice like Darth Vader] I don't speak on command, Hardison.
 * Hardison: ...to Spencer Smurf.
 * Eliot: [voice like Smurf] I don't speak on command, Hardison.
 * Eliot: Hardison.
 * Hardison: Don't ever do the Smurf thing again?
 * Eliot: Riiiight.

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 * Kaye Lynn Gold: You ever been in love?
 * Eliot: Once.
 * Kaye Lynn: How'd it end?
 * Eliot: I made her a promise that if she ever need me, I would be there for her.
 * Kaye Lynn: What's wrong with that?
 * Eliot: 'Cause I made the same promise to the United States Government, and I found out you can't make that promise to more than one person.

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 * Parker: I don't think I am being strange enough.
 * Nate: I doubt that.

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 * Eliot: There's a price on my head in three different countries and I'm fairly certain a fatwa was issued!
 * Hardison: You are so vain, man. Boom, there, fan site nuked, but when you get back, we gonna have us a serious conversation about the difference between caution and paranoia.
 * Eliot: When you've done the things I've done, there's no such thing as paranoia.

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 * Sophie: Sometimes you--you--you don't get a second chance to get it right.
 * Parker: Why not?
 * Sophie: Rules of life.
 * Nate: But that's exactly what we do. We change the rules.

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 * Kaye Lynn: You can come with me, you know. You're a natural-born country star if I've ever seen one. Maybe the next Johnny and June?
 * Eliot: Some roads, you start going down, well, you can't turn back, and... I'm about a hundred miles down one of those right now.

The Gone Fishin' Job [3.7]

 * Hardison: First rule of crime. Follow the money.

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 * Hardison: What's that smell?
 * Eliot: Fresh air.
 * Hardison: I don't like it.

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 * Eliot: Smell that?
 * Hardison: Smell death? Yes I do.

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 * [Hardison and Eliot are handcuffed together and are being hunted]
 * Hardison: We wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't want to go fishing! I coulda taken you down to Mama Pearl's Fish Shack and got you a catfish, two pieces, and a biscuit for $5.99! But instead you got us out here with trigger-happy Joes trying to fish us! And he's all too happy to shoot himself a Negro!
 * Eliot: Oh so this is a black thing now? Is that it? There's hunting me too!
 * Hardison: You're damn Skippy it's a black thing! Who did they try to shoot first, Eliot?! Who got punched first, Eliot?! Me! I'm about tired of the redneckedness!
 * Eliot: Damn it, Hardison!
 * Hardison: Damn it, Eliot!

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 * Nate: Now, there are railroad tracks a mile and a half west of the camp. Can you get there?
 * Hardison: Sure, but what if there's no train?
 * Nate: Oh, there will be. We're gonna steal you one.

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 * Nate: You're going to go toe to toe with these guys without a plan?
 * Hardison: Oh we have a plan, it's called C.W.A.
 * Eliot: Can of Whoop Ass.

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 * Eliot: You feeling confident?
 * Hardison: No-o-ot really.
 * Eliot: Good, cause overconfidence can kill you faster than a bullet any day. Fear's good.
 * Hardison: Oh, I have fear. And doubt. And really serious regrets. I should be fine.

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 * Nate: Next time I steal you a train, get on it.
 * Hardison: You're not gonna rain on my parade. I made a bomb out of a menthol light.

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 * Eliot: That's the difference between a real soldier and this little Halloween outfit you got going on. You'd kill to protect your rights. A real soldier, he'd die to protect somebody else's.

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 * Parker: Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
 * Sophie: Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? Never.

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The Boost Job [3.8]

 * Nate: That was hotter than Mr. Toad's wild ride.

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 * Penzer: You want to buy Veronica here?
 * Nate: Veronica? I thought Betty was the fast one. Who knew?

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 * Hardison: Exactly how is this gonna get us Lefty's attention?
 * Parker: Well, car thieves are territorial, all right. You bring a car like this to a local chop-shop, every boost in town knows there's a new player. Also, this is Lefty's car.

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 * Parker: All right. Chop shops are a quick and dirty setup. There's probably gonna be one, maybe two guys in here cutting up their latest catch.
 * [After driving in and finding at least a dozen people inside]
 * Hardison: We're gonna need a bigger boat.

