Mr. Deeds

Mr. Deeds is a 2002 comedy film starring Adam Sandler and Winona Ryder. Sandler plays Longfellow Deeds, a small-town deliveryman who becomes the unexpected heir to a media baron's multibillion dollar empire.

Mr. Deeds

 * Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.

Dialogue

 * Deeds: You climbed mountains and built skyscrapers.
 * You made TV shows and put out newspapers.
 * You were wicked good at doing stocks.
 * You liked it when Emilio would change your socks.
 * We never hung out and that makes me sad.
 * All the good times we could've had.
 * But when I die, Uncle Preston, you better say "Cheers".
 * Cause when me and you are hanging at the pearly gates, I'll bring the beers. I'll bring the beers.
 * Reverend Sharpton: Nice rhyme, nice rhyme.


 * [Deeds talks to the pilots]
 * Deeds: You guys football fans? I think the Pats could take the conference this year. I mean, the Dolphins are overrated and the Jets are choke artists.
 * Pilot: I wouldn't say that, Mr. Deeds.
 * Deeds: Just Deeds. Why's that, though?
 * Pilot: You own the Jets, Deeds.
 * Deeds: I do?! Whoa! That sucks. Jeez. I hope they don't play the Pats in the playoffs, or I'll have to kill myself.


 * Emilio: How can I thank you?
 * Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man.
 * Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars?
 * Deeds: All right.
 * Emilio: Done.


 * Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there...
 * Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.


 * [Deeds shows Emilio his frostbitten foot]
 * Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever.
 * Deeds: Oh, yeah. I've heard that before.


 * [Cecil raises his hand after Cedar asks if anyone knows a doctor that just faxed them]
 * Cedar: Congratulations, you have a spastic colon.
 * Cecil: That would explain a lot.


 * Deeds: What are you in for?
 * Crazy Eyes: Eh, I'm doin' an overnighter for bitin' the mailman.
 * [waves his hand]
 * Crazy Eyes: He was tryin' to cast some spell on me like a wizard or somethin'.
 * Deeds: You sure about that?
 * Crazy Eyes: I don't know, maybe he was just wavin'.
 * [waves hand then sees Chuck and Cecil]
 * Crazy Eyes: Who're your friends?
 * Deeds: This is Chuck and Cecil, they're visiting from New York.
 * Crazy Eyes: I don't like 'em.
 * Deeds: Okay, then.


 * Deeds: Crazy Eyes.
 * Crazy Eyes: Hey, Deeds.
 * Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.
 * Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.


 * McEnroe: I like the way you beat up those guys who were making fun of you. It was pretty cool.
 * Deeds: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up, Johnny Mac.
 * McEnroe: That I do.


 * Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?
 * Blake: You can call me Preston.
 * Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Preston?
 * Blake: Yes. Yes! YES!
 * [they embrace wildly]


 * [in Coretta's burning apartment]
 * Coretta: I'm not leaving without me kitties.
 * Deeds: How many cats do you have?
 * Coretta: 7.
 * Deeds: Holy shit. Lets get cracking. I apologize for the language.
 * Coretta: Apology accepted.


 * Murph: Hey, look, Deedsy is hanging out with McEnroe!
 * Crazy Eyes: I love The Beach Boys.


 * Babe: Oh, you have got to be shittin' me.
 * Deeds: Whoa... that's the first time I've heard you curse.
 * Babe: I'm that excited.


 * Babe: And this is my brother Denny's room,
 * [opens a closet door]
 * Babe: They didn't like my brother very much.


 * Rev. Sharpton: Now Brother Preston is soaring with eagles high above,
 * because he lived a life of love.
 * Yes, he's flying way up high,
 * because he was a supercool guy.
 * He's gone away too soon, it seems,
 * leaving behind his unfinished dreams.
 * Deeds: [impressed] This guy could make a fortune writing greeting cards.
 * Rev. Sharpton: Yes, we remember Preston Blake.
 * A man with faith no man could shake.
 * A strength no man could break.
 * A character no man could fake.
 * For goodness sake, let's eat some cake.
 * Funeral attendants: Amen.
 * Deeds: Amen!


 * Deeds: So how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben?
 * Reuben: Oh, it has its ups and downs.
 * [both laugh]


 * [Babe is fighting against Jan, and Babe just kicked her in the crotch several times]
 * Jan: Where were you kickin'? I ain't got no balls, dummy!

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 * [last lines]
 * Crazy Eyes: [drives his new Corvette] Damn, these things are fast!
 * [he floors it and crashes into a tree]
 * Crazy Eyes: I'm okay! [laughs] I'm okay!

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 * Babe: [reads the card Deeds wrote for her] Hard to breathe, feels like floating.
 * So full of love, my heart's exploding.
 * Mouth is dry, hands are shaking.
 * My heart is yours for the taking.
 * Acting weird, not myself.
 * Dancing around like the Keebler elf.
 * Finally time, for this poor schlub
 * to know how it feels, to fall in lub.
 * Deeds: I couldn't think of anything else that rhymes with schlub. Rub and tub didn't work.

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 * Mac: Are you gonna see him again tonight?
 * Babe: Yes. I'm calling him around 4:00. It's when I get off work. Remember, I'm Pam Dawson, virgin school nurse from Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa.
 * [both laugh]
 * Mac: That's priceless! You, a virgin!

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 * Cedar: We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.
 * Murph: Wow! Is that Deeds' first name?
 * Cecil: Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name.
 * Murph: Well, I don't know Deeds's first name. Maybe it's Greg.
 * Cecil: Maybe it's Longfellow.
 * Murph: Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?
 * Cedar: No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.

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 * Cedar: Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around?
 * Jan: No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries. The regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look too sick to me, Murph.
 * Murph: Oh! I forgot I was fakin' sick today. [to Cedar and Cecil] You two tricked me into comin' here.
 * Jan: Murph, put on an apron and gimme a hand.
 * Murph: [sets to work] You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!
 * Cecil: Is Mrs. Deeds around?
 * Jan: Mrs. Deeds!? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.

Cast

 * Adam Sandler as Longfellow Deeds
 * Winona Ryder as Babe Bennett
 * John Turturro as Emilio Lopez
 * Allen Covert as Marty
 * Peter Gallagher as Chuck Cedar
 * Jared Harris as Mac McGrath
 * Erick Avari as Cecil Anderson
 * Rob Schneider as Nazo
 * Peter Dante as Murph
 * Conchata Ferrell as Jan
 * Harve Presnell as Preston Blake
 * Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes
 * Brandon Molale as Kevin Ward
 * Blake Clark as Buddy Ward
 * John McEnroe as himself
 * Radio Man as himself
 * Jennifer Tisdale as cardreader girl