Leverage (season 5)


 * Season 1 2 3 4 5 | Main

Leverage (2008–2012) is an American TV series created by John Rogers and Chris Downey. It follows a group of thieves who steal mainly from corrupt corporations to return money to their victims.

The (Very) Big Bird Job [5.01]

 * Sophie: That was the con I used to sell the Brooklyn Bridge the year we met!
 * Nate: I know. That's why I did it.
 * Sophie: That's romantic.




 * Hardison: To do: hack the National Artifact website. [sarcastically] Yay. What else?




 * Nate: He's nowhere near his office. I don't know, we're at some sort of museum.
 * Hardison: What kind of museum?
 * Nate: You know, the kind that has a 747 on the top of it. Portland is, uh...odd.




 * Sophie: We're gonna have to have a serious talk about moving somewhere with less rain.
 * Hardison: London has rain.
 * Sophie: No, London has fog. Fog is mysterious. Rain just ruins my hair.




 * Parker: Thief Juice! It's a mouth crime.




 * Nate: [to Scott Roemer] Global Transit? Yeah, we've done some business together.
 * Hardison: [over comms] Nate, please do not introduce yourself. Like I said, I have no IDs that--
 * Nate: Tommy Mackinaw. Mackinaw Import/Export. Nice to meet you.
 * Hardison: Yes. Please. Thank you. Do go ahead and pick the one name on earth that does not exist.




 * Hardison: The--the Spruce Goose? The Spruce Goose, built by Howard Huges, the Tony Stark of the '40s, biggest plane on earth, made of all wood, wingspan-longer-than-a-football-field Spruce Goose?




 * Sophie: It's gets worse. Tomorrow, the board of directors are voting on a merger with two passenger airlines. And Roemer's gonna move the maintenance to his Mexico facility. The next time one of his planes falls out of the sky, it's gonna be full of people.
 * Hardison: Okay. [to Nate] Nate, I realize this is the kind of guy that makes you very angry. Please do not do what I think you're about to do.




 * Sophie: I blame you.
 * Hardison: Me? I didn't tell the man to run a scam using the biggest airplane on earth.




 * Sophie: Why are you okay with this? You seem perfectly happy to be in this...town.
 * Parker: We're here.
 * Sophie: Yeah, I know. "We're here, get used to it."
 * Parker: No. We're here. Us.
 * Sophie: Oh. That's sweet.
 * Parker: Yeah. Me and my money, Hardison and Eliot, Nate and you.
 * Sophie: Yeah? Parker, why does the money always come before the people?




 * Eliot: To be honest, when you're not on the receiving end of it, watching him [Nate] mess with somebody's head is pretty impressive.
 * Hardison: Yeah. He's like one of those aliens that feeds off of people's fear.




 * Eliot [facing a group of armed men]: I'm only going to say this once boys. Give me the ...[hesitates]... teddy bear.



The Blue Line Job [5.02]

 * Nate [explaining the enforcers]: ...It's sort of like the fear of having to fight one of them is what keeps everything cool
 * Parker [non-chalantly]: Oh. Sherling's theory of rational deterrence. [everyone stares at parker in surprise] Cold war?
 * Nate [hesitantly]: That's actually, terrifyingly, exactly right.




 * Sophie: Fights in every period, even on power plays?
 * Nate: How would you even know what...?
 * Sophie: I thought this guy was like a minor-league hammer, you know like Dave the Hammer Schultz?
 * Nate: Who is she...?
 * Sophie: What? Oh, a girl can't watch hockey?
 * Nate: What did you steal?
 * Sophie: [quietly] Something...hockey related. A certain...trophy.
 * Nate: No you didn't. No, not the Stanley Cup. No. I saw it last year in Boston.
 * Sophie: No, that was a fake.
 * Nate: It wasn't a fake.
 * Sophie: And not a very good one, no, no, no, sorry. My engraver was awful.
 * Nate: Okay, so where's the real one?
 * Sophie: [in her con voice] I don't remember.
 * [later]
 * Nate: Are you messing with me?
 * Sophie: When did I ever lie about a grift?
 * Nate: All right, so tell.... Tell me where it is.
 * Sophie: Oh. There's Vlad.
 * [later]
 * Nate: So, is it, um, someplace warm?
 * Sophie: I don't remember
 * Nate: Hm. Is it in Boston?
 * Sophie: Nate, I don't remember.
 * Nate: Are you sure it's the Stanley Cup?
 * Sophie: That I remember.
 * Nate: Where's the last place you remember having it?
 * Sophie: [Smiles] I don't remember.




 * Eliot: Bad choices are bad choices. It doesn't matter why you made them. And they tear you apart, from the inside out. And you don't even notice.




 * Parker: Did I fall asleep again?
 * Hardison: Yeah.
 * Parker: How did the movie end?
 * Hardison: Soylent Green is people!
 * Parker: WHOA!
 * Hardison: I know. Just--just sit with that for a while.




 * Sophie: Are you having a staring contest with a turtle?
 * Nate: No, I just won a staring contest with a turtle.
 * Sophie: Is it weird that I find that oddly attractive?

The First Contact Job [5.03]

 * Elliot: What kind of guy names a toilet after himself?
 * Sophie: Someone who cares more about fame than respect, that's for sure.

<hr width=50%>


 * [As the group is listening to electronic static]
 * Eliot: [Walking in] Who got the military satellite intercept? You're not supposed to... [Sophie gives him a look] It's a very distinctive static.

<hr width=50%>


 * [The team is discussing a defense contractor]
 * Eliot: Yeah, I know those guys. They used to stamp their logo on the side of our attack choppers and we had to sand it off before we-- [Suddenly notices that Nate and Sophie are staring at him] --went fishing. For fish. Yeah.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: I win. I want to go bungee jumping.
 * Hardison: We already did that.
 * Parker: Not off a hot air balloon.
 * Hardison: I seriously need to win one of these bets.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: Why would someone dedicate so much time listening to nothing?
 * Nate: For the hope of what they might hear.

<hr width=50%>


 * Kanack: Look, all I care about is the signal we received. Do you think you can decipher it? Mister...?
 * Eliot: Riker, Willy Riker. Willy Riker is my full name.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Let's go steal a close encounter.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Okay. We need to fix this. We need to give our client back his reputation.
 * Parker: How do we do that?
 * Nate: By making Kanack insane.
 * Hardison: [grinning] And he's back.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: [using E. T.'s voice, poking Eliot] El-i-ot.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: You know, Fermi's paradox says that it's improbable for other life forms to exist.
 * Eliot: Yeah? Well, Drake's equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy there's up to ten thousand planets with technological civilization. [Smiles at Hardison who gives him a surprised look] You never know when you might have to fight an alien.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison and Eliot: [singing to a remix of the alien signal] Two good ol' boys behind the wheel, chasing down bad guys in Lucille. [repeat]

<hr width=50%>


 * James Kanack: Alfred Wallace created the theory of evolution years before Darwin, but it's Darwin's theory of evolution. Nikola Tesla invented alternating current, but all the power companies are named after Thomas Edison. So why are Darwin and Edison famous, and Tesla and Wallace footnotes? Because history is written by the winners. You get your name on it first, you get it out there the most, and twenty years later, you invented it.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: [as Riker] Put your hands on me, I'll break your friggin' clavicle.

