Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a 2005 romantic action comedy film starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as a bored married couple who learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill each other.
 * ''Directed by Doug Liman and written by Simon Kinberg.

John Smith

 * I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.
 * We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
 * Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punch line is you die.

Others

 * Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.
 * Eddie: I live with my mom because I choose to. She's the only woman I've ever trusted.

Dialogue

 * [first session with a marriage counselor]
 * John: Ok, I'll go first. let me see... um... We don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.
 * Jane: Six.
 * John: [chastened] Five or six years.


 * [at the counselor's office]
 * Counselor: How often do you have sex?
 * Jane: I don't understand the question.
 * John: Yeah I'm lost, is this a one to ten thing?
 * Jane: Yeah, is, like, ten nothing or one? 'Cause tech- technically speaking, zero would be nothing.
 * [after a long pause]
 * Counselor: How 'bout this week?
 * [another long pause]
 * John: Including the weekends?


 * Jane: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What's that called?
 * Marriage Counselor: Marriage.


 * [about the new curtains Jane bought]
 * Jane: If you don't like them we can take them back.
 * John: All right, I don't like them.
 * Jane: [pause] You'll get used to them.


 * John: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
 * Jane: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.


 * Jane: Promise me to leave the town or I will blow it.
 * John: Ok... I give up. Please blow it.
 * Jane: Excuse me. What?
 * John: Go on. Blow it.
 * Jane: You think I won't?
 * John: I think you won't.
 * Jane: OK. Five. Four. Any last words?
 * John: Your new curtains are hideous.
 * Jane: Goodbye John. [Janet hit's the PC keyboard and the bomb detonates. The monitor screen blacks out.] What the hell is this?
 * Janet: You said Goodbye.


 * John: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before. [Jane slams on the brakes] Ow! Are you insane? What's wrong with you!?
 * Jane: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me!
 * John: It was a drunken Vegas thing.
 * Jane: Oh, that's better! That's much better! [pause] What's her name and social security number?
 * John: No, you're not gonna kill her.


 * Jane: You deviated from the plan.
 * John: The plan was flawed.
 * Jane: The plan was not flawed.
 * John: Anal.
 * Jane: Organized.
 * John: Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.
 * Jane: Well, your instinct set off every alarm of the building.
 * John: My instinct got the job done. It may not have been Jane Show...
 * Jane: No! It was John Show. It was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.
 * John: Your fake mother's birthday present.
 * Jane: The point is, you are always the first to break team.
 * John: You don't want a team. You want a servant to hire.
 * Jane: I want someone I can count on.
 * John: [sigh] Jane, there is no air around you any more.
 * Janeh: Oh, what is that supposed to mean?
 * John: That means there is no room for mistakes, whatsoever. No mistakes. No spontaneity. Who can answer that?
 * Jane: Well, you don't have to. Because this is not even a real marriage!
 * [brief ice cold silence]
 * Danz: Who are you people?
 * Jane: Shut up!!


 * [at the marriage counselor's office]
 * Counselor: At the scale of one to ten, how happy are you in this marriage?
 * Jane: [quickly] Eight.
 * John: Wait, is ten perfectly happy or...?
 * Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
 * John: [turns to Jane] You ready?
 * Jane: Yeah.
 * Together: Eight.

Cast

 * Brad Pitt - John Smith
 * Angelina Jolie - Jane Smith
 * Vince Vaughn - Eddie
 * Kerry Washington - Jasmine
 * Adam Brody - Benjamin "The Tank" Danz
 * Keith David - Father
 * Chris Weitz - Martin Coleman
 * Rachael Huntley - Suzy Coleman
 * Michelle Monaghan - Gwen
 * Benton Jennings - Maitre'D
 * Stephanie March - Julie (Associate #1)
 * Jennifer Morrison - Jade (Associate #2)
 * Theresa Barrera - Janet (Associate #3)
 * Perrey Reeves - Jessie (Associate #4)
 * Melanie Tolbert - Jamie (Associate #5)