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 * Parker: We have to convince them that they need us. It's not gonna be easy, and they might shoot you a little.

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 * Sophie: Do you know why driving this car is like making love to a beautiful woman?
 * Customer: Because I have never done either?

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 * Hardison: Wait! Hold up. You told her?
 * Eliot: I should have known. You're a menace, Parker.
 * Parker: What? She deserved a chance.
 * Hardison: Nate is going to kill you.
 * Eliot: I'm going to kill you.
 * Parker: Oh, stop whining!
 * Eliot: I got hit by a car!
 * Parker: [mocking] "I got hit by a car" ... Get over it!
 * Eliot: I'm gonna kill her, man. I'm gonna kill her.
 * Hardison: Hey! Hey! Nobody's gonna kill anybody. Seriously though, Nate is going to kill you.
 * Josie: Wait, wait, wait, who are you people?
 * Parker: WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS!

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 * Eliot: Damn it, Parker, where'd you learn to drive?
 * Parker: Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver.
 * Hardison: Before? You started stealing cars when you were twelve.
 * Young Parker: [flashback] Get out of the way you old bat!
 *  Parker: Get out of the way you old bat!

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The Three Card Monte Job [3.9]

 * Sophie: They're gonna kill Hardison.
 * Hardison: They're gonna kill who? No they ain't! I bet you they ain't! Nate, you gotta stall!

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 * Hardison: Wait a minute. Look, my only way out is the front door. Are they coming through the front door?
 * Nate: I don't know.
 * Hardison: What you mean you don't know? You better say something, I swear on my momma I will blow a hole through your bedroom and Spider-man out the side of this building. You better tell somethin'!

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 * Jimmy Ford: You always thought you were smarter than me. Brighter, better than me. Everyone in the neighborhood always treated me with respect, but my own son--
 * Nate: What'd you do to respect exactly?
 * Jimmy: My son, my altar-boy son, well, hey listen to you. Never broke the law. Never broke a rule. Look at you now. You're a thief. You've done time.
 * Nate: If you know what I've been, then you know this is my town now. And I don't want you running game in it.
 * Jimmy: All your life, you thought you were better than me and now you're trying to be me? You can't be me. You don't have the stones for that. You're not tough enough, you're not ruthless enough. You don't have what it takes.

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 * Jimmy: [To Nate] You interfered. How unlike you.
 * Peta: Where I come from, this is not tolerated.
 * Jimmy: We're nowhere near were you come from, so just shut up.

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 * Peta: I don't like you.
 * Nate: [Sarcastically] Gee, does that mean I can't come to your birthday party and ride the pony?

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 * Hardison: [to the Russian mobsters he's just locked in a cage] Age of the geek baby, stay strong.

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 * Jimmy: You betrayed your own father. You're more ruthless than me. Crueler than me. Yeah. Maybe you are better than me, huh. I'm proud of you son.
 * Nate: Enjoy your retirement.

The Underground Job [3.10]

 * Sophie: The Skagway Shuffle.
 * Nate: Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
 * Hardison: See, now y'all are just making stuff up.
 * Sophie: It's like the Fiddle Game.
 * Nate: Yeah, only underground.
 * Parker: Is Eliot going to be the fiddle again?
 * Nate: No.
 * Sophie: No.
 * Parker: Can I be the fiddle?
 * Nate: No.
 * Sophie: No.

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 * Sophie: [Explaining to Parker how to grift] Find the right combination and you can unlock the mark's trust. And then you can steal her...
 * Parker: Soul.
 * Sophie: I was gonna say confidence.

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 * Sophie: What are we going to do, Nate?
 * Nate: We are going to convince him that you are a lying, greedy bitch.

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 * Eliot: That will give us enough time to find the bomb.
 * Hardison: Oh yeah, plenty of time. Meanwhile, I will be here, in the van, as far away from the mine as possible. My dude, go with God.

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 * Hardison: Nicely done.
 * Parker: I had a little help from Sophie. But yeah. I nailed it. I'm a grifter. I grift.
 * Nate: Yeah. You do know you don't get to keep the money.
 * Parker: Don't ruin it.

