Monsters at Work

Monsters at Work (2021–present) is an American computer-animated streaming television series that debuted on Disney+ on July 7, 2021. It is part of the Monsters, Inc. media franchise. Taking place after the events of the first film, Tylor Tuskmon, a recent Scare Major graduate from Monsters University comes to Monsters, Incorporated to work as a Scarer only to find that the company now runs on laugh power and is now working at the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team (MIFT) until he learns to become a jokester. Meanwhile, James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski encounter the trials and tribulations of running a company.

Welcome to Monsters, Incorporated [1.1]

 * [Tylor Tuskmon has succeeded in the scare simulator]
 * Tylor: [first lines] Well, Professor Knight, how'd I do?
 * Prof. Knight: [chuckles] How'd you do?! Not even James P. Sullivan himself ever scored this high!
 * Tylor: Wait, really?
 * Prof. Knight: You're quite the Scarer, Mr. Tuskmon.
 * Tylor: Thank you, sir.
 * Prof. Knight: And when you get to Monsters, Incorporated... Oh, the screams you generate alone will power half of Monstropolis.
 * Tylor: [chuckles nervously] You mean if I go to Monsters, Incorporated.
 * Prof. Knight: No. [pulls out an envelope] When. [hands Tylor the envelope]
 * Tylor: What's, uh...
 * Prof. Knight: Go on. Open it.
 * [Tylor opens the envelope and pulls out a letter]
 * Tylor: "Dear Mr. Tuskmon. Monsters, Incorporated is pleased to offer you the position of Scarer!"
 * Prof. Knight: [laughs] Straight to the top!
 * Tylor: "Please arrive Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. to receive your scare assignment. Sincerely, Henry J. Waternoose III, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated." I did it.
 * Prof. Knight: You're gonna be a Scarer!
 * Tylor: [excited] I'm gonna be a Scarer.


 * [Monsters, Inc. has now converted to laugh power; James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski are sent to Mr. Waternoose's old office]
 * Roz: Boys, we need to talk.
 * [Sulley nudges Mike towards Roz]
 * Mike: Oh, Roz, what an unpleasant surprise. [tries to walk out but Sulley stops him]
 * Roz: I had a little debrief with the Board of Directors, and they wanted me to relay the news: They're putting you two in charge.
 * [Sully is gives a shocked look while Mike is ecstatic]
 * Sulley: You're kidding.
 * Roz: That's what I said. But, Sullivan, you're officially the new Monsters, Inc. CEO. And, Wazowski, you're the...
 * Mike: Wait. I got this. Senior Co-President of Monsters, Incorporated, and Chief Executive Vice-Deputy Administrative Director of Comedy Resources Management, or SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM for short.
 * Roz: Eh... My work here is done.
 * Mike: Well, adieu, Roz. True friends never say goodbye, so... goodbye! Can you believe it, Sulley?! We're in charge! You and me!
 * Roz: One last thing: The Board promised to give my sister my old job. She'll be in later. Good luck. She's not bubbly like me. Ha, ha, ha!
 * Mike: That has a sister?
 * Sulley: Us in charge?
 * Mike: [on the phone] Yeah, you heard right, we're in charge, Floor Supervisor Celia.
 * Celia: [excited] What?! Really?!
 * Mike: Yeah, yeah.
 * Celia: Floor Supervisor?! Me?!
 * Mike: I thought the first order of business should be for you to get your long overdue promotion.
 * Celia: Everybody, get back to work! I'm practicing my Floor Supervisor voice. Oh, my gosh. I'm...
 * Mike: [pushes a picture of Waternoose off the desk] Goodbye! [kisses the phone and hangs up] I could really get into this being-in-charge thing. Not that I'd use it for personal gain. How much do you think my raise should be? What about a company car? You know, nothing...
 * [the power flickers all over the factory]
 * Sulley: There won't be any raise or car if we don't keep the power on. Come on, we need to get you to the Scare Floor.
 * Mike: Laugh Floor.
 * Sulley: Laugh Floor. Right, right. And we're gonna need to find a couple hundred more funny monsters.
 * Mike: Plus, we're gonna need a new slogan. Let's see. "We clown around to power the town."
 * Sulley: I'm thinking... no.
 * Mike: "We are funny to keep the lights runny."
 * Sulley: Keep trying, Mikey.
 * Mike: Hey, how about this one?


 * [Tylor, learning that Monsters, Inc. no longer needs Scarers, has to go through new employee orientation; a training video is played as Mr. Crummyham pauses it, then resumes it each time]
 * Female Narrator: This is Monsters, Incorporated, where we scare because we care.
 * Mr. Crummyham: [pauses the video] Actually, we don't scare anymore. Now we're laugh power. Sorry about that. [resumes the video]
 * Female Narrator: Every day on each of our state-of-the-art Scare Floors...
 * Mr. Crummyham: [pauses the video] Laugh Floors. [resumes the video]
 * Female Narrator: ..our elite team of Scarers...
 * Mr. Crummyham: [pauses the video] Jokesters. [resumes the video]
 * Female Narrator: ...help support the mission of our esteemed CEO's... [video shows an image of Waternoose]
 * Mr. Crummyham: [pauses the video] No longer esteemed! [pretending to throat-slash Waternoose] Headed off to the big house! [resumes the video]
 * Female Narrator: ...mission, to create scare energy...
 * Mr. Crummyham: Laugh.
 * Female Narrator: ...and scare power...
 * Mr. Crummyham: Laugh!
 * Female Narrator: ...by scaring...
 * Mr. Crummyham: Laughing! [stops the video] You know what? Forget it. Let's just move on.
 * Tylor: Wait a minute. You're saying you're no longer hiring Scarers?


 * [Tylor is on his way to MIFT; Val passes by him but then backs to get a closer look at him]
 * Tylor: Uh...
 * Val: Tylor!
 * Tylor: Uh...
 * Val: Tylor Tuskmon, right? Am I right? Those horns, dead giveaway, 'cause they're so...
 * Tylor: Yes. Sorry. Do I, uh...
 * Val: Val Little. Monsters University. Freshman Year. We had that Origins of Fear class together. Yawn.
 * Tylor: Origins...
 * Val: Yawn.
 * Tylor: Yeah, I guess, it was just such a large class. You work here? When did you graduate?
 * Val: College, eh... it was an interesting detour. Too much of a commitment. Not really the whole regimented, stuffed shirt, college-scene type of gal. Blech! Well, what've you been up to?
 * Tylor: Graduating from college.
 * Val: Good for you!
 * Tylor: Yeah, it's great.
 * Val: Except for the loan debt, right? Ka-ching! For you it'd probably be like ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching! 'Cause you graduated. For me it was like... ka-ching.
 * Tylor: Yeah, and the fact that this place is no longer hiring Scarers. I mean, I got this letter saying that I was gonna be a Scarer, but now they've assigned me to, what... MIFT?
 * Val: MIFT?! [gasps excitedly] That's where I work! Hop in, I'll take you!


 * [Tylor arrives at MIFT Headquarters]
 * Val: Hey, everybody, meet the new guy! Tylor Tuskmon.
 * Tylor: Hi.
 * Val: We were best buds in college.
 * Tylor: We just had that one class together.
 * Val: Yeah, but it was special.
 * Tylor: We didn't actually speak. Hi, everyone, just to be clear, I was told this was a temporary assignment.
 * Fritz: Well, we'll see about that, won't we? I'm Fritz. OH, they said they were sending over a new MIFTer.
 * Tylor: Sorry, what exactly is "MIFT"?
 * Fritz: What is MIFT?
 * Cutter: Oh, now you done it. [brings over a chair for Fritz to stand on; Duncan plays dramatic music on his stereo]
 * Fritz: Since the day Monsters, Inc. was founded, there has been a need. A need for a dedicated team of mechanics to nurture the intricate machinery that is the foundation of this factory. No matter how arduous or difficult the repair might be, MIFT is there to tighten the bolts, unclog the pipes, wrench the nut! We embrace it with, uh... We embrace it with...
 * Duncan: With unbridled anticipation.
 * Fritz: There you go! Unbridled participation of what challenge lies ahead. And at the end of the day, we each say, "I'm proud!" [Banana Bread sputters] "I am proud to be a member of the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team!"
 * [Duncan stops the music while Cutter throws confetti]
 * Cutter: For the record, I've never actually said that.


 * [Tylor has a private conversation with Duncan]
 * Duncan: Look, I get it. First impressions, everybody seems a little bit crazy, right? Y'know, down here where there's no daylight and the reptitive din of machinery is forever hammering into your brain. But look, the MIFT team, they mean well, alright? You're gonna warm up to'em, I promise.
 * Tylor: I just don't...
 * Tylor and Duncan: ...belong here.
 * Duncan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 * Tylor: Yes! Exactly!
 * Duncan: You and me, we see eye to eyes.
 * Tylor: It's nice to finally meet somebody who gets it. I'm sorry. I didn't get your name.
 * Duncan: Oh! Hey, sorry. The name's Duncan.
 * Tylor: Hi, Duncan.
 * Duncan: But people around here refer to me as [seriously] "Deputy Supervisor." [closes the door] You know why? Because when Fritz retires or dies, I'm takin' his job. So you can forget about your little College Boy plan...
 * Tylor: Wait, what?
 * Duncan: ...of waltzing in here and taking what's rightfully mine, you understand?
 * Tylor: No, there's no...
 * Duncan: I'm onto your scheme.
 * Tylor: I have no interest at all in Fritz's job.
 * Duncan: Oh, so that's how you wanna play the game, is it?
 * Tylor: No, no, honestly, no games. I'm not playing a game.
 * Duncan: I'm just a pawn in the way of you becoming king. A little itty-bitty pawn that's gonna get knocked off the board. Ping!
 * Tylor: What? No, no pawn.
 * Duncan: Ping!
 * Tylor: There's no ping! Nothing's pinging!
 * Duncan: I'm onto you. [flies towards a dark corner of the room] I'm onto you.
 * Tylor: Okay. So if there's nothing else, I'm gonna...
 * Duncan: [whispers scarily] Onto you. [Tylor backs up into the door] Yooooooouuuuuu.... [Tylor exits the room]


 * [Tylor is sitting alone at the entrance of Monsters, Inc. where he crumples up the letter he received and throws it aside where it lands in the trash can Needleman and Smitty are rolling]
 * Smitty: Whoa! Nice shot!
 * Needleman: Shut up, Smitty. Can't you see he wants to be alone? He's depressed.
 * Smitty: Why's he depressed?
 * Needleman: If you're a scary monster like him, now what do you do? Unless you can make a kid laugh, you got no future.
 * Smitty: That's depressing.
 * Needleman: Shut up! He can still hear you.
 * Smitty: You shut up!
 * Tylor: Make a kid laugh...