<hr width=50%>


 * [Parker walking in as thugs fall on top of Eliot's back]
 * Parker: [In E.T. voice] Ooouch.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: You know the difference between us and them?
 * Parker: Hmm?
 * Hardison: We make this look good.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: Just so you know, I really, really hate you.
 * Nate: [chuckles] Hm! Don't worry. It's perfectly safe. [pause] Ish.
 * [later:]
 * Sophie: That is the last time I lie about playing Peter Pan on Broadway!

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Oh, come on. These dudes traveled 10,000 lightyears to get here. You're gonna scare them off with a putter?

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: I programmed the electronic and the lighting to go haywire intermittently for the rest of the night.
 * Nate: Good.
 * Hardison: You don't think he'll try to leave?
 * [Inside]
 * Karnack: [In terror] No!
 * [Outside]
 * Nate: Would you?

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: [Looking over the equipment] Hey.
 * Hardison: Hey.
 * Parker: This gives me a good idea.
 * Hardison: Whatever it is, no.

<hr width=50%>


 * [later Parker and Hardison are on a date]
 * Parker: I'll be right here. [points to Hardison's heart]

The French Connection Job [5.04]

 * Eliot: He showed me I could use my knife to create instead of destroy.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: He's one of the guys that kept me from falling all the way down, and now I'm asking the other guy to understand why I'm gonna help him.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: All right, everyone, listen up. Come down to table 2 and line up.  The chef who was gonna be with you today has booked another gig, so I am your new instructor.
 * Whitney: What's your name?
 * Eliot: Chef!

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: I get to fire a laser. YAY!!! Geeking in the kitchen. Uh, makes me want to dance!

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: Nate, it's not drugs Lampart is dealing. It's bigger, a lot bigger.
 * Nate: If it's not drugs, what is it?
 * Eliot: Truffles.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: [to Nate] I don't have a thing... Eliot has a thing, he loves food. Sophie loves theater. You have a sicko love of controlling people.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: Oh, Nate, you know that the core of good acting comes from persistence of tectonics.
 * Nate: No idea what that means. Very concerned that you do.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Think about it. Levitating food could replace--
 * Eliot: I will stab you in the neck!
 * Hardison: Don't hate the barbecue, hate the sauce.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hope [holding up a red onion]: I'm out of these purple tomatoes.
 * Eliot: Hope, those are red onions.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: [over comms] Sophie, we're gonna run a version of the White Van Speakers. Your acting students, do you think they can handle it?
 * Sophie: Of course they can. They're my students.
 * [Zachary ululates and then falls to the floor]
 * Nate:What was that?
 * Sophie: It's just Zachary getting to his authentic place.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: [Repeated line in episode] Gnar Slabdash. The "n" is mostly silent.

<hr width=50%>


 * Jean-Luc: [talking to his henchman] What is wrong with you? He is not a real man. He is a chef. He cooks little food in little pots and pans! Allez! Allez! Allez!

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: I can make blue spaghetti or I can blow a safe.

<hr width=50%>


 * ''[After Eliot beats Rampone in a knife fight]
 * Nate: Eliot. Not worth it. Give him to the cops.
 * Rampone: Call off your dog. He's crazy.
 * Eliot: Crazy? I'm gonna cut your freaking head off and serve in on a platter.
 * [Later]
 * Nate: Serve his head on a platter, huh?
 * Eliot: Was it too much?
 * Nate: No, actually, I liked it.
 * Eliot: I felt like it was a lot. Like, right when I said it, I felt like I may have gone too far.

The Gimme a K Street Job [5.05]

 * Parker: What do I know about teenage girls?
 * Nate: Um, You were a teenage girl?
 * Parker: Only sort of.

<hr width="50%">


 * Sophie: Did you know about this, girls being dropped from 20 feet? It's unbelievable.
 * Parker: I know, right? 20 feet. Pfft, walk it off.
 * Sophie: Parker, you do know that normal people don't just walk off a 20 foot fall, right?
 * Parker [seriously concerned]: So all those times I pushed Hardison off a building and he was all WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH--he wasn't just being funny?
 * Hardison: No.
 * Eliot: I thought it was funny, Parker.
 * Haridson: No way in hell was it funny.
 * Eliot: You were always upside down, man.
 * Hardison: I fell off a building, yeah I was upside down.
 * Eliot: Like a pinwheel, like a Himalayan tree frog.
 * Hardsion: You call me a frog?
 * Eliot: [makes popping sounds while gesturing with his hands]
 * Hardison: You call me a damn frog?
 * Eliot: Pop pop and upside down. Yeah.
 * Hardison: Say it to my face.
 * Nate: Guys, maybe focus. Guys, focus.
 * Hardison: Damn frog.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sophie: I love government. Shady deals, back-room meetings. It is grifter paradise.
 * Eliot: This is wrong. We work outside the law, not smack-dab in the middle of it.
 * Nate: Relax, Eliot. Elected officials are the easiest marks in the world. Between their ego, the greed, and the politics, more hooks than a bait shop.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Let's go steal us some congressmen.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: You said you like back-room dealings.
 * Sophie: I like stealing things that are real. Cash, of course. Land, sure. Art, yes, please. Corn subsidies? Not so much.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Are you for real, man? You telling me you bought a congressman with a lunch?
 * Nate: It was a nice lunch.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Nate: Okay, people, let's grift.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sophie: Corn subsidies. Why did it have to be corn subsidies?

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Nate: Sophie, where are you?
 * Sophie: Trying to improve the air quality standards in Massachusetts.
 * Nate: Okay, for corn subsidies?
 * Sophie: [frustrated] No, to get me the fishery concessions, that I then trade for logging rights, to get me the redistricting deal, that gets me the grant funding, that gets me the solar subsidies, that finally gets me the bloody stinking corn subsidies. I don't know how anything gets done around here. You have to be a grifter to run government.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Hardison? How you doing?
 * Hardison: Look, Nate, I'm good with systems. You know that. But this, this system hacks back. I got 7 million dollars sitting right here, set aside for mad cow testing, which nobody uses, because, I mean, you know, nobody wants to know that they got mad cow cows.
 * Nate: Yeah, so give them to the cheerleaders.
 * Hardison: [beyond frustrated] I can't, man. There's a law right here that says that there has to be money set aside for mad cow testing, which nobody does! Makes no sense. There's no rhyme, no reason, no... [to himself] It's cool. Don't pop a nerve. Don't pop a nerve. Don't throw a book.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: ...while everyone is heeeerrreee. Where's Madison? WHERE IS MADISON? Great, I lost a cheerleader...

