Mystery Team

Mystery Team is a 2009 comedy film about a group of former Encyclopedia Brown-style child-detectives who struggle to solve an adult mystery.
 * Directed by Dan Eckman. Written by Donald Glover, DC Pierson, Dominic Dierkes, and Dan Eckman.

One big case. Zero clue.

Charlie

 * Oh okay, so we're definitely not just taking off clothes then, gotcha'.

Duncan

 * The door's locked! McGinty, you clever dog!
 * If any teachers ask where Eric went, tell them that three grown-ups took him off the playground to teach him a lesson about sticking his finger in things.
 * Sorry I'm late, everybody. My science teacher says my thesis needs to prove something... but I think listing all the dinosaurs proves there was a lot of dinosaurs.
 * Looks like we've got a long night of cocaine ahead of us.
 * We're keeping evidence from the police, okay? We could go to jail! You know what happens in jail? No T.V.!
 * Goodnight sweet hobo. May your bindle be heavy with treasures, but your heart be light with song.

Jason

 * Decorative pillows? What is this, the White House?
 * Paper plates? Are you expecting the pope?

Jim

 * Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn't beat that cancer. I really do.

Jamie

 * There's something fishy going on down at the sardine factory! I think it's fish!

Jordy

 * When I was fifteen years old, when I got this job, I said to myself, "I am going to work here until the day that I kill myself."
 * Hey! Are you squeezing that bread? We had a deal! We had a deal you fucking animal!  What the f...ah dude, did you fuck this bread?  You fucked the shit out of this bread.  You don't fuck bread.  Every fucking thing!
 * You remind me a little of me. You know what I'm going to call you from now on, "Little Me".  I just came up with that right now.
 * Paying you in advance, buddy!

Dialogue

 * Jason: She's really something, it's just... I'm no good with girls.
 * Frank: Oh, you're whipped! [imitates whipping]
 * Jim: [interrupting] Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn't beat that cancer. I really do.


 * Kelly: [holding the ring] Where did you find this?
 * Jason: It's a long story.
 * Charlie: No, it's not. A stripper peed it into a toilet.


 * Jason: Ah! Cinnamon sticks!
 * Charlie: Ah! Chinese checkers!
 * Duncan: Fuck! Yeah, that's right. I've been saying "fuck". Going in the backyard and trying it out.


 * Duncan: Honestly, this is breaking and entering, okay? It's illegal.
 * Jason: But, it's for justice, so it's legal again.


 * Duncan: Our most consistent customer has Alzheimer's!
 * Jason: Mrs. Kimmel does not have Alzheimer's!
 * Duncan: She bakes fifty pies a day for her dead husband. Most of the pies are filled with soap.


 * Jason: We are mature and legitimate detectives.
 * Kelly: What the hell is that smell?
 * Duncan: I drank dog urine.

Cast

 * Donald Glover - Jason Rogers
 * DC Pierson - Duncan Wheeler
 * Dominic Dierkes - Charlie Day
 * Aubrey Plaza - Kelly Peters
 * Glenn Kalison - Robert Finney
 * Peter Saati - Leroy Maddox
 * Ellie Kemper - Jamie
 * Matt Walsh - Jim
 * Bobby Moynihan - Jordy
 * Daphne Ciccarelle - Brianna Peters
 * John Lutz - Frank
 * Jon Daly - Greg Coleman
 * Neil Casey - Broken Man