My Life In Ruins

My Life in Ruins is 2009 romantic comedy film, set amongst the ruins of ancient Greece, about a tour guide whose life takes a personal detour, while her group gets entangled in comic situations among the ruins, with a series of unexpected stops along the way.
 * Directed by Donald Petrie. Written by Mike Reiss.

The most fun you can have without a passport.taglines

Georgia

 * [to Irv] You’re not funny. Stop trying.
 * I'm a lightweight, one drink and I'm looking for a bellman to make out with.
 * [about members of her group] Australians are the nicest people, but you can only understand about half of what they say.
 * [about Prokopi] Fine. Yeah, sometimes he's nice, but mostly he just makes me mad.

Irv

 * Irv Giddian and I've come here to see as many ancient ruins as possible and judging from your husband, the trip is already a success.
 * How many of you, like me, have come here to fondle as many nude statues as possible? This is comedy. The Greeks invented it, like moustaches on women.
 * I would like to apologize to everybody. It was my medication, I take Preparation H because I'm an asshole.
 * I'm not a god. That's just a rumor my mother started.
 * History has got a lot of dirty stories. Sex sells.

Prokopi “Poupi”

 * My job is to drive the bus, you know it pays better.
 * Maria, will you make me a full-time driver?
 * [to Georgia] You said you haven't made love in forever.
 * [to Georgia, about the bus crash] You distracted me. I could have killed you. All of us.

Others

 * Dr. Tullen: (about Irv, hands Georgia $$) That man is so rude. Make it stop.
 * Big Al: (about the bus crash) You know, this whole thing happened 'cause he was staring at you, Angie.
 * Kimmy: Angie, everyone on the bus has a different word for it. I call it: mysterious.
 * Caitlin: Will my parents ever stop fighting?
 * GATOR: (doing rapid shots of Grapa) I've never even seen this kind of alcohol before!
 * Nico: (sarcastically, to his group) Fine, fine, take your stupid pictures and I go get you some ice cream.
 * Maria': Everybody should take the time for a coffee.
 * Maria: Nico? He quit. Mama's boy. I knew his father. Same thing.

Dialogue

 * Georgia: Why does Nico always get the good group?
 * Maria: His evaluations don't say: Average.


 * Maria: By the way, Spiros eloped with that girl with no foot.
 * Georgia: (going through her mail) Excellent!
 * Maria: Why?
 * Georgia: I’m being sarcastic.
 * Maria: You're not funny. Stop trying.
 * Georgia: Who's my driver? Not Themio.
 * Maria: Relax. He's in jail. You got the substitute. Procopi.
 * Georgia: (as he comes through the side door w/ her back to him) The creepy, hairy, creepy guy?... He's right behind me, isn't he?


 * Maria: (after Georgia leaves) That girl. That girl has no kefi, What Greek does not have spirit, eh?
 * Nico: Maybe she's half Greek.
 * Maria: This was supposed to be temporary while she looked for some big-shot teaching job. And now no one will hire her and I am stuck with her.
 * Nico: Hey, if I make her quit, can I have a raise?


 * Irv: I have a question.
 * Georgia: Yeah.
 * Irv: (referring to Dr. Tullen, who is covered head-to-toe) What's with the beekeeper?
 * Mr. Tullen: My wife needs protection from the sun.
 * Irv: But we're not going to the sun.


 * Georgia: Standing in the middle of culture and history,and they want a 50-50 poly-cotton blend T-shirt with a picture of a Trojan horse. Why am I spending my life showing tourists gorgeous ancient ruins they care nothing about? And Pangloss Tours pays lousy. They book the worst hotel rooms. I don't have any friends here. I actually don't know anybody. Really, I haven't had sex in forever.
 * Prokopi: Forever is a long time.
 * Georgia: Yeah. You speak English?
 * Prokopi: Yes.


 * Georgia:You must think I'm crazy.
 * Prokopi: Yes.
 * Georgia: Fair enough. Why would you not tell me?
 * Prokopi: I thought you needed to talk. I have three sisters. So talk.
 * Georgia: Do you ever question what you're doing with your life?
 * Prokopi: No.
 * Georgia: What?
 * Prokopi: Talk more about the no sex.
 * Georgia: I'm good, thanks.
 * Prokopi: You don't question? Come on, Greece is the land of philosophers.
 * Georgia: Yes. But that is their job.
 * Prokopi: My job is to drive the bus. You know, it pays better.
 * Georgia: Come on. You don't have a life plan?
 * Prokopi: How do you plan life?
 * Georgia: What?
 * Prokopi: Come on. We'll get some coffee and you can talk.
 * Georgia: What? We're working.
 * Prokopi: Everyone should take the time for a coffee.
 * Georgia: That is the typical Greek mentality.


 * Prokopi: What was his name?
 * Georgia: Who?
 * Prokopi: When it's over, some women cut their hair. Some women run away to Greece. So...
 * Georgia: I did not move to Greece because of some man. Why? Who'd you shave for?


 * Lala: Why did my husband cheat on me?
 * Irv: [as the Oracle] It wasn't you he cheated. Some men cheat themselves out of living a life with a woman they love.


 * Mr. Tullen: (trying to get his wife out of the tent) Elizabeth, dear, do please come out of there.
 * DR. Tullen: I won't, I don't want to get sunburned.
 * Caitlin: (walking closer) If you don't come out, I'm going to tell everyone how old you are. (an orange parasol is open just outside of the tent, raising revealing Dr. Tullen in a black swimsuit)
 * Mr. Tullen: (nearly speechless) Well, that was certainly worth the wait.


 * Dorcas: Georgie, I got these for you. [hands her a jewelry box]
 * Georgia: Dorcas, you shouldn't do this.
 * Dorcas: It's all right. I've got the receipt.
 * Georgia: Good for you.
 * Dorcas: Well, it's a start.


 * [At the Parthenon, Georgia and her group sees Nico and his group. He looks very angry and stressed out.]
 * Nico:[sarcastically, to his group] Fine, fine, take your stupid pictures and I go get you some ice cream.
 * Georgia: Good Morning, Nico.
 * Nico:[angry] Oh yeah, I have a headache in my head. The bus' air conditioning, it break and these American idiots never stopped the complain, complain, complain.
 * [The Canadian tourists are insulted as one of the females confronts Nico for it.]
 * Angry Canadian Woman: Wait a minute. Did you just call us, "Americans"?
 * Nico: Americans, Canadians. What's the difference?
 * Canadian Woman: You jerk!
 * [Georgia and her group laugh at Nico as he gets beaten up by his group of Canadians for insulting them. A few of members of Georgia's group are seen filming it happen.]

Taglines

 * The most fun you can have without a passport.
 * The Star of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' is Finally Going to Greece.
 * Falling in Love...In All the Wrong Places

Cast

 * Nia Vardalos - Georgia
 * Richard Dreyfuss - Irv
 * Alexis Georgoulis - Poupi Kakas
 * Alistair McGowan - Nico
 * Harland Williams - Big Al
 * Rachel Dratch - Kim
 * Caroline Goodall - Dr. Tullen
 * Ian Ogilvy - Mr. Tullen
 * Sophie Stuckey - Caitlin
 * María Botto - Lala