 * [when trying to make a kid laugh, Tylor accidentally wreaked havoc that wrecked a Laugh Floor]
 * Tylor: I am so sorry, Mr. Sullivan. Mr. Wazowski. I, uh, appreciate the opportunity that I have completely blown. You'll never see me again.
 * Sulley: Hold it! You're Tylor Tuskmon, aren't you?
 * Tylor: Uh, yes. Yes, I am. How did you know?
 * Sulley: Who do you think recommended you for the job? You graduated top of you class, even broke my record in the simulation room.
 * Tylor: Ah, yeah. Well... What can I say? I seem to be pretty good at breaking things lately.
 * Sulley: It's been a rough day for all of us.
 * Mike: Yep. Everything's changing.
 * Sulley: Laugh power instead of scare power. Me and Mike in charge. And I guess they're gonna have to change the old MU School of Scaring to the College of Comedy.
 * Mike: Comedy college... Right! Sulley, you're a genius! And seeing that I am the official SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM, I'm making an executive decision to begin Monster, Inc. Comedy Classes, featuring Professor Me! I'll each all you scary monsters how to be funny.
 * Tylor: What?
 * Mike: 'Cause I know what it's like once you've stepped across that line. You'd do anything to be on this floor.
 * Tylor: So I actually have a chance of becoming a Jokester?
 * Sulley: Mike and I, we worked our way up from the mailroom. So anything's possible.
 * Tylor: No more scaring. Now it's, uh, laughter you're after.
 * Mike: Bingo! Our new slogan. "It's Laughter We're After."
 * Roze: Wazowski!
 * Mike: Roz?
 * Roze: The name's Roze.
 * Mike: Wake me up, Sulley. I've having a horrible nightmare. One where you actually smell things.
 * Roze: They just delivered the new kid's hat and ID.
 * [Tylor puts on his new hat and ID tag]
 * Sulley: And from now on, call me Sulley.
 * Mike: And call me Mike.
 * [MIFT appears]
 * Val: Whoa, what happened here? Sure know how to make an impression.
 * Fritz: Where'd you go? I thought you were getting us appreciation donuts.
 * Duncan: [whispers] Remember, I'm onto you.
 * Roze: Tylor, welcome to Monsters, Incorporated.

Meet MIFT [1.2]

 * [MIFT is putting up the new slogan for Monsters, Inc.]
 * Duncan: "It's laughter we're after?" That's the best College Boy could come up with? No, no, no. I can do better. Okay, okay. How about, "Making kids laugh is the contractual responsibility of our staff"? Ah? [chuckles]
 * Cutter: I got a better one for ya, four eyes. How about this? "Laughter lights up your life like an oxyacetylene blowtorch with a multi-flame tip." Ow! Thank you. You're welcome.


 * [Mike has just finished filling a laugh cannister and is really tired]
 * Sulley: You've been at this for 18 hours straight. You need a break.
 * Mike: Ah! A break? Sulley, I am personally powering Monstropolis. [points to the Laugh Record board] Look! First place, second place... fourth place? Uh, that Lanky and his spinning bowtie. We'll see who gets the last laugh, Lanky!
 * [Lanky twirls his bowtie]
 * Sulley: Mike, you need to relax. Let the others handle it for a while.
 * Mike: I'm fine. I gotta keep the kids laughing. I got a gift, Sulley. You do not hide a gift like mine from my tiny, adoring friends... [falls asleep]
 * Sulley: Well, if you're gonna keep the kids laughing, we'd better get you some coffee.
 * [Sulley carries Mike to the break room and pours him a cup of coffee]
 * Sulley: Okay. Creamer, sugar. [pours the creamer and sugar into Mike's cup] Sugars, creamers, stir sticks. No stir sticks. Where is it? [looks around to see if anyone's looking and then takes Mikey's hand and uses his finger to stir his coffee; Mike wakes up as soon as Sulley gives him his coffee] There you go. That'll help.
 * Mike: Bleh, that's horrible. Tastes like someone's finger.
 * Sulley: Uh, that's weird.
 * Mike: Well, thanks, Sulley.
 * Roze: Wazowski! Better not fall asleep in your comedy class.
 * Mike: Oh, that's right. I'm teaching comedy class at lunch.
 * Sulley: Mike, you can't keep going like this.
 * Needleman: Actually, he can, Mr. Sullivan, with a little something called... [throws Mike an energy drink bottle] 36 1/2 Hour Energy drink.
 * Smitty: Yeah, me and Needleman drink two of those when we run out of 73 Hour Energy drink.
 * Needleman: It's twice as good as the 18 1/4 Hour Energy drink.
 * [Mike drinks the energy drink]
 * Sulley: Yeah? I don't know. 36 1/2 hours sounds a lot of energy for such a little...
 * [Mike finishes off the energy drink and his pupil grows with energy]


 * [Tylor storms to comedy class after Duncan tries to harm him with a faulty scream canister just as Fritz and Val bring out a piñata in Tylor's likeness]
 * Fritz and Val: [singing] Piñata time, piñata time, olé!
 * [they both realize Tylor's gone]
 * Val:
 * Fritz: What happened?
 * Val: Duncan, what did you do?
 * [Banana Bread starts blowing raspberries and points at Duncan accusingly]
 * Duncan: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't listen to him, okay? He's exaggerating. I didn't try to kill him. The rookie couldn't change a simple valve.
 * Val: But where did he go?
 * Duncan: I dunno. He said something about a comedy class. I don't keep the schedule.
 * Val: Comedy class? He didn't say anything about a comedy class.
 * Fritz: I don't understand. I tried so hard to make him feel welcome here. I gave him a desk, a nameplate, and look, he never even drank his Drooler Cooler. Sad sigh.


 * [Tylor has just helped MIFT fix a door station and save Mike]
 * Mike: Another laugh canister... filled. [falls asleep]
 * Sulley: Only took him two hours to burn through all 36 1/2 hours of energy.
 * Celia: [puts a blanket over Mike] Aww, let's just let him sleep. Great job, MIFT. And thank you, Tylor.
 * Tylor: No, no, no. It was a team effort, really. Really.
 * Celia: Well, they couldn't have done it without you.
 * Val: You did it! You wrenched the heck out of that nut.
 * Fritz: You finished your first job as a MIFTer.
 * Val: Yeah!
 * Fritz: This calls for a celebration!

The Damaged Room [1.3]

 * [Phlegm accidentally damaged a human baby's room with his acid snot]
 * Celia: Phlegm, what happened?
 * Phlegm: Oh, I have a cold. And when I was in the room, I sn... I sne... AHCHOO!!! [sneezes, shooting snot into Maria's clipboard, dissolving it]
 * Maria: Aye, mocco!
 * Phlegm: Sorry, Maria.
 * Maria: He damaged the room of our best giggler.
 * Celia: We gotta get this room back online stat. I'll get this work order over to MIFT.


 * [Fritz is playing desktop football]
 * Fritz: The crowd is breathless as he's going for the longest kick in the season. And here's the field goal to win... There goes footsie ball!
 * [as soon as Fritz flicks the paper football, the work order flings it away from the goal]
 * Fritz: Oh. You win again, empty chair.
 * Val: Y'know, us hanging out here, all hangin' out and stuff, reminds me of all those times we hung out at MU.
 * Tylor: Did we hang?
 * Val: Yep!
 * Tylor: I'm pretty sure we had that, just one class together.


 * [Tylor and Val realize they need to take the baby out of the room so her parents won't find out about them]
 * Mike: Baby?! We have to take the baby out?!
 * Val: Just while we make the repairs.
 * Mike: Nope. No kids allowed in Monsters, Inc. or Monstropolis.
 * Cutter: If she wakes up and the parents catch us, boom! Dead door.
 * Sulley: Wait, wait, what if I take her out and keep her asleep--
 * Mike: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-NO!
 * Sulley: Come on, Mike.
 * Mike: Not after what happened last time with Boo. Remember? [imitates Sulley] "Ooklay in the agbay."
 * Tyler: [whispers to Val] Is he speaking French?
 * Mike: Our lives were almost ruined.
 * Sulley: That won't happen again.
 * Celia: If we can't fix it in time, we got ourselves a dead door.
 * Mike: I'll do it!
 * Sulley: [chuckles] You?
 * Mike: Yes, me. You see, Sulley, there's a difference between you and me.
 * Sulley: Yeah. I'm tall and you're short.
 * Mike: No.
 * Sulley: I'm blue, you're green.
 * Mike: No.
 * Sulley: Awesome horns, little nubs.
 * Mike: No!
 * Sulley: Furry, not furry.
 * Mike: No.
 * Sulley: Huggable, less huggable.
 * Mike: No! And stop it! Unlike you, Sulley, I can control my feelings. I'm immune to kids' cuteness.
 * Celia: Oh, googly bear...