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The Rashomon Job [3.11]

 * [As the group is arguing]
 * Nate: Hey, hey. What is this? I thought we were supposed to be, uh, finding Moreau.
 * Sophie: This is more important.
 * Nate: More important? We don't find Moreau, I might go back to prison forever.
 * Sophie: Oh, shush. You did fine in prison the first time.
 * Eliot: You got in shape.
 * Parker: Yeah, you look good in a jumpsuit.
 * Hardison: [Upset] Learned how to hypnotize people.

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 * Sophie: When I started telling them about one of my finest jobs ever...
 * Eliot: But I know she's lying.
 * Hardison: She's a grifter. It's her job.
 * Parker: Wait, I'm confused. Now, she's lying about lying?

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 * Eliot: [on the phone] Why are you sending second-rate thugs to try and kill me?
 * Thug: [looking offended] Hmmmm?
 * Eliot: If I'm not honest with you, you can't improve.
 * [Thug nods and grunts in agreement]

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 * Sophie: It was en route. That's like stealing my mail.
 * Parker: What, is stealing mail a crime?
 * [Sophie glares at her]
 * Parker: Oops.

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 * Eliot: I am going to sharpen this knife and then walk around the halls in the dark... Don't leave.

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 * [After hearing Hardison's story of the theft and realizing someone must have stolen the dagger]
 * Nate: Now, Sophie [Lifts up the first cup; empty] didn't have the dagger. Eliot [Lifts the second; empty] didn't have the dagger. Hardison [Lifts the third; empty] didn't have the dagger.
 * Hardison: [Whispering to Eliot] I still beat you.
 * [Nate looks at Parker, who looks up at him slyly. Nate taps the table and Parker holds out the crumpled bill]
 * Parker: [Grinning] Yeaaah.
 * [Sophie blinks at her in stunned surprise]
 * Parker: What?! I'm a thief!

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 * Sophie: [after Eliot, Hardison and Parker butcher her accent in their stories] I hate you all.

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 * [As Hardison, Eliot and Sophie argue over who may have stolen the knife.]
 * Parker: Nate.
 * Nate: [Grinning] I think you're all forgetting to ask yourself one simple, crucial question.
 * Eliot: What?!
 * Nate: Well the question is who is the insurance company for the dagger of Aqu'abi?
 * Sophie: No...
 * Eliot: You've got to be kidding me.
 * Hardison: Ah, man.

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The King George Job [3.12]

 * Nate: Okay, let's go steal a royal title.

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 * Nate: Do you want to go to London?
 * Sophie: Let's go steal an auction.

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 * Sophie: I love Claridge's Auction House. Even the air feels more expensive.

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 * Hardison: Apparently, their computer system is also an antique... possibly steam powered, which would be cool.

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 * [As Parker fishing through the antiquities]
 * Parker: And...statue. Gold guy. Uh, loincloth, feral beard, and very rectangular feet.
 * Nate: Falcon head, dog head, or human head?
 * Parker: Bird head. And I think he's smirking at me.

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 * Nate: It's just a title nobody holds.
 * Parker: And does it come with a castle?
 * Sophie: Sometimes, yeah.

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 * Nate: Good guess.
 * Sophie: It's not really a guess when it's that good, is it?
 * Nate: The name of this con is called "The Mummy's Tiara."
 * Hardison: Come on, man, that can't be real.
 * Parker: Am I gonna have to steal a corpse again?

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 * Eliot: I got your turpentine, got your, uh, walnut oil, by the way, which I purchased from a very stunning vegan chick, so thank you for that, a bucket of soot...it's everywhere.
 * Hardison: Ah hah, thanks, E. Way to get your hands dirty.
 * Eliot: [picks up a rag and starts to clean his hands] Thank you.
 * Hardison: Hey, put that down man, that's my paper.
 * Eliot: It's a rag.
 * Hardison: No, that's what printers used to make paper back in the 1700's. Use a moist towelette, please and thank you.
 * Eliot: What's that smell?
 * Hardison: ...You don't wanna know how they wet the paper back in the day.
 * Eliot: [grabbing lots of moist towelettes] Did you--
 * Hardison: Do not ask me, man.
 * Eliot: Dammit, Hardison!

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 * Hardison: I've hacked history! I've hacked history, people!

