Mike Warnke

Michael Alfred "Mike" Warnke (born 19 November 1946) was a Christian evangelist and comedian who became one of evangelical Christianity's best-known experts on the subject of Satanism until an investigation by Cornerstone magazine revealed his testimony of having been a reformed ex-Satanist was a lie.

Alive (album) (1975)

 * ...So I wasn't death to this guy, I was just a one-way ticket home. Now I don't know if you've ever stuck a .38 in somebody's navel, but if they look at you and say "Praise the Lord," I guarantee you one thing, it'll separate your head from your shoulders!


 * And silence ... is loud! And I'd be straining real hard to hear what those two boys were saying.  And finally, just when they figured I had my ear right against the window, one of those ol' boys would turn to the other and say "Did you know that Jesus died for your sins?"  And the other one would say "Why no, tell me about it!"


 * Someone says, "Don't you think that Jesus is a crutch?" Well, maybe he is, but when you're crippled, that's not too bad.  Some one else say, "Don't you think you're rather closed-minded?"  I say, "Yeah, but I can afford to be, I'm right."


 * Maybe you don't like some of the things I've said tonight, that's ok. Maybe you don't like me.  I could care less.  Especially you Christians, you don't gotta like me, you gotta love me.  See, I'm a member of your family.  And you can pick your friends, but you're stuck with your relatives!

Growing Up (album) (1983)

 * ....People think that when you get saved, you're crazy. Did you ever wonder why?  What would you think if you were standing beside the road and you saw the local Baptist church go by in pieces?  Would you think they had all their marbles, huh?  Would you think they had both oars in the water, huh?  Huh?  Wouldn't you think that maybe their porchlight was out?

Stuff Happens (album) (1985)

 * Christians have their own language.


 * Now, after the concert, y'all are going to want to pig out. But you don't want to say you're going to go pig out. So one of you is come up to the other and say, "How about a little fellowship?"


 * Christians don't gossip, they "share"; and when they really get mean, they "share in love". If a Christian comes up to you and says, "I'm going to share this with you in love", watch out.


 * Pregnant women got someone else in there hangin' from their ribcage goin' "We got to go now."


 * Don't ever get between a pregnant woman and the bathroom door; it don't matter if the sister's saved, she'll hurt you in Jesus' name! She'll be saying  ' I pray for you in a minute. '