 * [Mike is keeping the baby in his office]
 * Mike: I just want you to know that that cute little snoring thing you do doesn't affect me.
 * Sulley: [loudly enters the office] Hey, Mike!
 * [the baby starts crying]
 * Mike: Shh-shh-shh.
 * Sulley: [whispering] How's it going?
 * Mike: Perfect. No problem. See? I'm not even affected by little Snore.
 * Sulley: Wait. You named it?
 * Mike: [hesitantly] Um, I-I-I...
 * Sulley: You told me once that if you name it...
 * Mike: You start getting attached to it. And no, this is different.
 * Sulley: How?
 * Mike: I just can't call it "thing." For example, if somebody came in and said, "Hey, Mike, can I borrow that thing?" How would I know what they're talking about? Snore or a stapler? It's completely different.
 * Sulley: I just came by to tell you Rant just gave me two tickets to the baseball game.
 * Mike: [gasps] The Monstropolis Creepees vs. the Red Shocks?
 * Sulley: Yeah, awesome seats, too.
 * Mike: Oh, that's great! When are we going?
 * Sulley: We? Oh, uh, it's today's game. I was gonna ask you, but since you're babysitting, I was gonna see if Fungus wanted to go.
 * Mike: Fungus?! [is about to yell about stops as he knows he would wake up Snore] Fungus?! He knows zip about baseball. I'm the Creepees' biggest fan. [points to his baseball cards and Creepees gear] Look, look, look! And an autographed picture of me with TJ Clawson! I've got tons of monsterobelia! Take Fungus to the opera. You're taking me to the game.
 * Sulley: What about little Snore?
 * Mike: Leave that to me.


 * [at the game]
 * Mike: [sniffs] You smell something, Sulley? I think my rotdog's gone fresh.
 * Sulley: Well, it ain't me. It's... [gestures to Snore]
 * Mike: [sniffs Snore's diaper and gags] Wow, that's fresh. Makes my eye water. Hey, pal, buddy.
 * Sulley: Nope.
 * Mike: Nothing is more important than our friendship, right?
 * Sulley: Nope.
 * Mike: Come on. You know...
 * Sulley: Nope.
 * Mike: You owe me for that favor I did for you.
 * Sulley: Nope.
 * Mike: That one time.
 * Sulley: Nope.
 * Mike: Favor...
 * [Sulley slurps his drink loudly]
 * Mike: That I did. I'll pay you.
 * Sulley: You're the one who insisted on giving her the rotdog.
 * Mike: Yeah, but I didn't know it would make its way through so quickly. These humans are weird. I still haven't passed something from seven months ago.
 * Sulley: You know, my mother always said, "What goes in must come out."
 * Mike: I never liked your mother.


 * Sulley: [as Mike returns after changing the baby] Oh, brother, did you miss it! Clawson hit two fast balls! [trails off when he sees how annoyed Mike is] Oh, I got a good feelin' tonight's the night...
 * Mike: Isn't that great? I'm so glad that you enjoyed it.
 * Sulley: Oh. Uh... Hmm. Well, if there's anything you need me to help out with...
 * Mike: How about you're cooking dinner tonight and doing the dishes?
 * Sulley: Cooking? Well, uh, maybe we could order out.
 * Mike: Order out? Order o-- That's all we do. Why can't we for once have a nice home-cooked family meal together? Answer me that. Answer me that!
 * Sulley: But you like ordering out!
 * Mike: That was before the baby.


 * [The Red Shocks fan behind Sulley and Mike is making noise, deliberately to disturb Snore.]
 * Red Shocks fan: Boo! You swing like a baby! A REALLY WICKED UGLY BABY!!! [laughs]
 * [Mike turns to the fan, fed up.]
 * Mike: Okay, that's it! Listen, gasbag. How's the baby supposed to sleep with you makin' all that racket?
 * [The fan gets angry and towers over Mike threateningly.]
 * Red Shocks fan: You's talkin' to me?
 * Mike: [nervously] Uh, no, actually. I was rehearsing a play that we're doing with our local theater group. [chuckles] Yeah. It's called, "How's That Baby Supposed to Sleep With You Making All That Racket"...?

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor, Val and Duncan are stuck in the room after Tylor accidentally shut off the stations panel; Tylor hides in the closet, Val hides in the corner, while Duncan wraps himself with blankets and lies down in the crib]
 * Mom: I know I heard something. Sweetheart, you okay?
 * Duncan: I'm fine. [the mom and dad gasp] Uh, just very sleepy. Thank you, parent. Good night. [kisses]
 * Mom: Her first words!
 * Dad: Wow!
 * Mom: Did you hear that?! Her first words!
 * Dad: And complete sentences, too.
 * Mom: She's gonna be a genius.
 * Dad: Yes!
 * Mom: I gotta call my mother.
 * Dad: We are such great parents. I told you, co-sleeping with her the first year would make her smart. Dad of the year right here.

<hr width="50%">
 * Red Shocks fan: [angry at Mike] Who brings a stupid baby to a baseball game?
 * [Mike gets angry at what the fan said.]
 * Mike: What did you just say?
 * Sulley: Uh, he didn't mean it.
 * Red Shocks fan: I said, what kind of class-A moron, ingrate, ding-dong brings a stupid baby TO A BASEBALL GAME?!
 * Mike: [glaring] That's what I thought you said. [puts Snore back in the bucket]
 * Sulley: [worried] Mike?
 * Mike: Nobody, not even an overgrown ogre in makeup calls our baby stupid.

<hr width="50%">
 * Val: What did you do to the door?
 * Tylor: Nothing. I closed it
 * Val: You were the last one to touch it.
 * Tylor: So? This isn't my fault.
 * Val: Explain why this door deactivated for no reason.
 * Tylor: You keep distracting me with "This reminds of this time. You remember the time we blah-blah-blah? And that time we..."
 * Val: This reminds me of that time...
 * Tylor: See?! See?! How many times do I have to tell you, I don't remember. Why is it so important to you?!
 * Val: [sighs] Because... Because... When I first got to MU, no one noticed me. And then... one day in class, you spoke to me. [sniffles] You said, "Excuse me. Is this seat taken?"
 * [back at the Laugh Floor, Cutter notices the door deactivated]
 * Cutter: Huh. Door's deactivated. That can't be good. [turns the door back on] You guys know the door got turned off?
 * Duncan: [gasps] A rescue party! [pushes past Tylor and Val] Outta the way, subordinates. Oh, I just need to breathe some stale air. [inhales deeply]

<hr width="50%">
 * Tylor: Whew. That was close. But we, uh, we got through it, didn't we? Heheh.
 * Val: [sadly] Like our Origins of Fear class. But you don't remember me.
 * Tylor: Hm. "You picked the best seat in the house."
 * Val: What?
 * Tylor: When I asked, "Is this seat taken?" You... You said, "You picked the best seat in the house."
 * Val: You remember.
 * Tylor: Yeah. You, uh, you even shared your Hot Snots candy with me. [chuckles] I remember that because it's, uh, it's my favorite.
 * Val: [sighs] College buds.
 * Tylor: College buds. Yeah. Hey, but look at us now. Makin' new memories.
 * Val: Work buds.
 * Tylor: Yeah. Work buds. Why not?
 * Val: Hey, I know where Duncan hides his Hot Snots.
 * Tylor: Really? Where?
 * Val: Under Roto's cage.
 * Tylor: Oh. Oh, that. No.
 * Val: I eat it all the time.
 * Tylor: No. That's not candy.
 * Val: Yeah. That's definitely candy!
 * Tylor: No, that's...
 * Val: It's candy, and we're gonna eat it.
 * Tylor: Don't eat it.
 * Val: Work buds.
 * [they drive off back to MIFT Headquarters]

The Big Wazowskis [1.4]

 * Mike: Yes, the Bowl-off-a-thon. It's almost here, Fungus. The roll of the ball, the sound of a strike. And this year's prize, dinner for two at Harryhausen's.
 * Roze: No Bowl-off-a-thon for you, Wazowski.
 * Mike: Oh, hello, Roze. Now, what's this about me not bowling?
 * Roze: You've still got to do your paperwork.
 * Mike: Paperwork? No. How common. I'm in charge now. Y'know, the SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM. Fungus files my paperwork.
 * Roze: Not file, approve. [drops a big stack of paperwork in front of Mike] Now that you're in charge, you have to approve all the paperwork.
 * Mike: You sure you're not Roz?
 * Roze: We're completely different.
 * [Mike's blue doppelganger, Gary, shows up]
 * Gary: Morning, Roze.
 * Roze: Gary.
 * Mike: Gary?
 * Gary: Mikey. Roze, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I wasn't able to finish up my paperwork last night. Y'know, I was busy practicing for the big Bowl-off-a-thon so that I could win... again. Heheh.
 * Roze: Don't you worry that cute little round head of yours. It's just paperwork.
 * [Mike is shocked]
 * Gary: Oh, Roze, you are the best.
 * Roze: No, you're the best. [shove the big stack of paperwork to Mike] Good luck, Gary.
 * Mike: Gary...