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [Nate and Parker interrogating Ashley]
 * Parker: Okay, Ashley. Where's Madison?
 * Ashley: Can I have some water?
 * Nate: In a minute. Why don't you tell us again, from the top?
 * Ashley: I don't know where Madison went.
 * Parker: [loudly] Don't give us that. The girls say you're her best friend. Best friends talk, Angela. Are you gonna talk, huh? Are you? Huh?!
 * Nate: Easy. Easy. Easy. Your coach gets a little hot under the collar.
 * Ashley: Am I in trouble? Are you gonna call my parents?
 * Nate: Hm. [Exchanges a glance with Parker] You can parent up. That's your right.
 * [Parker twists a lamp light toward Ashley]
 * Ashley: Madison talked to me in confidence.
 * Parker: A big word for a little girl.
 * Nate: Where's Madison?
 * [Parker bends down to her and growls]

<hr width=50%>


 * Cheerleader: Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready, let's go.
 * Nate: Ready?
 * Hardison: Ready!
 * Sophie: Ready.
 * Eliot: Ready.
 * Parker: Ready.
 * Nate: Let's go.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Wendy Baran: Two, four, six eight. Who do we annihilate?

<hr width=50%>


 * Snyder: Um, Ms. Barron, the system’s giving me an alert. I’m not sure that transfer is legal.
 * Barron: Why not?
 * Snyder: It says there’s a 1938 labor law requiring textile companies to keep cash on hand to pay overtime.
 * Barron: Is that for real?
 * Snyder: I’m checking, but it does seem to be legitimate.
 * Barron:' What about the All-Cheer Competition League? We run a competition a week. They must have plenty of cash on hand.
 * Hardison:' Oh, keep it coming. Keep it... do what you got to do.
 * Snyder: We can’t use that money, either, because... Because we’re a sweepstakes?
 * Barron: We’re what?
 * Snyder: We’re not a sport, so technically, this says, we’re a sweepstakes. There... there are a lot of restrictions on what you can do with sweepstakes money.
 * Barron: Go for C.T.V.C. All those broadcast contracts... they must have cash.
 * Snyder: Um, ma’am, C.T.V.C. Is under investigation for indecency.
 * Barron: Well, when the hell did that happen?
 * [Flashback]
 * Sophie: Oh. There. Right there, sir. That is a wardrobe malfunction. I can see her hoo-hah! Her hoo-hah, sir! Are you blind?! Do I need to call Congressman Caballo? Or Congressman Greenhill? I will call my whole rolodex, sir!

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Baran: You underestimated me. People underestimate cheerleaders all the time. I didn't. I saw a niche, and I exploited it. Every girl wants to be a cheerleader. Every girl wants to be pretty. Every girl wants to be popular. And they will pay anything to get it. Cheerleaders built me a $300 million a year company because I didn't underestimate them.
 * Nate: Hm. You know, I really don't think I underestimated you. In fact, I think I estimated you just...about...Wait for it... [Baran's phone starts ringing] ...right. You’re gonna want to get that.
 * Barron: (answers phone)What?
 * Snyder: We have a problem. There are Federal Agents here with a warrant.
 * Barron: For what?
 * Snyder: Insurance fraud.
 * Barron: What? Why are the... The money. Where did you pull the money from?
 * Snyder: The only place I could... The National Cheerleading Insurance And Underwriters.

<hr width=50%>


 * J.J. LeGrange: Hi. How are you? J.J. LeGrange. [shakes Parker's hand]
 * Parker: I don't vote.
 * LeGrange: [chuckles] Oh, you will.

<hr width=50%>


 * Aide: Your tickets, ma'am.
 * Hardison: What was that about?
 * Sophie: I'm just planning a trip to the Gulf. The military are breaking ground on Fort Deveraux.

<hr width="50%"/>

The D.B. Cooper Job [5.06]

 * Sophie: [giving the briefing] It's 1971, the day before Thanksgiving. A 727 takes off from Portland bound for Seattle. It is hijacked by this man, a passenger who goes by the name of Dan Cooper.
 * Parker: Wait. I thought his name was D.B. Cooper?
 * Hardison: That was misheard by a reporter at the scene, and then it was repeated until it became gospel. [To Sophie] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your swooning. Go on and swoon.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Sophie, just real quick, you had a poster of D.B. over your bed when you was like, 15. Tell the truth. You did, didn't you?
 * Sophie: So what? What if I did?

<hr width=50%>


 * Peter: It's not a weakness to see the good in people. It's not a flaw or a bad thing to trust.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [After hearing Peter McSweeten has died]
 * Todd: Dad loved his coffee.
 * Steve Reynolds: Yeah. He'd let it get ice cold and top it off all day long. Drove me crazy.
 * Parker: What else do you remember about him?
 * Reynolds: Well, he was a hell of a shot.
 * Todd: Yeah, but a terrible driver.
 * Reynolds: [Laughs] That's true. One time, we're in this high-speed chase, and he plows us right into this restaurant dumpster. Plow! What a mess! So we get out of the car, we're looking at the damage, and this girl comes running up to us and says somebody attacked her and that maybe she thought he was the CIA or one of the Russians. She's tripping on acid. She's a runaway. So I'm ready to hand her over to the paramedics. Peter's got her in the back seat of the car. "Take us to him," he tells her. We found the guy! He's in the bus station! And the next day, he takes us to the woods where he's buried three other runaways. I say to Peter, "Hey. This girl, she was, she was strung out. She was ranting. I mean, how did you know?" He said, "All I heard...was that she was afraid." So... [lifts a glass] ...here's to Peter McSweeten...who couldn't drive a lick.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: So, back to square one?
 * Nate: I prefer back to the drawing board. It's more hopeful.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Todd: He's a criminal. He belongs in jail.
 * Nate: Is that what you really want?
 * Todd: Yes, it's what my father wanted more than anything in the world--to bring D.B. Cooper to justice.
 * Nate: Todd, your dad had a gift I believe he passed on to you. He could see goodness in people. And because of that, he did bring D.B. Cooper to justice.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Nate: If you could choose someone from The Odyssey that most resembles me, who would it be?
 * Sophie: Well...the hero, obviously. Odysseus. Cunning warrior, master of disguise, and it means "trouble" in Greek.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: When you spend most of your time getting inside the minds of bad people, you are looking for their flaws and their weaknesses, that's pretty much all you see in everyone.
 * Sophie: That's not what happened to Peter McSweeten.
 * Nate: Ah, Peter McSweeten isn't Jimmy Ford's son.