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 * Nate: Did you take care of the auctioneer?
 * Parker: Yeah. Sophie told me to find out his deepest wish and give it to him, but I thought that would take way too long so...
 * [Flashback]
 * Parker: [to the auctioneer] Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? [presses the rag in his face until he goes unconscious.]
 * [Flashback end. Nate stares at her]
 * Parker: What? He's going to wake up in like 3 hours.

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 * Eliot: You want me to stall them? They're former British paratroopers.
 * Nate: How do you--
 * Eliot: Haircuts, all right? It's a very distinctive haircut.

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 * [When they find a possible lead to Moreau in Mark Vector]
 * Parker: Great. Let's get him.
 * Hardison: There's a problem. Struck a deal with the Feds. He's protected.
 * [Nate slowly smiles]
 * Hardison: What are you-- What-- What's the smile? What are you smiling at? What is that?
 * Sophie: Ah, oh no. No, no, no.
 * Nate: Oh, yeah. Let's go steal a federal witness.

The Morning After Job [3.13]

 * Sophie: You watch hockey fights, alone, at night, in your room?
 * Eliot: Yeah. You never know if you're gonna have to fight a guy on ice.

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 * Nate: All right, so when his partying gets him into hot water, who does he call?
 * Parker: Ghostbusters!
 * Eliot: Again?


 * Eliot: All right, Nate, the guy in the bed with the dead hooker con is up and running.
 * Hardison: Hey, man, it's called the Vegas Wake-Up Call.
 * Eliot: No, it's not, all right? In the Vegas Wake-Up Call, the boyfriend shows up.
 * Hardison: No, he doesn't!

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 * Sophie: So. It's the lawyer, the prosecutor, the deal, and the dead girl in the bed. It's the Cuban Sandwich.

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 * Parker: [after she tasers the mark] I am really starting to enjoy tasing people. Is that a problem?

The Ho Ho Ho Job [3.14]

 * Parker: Okay, bad enough it's Christmas and there's no snow on the ground, but this is Santa we're talking about, okay? We can't turn away Santa!
 * Nate: You know that's not really Santa, right?
 * Parker: Obviously. Santa lives at the North Pole.

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 * [Eliot is working as a mall Santa]
 * Annoying Kid: I want a Rubbery Robby!
 * Eliot: You're gonna get a Sammy spanking, you don't get off my lap.

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 * Parker: You're Santa! Respect the suit!

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 * Sophie: Who is this?
 * Cha0s: Hello, Sophie. It's the Grinch who stole Christmas.
 * Sophie: Cha0s.
 * Cha0s: Long time, no try to kill you.

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 * Nate: The plan is... to figure out the plan in the car.

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 * Santa: You are high on the holiday spirit.
 * Dooley: Yes, I am! And pills mixed with morphine. I can't believe you let me drive here.

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 * [Hardison is in disguise with other FBI agents and they just caught Cha0s]
 * Cha0s: You hafta admit, it was a good plan.
 * Hardison: Yeah.  There's one thing you didn't count on...
 * Cha0s: [as he's being carted off by agents] Ohh no...
 * Hardison: You forgot...
 * Cha0s: No...
 * Hardison: About the true meaning...
 * Cha0s: No, don't you say it!!
 * Hardison: ...of Christmas.
 * Cha0s: My God, that barely applies here!!
 * Hardison: [smiles]  Ho ho ho.

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 * Eliot: You bought us gifts?
 * Sophie: Oh, I wouldn't say that, exactly. We, ah, obtained.

The Big Bang Job [3.15]

 * Parker: Does it blow up?
 * Hardison: Not everything blows up, Parker.
 * Parker: Everything blows up, silly.

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 * Nate: Let's go steal the Department of Defense.
 * Parker: Isn't that treason?
 * Nate: We'll give it back.

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 * Nate: Please do not antagonize her.
 * General Atherton: She's another anti-war local hack. I can handle her.
 * Nate: Ah, no, no, no. She's an angry ex-schoolteacher with subpoena powers. She will make your life hell. Trust me. Happy face. Happy face. Let's go.

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 * Hardison: [about the corpse they are using to fake Atherton's death] You said 'white male John Doe,' I got you a white male John Doe. This ain't the Gap!

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 * Parker: Who taught you how to drive?
 * Sophie: Taxi driver in Istanbul.
 * Parker: [grins] I like it.