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor asks Fritz if he knows bowlers that could compete against Gary's team]
 * Fritz: Do I know bowlers? Yes, I know bowlers! They don't call me "No Splitz Fritz" for nothing.
 * Tylor: They... They call you that?
 * Fritz: For nothing.
 * Tylor: Huh. I've never heard them call you that.
 * Fritz: Welly, they do, they do, they do. And we've got Pin-Pal Val over there and No-Gutter Cutter. Hmm, Duncan doesn't play, but he loves the snachos.
 * Tylor: Huh, well, that is great news.
 * Fritz: The snachos?
 * Tylor: No, no, that you guys play. That's... Wow. Have you ever thought about forming a team?
 * Fritz: A bowling team?
 * Tylor: Yeah, sure. And maybe, I don't know, entering the Bowl-off-a-thon?
 * Fritz: Form a team... The Bowl-off-a-thon... Ha, ha! Oh, I know what you're doing.
 * Tylor: [nervously] You do?
 * Fritz: Yeah, you're falling in love with us. [chuckles]
 * Tylor: I... am doing that. I'm doing what you just said. I am in love, yes.
 * Fritz: Yeah, you could be the team captain.
 * Tylor: Totally. Yeah, yeah. A chance for me to bond with you guys.
 * Fritz: Your new family!
 * Tylor: Other than, of course, my actual family that I also have.
 * Fritz: Extended family.
 * Tylor: Work friends?
 * Fritz: How about the "family that lives next door who's a little weird, but you still tell them when you're going on vacation, so they can get your mail" family?
 * Tylor: Sure. Yeah. We'll go with that.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor finds out that MIFT are awful bowlers, but they win the first two rounds by default; Tylor is told by Duncan to meet with him in private]
 * Duncan: Welcome Tylor.
 * Tylor: Hey, Duncan. You know the signs says "secert."
 * Duncan: [in a deep voice] I'm not Duncan.
 * Tylor: Well, now you're just doing a voice.
 * Duncan: [in a high-pitched voice] I'm not Duncan.
 * Tylor: What are we doing here, buddy?
 * Duncan: [with a German accent] It's a mystery voice. Ah?
 * Tylor: Okay, that's fine. Whatever voice.
 * [Needleman and Smitty appear]
 * Needleman: Hey, Duncan. You done with your "secert room"?
 * Duncan: Secret! SECRET!
 * Needleman: Come on. We need our trashcan.
 * Duncan: Turn the light off, you idiots! Ugh! [Needleman turns off the light and runs out with Smitty] Get out! Where were we?
 * Tylor: Pro bowlers.
 * Ducan: Uh... [in an ominous voice] The Overnighters. Yes. The third shift. The kind of monsters that monsters fear. They'll get you your win. And your jokester dream will come true.
 * Tylor: Great, great. And... but just... Sorry. What do you get out of it?
 * Duncan: Just want you to sign a little contract. We'll call it a written agreement.
 * Tylor: That's... literally what a contract is.
 * Duncan: An agreement that stipulates that you will not in any way hereto now, with, or henceforth forward in perpetuity pursue Fritz's job.
 * Tylor: Duncan, I told you the day I got...
 * Duncan: Mystery voice.
 * Tylor: I do not care about Fritz's job. I don't want the job.
 * Duncan: But now it's legally binded.
 * Tylor: Cool. Fine. Just stop with the voice. Whatever. I'll sign it. Just get me the bowlers, okay? [signs Duncan's contract] There!
 * Duncan: It is DONE!!!
 * [the lights go on again]
 * Smitty: You're done?
 * Duncan: No! I'm not done! You said you wouldn't be back until 5:47! Get out!
 * Smitty: Oh, but we have Fright Club in here.
 * Needleman: Don't tell him that! Did you forget the first rule of Fright Club?! [turns off the light and leaves]

<hr width="50%">
 * [MIFT finds out that Tylor has replaced them with the Overnighters; but the Overnighters leave, disgusted that Tylor betrayed his original team]
 * Mike: I can't lose to Gary!
 * Tylor: Sorry, Mike. I just... I just wanted to impress you. And all I really ended up doing was... [sighs] ...was hurting my team. I really let you guys down, and I'm sorry. I guess we... I guess I have to forfeit.
 * Needleman: Whoa, looks like the Big Wazowskis forfeit, which means the winner is--
 * Fritz: Wait! You said "team." You're right. We are the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team. And when you're part of a team, you stand up for your teammates. And regardless of what they do, unless it's illegal and would make you an accomplice to a crime, which I have learned the hard way, you remain loyal. By their side. Through the... Well, you know, through the...
 * Tylor: Good and the bad?
 * Fritz: The good in the bag because you know they would do the same for you. So, Tylor, I have a question for you, young MIFTer. Are you part of our team?
 * Tylor: Well, I mean, I'm more than part of the team. I'm the team captain. And you know what? I will lead us to victory. Because we are MIFT. We are the Big Wazowskis.
 * Fritz: But, Tylor can I remind you that we pee-ew stink?
 * Tylor: Well, then, we're just gonna have to stink our way to victory.

The Cover Up [1.5]

 * [Fritz meets up with Needleman and Smitty about taking a vacation in the human world]
 * Needleman: Welcome to Needleman and Smitty's vacation door emporium.
 * Fritz: I love vacation doors.
 * Needleman: That's right. Each of these doors was personally rescued by us from the shredder, and guaranteed to deliver you to an isolated, human-free destination.
 * Fritz: Okay. Oh, please. I can't wait. Tell me, what do you got?
 * [Smitty, dressed as a sailor, uncovers an old boat door]
 * Needleman: Who wouldn't wanna chill out on a cruise to an abandoned ship in the Arctic Circle?
 * Smitty: This vacation sounds cool.
 * Needleman: Shut up! I give the sales pitch, you're the glamor model.
 * Smitty: Ohh...
 * Needleman: Transyl-Romania is known for blood-sucking vampires. But what doesn't suck are the deluxe amenities of this musty, deserted castle.
 * [Smitty stands in front of a medieval castle door wearing fake fangs and paper bat wings and holding a candelabra which burns his bat wings]
 * Needleman: You'll have a rotten time in this decaying cabin in the woods.
 * [Smitty fishes in a bucket and pulls a giant sea serpent that eats his fishing rod]
 * Fritz: Nah, too fishy. What else you got?
 * Needleman: Soak up the sun at this condemned Caribbean beach resort!
 * [Smitty plays the steel drum]
 * Fritz: Beach vacation! Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes! That's the one!
 * Needleman: Excellent choice, my good man. This vacated vacation paradise is yours.
 * Fritz: Hold it. You're sure that using a door that was supposed to be shredded isn't against company policy?
 * Needleman: Oh, we don't say "against company policy."
 * Smitty: That's right. We say "debit or credit."

<hr width="50%">
 * Fritz: Okay, everybody, are you ready? 'Cause it's time to play...
 * Fritz, Val, and Cutter: Wheel of Temporary Supervisor! [they spin the wheel]
 * Duncan: Today's my lucky day, Roto. Can you feel it? Can you feel it?! Yes, yes, yes!
 * Tylor: Wait, why is my name on there?
 * Cutter: When Fritz goes on vacation, the wheel picks a temporary supervisor.
 * Duncan: Yeah, but I see the ambition in your eyes, College Boy. You'd just love to have me under your thumb, squishing me with your little temporary supervisor thumb.
 * Tylor: Thumb? What are you... I've told you, Duncan. I have no interest in Fritz's job, okay?
 * Duncan: Uh-huh.
 * Tylor: I signed your ridiculous contract.
 * Duncan: Right. Like a two-faced charlatan like you would honor a contract.
 * Tylor: Two-face... What are you talking about?
 * Val: Come on, come on, come on! Let's go, wheel! Mama needs a temporary promotion!
 * Duncan: Yes, yes, yes...
 * Val: Come on, come on, come on!
 * [the wheel lands on Val's name]
 * Duncan: No, no, no, no!
 * Val: Yes! That's me!
 * Cutter: Glad it's not me.
 * Fritz: Congratulations, Temporary Supervisor Val.
 * Val: Oh, I have so many fun things planned for my employees: Mindfulness Mondays, Tamale Tuesdays, Waffle Wednesdays, Friendly French Fry Fridays.
 * Cutter: What next, yoga? Uh-uh. Neither me nor my schedule is flexible.
 * Duncan: Yeah, yeah, let's hear it for Val. So much for my humble dream of being temporary supervisor. [about to throw his nameplate in the trash] I'll just throw away the only thing I've ever wanted in my insignificant life. [he throws his nameplate in the trash but it hits the edge and knocks the can over] Ah, great. I can't even throw away my dreams right.
 * Tylor: Huh. Kinda goes against my better judgement, but I actually feel a little sorry for him.
 * Duncan: [on the phone] Yeah. Yeah, Mom, you know how you always told me, "Dreams can come true"? Heh. Yeah, well, uh, I learned today that they can't. No, don't cry. Don't cry, Mom. I tried my best. I did. I did.
 * [Val tips the wheel over to Duncan's name out of sympathy]
 * Val: Uh, Fritz?
 * Fritz: Huh? Looks like I made an oopsie. The temporary supervisor is Duncan!
 * Duncan: Me? Moi? The fates have chosen. Well, uh, Mr. Fritz, sir, there's, of course, no way I can match your robust managerial skills, blah-blah-blah, but I will do my best to make you proud, sir, and, uh, supervise the team.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Duncan keeps ordering Tylor around as Temporary Supervisor]
 * Duncan: Up here, College Boy! Down there, College Boy! Open your eyes, College Boy! Here, College Boy! Over there, College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! COLLEGE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!!!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor hits Duncan with a propelled scream canister and Duncan retaliates but loses control causing a stack of canisters to topple over and go haywire, knocking the main energy box, causing a blackout on the factory and all of Monstropolis; M.E.R.C. (Monstropolis Energy Regulatory Commission) sends an investigator to look for the cause]
 * Sulley: Oh, no. Not him. That's Argus Blinks. He hasn't taken a day off in 20 years. If he finds a problem, he'll shut us down. This could be the end of laugh power.
 * Argus: [approaches Mike and Sulley] Ahem. Argus Blinks, M.E.R.C. investigator. [shows his badge]
 * Sulley: James P. Sullivan, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated.
 * Argus: Yes, "Mr. Laugh Energy," I know who you are.
 * Sulley: Is that good or bad?
 * Argus: I am here to determine the cause of today's blackout, and whether or not a shutdown or a change in management is in order.
 * Sulley: You'll have our full cooperation, sir.
 * Mike: Full cooperation! Now, if you could please sign in. [hands Argus a form; Argus notices a 50 dollar bill clipped to it]
 * Argus: What is this?
 * Mike: That? Oh! [chuckles] That's my lunch money. Or it could be your lunch money.
 * Sulley: Ahem, Mike...
 * Argus: Are you trying to bribe me?!
 * Sulley: No, no, of course he's not. [whispering to Mike] Put that away.
 * Mike: That's so silly. Now, by chance, have you happened to drop these box seat tickets to the Monstropolis Creepees game, uh, row double-A, seats one through three, free food? Was that possibly yours, by any chance?
 * Sulley: Are those my tickets?
 * Argus: Your office, if you please.
 * Sulley: Right this way, sir.
 * Needleman: Welcome, sir. Mr. Wazowski wants us to bribe you with a brand-new...
 * Mike: Not now, boys. Not now. Excuse the car, sir. It's "Park Anywhere You Want" Day today. [as Argus leaves] Here's a 50. Get rid of the car. Wait, a 20. Here's a 20, get rid of the car. You know what? Forget it. Just get rid of the car.
 * Needleman and Smitty: Aww...