<hr width="50%"/>

The Real Fake Car Job [5.07]

 * Kyle Davis: I just figured a guy like you would have, I don't know, an office or something.
 * Nate: Oh, yeah, I tried it once. Had trouble keeping it in one piece.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: WitSec is like the ninth circle of hell for guys like him. Like us! I mean Nate, do you think you could just go back to being John Q. and not go insane if you had to give it all up?
 * Nate: Sure, maybe. Maybe not. Really, I don't think beyond the job that's right in front of us. I don't have the luxury to think beyond that, so...
 * Sophie: Really?
 * Nate: Hmmm?
 * Sophie: That's the best you got?

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: Erickson doesn't strike me as a mob guy.
 * Nate: Because he's not. No, he establishes mob ties as a get-out-of-jail-free card. So, if the day ever comes that the SEC discovers his stock fraud....
 * Parker: He'll trade his mob records for immunity and a new identity. Sweet!
 * [Sophie and Eliot give her a look]
 * Parker: I mean, evil. And clever, but bad.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: I don't like that, that whole smug look on his [Erickson's] face.
 * Nate: Yeah. Like he's got a...you know...a $50 million dollar backup plan. Let's go steal it.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: How can a witness in protection we've been watching for the last 24 hours get access to $100,000 we didn't see?

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: [As he's digging a hole] After sunset, this field is gonna be completely dark. No clear sight lines from the road. First thing to find a body out here would be a coyote--
 * Sophie: Okay. Now I'm scared.
 * Eliot: I'm here.
 * Sophie: Eliot, you're what's scaring me.

<hr width=50%>


 * Erickson: How did...how did you find me?
 * Don Paolo Brancato: You called our mutual friend, Charlie.
 * Federal Marshal Elle: You are an idiot.
 * Erickson: Shut up.
 * Brancato: Granted, that only got us to Portland. But then, when we traced your phone, seems you left your GPS tracking on.
 * Elle: All right, that one's on me.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: You mean we gotta drive through a gunfight and not get shot like it's the Batmobile?

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Marshall, I know you're upset, but you can't really blame him for something that happened yesterday. The past is the past. You can't blame him for something that happened 20 minutes ago, 2 minutes ago. What you need to be thinking about is what's going to happen next.
 * Sophie: [listening on the comms] Could somebody record this? I want a record of this!

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: I couldn't help overhearing what you said in the warehouse about putting the past behind you.
 * Nate: I had a gun to my head.
 * Sophie: This is our bar. I'm sure I can rustle up a gun somewhere.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: You were wrong about one thing.
 * Sophie: Really? Because I couldn't possibly be right, could I?
 * Nate: Wanting to move on with or without you...it matters. We matter.

The Broken Wing Job [5.08]

 * Eliot: [After beating up a guard] I told you there was a ninth guard.
 * Nate: Yeah, yeah, I owe you a beer.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: Look, I sprained my knee. I’m fine! (repels down from ceiling into a chair) Totally fine.
 * Hardison: Babe, sprained your knee? You tore your ACL.
 * Parker: Yeah. Basically, a sprained knee.
 * Hardison: Yeah, basically not true. Look, babe, six weeks of bed rest. Doctor’s orders. Not optional. And don’t forget to take your pain pills, okay?
 * Parker: They make everything go wibbly-wobbly. (grabs a bottle of orange pop and opens it)
 * Hardison: Yeah, that’s how you know they’re working.
 * Parker: But I got to be sharp... on the edge. It’s where I got to be. Can’t have nothing in my life I can’t walk away from in 30 seconds if I feel the heat coming around the corner.
 * Hardison: Parker, look, I know that you’re... Wait, hold up, babe, did you just quote “Heat”?
 * Parker: Yeah, that’s where that’s from. Ha, watched your Netflix queue... Twice.

<hr width=50%>


 * Amy: Good morning. How's the patient feeling today?
 * Parker: Less and less like a patient and more and more like a prisoner.
 * Amy: Oh. Well, hopefully, this will taste better than prison food.
 * Parker: You'd be surprised. Best meal I ever has was in French prison.
 * Amy: French prison, huh? How long were you in for?
 * Parker: [In French] Not as long as they thought I'd be.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: You guys picked the wrong brew pub.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: How's the knee?
 * Parker: Driving me to crazy town. Pretty much like it's on cruise control, cruising me through crazy town. And you know what? Let's face it. I have way too much to do. This knee, I need to be on a bullet train through crazy town. I don't have time to stop for gas, go to the museum--
 * Eliot: Parker, breathe. Identify you limitations. Turn them to advantages.
 * Parker: Okay, good. How do I do that?
 * Eliot: Adapt.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: You brought a gun? To my bar?

<hr width=50%>


 * Amy: They have a gun. We don't stop them. We call the police.
 * Parker: No cops. No cops. That will actually increase the chances of people getting hurt.
 * Amy: How?
 * Parker: Because seeing a uniform in the middle of stealing something could cause you to panic, make bad decisions.
 * Amy: And how do you know so much about this again?
 * Parker: I...read blogs, Amy.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: [to Amy] We don't need cops. We don't need anyone, especially if they don't need us! Then we really don't need them.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: Yeah, so, there's a getaway van parked in the alley.
 * Amy: How do you know that's what it is?
 * Parker: Intuition.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: How's she's doing?
 * Nate: Apparently dealing with some thieves.
 * Sophie: Baby bird is learning how to fly.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: Well, of course we want them to come back. How else are we gonna catch them?
 * Amy: We--we don't. We're gonna call the cops.
 * Parker: Normally, I would agree with you, but what we've been doing here... Not super legal.
 * Amy: Oh, I knew it!
 * Parker: Just think of it as more charity work.
 * Amy: Okay, but my other charity work doesn't involve having a gun pointed at me.
 * Parker: Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Oh, you meant that as a bad thing.

<hr width=50%>


 * Amy: Oh, we should sit Romeo and Juliet together and see what happens.
 * Parker: Oh, my God. That’s genius!
 * Amy: It is?
 * Parker: No, no, not what you said. What I thought of. But inspired by what you said.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [As the kidnappers are being arrested]
 * Parker: Hey. Hey, wait.
 * Kidnapper: What?
 * Parker: I'm gloating.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: To new friends, new food, and no fish.
 * Amy/Doctor/Parker: No fish.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Nice job while we were away.

The Rundown Job [5.09]

 * Rep. J. Yount: You slap together another one of your little "asymmetry teams" from federal agents, Colonel Vance, you and everybody around you is out of a job, and in jail. These "slow, giant" agencies you mock were designed by very smart people.
 * Vance: So was the Titanic.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Kiss for luck?
 * Parker: Who needs luck?

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: What do you want?
 * Riley: I got a job for you. Right here in town, got to be this morning.
 * Eliot: No, I don't do that anymore.
 * Riley: The rumors are true, damn it. That's like Picasso throwing away his paintbrush.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: I'm gonna keep her alive. You guys find a way to get her out of here.
 * Hardison: With what?
 * Eliot: You stole a Michelangelo with tin foil and chewing gum! Figure it out!

