My Parents Are Aliens

My Parents Are Aliens (1999-2006) is a British comedy airing on CiTV. The show follows the lives of a group of orphaned children and their eccentric alien foster parents.

Unidentified episode

 * Josh: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't.
 * Brian: Yeah, what an idiot!

That was in crazy for you 


 * Lucy: You think you're a better father than God?
 * Brian: Put it this way, he didn't exactly save his son from the Romans, did he? (looks worried) Don't worry, Lucy, if they come for you, I've got a plan.




 * Brian: Today we plant the seeds of doubt, tomorrow we water the flowers of insanity.



/
 * Pete: So, tomorrow's the big date.
 * Mel: Date?
 * Josh: [quickly] Fight.
 * Mel: Pete wants to fight?
 * Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me.
 * Mel: But he was looking at me.
 * Josh: He's got a squint.

Operation Date 


 * Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from?
 * Sophie: [morphed as Mel] Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.

Crazy for you


 * Trent: I merely encouraged a selection of fabulous ingredients to have a taste party at gas mark delicious.




 * Brian: Cupid hath peirthed their heartth with hith arrowth.
 * Sophie: Thorry?




 * [Sophie snatches a pair of pants from Lucy.]
 * Sophie: Those are my pants.
 * [Brian snatches a bra from Lucy.]
 * Brian: And that's my bra!




 * Brian: Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet.




 * [Sophie describes the wedding ring she wants.]
 * Sophie: Something with gold and diamonds.
 * Brian: Something like that, yeah.
 * Sophie: No, something with gold and diamonds.




 * [Brian has just grown antlers.]
 * Brian: I am half-man, half-moose! I am a moose-man!




 * Brian: Prick me! Do I not bleed?
 * Josh: Yeah, but it's green.




 * Josh: Your pants are on fire!
 * Gavin: Are you calling me a liar, Barker?
 * Josh: No, I'm saying your trousers are technically aflame.




 * [Brian is talking on the phone.]
 * Brian: Hello there. Do you have any dragons? [pause]  Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? [pause]  A lizard, you say?  Does it breathe fire? [pause]  No.  Well, okay, can I come and chop off its head anyway? [pause]  Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do that to yourself.




 * Lucy: Apart from your foul cooking, you're the best mother we've ever had.
 * Sophie: What — even better than your real one?
 * Lucy: Well, I wouldn't know much about that.
 * Sophie: But I probably am.
 * [Lucy glares.]
 * Sophie: Or...maybe not. Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard




 * Alien Sophie: We're the alien freaks and she's the one eating the pencil!
 * Sophie: (Snapping out of her state of confusion)it's them they're aliens

Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard 


 * Dinesh: [angrily] Hab SoSlI' Quch!

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 * Selena: I didn't know you fancied Duncan.
 * Jaq: I don't.
 * Selena: Then why are you blushing?
 * Jaq: I'm not. It's a rash; I'm allergic to you.

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 * Jaq: You look like the mutant offspring of Paris Hilton and a polar bear!

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 * Trent: (sarcastically) My life changed the day I got my tongue stuck in my dad's DVD player.

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 * Trent: I wouldn't say I made this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious.

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 * Josh: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself.
 * Brian: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...

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 * [Wendy is talking about Justin Timberlake.]
 * Wendy: Oh Yes he's very entertaining — if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.

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 * [Mel calls for Lucy on the phone.]
 * Brian: Yes?
 * Mel: Brian, it's Mel. Put Lucy on.
 * Brian: We're in the middle of a conversation. Don't interupt, it's rude.

(Brian Slams the Phone down) Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard <hr width=50%/>


 * (After Crashing on earth)
 * Sophie: Where are we?
 * Brian: Somewhere near the Coast
 * Sophie: Great Brian, Now what do we do?!
 * (Brian and Sophie look at each other)
 * Sophie: Children's Home?
 * Brian: Right Behind Ya!

A deleted scene from Aliens Go Home (which was re-used for the end of Thanks for all the Earthworm Custard where Brian and Sophie re-crash on Earth)


 * '' (After receiving the annual Knitting For Boys 'Big Knit' award)
 *  Brian': It's more than a prize! It's telling me who I really am!
 *  Josh': A 'big nit'?

Pret-A-Brian