<hr width="50%">
 * Val: Tylor! You're not gonna believe this. Power's out all over Monstropolis. A M.E.R.C investigator is on his way. Heads are gonna roll... [notices the mess in the canister room] Whoa. What happened?
 * Tylor: [in time with Duncan] Duncan did it.
 * Duncan: [in time with Tylor] College Boy did it.
 * Tylor: Me?! You're in charge!
 * Duncan: This is not about me.
 * Cutter: I say you both did it.
 * Tylor: What? It was your idea.
 * Duncan: Yeah. It's your fault.
 * Cutter: Well, you acted on it.
 * Duncan: Not about me!
 * Val: It sounds like you're all accountable.
 * Duncan: Not about me!
 * Tylor: So are you! If it wasn't for you, Duncan wouldn't even be supervisor.
 * Cutter: I'm not losing my pension over this.
 * Tylor: Well, I'm not losing my shot at the Laugh Floor!
 * Duncan: Okay, okay, alright. The only way to save our jobs is to hide all the evidence and make sure nobody ever finds out the truth.
 * Val: I don't know, Duncan. Sounds like you're suggesting a cover-up.
 * Duncan: No! It's not a cover-up. Just a thing where we all conspire to avoid accountability for our actions.
 * Cutter: So, a cover-up.
 * Duncan: No! Why is this concept so difficult to grasp? Not a cover-up.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Argus discovers the cause of the power outage through his sentient eyeballs and has called MIFT for a meeting]
 * Argus: As the Facilities Team here at Monsters, Incorporated, all of you are in violation of numerous M.E.R.C. codes, as eye-witnessed by my eyes. And as supervisor, M...
 * Duncan: "Temporary."
 * Argus: Temporary supervisor, Mr. Duncan P. Anderson, you are responsible for the actions of your team. You should be fired, or, better yet, banished!
 * Duncan: Banished? Me?
 * Tylor: Hey, wait. Come on, it's his first day as supervisor. Give him a break.
 * Argus: Give him a break? I've been working non-stop as a M.E.R.C. official for 20 years, and no one's ever given me a brea...
 * [at that moment, a scream canister that was lodged on the ceiling finally comes loose and lands on Argus' head, knocking him unconscious]
 * Tylor: Is he...? Oh.
 * Cutter: Oh, well. I'll log him in my accident journal.
 * Duncan: We gotta get rid of the body.
 * Tylor: What?!
 * Duncan: I mean, check his pulse, obviously.

<hr width="50%">
 * [MIFT hides the unconscious Argus in the vacation door]
 * Val: Uh, guys? I am pretty sure disposing of a body may be another banishable offense.
 * Tylor: That was the only thing we could do, okay? His work-life balance was totally out of whack, alright? Duncan?
 * Duncan: Right, right. College Boy is right. So, we need to make a pact. None of us will ever speak of this again. We take this to our graves. Nobody saw nothin'.
 * Tylor: Well...
 * Duncan: Nobody saw nothin'!
 * Cutter: Ahem! [points to Argus' sentient eyeballs]
 * Tylor: [whispers] Shh. We need to close the case.

<hr width="50%">
 * [two weeks later, Cutter activates the vacation door; Argus comes out with a tan line wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
 * Argus: That was, without a doubt... [happily] the best vacation of my life! Wow!
 * Fritz: [comes out the door] I believe it, Argus. 'Cause you really needed to unwind. You're very wound.
 * Tylor: So, uh, you're doing okay?
 * Argus: I'm more than okay. Sipping creepy coladas, napping beneath the palms, cha-chaing the night away.
 * Sulley: Argus? You're still here?
 * Mike: Yeah, I thought you left two weeks ago.
 * Argus: Oh, no, no, no. I took a little time off. I have your MIFT crew to thank.
 * Tylor: You are welcome. And that is the last we will speak of it.
 * Argus: Well, of course, I will be writing all of you up, but just a warning this time. Goodbye, Mr. Laugh Energy. [leaves]
 * Sulley: [sighs] That was too close. We were nearly shut down.
 * Mike: You caused a major power outage, conspired to cover it up, and if that weren't enough, attempted to bribe a M.E.R.C. official.
 * Sulley: Mike, that was you.
 * Mike: Stay on point, Sulley, stay on point.
 * Fritz: Is all this true? Duncan?
 * Duncan: [sighs in defeat] Yes, sir.
 * Val: Oh, this is all my fault. I tipped the wheel so that Duncan could be temporary supervisor.
 * Mike: Well, regardless of how he became temporary supervisor, it all happened on your watch, Duncan.
 * Sulley: And any of these accusations is grounds for dismissal.
 * Duncan: Dismissal? Um... Temporary supervisor's, uh... [sniffles] Well, he's gotta go down with his temporary ship... I guess. So, uh, Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Wazowski...
 * Tylor: I'm sorry, I... I'm the one that caused the outage, okay? Duncan, he was just trying to be a good supervisor. So if anyone deserves to be dismissed, it's me.
 * Duncan: The truth of it is...
 * Tylor: Yeah, well...
 * Duncan: No, no, no. The power outage and, you know, all the other stuff, that was my fault, too. Though I am significantly less at fault than him.
 * Fritz: Hmm. I am so proud of you two. Not only have you displayed that get-along MIFTer spirit, you've shown that you're willing to sacrifice one another.
 * Tylor and Duncan: "Sacrifice for one another"?
 * Fritz: That, too. So, Mr. W, Mr. S, what do you way we forget all the dismissal jumbo-mumbo-bumbo-bimble?
 * Sulley: Speaking of dismissal mumbo jumbo, what about that "against company policy" vacation door?
 * Mike: Taken care of, Sulley. I'm having it shredded.
 * Needleman: Mr. Wazowski, we're here to take the vacation door to your office.
 * Sulley: Our office?
 * [Mike chuckles nervously]
 * Mike: I can't take it anymore! I can't take it any...! It's just a simple thing! "Knock-knock!" "Who's there?" That's how it works! It's called humor!

The Vending Machine [1.6]

 * [Tylor tries to buy a drink from the vending machine Vendy, but it stops working]
 * Tylor: Oh, uh, hey, Val? There's something wrong with this old machine here. I think it might be broken.
 * Val: That's more than an old machine, Double T. I told you, her name's Vendy.
 * Tylor: Right, right. Forgot it has a name.
 * Val: She has a name.
 * Tylor: Of course, right, yes.
 * Val: Fritz named her. She's as much a MIFTer as any of us. And a little moody sometimes. So, all you gotta do is say, "Hi, Vendy!" Like that.
 * Tylor: Oh, okay. Sure. Uh, hi, Vendy.
 * Val: Good. Now bump the left side with your fist. [does exactly what she said three times] Bump-bump-bump. Then wait a beat, big bump! [rams Vendy with her shoulder]
 * Tylor: Bump-bump-bump, wait a beat, big bump. Got it. Okay, thanks.
 * Val: Yep.
 * Cutter: Don't bump too hard. Few years back, Nathan in marketing shook her and bam! Squashed him like a bug. He's an invertebrate, so he was okay. And we got free candy, so, heh... [walks away]
 * Tylor: Oh, well, it's good to hear you got free candy. [chuckles] Okay, Vendy, here we go. [bumps the left side of Vendy with his fist] Bump-bump-bump, wait a beat, big bump! [rams Vendy with his shoulder, but accidentally shoves his horn into Vendy, causing her to malfunction and spark out] Oh, no!
 * Cutter: Hey!
 * Tylor: That doesn't sound good.
 * Val: What'd you do?!
 * Fritz: Jumping gaskets! What's wrong with Vendy?!
 * Tylor: I don't know! I just bumped it!
 * Fritz: No! No-no-no-no-no!
 * Cutter: No! NOOOO!!!
 * [Vendy starts sparking out]
 * Tylor: Like I said, I think it's... [Vendy's door opens] ...broken.

<hr width="50%">
 * [MIFT is holding a funeral for Vendy.]
 * Fritz: Today, we mourn the passing of another very special member of our MIFT family. Vendy! [sobs]
 * Tylor: [confused] We're having a funeral for a vending machine?
 * Fritz: Not just any vending machine. Vendy and I began our careers here at Monsters, Inc. on the very same day. Me, an ambitious young mechanic. Vendy, a machine with a dream of dispensing chilled drinks at an inflated price because of the convenience.
 * Val: [sobbing] SHE WAS WORTH IT!!!
 * Fritz: She wouldn't want us to cry. But instead, to [wheezes] celebrate... her life.
 * [Fritz and Val sob hysterically as Vendy is carted out of MIFT's office.]

