Love Stinks (film)

Love Stinks is a 1999 comedy film. It was written and directed by Jeff Franklin. Sometimes the best sex in the world...just isn't worth it.taglines

Dialogue

 * Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.
 * Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?
 * Chelsea: I am NOT in denial.


 * Larry Garnett: It's like a hooker taking a trick to court to get him to pay.
 * Holly: Don't call my best friend a hooker.
 * Larry Garnett: That's right, a hooker tells you the price up front.


 * Seth: You've put me off women. I'm gay now. And not just a little gay-full on, Liberace gay.


 * Chelsea: I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one.
 * Holly: Are you serious? Does he feel the same way?
 * Chelsea: Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.


 * Holly: We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.
 * Chelsea: Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.


 * Seth: Nice job, you fucked up date night.


 * Seth: Drop the probe and step away from my ass.


 * Seth: I'll sure your ass for damages for damaging my ass.


 * Seth: Back to Hell, demon. Back to hell.


 * Seth: But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.
 * Chelsea: Hate sex.


 * [on phone answering machine]
 * Seth: If you have a message for me, leave it after the beep and if you have a message for Chelsea then you REALLY HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY.


 * Seth: [in the shower] Oh my God! My hair is falling out!
 * Chelsea: You know stress will do that to ya!
 * Seth: Holy shit! It's really falling out!
 * Chelsea: That's so weird!
 * [Seth's hair begins to fall out rapidly]
 * Seth: Oh my God! Oh, Jesus! Oh my God! Oh, jeez! [steps out of shower and looks into mirror] AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?
 * Chelsea: I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner.
 * Seth: Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME!
 * Chelsea: I didn't do it! I swear!
 * Seth: Ooooohhhhh man, you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!


 * Chelsea: Can I make it up to you?
 * Seth: What did you have in mind?
 * Chelsea: Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed.
 * Seth: The three B's! It has a chance at working.


 * Chelsea: [sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse] Ugh, you are such a pig!
 * Seth: Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes... [farts loudly] OH!...
 * Chelsea: [simultaneously] EWWW! Ew! Ew!
 * Seth: Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming! [farts] OH!...
 * Chelsea: [simultaneously] Ugh, you're sick! Ew!
 * Seth: My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! [farts rapidly, four times] Oh, man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh! [farts loudly] Ole!

Taglines
(An Un-Romantic Comedy
 * Sometimes the best sex in the world...just isn't worth it.
 * An "Un-romantic" romantic comedy.
 * If you can't be with the one you love...make their life a living hell.
 * A movie about a relationship...that's worse than yours.

Cast

 * French Stewart - Seth Winnick
 * Bridgette Wilson - Chelsea Turner
 * Bill Bellamy - Larry Garnett
 * Tyra Banks - Holly Garnett
 * Steve Hytner - Marty Mark
 * Jason Bateman - Jesse Travis
 * Tiffani Amber-Thiessen - Rebecca Melini