Norbit

Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Mr. Wong, and Rasputia. Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake? (taglines)

Norbit

 * I didn't touch your seat.
 * No, that's just my... my wife.
 * No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts.
 * Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes. [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lingerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
 * HALT!!!!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed once again] 187, officer down!
 * Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again]  God bless America!
 * Yes, it did! And that makes you the Queen of Whores!

Kate Thomas

 * Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit.
 * [After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty!
 * I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
 * I just don't trust you anymore.
 * Norbit, what are you doing?!
 * "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here...

Mr. Wong

 * Norbit, where you go?! Why you run off?
 * "Whale, ho!"
 * Yeah, and a ho!
 * It just like old times. Maybe you two should go take poop together.
 * "Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

Rasputia

 * Damn it, Norbit! How many times I gotta tell you, don't be messin' with my car seat?!
 * That's MY wine cooler!
 * [repeated line] How YOU doin'!
 * [Norbit singing "Tuesday" in the shower] Say Tuesday again, and you ain't gonna see Wednesday!
 * I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide!
 * It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh?
 * That's what your stupid black butt get!
 * KATE, FOOL!!
 * Hell to the no!
 * Did somebody just call me a whale?

Dialogue

 * Norbit: But I never lost hope. I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with. All I had to do was just be patient.
 * [the two twin bullies smash his sandcastle]
 * 9-Year-Old Norbit: What did you do that for?
 * One of the Bullies: 'Cause we felt like it.
 * Both Bullies: What are you gonna do about it?
 * [The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts]
 * 10-Year-Old Rasputia: [to the bullies] Leave him alone.
 * Both Bullies: Says who?
 * [Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways]
 * 9-Year-Old Norbit: Who are you?
 * 10-Year-Old Rasputia: Rasputia. What's your name?
 * 9-Year-Old Norbit: Norbit.
 * 10-Year-Old Rasputia: "Norbit"? That's a stupid name.
 * 9-Year-Old Norbit: Why'd you beat those boys up?
 * 10-Year-Old Rasputia: To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt?
 * 9-Year-Old Norbit: Uh, Norbit. No...
 * 10-Year-Old Rasputia: Well, you do now. Get up and hold my hand.
 * 9-Year-Old Norbit: Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing?


 * Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!!
 * Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?
 * Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?!
 * Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.
 * Rasputia: Raging Waters?


 * Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
 * Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
 * Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!
 * Rasputia: Aagh!! [Rasputia suddenly turns back and runs towards Norbit]


 * Norbit: [singing in the shower] Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday!
 * Rasputia: If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday.


 * Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
 * Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!
 * Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...
 * Rasputia: Who the hell are you?
 * Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.
 * Kate: Nice to meet you!
 * Rasputia: Hello.
 * Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.
 * Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"
 * Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?
 * Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-


 * Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!!
 * Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
 * Mr. Wong: Yeah! Gonna blow!


 * Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?
 * Lloyd the Dog: Kill her!
 * Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say?
 * Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice her!
 * Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.
 * Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING!
 * Rasputia: What is this, Norbit?
 * [Norbit gets up]
 * Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art?
 * Rasputia: Mm-mm.
 * [Rasputia takes out a container of acid]
 * Rasputia: What's this?
 * Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.
 * Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the girl again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.
 * [Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]
 * Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?
 * [Scared, Norbit nods his head]


 * Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!
 * [Kate walks over to Norbit]
 * Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?
 * Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits.
 * Kate: No, that's not all.
 * [Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window]
 * Kate: Norbit.
 * Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!
 * Kate:  What?!
 * [Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]
 * Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!
 * Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!
 * Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!
 * Kate: Y y-- you don't care?
 * Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!
 * Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit!
 * Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]
 * Kate: B b bu-- but last night--
 * Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!
 * [Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation]
 * Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!


 * Deion Hughes: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
 * Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on...
 * Deion Hughes: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
 * [The ceremony resumes]
 * Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
 * Norbit: I object!
 * [congregation gasps and murmurs]
 * Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
 * Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.
 * Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!
 * Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!
 * Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!
 * Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
 * Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?
 * Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
 * Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?
 * Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your ...!


 * Rasputia: [laughs after Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story about Deion is a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
 * Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
 * [Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
 * Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
 * Children: Daddy!
 * Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
 * Rasputia: Who is that ho?
 * Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay!
 * Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
 * Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!
 * Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!
 * Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
 * Lord Have Mercy: Church!
 * Big Jack: Dammit, Norbit!
 * Norbit: Oh, snap!

Taglines

 * Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake?
 * Nice Guy. Huge Problem.

Cast

 * Eddie Murphy - Norbit Albert Rice / Hangten Wong / Rasputia Latimore
 * Khamani Griffin - young Norbit (age 5)
 * Austin Reid - young Norbit (age 9)
 * Jonathan Robinson - young Norbit (age 17)
 * Lindsey Sims-Lewis - young Rasputia (age 10)
 * Yves Lola St. Vil - young Rasputia (age 17)
 * Thandie Newton - Kate Thomas, Norbit's best friend, in whom he has a romantic interest.
 * China Anderson - young Kate (age 5)
 * Terry Crews - Big Black Jack Latimore
 * Lester "Rasta" Speight - Blue Latimore
 * Clint Powell - Earl Latimore
 * Cuba Gooding, Jr. - Deion Hughes
 * Eddie Griffin - Pope Sweet Jesus
 * Katt Williams - Lord Have Mercy
 * Floyd Levine - Abe
 * Anthony Russell - Sam Giovanni
 * Pat Crawford Brown - Mrs. Henderson
 * Jeanette Miller - Mrs. Coleman
 * Michael Colyar - Morris
 * Marlon Wayans - Buster "Bust-A-Move" Perkin
 * Alexis Rhee - Ling Ling Wong
 * Charlie Murphy (voice) - Lloyd the Dog
 * Tone Man - Narrator (voice)