<hr width="50%">
 * Mike: Look at that, would ya, Sulley? With your excellent management skills and my comedic prowess, our profits are up, up, up.
 * Bean: Actually, profits are down, down, down. [flips the profit chart to the correct side]
 * Celia: Mike, the Jokesters are doing their best, but laugh canister output has been decreasing for weeks.
 * Mike: Right, but at least with me and Sulley in charge, morale has never been higher.
 * Mr. Crummyham: Morale has never been lower! [shows his moral chart]
 * Mike: Maybe your graph-thingie's upside down.
 * Mr. Crummyham: No, my graph-thingie is correct.
 * Mike: I'll tell you why morale's down, it's all of these depressing charts.
 * Sulley: Mike, we're not generating enough laugh power.
 * Mike: What?
 * Sulley: Until we do, we gotta figure out a way to cheer folks up and trim our budget.
 * Mike: Right, right. I'll tell you what. At lunch, I will play 17 holes, instead of all 18. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
 * Bean: Mr. Wazowski, we're gonna have to make deeper cuts than that.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Fritz has been told that he has to fire one of the MIFTers by the end of the week due to budget cuts; Mike is looking for ways to boost morale without overextending Monsters Inc.'s budget]
 * Roze: You want me to tell you how to boost morale?
 * Mike: Yes, because you're "always watching." Or is it "always stinking"? I don't know. Whatever it is.
 * Female monster: Ugh! No more coffee screamer?! What's the point?!
 * Roze: How about you approve your paperwork on time? That would make me smile. And I've been told I have an infectious grin. [smiles]
 * Tylor: You sure this is gonna work?
 * Val: Yeah, yeah. We'll buy him a Drooler Cooler, that'll cheer Fritz up, and you won't get fired.
 * Mike: Wait, what's wrong with Fritz?
 * Tylor: Oh, uh, hey, Mike. I broke his favorite vending machine this morning...
 * Val: Vendy.
 * Tylor: Yeah, Vendy, yeah. I broke Vendy this morning and...
 * Mike: And he needs a new one! That's it! I got two words for ya: upgrades!
 * Tylor: I think upgrades is one word.
 * Mike: The perfect way to boost morale. And if we boost morale, we boost laughs. And if we boost laughs, we boost profits. And nobody has to be let go! [whispers] Except maybe Stinky...
 * Roze: I heard that!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Fritz is shocked to see a brand new vending machine where Vendy was]
 * Fritz: A new vending machine?
 * Cutter: Look at that. It even has hot foods. That's pretty... hot.
 * Duncan: That's right, sir. I had it installed just for you.
 * Val: You had it installed? No, no, no. This wasn't Duncan's idea.
 * Tylor: Yeah, Val and I are the ones who gave Mike the idea to upgrade.
 * Duncan: But I approved the delivery.
 * Val: Duncan!
 * Fritz: No-no-no-no-no. I don't think I like this.
 * Duncan: Me neither.
 * Fritz: It's just too soon.
 * Duncan: Way too soon.
 * Fritz: I miss Vendy.
 * Duncan: This was all College Boy's hair-brained scheme.
 * Tylor: What?! No! Hey, I didn't ask Mike to send this down.
 * Duncan: You said it was your idea.
 * Tylor: I said it was Mike's idea.
 * Val: Upgrades.
 * Duncan: This is clearly all their fault. Keep that in mind.
 * Tylor: No-no-no, hold on.
 * Val: Duncan...
 * [as Tylor, Val and Duncan continue arguing, Fritz walks up to the new vending machine and looks through all the selections]
 * Fritz: Wow! Look at all these refreshing Drooler Cooler flavors. I like this.
 * Duncan: And it was all my idea!
 * Tylor: Really, Duncan?
 * Fritz: How do I choose? There's Spineapple! That sounds...
 * Duncan: Whatever you want.
 * Fritz: Taste Free, Bilgeberry. Maybe I'm just gonna go for Bile Blast.
 * Duncan: If you're happy, I'm happy.
 * Fritz: [selects Bile Blast] Bump-bump-bump. [inserts his coins] Bitty bump. [the machine opens and a tray comes out holding a Bile Blast Drooler Cooler] Oh, my! [drinks the Drooler Cooler] The acidity's astounding. I can't feel my tongue, but so what? Maybe I should've tried the Lemon Slime instead. That could've been even more delightful and refreshing.
 * Val: Hey, look, there's an exchange button.
 * Fritz: Huh?
 * Val: Right there.
 * Fritz: Oh. Jumping gaskets! [presses the exchange button and places the drink back in the tray] Whoa! Would you look at that? [selects Lemon Slime] Bitty bump. [the tray comes out holding a Lemon Slime Drooler Cooler] I can't get over it! This is really something! Thank you, Vendy Two! [kisses "Vendy Two"] And thank you all. You know, I'm having a really rough week and this makes me feel a smidgy bit better. [goes into his office carrying multiple sodas]
 * Tylor: You hear that? He thanked us. We're not getting fired.
 * Duncan: No, no. He thanked moi. I'm not getting fired.

<hr width="50%">
 * [some employees are enjoying a new Oozeball machine]
 * Needleman: Get ready! Bam!
 * Sulley: Oozeball? I thought we were supposed to not spend money.
 * Mike: Sulley, you're not thinking like an out-of-touch overpaid CEO. To make money, you gotta spend money.
 * [George's team just beat Needleman and Smitty]
 * Needleman: No!
 * George: Goal!
 * Mike: See? Morale's already up.
 * Sulley: Okay, we'll keep this one.
 * Mike: Too late, buddy. I already ordered 96 of'em.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Fritz is looking over each MIFTer's files]
 * Duncan: He's in there right now. Going through our files. Making his decision. And don't think your little vending machine trick will work, College Boy. You can't snack your way out of gettin' fired.
 * Tylor: Oh, I think I already have. [looks at the candy selections in Vendy Two] Whoa! Hot Snots?
 * Duncan: Hot Snots? [flies up to Tylor] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast. No-no-no-no-no! You can't have those. Hot Snots are my thing.
 * Tylor: Your thing? No, no. They've been my thing since I was three.
 * Duncan: Three?! My mom popped those babies instead of prenatals, okay?!
 * Tylor: Explains a lot.
 * Duncan: I win! You'll just have to find another favorite.
 * Tylor: Seriously? No, I'm getting them.
 * Duncan: No, you're not!
 * Tylor: Stop it.
 * Duncan: You stop!
 * Tylor: Mine.
 * Duncan: No, no, no! Mine!
 * [they both bicker and continuously press the button on Vendy Two until she shuts down]
 * Duncan: Ho-ho! Now you're definitely getting fired.
 * Tylor: You're the one who kept push-push-pushing. He's firing you!
 * Val: Fritz is gonna be so upset.
 * Tylor: [sighs] Yeah, I better fix this thing.
 * Duncan: Whoa, no-no-no-no-no. You can't fix anything, we've established that. I'll fix it, and you just stand there and be fired. [opens the circuit panel on Vendy Two and starts taking parts out]
 * Tylor: It says to call an authorized service center.
 * Duncan: Authorized, schmauthorized. That's for amateurs like you. [gets electrocuted and topples over] Don't touch that yellow wire. Reroute this to that, tighten this, jiggly this thingie, and boom! Let's give this thing a try. [he and Tylor push Vendy Two back into place and she turns back on] There! Good as new. I'll just get rid of all this stuff. [moves the parts he took out under Vendy Two]
 * Val: Wait-wait-wait-wait. What are those?
 * Duncan: Ah, you know, extra parts. Bunch of doohickeys.
 * Val: Doohickeys?
 * Duncan: It's not gonna make any difference.
 * Fritz: Oh, I think I need another Drooler Cooler pick-me-up. I've got a lot on my mind. [selects drinks] Oh, Spittle Splash flavor. That sounds scrumptious. [selects Spittle Splash and inserts his change; Vendy Two dispenses a box of Pop-Farts instead] Pop-Farts? I don't want Pop-Farts. [presses the exchange button; the machine roars and flashes "unleash the feast" then launches a soda right into Fritz stomach]
 * Tylor and Val: Are you okay?
 * Fritz: No! I got canned! There's something very wrong with that machine!
 * [Vendy Two goes haywire and starts launching food and drinks at the MIFTers]
 * Fritz: In my office! Everyone!
 * [the MIFTers retreat into Fritz's office as Vendy Two continues to go crazy]

<hr width="50%">
 * [Mike and Sulley are looking at paintings that Mike had recently purchased]
 * Mike: [viewing a painting of a large green dot] Oh, it's like... It's like everything and nothing at the same time. It just speaks to me. What's it say to you, Sulley?
 * Sulley: That we're broke?
 * Mike: Look what else I got. I bought a Vincent Van Gross and a Claw Monet.
 * Sulley: Is that a Michelfangelo?
 * Mike: Yes! It's culture. Culture boosts morale, and morale boosts profits.
 * George: Ooh, an Andy Gorhal. One of his Goop Cans. Very inspiring!
 * Mike: See? Okay. Now this one... [looks at a painting that looks like Sulley] ...stinks. I just don't get this one. I don't get it.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Fritz calls Vend-O Service]
 * Rudy: Vend-O Service. Can I help you?
 * Fritz: Oh, yes, you can! Our machine, it's gone crazy!
 * Rudy: Calm down, sir. Everything will be fine. As long as you didn't remove any doohickeys.
 * Fritz: BUT WE DID!!!
 * [Vendy Two launches a soda can that disconnects the phone line]
 * Fritz: Hello? Hello?! Oh, the phone line's been cut! It's cut the phone line!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Duncan manages to unplug Vendy Two]
 * Duncan: Who's the hero now?!
 * [unbeknownst to Duncan, Vendy Two's backup batteries are powering on]
 * Fritz: Duncan! Duncan! Look behind you! Duncan!
 * Duncan: What?!
 * [Vendy Two extends her tray from underneath Duncan and pulls him in]
 * Duncan: LEMME OUTTA HERE!!
 * Fritz: It ate Duncan!
 * Cutter: Oh, no! Not Dun-- Any body parts left? I got dibs on an eyestalk.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Mike is handing out envelopes to employees]
 * Mike: Here you are. Compliments of Monsters, Incorporated. This one is for you. This one is for you. This one is for you. This one is for you, my friend.
 * Sulley: Hey, Mike. What's in the envelopes?
 * Mike: Money.
 * Sulley: Money?
 * Mike: Money.
 * Sulley: You mean money-money?
 * Mike: Yeah. I'm calling it "Free Money Mondays." I'm telling ya, morale has never been better!
 * Sulley: Where'd you get all that cash?
 * Mike: From your emergency money jar you keep hidden under your bed.
 * Sulley: But...
 * Mike: This is for you.
 * Sulley: But we...
 * Mike: This is an emergency, right? This one is for you, my friend.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Duncan is still trapped in Vendy Two]
 * Duncan: PLEASE!!! LEMME OUTTA HERE!!!
 * Val: We gotta save him!
 * Tylor: Okay. How?
 * Val: [gets an idea] You!
 * Tylor: Me?
 * Val: You may not be the best MIFTer at fixing stuff, but you're pretty good at breaking it.
 * Tylor: Thanks. I think.
 * Val: So, get out there and fix-beak Vendy Two.
 * Fritz: Yeah!
 * Val: Double T!
 * Fritz: Do your worst!
 * Cutter: Really mess things up!
 * Duncan: SOMEBODY LET ME OUT!!! IT'S NOT AS SPEACIOUS AS IT LOOKS!!!
 * Tylor: Time to get to work!
 * [Tylor roars loudly and begins destroying Vendy Two]
 * Cutter: Woah, he really would've made a great Scarer.
 * Fritz: Get back!
 * [Vendy Two explodes; Tylor is holding Duncan]
 * Tylor: I'll never remove a doohickey again. Ugh!

