Mad Buddies

Mad Buddies is a 2012 South African comedy film. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures acquired the film's distribution rights and released the film through the Touchstone Pictures banner. This production is an unofficial remake of the Jamie Uys films Fifty/Vyftig, Hans en die Rooinek and All the Way to Paris: films which, like this one, depict two adversaries having to assist each other to get out of awkward situations.
 * Directed by Gray Hofmeyr. Co-written by Gray Hofmeyr and Leon Schuster.

Kelsey

 * A reality show with these two idiots!! I love it!!
 * Minister, as a reality show, it is going to kick butt, I promise. And more to the point, it's going to work for essay tourism, and it's gonna work for you. Imagine how you're gonna impress the President. You'll be bringing black and white together in our rainbow nation. The most important thing they must not know is they are on television, and they must not know about the reality show.
 * You are a man of vision, sir.
 * Well, are our heroes just too far gone to get over their cheap racist selves, or will they kiss and make up? And if anyone comes across Beast or Boetie, please play along. Do not let them know that they are being filmed or that you know who they are. This is South Africa's own heartbeat reality show, Buddies or Broke.
 * Hello, boys. I thought something like this might happen. Do you remember what I said... about the prize? And how you might just get lucky?
 * Life is so easy when you have the tools.
 * Yes, everyone is talking about the madness our two heroes got up to last night on Buddies or Broke. So, by popular demand, and I mean demand, here are the highlights.
 * Okay, everybody, listen up! We're changing the rules. We're only a few hours away from the end and from now on, this is a race. Two million prize, winner takes all!
 * The final leg to Johannesburg, and the finish line. Let the climax begin!!

Dialogue

 * Kelsey: Yesterday, at the wedding reception of the daughter of the newly appointed Minister of tourism, Silas Nda, two local men, Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, destroyed the event in a racist brawl. You're being charged with malicious damage to property and disrupting the peace. And Minister Nda here intends...
 * Minister Silas Nda: To see you both go to jail for a long time!
 * Kelsey: Unless you both agree to some therapy.
 * Beast Buthelezi: Yes!
 * Boetie de Wett: Therapy is good.
 * Beast: We need therapy!
 * Boetie: We are real stuff-ups.
 * Kelsey: So this is what you're going to do. You are going to walk from here to Gauteng together.
 * Beast: What?!
 * Boetie: Walk?! That's 600 kilometers!
 * Minister Nda: It's a penalty for your racist behavior!
 * Beast: I am not racist!
 * Boetie: Nor me. I can speak Zulu. [subtitled] He's an idiot.
 * Beast: And I find white ladies sexy.
 * Minister Nda: But the country and the rest of the world believe that you are racist!
 * Kelsey: So you are going to walk together to prove that you can get along.
 * Beast: We hate each other!
 * Boetie: I hate him.
 * Kelsey: Would you rather stay here in jail?


 * Kelsey: Okay. The rules. You may not catch a lift on anything. You have to walk. And you must stay away from all the major roads. [hands Boetie a map] This is a map of your route. I'm sure you'll find a picturesque. Wallets and cellphones.
 * Beast: Huh?!
 * Kelsey: Mm-hmm.
 * Boetie: [as he and Beast take out their wallets and cellphones] You want us to do this thing without money?!
 * Kelsey: Relax. This trip is on me. [takes Beast's wallet and cellphone] Thank you. [takes Boetie's wallet and cellphone] Thank you. [hands Boetie and Beast some money] Here's R200 each.
 * Boetie: R200?! 200 bucks won't even fill this tank once! He's obese!
 * Minister Nda: Uh-uh! He's Beast!
 * Beast: Yeah, Minister!
 * Kelsey: You have to cross the finish line together as friends. This is not a race. It's a test.
 * Minister Nda: Yes, and my job is on the line.
 * Kelsey: And we have got spies out there to make sure that the two of you do not cheat.
 * Minister Nda: As Mandela says, "It's a long walk to freedom."
 * Beast: What is the price?
 * Kelsey: Hmm... [considers this very carefully]
 * Boetie: You.
 * Kelsey: Well, you never know your luck. So we'll see you in Johannesburg, Gauteng. [walks over to Beast and kisses him on the cheek, then walks over to Boetie and kisses him on the cheek] So good luck. Remember, this isn't a race. Bye! Well, go on.


 * President: I am not happy!
 * Minister Nda: Yes, Mr. President! Also, I'm not happy, sir!
 * President: Good! So get your fat butt over there to those two imbeciles and arrest them! They are going back to prison! This reality rubbish is over! And so are you! Over!!
 * Minister Nda: Yes, Mr. President!


 * Boetie: You realize the whole country has been watching us making... monkeys of ourselves!
 * Beast: You know, what I want to know is how much is Kelsey making out of this? No, let me tell you. A fortune!
 * Boetie: Of course! And what are we getting? 10 measly grand, maybe.
 * Beast: You know what? We're gonna have to make them pay to see this through. R1 million each!
 * Boetie: A million each?
 * Beast: That's what those guys from Idols get. And they can't even sing!
 * Boetie: Exactly!
 * Beast: R1 million in an allowance!
 * Boetie: As we cross the finish line.
 * Beast: Or we quit.
 * Boetie: Yeah!
 * Beast: Yeah!

Cast

 * Leon Schuster – Boetie
 * Kenneth Nkosi – Beast
 * Tanit Phoenix – Kelsey
 * Alfred Ntombela – Minister Nda
 * Trevor Noah – Bookie
 * Chris Hill – Rowley