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [As the police sirens approach]
 * Eliot: Hang on.
 * Parker: Um, no. Cops, bad. Thieves, go.

<hr width=50%>


 * [Eliot, Hardison, and Parker are handcuffed in the back of a government van.]
 * Hardison: This is a violation of my constitutional rights.
 * Colonel Vance: You're Alec Hardison. You cracked the Pentagon servers when you were twelve. NSA has a file on you a mile long.
 * Hardison: Do they? What do they say about me? I hope they gave me a cool nickname.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Vance: Make it look good.
 * [Eliot punches him, but Vance shrugs it off]
 * Vance: Really? That's all you--
 * [Eliot punches him again, but Vance shrugs it off again]
 * Vance: You're slowing down in your--
 * Eliot punches him a third time and Vance finally falls unconscious.]
 * Hardison: Three tries? Damn.
 * Eliot: He didn't always wear a suit.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: What do they got on the gunman?
 * Hardison: They're running his prints. It's gonna take hours to narrow down.
 * Eliot: Look up the Navy SEAL database, enlisted from '90 to '95. [Hardison turns to him] It's his watch. Steel-brushed chronometers were standard SEAL issue, until they switched to the carbon black diver's watch in '95. It's a very distinctive watch.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: It's got every database...NSA, CIA, FBI, it's got hard backdoors into most commercial systems, live feeds into every security camera on the grid. Man, if this wasn't such a gross violation of our civil liberties, I would be in love right now!

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Eliot: The case is vacuum-sealed.
 * Hardison: Do not tell me what’s inside.
 * Eliot: Says... “influenza, 1918.”
 * Hardison: Get out. Now! Get out! Now! Go! Go! Get out! (outside) The Spanish flu killed 50 million people during World War I, and now somebody’s got it.
 * Parker: Look, we can do this. Just treat it like any another job.
 * Hardison: This isn’t just any other job.
 * Eliot: All right, all right. Stay focused.
 * Hardison: I focused! That bug in there killed 50 million people! 50! And that was when the population was lower.
 * Parker: Now?
 * Hardison: Now? 150 million people. 150 million dead. Hey, we’re thieves, man, and we’re good at what we do, but this is way, way out of our league. And you expect us to go catch some psycho with a city killer? A country killer?
 * Eliot: You scared?
 * Hardison: You’re damn right.
 * Eliot: I’m not. I got the best thief And the smartest guy I know chasing this guy. Hey, listen to me. You’re smartest man I’ve ever known, Hardison. I need that brain to get me to him. ‘Cause you know if I lay my hands on him, it’s done. Get me to him.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Hardison: Call up the NSA satellites.
 * Spy Truck: Calling up NSA Satellites.
 * Hardison: Thank you, creepy spy truck.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [Vance's response on finding the trailer.]
 * Vance: There's a time for sneaking around, my brother, and a time for droppin' an attack chopper full of pissed-off 19-year-olds in full body armor on somebody. And we have reached that appointed hour.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Hardison: Hi. Kiss for luck?
 * Parker: I don’t believe in luck.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Parker: For luck.
 * (Parker kisses Hardison, then she and Eliot nod at each other. Parker grabs the briefcase and runs off the train.)
 * Hardison: Parker, no! Don’t do it! Parker! Parker!
 * (Parker holds her torch and activates the bomb. As the virus is released, she sets it on fire with the laser. Once it’s done, she turns to Hardison)
 * Parker: Fire’s the only thing that’ll kill this thing, right?
 * Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, that’ll do... that’ll do it. (he pulls her into his arms) Don’t do that to me. I can’t lose you. Do you understand? I can’t lose you. Don’t scare me like that.
 * Parker: Yeah.
 * Hardison: I can’t.

<hr width-"50%"/>


 * Vance: Promise you'll consider working with us again.
 * Eliot: I work with them now.
 * Vance: Honor among thieves?
 * Eliot: Something like that.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Vance: The world can always use more good guys.
 * Eliot: Too bad we're the bad guys.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Parker: You're shot. You should go to the hospital.
 * Eliot: I don't do hospitals.
 * Hardison: I told you. He takes getting shot very lightly.

The Frame Up Job [5.10]

 * Sophie: Just letting you know, if we die I blame you.
 * Nate: I know
 * Sophie: None of this would have happened if you'd just gone to the movies like I told you.
 * Nate: If I'd gone to the movies, you would be in jail right now.
 * Sophie: Well, jail is a big improvement over my current prospect of soon to be murdered!

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: I know. I'm going to be slaving away in a dusty old theater, while you sit back. Relax and watch alcoholic repressed insurance cops harassing tragically misunderstand femme fatales.
 * Nate: You're not supposed to root for the criminals.
 * Sophie: Always root for the home team.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Katrina Hardt: His [Gault's] daughter can't cash the checks fast enough.
 * Sophie: Bit of a lush, I see.
 * Katrina: Actually, that's his fourth ex-wife. His daughter's the one in the suit.

<hr width=50%>


 * [When Nate finds Sophie at the art auction]
 * Sophie: You think you're so clever.
 * Nate: I deduced you location at a random event within 100-mile radius in under 20 minutes. I've had worse mornings.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: How did you find me exactly?
 * Nate: Why did you lie to me?
 * Sophie: It's just like old times, isn't it? Me in the dress and up to my neck in easy marks and valuable art, and you show up, all serious.
 * Nate: There is a distinct lack in you telling me why you lied to me in that last speech. Now why is a grifter and art thief--
 * Sophie: Ex-art thief.
 * Nate: ...at a high-end art auction?
 * Sophie: Asks the insurance cop.
 * Nate: Ex-insurance investigator. Still stalling.

<hr width=50%>


 * Fiona Gault: My father acquired the painting after Mettier's death and honored the artist's wishes. Frankly, I would have put in a ticket booth and charged admission.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sterling: Give us back the painting and save yourself a lot of bother, Miss....still going by Devereaux?
 * Sophie: Still a pompous ass?
 * Sterling: Charming.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: I hate that man. I don't know how you were ever partners with him.
 * Nate: Ah, well, he's funny in his own kind of way.
 * Sophie: Oh, yeah, hilarious. That crack about secret prison.
 * Nate: Oh, no, he was serious about that.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: This isn't just an art theft.
 * Nate and Sophie: It's murder.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: Ah, Sterling. Good. Come on.
 * Sterling: Is this an escape? 'Cause if it is, you're very bad at it.

<hr width=50%>


 * Stering: You have one hour. If I don't have a suspect in an hour, you're both going down for this.
 * Nate: I don't need an hour, I've got a Sophie.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sophie: I'd forgotten how attractive that is, the relentless tick-tick-tick of you pulling apart someone's well-laid plans.
 * Nate: Ahh, including yours?
 * Sophie: Oh, you've never pulled apart my plans.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sterling: [to Sophie] It's always nice to bring a thief to justice, even if it's not you.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Sterling is sitting right on top of Ma Mystere.
 * Sophie: Are you telling me you can't outsmart Sterling?
 * Nate: I can't. But he can't outsmart me, either.