<hr width="50%">
 * Bean: Oozeball tables, fine art, Free Money Mondays?
 * Mike: And I have more ideas where those came from. How about a rooftop swimming pool?
 * Sulley: We don't need a swimming pool.
 * Mike: A Monsters, Inc. swim team!
 * Sulley: We don't need a swim team!
 * Mike: Then who's gonna use the pool?
 * Sulley: Bean, I can explain all of this. ...Actually, I can't explain any of it.
 * Mr. Crummyham: Hello?! What's to explain? Look at my graph-thingie. I've never seen morale turn around this quick!
 * Celia: And our laugh canister output has already doubled.
 * Bean: Really? Well. At this rate, profits should turn around rather quickly.
 * Sulley: It was all Mike's doing. Good job, Mikey.
 * Mike: Aw, thank you. Thank you, Sulley.
 * Sulley: No problem. And did you hear? Tomorrow's Pay Me Back Tuesday.
 * [Mike chuckles nervously]

<hr width="50%">
 * [because of profits going up, nobody in MIFT has to be let go; Tylor is setting up a surprise]
 * Val: Morning, MIFTers! So, what's up?
 * Fritz: I don't know. Tylor wouldn't let us in till you got here. [knocks on the door]
 * Tylor: Come on in. But cover your eyes. [the MIFTers close their eyes] Alright, there you go, come on in. Yeah, yeah. Just over here. Careful, careful. Okay. Hold right there. Up, up! Keep'em closed. And open! [the MIFTers open their eyes to see that Tylor has put the original Vendy back together] Surprise!
 * Fritz and Val: Vendy!
 * Fritz: She's back!
 * Val: Ah, you fixed her!
 * Duncan: More like blindly cobbled.
 * Tylor: Hey, look, I fixed something all by myself, and I kept all the doohickeys.
 * Duncan: Uh-huh. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, whatever.
 * Fritz: Well, give it a try, Ty-Ty. Give it a try!
 * Tylor: Hi, Vendy! [inserts his change and presses a button]
 * MIFTers: Bump-bump-bump, big bump! [Vendy dispenses a Drooler Cooler]
 * Tylor: One Drooler Cooler! [throws the drink to Fritz]
 * Fritz: Who needs all those fancy flavors when I've got Drooler Cooler Classic?
 * Cutter: And we get to keep classic Fritz.
 * Fritz: Goodness, I feel just like Vendy, all fixed up and ready to work here at MIFT for years to come!
 * Tylor: Wouldn't want it any other way, Fritz.
 * Fritz: Cheers.
 * Tylor and Val: Cheers!
 * Cutter: Cheers, big ears!
 * Duncan: Oh, yeah, cheers. Whatever.

Adorable Returns [1.7]

 * [Monstropolis is hit with a heatwave.]
 * Lisa: [on TV] And in weather, it's icky and sticky here in Monstropolis, with high temperatures continuing over the next few days. Don?
 * Don: Thanks, Lisa. As you can see, in nearby Monstrocity, it's already well into 200s, with humidity at 140%.
 * Tylor: [chuckles] This is a good one. Hey, Duncan, who's that right next to you, huh, huh? [referring to Duncan's oscillating fan] That's your biggest fan.
 * Duncan: [sarcastically] Oh, wow. Don't quit your day job, College [his fan blows on his face] Booooooy.
 * Cutter: Phew! That machine shop's hot, but nearly as hot as my former husbands. Pierre, Sheldon, oh, Ricardo.
 * Val: Heads up! [tosses Tylor a Drooler Cooler]
 * Tylor: Whew! Thanks, Val.
 * Val: No problem. [camera shows Val making a huge stack of Drooler Coolers] Just finishing off my Drooler Cooler Tower of Coolness.
 * [a work order is lauched from the mail chute and ricochets around until it knocks over the Tower of Coolness, revealing Fritz to be inside]
 * Fritz: Aw. Just when it was getting cool.
 * Val: Aw.
 * Fritz: Sad, sweaty sigh.
 * Lisa: Sounds like it'll be monstrously hot today. [laughs] Right, Don? Don? [the camera shows Don has melted on the news desk] Somebody get a mop!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Mike has just finished filling a Laugh Canister only to find that it's only half-full]
 * Mike: Half-full?! Ah! That was some of my best belching! I gave her the [belches] and the [belches again] and the classic [releases a long belch].
 * Fungus: Oh. Smells like you've had stench toast for breakfast, sir.
 * [an alarm goes off; the screen shows the power grid usage in Monstropolis]
 * Mike: Hey, what's going on?
 * Celia: Mike, with this heat, we need to figure out a way to generate more laugh power. Suggestions?
 * Fungus: How about a Laugh Extractor?
 * Mike: Too soon, Fungus.
 * Celia: This is serious. If we don't get more jokesters ASAP, we'll lose business to Fear Co.
 * Mike: Right. More jokesters.
 * Celia: Right away.
 * Mike: And I know just where to find them.

<hr width="50%">
 * [all comedy class participants have reported to the Laugh Floor]
 * Mike: Attention! Now, listen to me. I don't care if it's a giggle, a chortle, a guffaw, a tee-hee, we need laugh energy, and we need it now. Mary, all five eyes on me. Chuck all four arms at your side. Kaitlyn, you ooze, you lose. You may not be official jokesters, but power demand is high. So your mission, make kids laugh!
 * Tylor: [whispers to Karla] This is awesome.
 * Carla: I brought my liquid-emitting flower.
 * Mike: Tuskmon!
 * Tylor: Sir!
 * Mike: Are you funny, Tuskmon?!
 * Tylor: Yes, sir! I'm very funny, sir!
 * Mike: My nana talks funnier than that!
 * Tylor: [in a baby voice] Yes, sir! I'm very funny, sir!
 * Mike: Y'know, actually, that's pretty funny.
 * Tylor: That was my baby voice. I've been working on it for a while.
 * Mike: Y'know, you should use that on the Laugh Floor.
 * Sulley: Mike, how long do I have to hold you like this?
 * Mike: Oh, sorry, Sulley. PROPS!!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor got into an accident with the door track that sent him through the banishment door Mike and Sulley were in the first film; Tylor wakes to find himself hanging upside down in an ice cave; he sees a dark figure with a chainsaw and panics as he reaches for his rubber chicken; the figure uses the chainsaw to free Tylor from the ice and reveals to be Adorable]
 * Adorable: Welcome to the Himalayas!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Adorable shows Tylor his ice sculpture collection]
 * Adorable: Yeah, ice sculptures. You gotta have a hobby. Well, in this case, it's more of an art. I call this one Yak in Winter Three.
 * Tylor: Yeah. I... I'm sorry, how did I end up hanging upside down?
 * Adorable: Oh, you fainted. Yeah, I had to get the blood to your head.
 * Tylor: Yeah, I recognize you.
 * Adorable: Anyway, Yak in Winter One and Two, now they were equally impressive. [chuckles and turns on his chainsaw] Wanna try it? Watch your fingers. Don't breathe in the fumes.
 * Tylor: No, no, no!
 * Adorable: Come on! What are you afraid of?
 * Tylor: You! I'm afraid of you.
 * Adorable: [confused] Me?
 * Tylor: You're Abominable. You were banished!
 * Adorable: "Abominable"? Oh, why can't they call me the "Adorable Snowman"? And why "snowman", huh? I'm not made of snow. I'm not even a man.
 * Tylor: If you're here, and I'm here, [realizes] That was a banishment door.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Val tracks down Tylor and finds him with Adorable]
 * Tylor: Val?
 * Adorable: Another roomie!
 * Val: [scared] Y-y-y-y-you're the...
 * Adorable: Adorable Snowman!
 * Val: I heard you ate some guy in Monster Resources.
 * Adorable: Who? Dale?
 * Val: That's what I heard.
 * Adorable: I didn't eat Dale. Dale quit. Went to school to become a massage therapist. Which I'm like, "You need a school for that?"
 * Val: Uh, yeah. Nine months. And a lot of money.
 * Adorable: Yeah, I'm misunderstood.
 * Val: Oh.
 * Adorable: But now, I got some friends that understand me.
 * Val: Oh.
 * Adorable: Hey! I'll get some games. We can play Pin the Tail on a Yak or Name That Yak or Yakopoly!
 * Val: Yakopoly? I love games, too.
 * Tylor: Okay, we gotta get back. Let's go, let's go.
 * Val: Let's stay.
 * Tylor: Stay? What? No.
 * Val: Come on, Tylor.
 * Tylor: You wanna spend the rest of your life here?!
 * Val: Please, can we stay? Please, please, please.
 * Tylor: No. No. No!

<hr width="50%">
 * [Adorable appears in front of all the MIFTers]
 * Duncan: What's he doing here?! He stole 27 1/2 cars from the parking lot!
 * Cutter: No, he was banished for drinking screams directly from the canisters.
 * Val: Is this true?
 * Adorable: What would I do with half a car?
 * Duncan: Oh, who knows the twisted criminal mind?!
 * Cutter: He's gotta go. Assisting or harboring a banished monster is punishable by banishment.
 * Fritz: Banishment?
 * Cutter: And you definitely can't hide'em in your apartment for six months. Not that I would know.

<hr width="50%">
 * Tylor: Needleman, Smitty, have you seen...
 * Smitty: Santa?
 * Tylor: No, not Santa. NO.
 * Needleman: See? I told you it wasn't Santa. It was just some tall, white, furry guy.
 * Tylor: Uh, furry guy! Right! Where'd he go?

