Nice Dreams

Nice Dreams is a 1981 film in which, disguised as ice cream vendors, Cheech and Chong make--and subsequently lose--millions of dollars selling a batch of marijuana with an unusual side effect.
 * Directed by Tommy Chong. Written by Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong.

The story of two enterprising young men who make an amazing amount of money selling ice cream. (taglines)

Cheech

 * [talking to his plants] Ooh, Oaxaca. Ooh, sensi. How are you, my darling? Oh, God, your buds are getting so big. I have to get you a training bra. You got some lint in your belly button there. There you go. All right. Okay, you guys, be cool.


 * Yeah, real funny, man... so funny I forgot to laugh...


 * Hey, scratch my balls, man... anybody scratch my balls!

Sgt. Stedenko

 * The only way to catch a doper is when you yourself become a smoker. The surest way to make them bleed is when you bust their ass and steal their weed.


 * You know we cannot trust our own instincts, now I want you send this down to the analyzer and have it labbed. I'll take care of it.


 * [talking to a lizard] You... have beautiful eyes. Yes you do...

Howie Hamburger Dude

 * Would you like to have a hamburger?


 * You're the guy from the hamburger train, right? Yeah, the hambur- [sniffs]

Dialogue

 * Chong: Hey, how much money do we have now?
 * Cheech: All together?
 * Chong: Yeah, all together?
 * Cheech: Let's see, mmm, uh, oh man! We have $17,000,000!
 * Chong: Really?
 * Cheech: Oh, wait, well, um, 17, something. Who cares? We're rich, man.


 * Cheech: Man, I can't believe you. Every time you do coke, this shit happens.
 * Chong: Hey, wait a minute, man. How come every time I do coke, you say that "every time you do coke" thing?


 * Timothy Leary: You want the key?
 * Cheech: Hey, please, Doc. Get me outta here. Let me be free. I just want the key, okay?
 * Timothy Leary: You're sure you want to be free?
 * Cheech: Yeah! Yeah! I want to be free. Just give me the key, okay? Please.
 * Timothy Leary: Come here. Stick out your tongue.
 * Cheech: What?
 * Timothy Leary: Stick out your tongue. [puts a cube on Cheech's tongue] There's the key.
 * Cheech: This is not the key. I want the key.
 * Timothy Leary: That's the key to the universe.


 * Chong: You know what I think we should invest in, man?
 * Cheech: What?
 * Chong: A rest home for old hippies.
 * Cheech: Yeah?
 * Chong: Cause, man, you know, like, hippies have been around since the 60's man.
 * Cheech: Yeah.
 * Chong: You know, and there really isn't like a hip place for 'em to go when they get real old, you know.
 * Cheech: Yeah.
 * Chong: You know, how I see it, you know, it's like a regular rest home except you have all the dope you can smoke, you know, for these old people. They'd listen to all the music they want, you know.
 * Cheech: Like we could call it: Laid Back Manor.
 * Chong: Yeah! Hey, great. Yeah.
 * Cheech: That'd be heavy.
 * Chong: Because, you know, I mean, like, what do people do when they get old? You know, they usually keep them stoned, laid-back.


 * Chong: Hey, listen, there's a lot of smart dudes who do coke, man.
 * Cheech: Yeah? Like who?
 * Chong: Like, Sherlock Holmes does coke. And he isn't so stupid.
 * Cheech: Sherlock Holmes?


 * Chong: You know what I wanna do when I die, man?
 * Cheech: What?
 * Chong: I'm gonna get cremated, man.
 * Cheech: Yeah?
 * Chong: Yeah. Then I wanna get my ashes put in a baggie, you know.
 * Cheech: Yeah?
 * Chong: Then I'm gonna have all my friends - we'll have a party and then everybody will smoke me. Mix it with some good shit, you know.
 * Cheech: Remind me not to be one of your friends when you die.


 * Chong: Hey, man, that dude looked kinda straight to be buying dope.
 * Cheech: Hey, man, don't worry about it. I checked him out myself, man. He ain't a cop. I can smell cops a mile away, man. They smell like coffee and doughnuts.


 * Cheech: We're rich. Hey, let's buy a villa in Costa Rica. That'd be great. We could just...
 * Chong: I'm gonna get some more guitars.
 * Cheech: Yeah?
 * Chong: Yeah, I wanna get a Fender. No, I don't like Fenders, man. No, I'll get one anyway.
 * Cheech: Let's get one of those big, white houses, man. You know, like, with a veranda, you know. With a porch. We'd be sitting out there sipping pina colonics, man.
 * Chong: Pina colonics?
 * Cheech: Yeah.
 * Chong: What's that?
 * Cheech: You know, they make them in a blender, man. You know.
 * Chong: Oh, yeah.
 * Cheech: Yeah. We'd have topless ladies, man. Maybe we'll make ourselves sun kings. You know, buy a little island. We'll put two little chairs on a little hill, and every day at noon we'll go up there and all the natives will bow down to us and we'll throw them joints, you know. I like to help the little people, man. Like, that's important in life.


 * Cheech: Those are the ugliest chicks I ever saw in my life.
 * Chong: No kidding, man. But if they're so ugly, how come you were hitting on them?
 * Cheech: I wasn't hitting on them, man.
 * Chong: Well, that part about asking them if they were models, man.
 * Cheech: I was trying to be nice, man.
 * Chong: Models for Kal-Can dog food.

Taglines

 * The story of two enterprising young men who make an amazing amount of money selling ice cream.


 * The High Life Never Tasted So Good!

Cast

 * Cheech Marin - Cheech
 * Tommy Chong - Chong "Man"
 * Stacy Keach - Sarge Stedanko
 * Paul Reubens - Howie Hamburger Dude
 * Evelyn Guerrero - Donna
 * Peter Jason - Detective Drooler
 * Tim Rossovich - Detective Noodles
 * Timothy Leary - Himself
 * Sandra Bernhard - Girl Nut
 * Tony Cox - Midget Nut (Credited as Joe Anthony Cox)
 * Michael Winslow - Superman Nut
 * Cheryl Smith - Group Blonde #1
 * Linnea Quigley - Group Blonde #2