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 * Hardison: We got to get on that freight car.
 * Parker: I have an idea.
 * Sophie: Am I gonna hate it?
 * Parker: No, but he is.
 * [Later]
 * Parker: You got an idea?
 * Hardison: Yeah.
 * Parker: Am I gonna hate it?
 * Hardison: No, but I am.

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 * Elliot: The worst thing I ever did was for Damian Moreau.
 * Parker: What did you do?
 * Eliott: Don't ask me that Parker. Don't, because then I'm going to have to tell you.

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 * Hardison: We got to get on that freight car.
 * Parker: I have an idea.
 * Sophie: Am I gonna hate it?
 * Parker: No, but he is.
 * [Later]
 * Parker: You got an idea?
 * Hardison: Yeah.
 * Parker: Am I gonna hate it?
 * Hardison: No, but I am.

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 * [Hardison is disarming the EMP Bomb]
 * Parker: What are you doing?
 * Hardison: This battery is one of a kind. Now, if I do this right, I'll overload the batteries, they explode, and this thing will be worthless.
 * Parker: And if you do it wrong?
 * Hardison: Uh…the bomb triggers a giant EMP pulse, Washington, D.C., is fried, thousands will die, and we go down as the biggest terrorists in American history, but we'll be dead too so it's not really our problem.
 * Parker: There's that.
 * Hardison: There is that.

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 * Chapman: [holding a gun on Eliot] You said you didn't like guns.
 * Eliot: I don't. [quick-draws and shoots him three times] Never said I couldn't use 'em.

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 * [Parker and Hardison are hanging onto a train after causing a minor explosion]
 * Parker: [excitedly] You know what I'm in the mood for?
 * Hardison: What?
 * Parker: Pretzels.
 * [She grins and hurries off, leaving Hardison looking wondering, before he also grins]

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 * Moreau: Who are you!?
 * Nate: You know how it feels like you've been poked by a stick, you know, over these last six months or so? I'm that stick.

The San Lorenzo Job [3.16]

 * Nate: General, I understand you're taking quite a risk to yourself and your family by talking to us. We certainly owe you a debt.
 * Flores: No. I am the one with the debt. Spencer saved my life. Twice.
 * Eliot: Once. And a half.
 * Parker: How do you half-save someone's life?
 * Eliot: Because I was the one that was sent to kill him. So I figure that only counts as a half, right?
 * Hardison: That actually makes sense.

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 * [After capturing Flores]
 * Moreau: Okay, don't blame yourselves for this. Ribera makes sure I stay safe so I make sure he stays president. Actually, to be fair, I wouldn't have found Flores if you hadn't contacted him, so go ahead and do blame yourselves.

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 * Nate: Now, we've been in this situation before, I pushed you into it.
 * Parker: You were drunk. Suuuuper drunk.
 * Nate: Thanks, Parker. I remember that.

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 * Nate: Let's go steal a country.

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 * Nate: No, no, no. This guy's awful.
 * Sophie: I have to agree with Nate. And you know how much I hate doing that.

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 * Sophie: Nate, I have to say, of all the deceitful, unprincipled, corrupt things I've done in my entire life, nothing's as bad as--
 * Nate: Politics?
 * Sophie: I can't even say it.

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 * Sophie: Nate, if stealing a country was easy, everyone would do it.

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 * Vittori: I think I hate you.
 * Nate: You know, I'm okay with that.

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 * [After capturing Nate]
 * Ribera: Okay, I have CNN, I have BBC, I have the UN election inspection general all calling for my blood. Can I kill him yet?

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 * Flores: Who are you?
 * Parker: I'm supposed to tell you, 'we'd be the Cavalry'.
 * Flores: Spencer.

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 * Damien: I have the media. I have the guns. I have the--the government!
 * Nate: You know what I have? I have a 24-year-old genius with a smartphone and a problem with authority. You really never stood a chance.

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 * Sophie: Don't cry for me, San Lorenzo.
 * Nate: You are utterly unclear on how to be dead. This is the second time in two years you've shown up at your own funeral.

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 * Nate: Yeah, you have every right to be proud.
 * Sophie: I am. I'm proud. You know, we didn't just con someone, we built something.
 * Nate: Well, we did subvert democracy.
 * Sophie: Ugh. Eggs, omelet.