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor and Adorable are stuck in Cutter's trap]
 * Adorable: Yaks mostly eat grass and wildflowers, and some people think they have four stomachs. But they really have one stomach with four compartments.
 * Tylor: Really?
 * Adorable: And the milk? Oh, delicious. But you know what really gets the taste buds hoppin'? Mmm, yak yogurt.
 * Tylor: Okay, could you just stop with the yak yakking yak? Okay? Please? [sighs] Today was my big chance to be a jokester.
 * Adorable: Jokester? What's a jokester?
 * Tylor: That's right. You don't... [sighs] It's laugh power now. No more scare power.
 * Adorable: Really?
 * Tylor: I was gonna be a Scarer, but now my only chance to get on that floor is to make a kid laugh.
 * Adorable: Yeah, I know how you feel, kid. But when life throws you a snowball, make snow cones.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor has tricked Adorable into going back into the Himalayas by having him make snow cones for Mike and Sulley]
 * Val: Double T.
 * Tylor: Val, I... I gotta go.
 * Val: I found out what happened. Why he was banished.
 * Tylor: No.
 * Val: He didn't eat Dale, or steal cars, or drink screams. He never hurt anybody.
 * Tylor: I don't understand. Then why would he be banished?
 * Val: He saw a letter from Waternoose about plans for a machine that would extract screams from kids.
 * Tylor: Oh, he knew about the Scream Extractor.
 * Val: After that, Waternoose banished him for life. But he just wanted a friend.
 * Mike: Hey, Tylor, get in here! We've just about met the power demand, and you're not even on the board.
 * Carla: The kid loved it. You should have heard him laugh.
 * Mike: Who knew Carla and that liquid-emitting flora was so funny? [chuckles] I love surprises.
 * Tylor: I, uh... I gotta go.

<hr width="50%">
 * [Tylor gives up his first chance to make a kid laugh after he felt guilty about Adorable; the Himalayan banishment door appears on the Laugh Floor]
 * Mike: Uh-oh. Sulley, this door looks very familiar.
 * [Adorable bursts through the door holding snow cones]
 * Adorable: Snow cones for everybody!
 * Tylor: We've got lemon and lingonberry.
 * Val: And zero-calorie snow flavored.
 * Sulley: Adorable, what are you doing here?
 * Mike: Perfect timing. Yum! With this heat, I could sure use one of those snow cones.
 * Adorable: Guys, it's been years.
 * Sulley: We were in your cave a month ago.
 * Adorable: Yeah, but that's a long time in Yeti years. Uh, snow cone?
 * Mike: [takes a lemon snow cone] What a way to cool off. [tastes his snow cone] Mmm. And these wemon ones, they're a wittle tart. Makes my mouth feel funny.
 * Adorable: Yeah, it was all my friend Tylor's idea.
 * Tylor: Um, Sulley, Mike, I feel like Adorable here has been banished long enough.
 * Val: More like unjustly banished by Waternoose for discovering the Scream Extractor.
 * Sulley: Scream Extractor? No wonder he wanted to get rid of you.
 * Mike: You shouldn't have been banished. You should've been wewarded.
 * Sulley: You're right, Mike. Adorable, now that I'm CEO of Monsters Incorporated, I hereby un-banish you.
 * Adorable: Ya here that? Officially un-banished!
 * Val: Whoo-hoo! Yes!
 * Mike: And no more mail room for you. You're getting a promotion as...
 * [scene changes to Adorable selling snow cones in the main lobby of the factory]
 * Adorable: Official snow cone seller of Monsters Incorporated!
 * Smitty: I'll have lemon.
 * Needleman: Make that two.
 * Adorable: There you go.
 * Sulley: Congratulations, Carla.
 * Mike: I'll see ya and your funny flower tomorrow on the Laugh Floor.
 * Carla: Oh, thanks.
 * Val: Hey, sorry you missed your chance.
 * Tylor: Eh, I'll get another one. It's me, remember? Besides, when life throws you a snowball, you make a snow cone.

Little Monsters [1.8]

 * Tylor: Mrs. Flint, hi, look, look, I know Robot Boy is burning, but I'm pretty sure it was laughing, too, right? I heard it. I'm not making this up, right? You heard that...
 * Mrs. Flint: Mr. Tusklint.
 * Tylor: Yes, yes, Tuskmon.
 * Mrs. Flint: While I appreciate your persistence, all my data indicates that... Well, how do I put this kindly? It's like if boring and unfunny got married and had a kid and that kid had his sense of humor surgically removed, that kid would still be funnier than you.
 * Tylor: Sorry. So, are you saying I need to have something surgically removed? Because I'll... I'll do it.
 * Mrs. Flint: Perhaps I need to be clearer. Not all scarers are cut out to be jokesters. I'm sorry to say that was your last audition.
 * Tylor: For now?
 * Mrs. Flint: Forever.
 * Tylor: Um, but if you'll just let me come--
 * Mrs. Flint: You are not funny.
 * [Tylor is dejected.]
 * Mrs. Flint: Good day, Mr. Tusklint.
 * [Mrs. Flint leaves the simulation room as the lights go out, leaving Tylor in the dark.]
 * Tylor: It's... Tuskmon.

<hr width="50%">
 * [After rescuing a monster child from the door vault.]
 * Oscar: [to Duncan] Are you gonna puke?
 * Duncan: Me? [gags]
 * Oscar: 'Cause you look like you are gonna puke.
 * Duncan: [weakly] No, I'm always this shade of green. [gags]
 * Tylor: Hey, and uh... Speaking of green, what's round, green, and goes "honk-honk?"
 * [Thalia, who was excited about the journey, becomes pessimistic again from Tylor's joke.]
 * Thalia: [sighs] Mike Wazowski driving his car.
 * Tylor: Oh, you've heard it, oh, okay.
 * Thalia: [leaving] It wasn't funny the first time I heard it, and it wasn't funny now. You are not funny.
 * [After Thalia leaves, Tylor kicks the floor with frustration.]

<hr width="50%">
 * [After failing to make Thalia laugh...]
 * Val: What is it? Double T?
 * Tylor: [frustrated] I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I mean, we were totally getting along, and now, look at her. Look. [shows Thalia, grumpily sitting at the table outside the room with the other monster children] I can't even get her to smile, you know? She just looks at me, and she's, she's just... "bleh". She was my last chance at becoming a Jokester. You... You know this is all her mom's fault, right?
 * Val: Maybe, if you weren't being such an aaaaa... ambitiously-focused individual?
 * Tylor: Yeah, I'm done, okay? For all I care, Thalia can go find her "I-wouldn't-know-comedy-if-it-hit-me-in-the-butt" mom, and let her know that Tylor Tusk-MON... says that she is the most not-funny monster in all of Monstropolis! Not me! She can walk herself upstairs, march into her mom's office, and tell her that!
 * [Thalia had been listening the entire time.]
 * Thalia: Okay. I'll go tell her that.
 * [Tylor and Val watch as Thalia heads to the door. Tylor just stands there and scoffs, even after Thalia goes out the door. Eventually, Tylor panics, and desperately goes after Thalia.]
 * Tylor: Wait! Uh, Thalia, wait, wait. Hello?! THALIA?! [drives after Thalia] THALIA!!!

It's Coming From Inside the House [2.5]

 * Grandma Tuskmon: [on the phone with Creaking Acres] What?! No, I did not know that! [hangs up] BERNARD!!! You liar!
 * Bernard: Now what, Ma?
 * Grandma Tuskmon: I was just on the phone with Creaking Acres.
 * Bernard: Ma, let's not do this here.
 * Grandma Tuskmon: You told me they kicked me out because I was too loud and opinionated! But that's not the truth! Well, I am both those things. But that's not why I was kicked out.
 * Tylor: Dad? Grandma? What's going on?
 * Grandma Tuskmon: Your cheapskate father's robbing me of my retirement home!
 * Bernard: That's not true.
 * Grandma Tuskmon: Then why?
 * Bernard: [sighs] I told you already, Ma. The retirement home doesn't want you back.
 * Grandma Tuskmon: Why?!
 * Bernard: [loses his temper] Because we can't afford it!
 * [Everyone is shocked.]
 * Bernard: There you go. You happy now, Ma? We can barely afford our rent.

Descent into Fear [2.9]

 * ''[A laugh canister rolls out of a Monsters, Inc. door and rolls to Johnny's foot]
 * Tylor: That's a laugh canister from Monsters, Inc.
 * Johnny: Yes, it is. And it's time my vice president learned the whole truth. You see, I've got somebody on the inside.
 * [The mysterious figure slithers out of the door, then reveals itself to be Randall Boggs with a scar on his right eye]
 * Tylor: [gasps] Randall?!
 * Johnny: Boggs.
 * Randall: Hahaha! Mission accomplished, boss.

Cast

 * Billy Crystal - Mike Wazowski
 * John Goodman - James P. "Sulley" Sullivan
 * Ben Feldman - Tylor Tuskmon
 * Mindy Kaling - Val Little
 * Henry Winkler - Fritz
 * Lucas Neff - Duncan P. Anderson
 * Alanna Ubach - Katherine "Cutter" Sterns
 * Bonnie Hunt - Miss Flint
 * Curtis Armstrong - Mr. Crummyham
 * Jennifer Tilly (season 1) and Roxana Ortega (season 2) - Celia Mae
 * Bob Peterson - Roz/Roze
 * Stephen Stanton - Needleman/Smitty/Thaddeus "Phlegm" Bile/Jeff Fungus/George Sanderson
 * Nathan Fillion - Johnny Worthington III
 * Aubrey Plaza - Claire Wheeler-Worthington
 * Bobby Moynihan - Chet Alexander
 * Rhys Darby - Roger Rogers
 * Aisha Tyler - Millie Tuskmon
 * John Ratzenberger - Bernard Tuskmon/Adorable Snowman
 * Jenifer Lewis - Grandma Tuskmon
 * Steve Buscemi - Randall Boggs