<hr width=50%>


 * Butler: I'm sorry, what are you doing in my room?
 * Sophie: So, the butler did it.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sterling: So let me get this straight. You stole not one, but two paintings, one of which you spent the entire day trying to convince me you did not steal, all because your girlfriend here, an unrepentant, inveterate, professional liar...
 * Sophie: That's uncalled for.
 * Nate: Well.
 * Sterling: ...told you, with no evidence whatsoever, that Ma Mystere was fake. Now you're so sure that she's right, that you not only think that this painting is a fake, but every other Mettier that was in the house, the entire collection, is also fake?
 * Nate: That's right.
 * Sterling: Arrest them both.
 * Sophie: On what charge?
 * Sterling: Theft?
 * Nate: We brought you back the paintings.
 * Sterling: Obstructing an investigation.
 * Sophie: We're helping you with your investigation.
 * Sterling: Being annoying and crazy!
 * Nate: Well, that's not a crime. Since when was that a crime?
 * Sophie: No, it's not.
 * Sterling: I DON'T CARE!

<hr width=50%>


 * Sterling: And despite your efforts to drop off the map, I now know your new base of operations. Everything is sunshine and rainbows.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [After finding the true Ma Mystere]
 * Sophie: He vowed it would never be seen by the world till after my death.
 * Nate: So we're gonna steal it.
 * Sophie: Of course we are, darling.

The Low Low Price Job [5.11]

 * Caroline: Can I get a “good morning, Value!More”?
 * Workers: Good morning, Value!More!
 * Caroline: And who’s Value!More?
 * Workers: We’re Value!More!
 * Caroline: And what’s Value!More?
 * Workers: The best!
 * Eliot: This reminds me of North Korea.
 * Hardison: Come on, Eliot, shake it. Give me some soul!
 * Eliot: Are you dancing? I hate you.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Eliot, so where'd you find these people?
 * Eliot: Two words: "free beer."

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: Zachary, what's the first basic rule of improv?
 * Zachary: Always say yes and keep the scene moving forward.
 * Sophie: Good, and the second?
 * Zachary: Don't block?
 * Sophie: Exactly. Now, everybody, forget all that. Synchronize your watches; we're saying 'no' and we're blocking.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: We haven't even made a dent. I'm beginning to think we can't destroy this store.
 * Nate: You're right. We can't. But Caroline can.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: All right, people, place your bets, 100 bucks gets you in.
 * Nate: I'm in. Five minutes.
 * Sophie: She'll go seven.
 * Hardison: I say three minutes
 * Parker: I'm under two.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: Everybody that got laid off has a job.
 * Parker: What about the building?
 * Hardison: I heard an anonymous donor put in a bid for it. He said he's gonna turn it into a theater for the local high school.
 * Nate: The arts are vastly underfunded in this country, don't you think?
 * Sophie: You sly old dog.

The White Rabbit Job [5.12]

 * Parker: What's the White Rabbit?
 * Hardison: It's the ungriftable grift, it's impossible.
 * Parker: Yeah, but we do the impossible.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: (just hit Parker with his car for the con) What are you doing? That was way to close!
 * Parker: (Giving a thumbs up) Had to make it look real! Was it good?

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Nate: Let's go steal a dream.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: You're all plans and clockwork. This con is unpredictable. It can break a mark. It can break a grifter. It can break a team.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Hardison: Stop taking stuff.
 * Parker: Hey, what about this? Should I take this? (holds up a red t shirt)
 * Hardison and Eliot: Put it back.
 * Hardison: Intel. We're not here to steal.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sophie: What the hell are you doing?
 * Hardison: [With a wrench in hand] I'm hacking.
 * Sophie: Well, stop it! Just...step back
 * Hardison: She's [Parker] on the roof with the guy we just spent the last four days driving crazy.

<hr width=50%>


 * Dodgson: Am I dreaming now or was I dreaming then?
 * Parker: Which answer gets you down here with me?

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: I'm not Patience! Patience is dead! Okay? She's dead, and it sucks, and that's the way it is. But you're alive. You're here.
 * Dodgson: You don't under... you don't understand. She was the only one who... I'm alone.
 * Parker: I don't understand? I had somebody. I lost someone once okay? And I thought I was alone too. But you know what? I wasn't. People thought I was crazy, but I never was. I never was. And neither are you. You're not alone. You're own people sent us because they care about you.
 * Dodgson: I never wanted any this. I just... I didn't want the business or the legacy. I just wanted to make things.
 * Parker: What happened to Patience wasn't your fault. But what happens next is. It's your life, Charlie. It's your choice. Make something.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Yeah, so, the con failed...technically.
 * Sophie: The con didn't fail. The con worked.
 * Hardison: If by "worked," you mean completely fell apart.
 * Sophie: Huh? Sorry, which one of us is the grifter? I'm telling you, we pulled off The White Rabbit successfully.
 * Nate: Pulled off The White Rabbit successf... How so?
 * Sophie: Well The White Rabbit is about taking the truth, whats underneath, and bringing it out.
 * Nate: Without breaking the Mark in the process..
 * Sophie: Every grift is an exchange, the trick is to give enough to hold the Mark, but not so much that you get pulled over with him.
 * Nate: Parker, huh?
 * Sophie: Parker.
 * Parker: (Walking up to the group) We good?
 * Sophie: You tell us.
 * Parker: Yeah, we're good.

<hr width=50%>

The Corkscrew Job [5.13]

 * Hardison: There’s the full nondisclosure agreement that Kristin’s required to sign in order to get her settlement. That thing’s 100 pages longer than the one you sign for the CIA. The winery’s just trying to get her to shut up.
 * Sophie: And how did you get your hands on the CIA contract?
 * Hardison: You ask too many questions.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Parker: Nate, I'm going in. [to herself] I'm Intern Parker. Intern Parker.
 * [At Leverage HQ, Nate turns to Sophie]
 * Sophie: Yeah, we've, uh, we've been working on her long con abilities, you know, internalizing the character more.
 * [later]
 * Parker: Is Intern Parker working for free?
 * Sophie: She's just a character, Parker.
 * Parker: Yeah. But I know what Intern Parker's worth is. And Intern Parker deserves a fair wage for her labor!
 * Nate: [to Sophie] Yeah, you might want to dial that back a little bit, yeah.
 * Sophie: Dial it back, yeah. Thinking so.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: If his wine collection is the collateral, let's make the collection worthless.
 * Sophie: The bank finds out the collection's a fraud, Madigan loses the winery.
 * Hardison: Yeah, we just take a 200-year-old bottle of grape juice and turn it into Two-Buck Chuck.
 * Nate: Let's go fake a bottle.

<hr width=50%>


 * Man: Here’s the computer you ordered.
 * Hardison: My precious.
 * (Parker looks disgruntled)
 * Hardison: You... I mean you. You’re my precious.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [Seeing Leonard chew out a worker]
 * Parker: He's got a very punchable face.
 * Eliot: Yeah, I noticed that.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Age of the geek, baby... I am the Grape Gatsby.

<hr width=50%>


 * Madigan: Look. This is the real bottle.
 * Sophie: Yeah, yes, yes, I’m sure you’re right. I just... You know, wine fraud is a pernicious business. My ex-boyfriend, ah. He turned out to be a big disappointment. Half his collection was fake.
 * Hardison: Make the man doubt his own wine and his manhood? Damn.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: I like that camera. Could shove a cat in that camera.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: I'll taste it.
 * Hardison: Oh, that's my masterpiece right there.
 * [Sophie takes a sip and nearly spits it out]
 * Hardison: Wine as sweet as my orange soda.
 * Sophie: My teeth ache!

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: [on comm] Okay, guys, so here's the thing. All wine bottled after 1947 have trace amounts of radioactivity. Cesium isotopes from atmospheric nuclear testing
 * Parker: Where did you get radioactive cesium?
 * Hardison: The things I do for Nate.
 * [Flashback of Hardison escaping the Richmond Nuclear Reservation]

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: If it’s radioactive, then why are we drinking it?
 * Nate: Oh, come on now, it’s safe. There are trace amounts of cesium everywhere... On you, on me... Everywhere but old wine. Which is why Hardison dipped the auditor’s gloves into a slurry containing the isotope.
 * Parker: So I'm radioactive? Why don't I have superpowers?
 * Hardison: Babe, we all feel cheated.

<hr width=50%>


 * Guard: Oxygen deprivation works fast. You'll be unconscious in thirty seconds.
 * Eliot: It'll take me ten seconds.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sophie: The money you gave them.
 * Nate: I may habe found a buyer for the Jefferson bottle.
 * Sophie: It’s not Hardison’s brew, is it?
 * Nate: Certainly not. In memory of Kristin’s father... and in honor of good friends.
 * Sophie: And with hope for the future. (drinks wine) Wow. That’s amazing. It tastes...
 * Nate: Special.
 * Sophie: You said you found a buyer for the bottle. You didn’t say “wine”. You said “the Jefferson bottle”.
 * Nate: I meant wine when I said bottle. I mean, it’s not like the next buyer is ever going to taste the wine. It’s too valuable. No, of course I meant (clears throat) wine.
 * Sophie: You mean... we are drinking the world’s most expensive wine?
 * Nate: You’re the wine expert.
 * Sophie: And you’re never gonna tell me, are you?
 * Nate: I do know the difference between what’s real and what’s fake.

<hr width="50%"/>

The Toy Job [5.14]

 * Nate: I'm saying that we, uh, I think we went overboard on Christmas gifts last year.
 * Parker: Nate, I love my ECOSSE motorcycle from last Christmas, compliments of my Santa baby.
 * Eliot: You spent $100,000 on a motorcycle?
 * Hardison: Don't hate the gift. Hate the elf.
 * Eliot: I do hate the elf.
 * Parker: So are you saying no Christmas presents at all? Not even something small?
 * Nate: No gifts.
 * Parker: But... How are we supposed to do Christmas without any presents?
 * Sophie: Let's just put a limit on spending. Lets say $1,000 (Nate clears his throat.) $100 a (Nate clears his throat.) $50 bucks a person.
 * Parker: Fine. Whatever.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: You realize that without that safety study, we got nothing.
 * Nate: Yeah.
 * Eliot: So why'd you promise him that?
 * Nate: Because we are not gonna let that toy get released. We're gonna steal Christmas.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: We can't con a 6-year-old. You know who we can con? Their parents.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Okay, so, Hardison, you get on that lecture thing. Eliot, you get on the mommies.
 * Hardison: And he doesn't mean that literally.
 * Eliot: That joke is never funny.
 * Hardison: It's always funny.
 * Eliot: No, it's not, Hardison. Comedy's about timing and you don't have it!

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: What do you think parents are most afraid of?
 * Parker: Clowns?
 * Nate: No.
 * Parker: Evil clowns?
 * Nate: No.
 * Parker: Crazy clowns named Gigi who whisper your name from under your bed?
 * Nate: [pauses] No.

<hr width=50%>


 * Parker: Isn't this I don't know... Wrong? Messing with Christmas presents, playing with parents fears? I mean don't you feel just a little bit guilty given the holiday?
 * Nate: No.
 * Parker: I do.
 * Nate: Why?
 * Parker: Because!
 * Nate: Parker, why is it that people give each other Christmas presents?
 * Parker: To be nice!
 * Nate: No. Because they're being programmed by these giant corporations that do all this research to figure out how to push these psychological buttons in people to make them get these presents. Right? Make no mistake. What we're doing is we're manipulating fears and making these toys, all of it... This. This is Christmas. Yeah.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: Alright look listen to me. If I'm going to do this. I wanna... I wanna be tough dad. You know what I mean? Cool dad. Just enough to turn her head. Don't go overboard on this! Keep it simple. You know someone who's not afraid to make a PB&J okay, but still wants to go out into the yard, get dirty, kick the soccer ball around a bit. Strict, but fair.
 * (Two seconds later in a park surrounded by blogger moms)
 * Eliot: After my wife passed it was, uh it was very tough for me and my son... Dashiel... to communicate. (choked up) But... that's when Baby Feels-A-Lot came into our lives.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: What the problem with getting emotionally butt naked? I'm just trying to share my feelings.
 * Nate: We don't want to see that.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: I was talking to Parker, and, I mean, we're a little down about Christmas. We think...we're...kind of ruining the holiday or something.
 * Nate: Hardison, Christmas was pre-ruined. You know how it began?
 * Sophie: [gasping] No.
 * Hardison: Yeah, it was a fat guy in a chimney.
 * Nate: Christmas began as a pagan, pre-Roman feast involving the sacrifice of children. Ho-ho-ho. [walks away]
 * Hardison: Is he serious?
 * [Sophie shrugs]
 * Hardison: I mean, dang, I feel like I just got sucker-punched by an elf-hating, Scrooge-loving, no-gift-giving anti-Claus. I mean, am I bleeding?
 * Sophie: Little bit.

<hr width=50%>


 * Eliot: Promise me those things will never hit toy shelves.
 * Parker: Nah, I'm keeping him all to myself. I've got them all lined up in my warehouse like an army of joy and rage.
 * Hardison: You never want to be in that warehouse alone. Ever.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sophie: I think we should give each other some trust for Christmas.
 * Parker: What? Like that willow exercise where you fall back and the other person catches you?
 * Sophie: No, not like that.
 * Parker: Good, because I did that once, and I dropped the person, and they had to get stitches.
 * Hardison: Still hurts.
 * Parker: I know.

The Long Goodbye Job [5.15]

 * Nate: He's going to get the drug.
 * Dr. Giallo: I don't want to give them false hope.
 * Nate: The thing about false hope is that, uh, the sting of it fades. Unanswered prayer's, eventually, those - those go away too. But the idea that his parents could have done something, anything, to have their kid's life but didn't? Don't let them carry that burden. Alright? Let's not do that? I'll take care of this.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Parker: It's just that this is the kind of mastermind stuff you usually go off and do by yourself, you know? Well, you and your bottle. But lately, you've been involving me in the planning. And not just the heist, the cons, too.
 * Nate: Parker, you know, you don't let feelings get in the way. You... You rotate problems, security, people, timelines. You spin them in the three-dimensional space, like puzzle pieces until they click. It's not the way I think, but... I trust your judgment. I really do.

<hr width=50%>


 * Nate: Do you miss it?
 * Sophie: mnh-mnh
 * Nate: No? Not even a little?
 * Sophie: My acting talents are best served relieving people of their wallets. I really like it on this side of the stage. I... I love it. For the first time in my life, I'm exactly where I belong.

<hr width=50%>


 * [As Parker swings to the other building]
 * Hardison: Twenty pounds of crazy.
 * Eliot: Five pound bag.

<hr width=50%>


 * Hardison: Did Eliot make it out?
 * Eliot: [choking on blood] Age of the geek, brother.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Casey: Do you mind if I ask you one more question? Why are you lying to me?
 * Nate: I'm not.
 * Casey: See the three weeks you took over the theatre basement just doesn't make any sense. There are a dozen ways to get on that roof, until you consider the Shanghai Tunnels. See three weeks just doesn't make any sense if you want to get on the roof, but you know what makes sense? Breaking down an old foundation to get into the old Shanghai Tunnels. Do you want to know what I found at the end of the tunnels, huh? The roof's not the way in. The elevator shaft's the way in, isn't it?
 * Nate: Why would I lie? Why? I screwed up! I got them killed! I lost everything, the only thing I ever had! Why, why, why would I lie?
 * Casey: Well if I had to venture a guess, I would guess that you probably have realized That you're not in the hospital. How'd you figure it out?
 * Nate: Well, Hospitals - Take it from me. I've been in quite a few. They're loud places. Since I've been here, I haven't heard any announcements, no alarms, no "Ding!" Those files that, um, you read from earlier are supposed to be from Portland Police, but they all had Interpol coding. When you stand, you adjust your little jacket. You give it a tug. To hide the gun that ordinarily would be in your holster. You're not Portland or state police. FBI - They like to flash their badges. And besides, I've been in the, uh, Portland offices of the FBI. Like most Americans, you reach for your cellphone on average, every 94 seconds. But you - you stop yourself. Your head - you give a little tell, a little shake. You know, It's to remind yourself that your cellphone doesn't work here. And that leaves only one law-enforcement agency, in an understaffed, barely used office, in a building where cellphones don't work. I am in the provisional Interpol offices in the Highpoint Tower, Agent Casey.

<hr width=50%>


 * Sterling: That's why you moved to Portland. Could have picked anywhere else in the world, and you chose here.
 * Nate: It grows on you.

<hr width=50%>


 * Casey: I've talked to a dozen people today.
 * Sterling: I've seen Sophie Devereaux play a dozen people.... drunk.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sterling: What you were doing, back in the room. Where did you learn to act like that?
 * Nate: Oh. Sophie. She really helped me. She's directing now. She found her calling.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sterling: Well your ride to a secret prison has arrived. Any last requests?
 * Nate: Yes. The other reason I needed it to be you, was so that I could ask you this. Don't tell them I got the black book.
 * Casey: Transfer papers.
 * Nate: Send me to jail forever. Just don't tell them I got their names. You know, send me away for the break in. Say that the file wasn't on the hard-drive.
 * Sterling: It's a list of all the sins and secret bank accounts of the most powerful men in the world.
 * Nate: Yes.
 * Sterling: It would be open season for every grifter and thief out there. If I don't tell them, they'd be defenseless.
 * Nate: Yes. That's right. That's exactly right. Yeah. See you don't tell them, they won't see it coming. They broke the world James.
 * Casey: Do you boys want to know what I think? I don't know.
 * Sterling: Yeah, he has that affect on people. Nathan, you and I are not the same. We don't believe in the same things.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Hardison: There it is man. They Holy grail.
 * Parker: A thousand bad guys.
 * Eliot: A lot of revenge in there, just waiting on a righteous man to take a swing.
 * Nate: Yeah. That man's not gonna be me. We're out. Done.
 * Sophie: We?
 * Nate: Well... That depends on - On what you say next, of course. (Nate dims the lights)
 * Sophie: What? Huh?
 * Nate: For five years I've been, I've been...
 * Hardison: Drunk.
 * Parker: Lying.
 * Elliot: You've been an ornery bastard.
 * Nate: Yeah, yeah. All that, all that. But you, you have always, always had my back. Now - be on my side?
 * Sophie: [about the ring] Did you steal it?
 * Nate: No!
 * Sophie: Because that would be more romantic, right, Parker?
 * Nate: I'll, uh. I'll steal the, um, First anniversary ring. Now can I get up?
 * Parker: No. You've got to say it.
 * Nate: What?
 * Parker: Say the thing.
 * Nate: What thing? Oh, The thing. Oh, uh, yeah. Will you marry me, Laura?
 * Sophie: Yes. Yes.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Nate: So, the hard drive. Everything thing you need is right there.
 * Hardison: You know what. I'm going to dump this on the dark net.
 * Parker: Every crew from around the world will want in with us.
 * Hardison: Just think about it. Leverage International.
 * Nate: That sounds pretty good.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Elliot: You know this was your crusade. Now this is our war.
 * Sophie: Promise me, you'll keep them safe.
 * Eliot: Till my dying day.
 * Nate: You know, Eliot, I'd say, call if you need anything, but you never, never need anything.
 * Eliot: Yeah, I did. Thanks to you, I don't have to search anymore.
 * Nate: [to Hardison] You're the smartest man I know. Don't get cocky.
 * Hardison: It's a little late for that.
 * Parker: So, you're really going?
 * Sophie: How does that make you feel?
 * Parker: I think I'm okay with it. Yeah, I'm okay with it.
 * Nate: That's why we can go.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Sophie: You do know that Laura is not my real name, don't you?
 * Nate: I do.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * [last lines; the team is interviewing two grieving parents who want revenge on the company that killed their son]
 * Parker: People like that... corporations like that, they have all the money, they have all the power, and they use it to make people like you go away. Right now, you're suffering under an enormous weight. We provide... Leverage.