One, Two, Three



One, Two, Three is a 1961 American comedy film about a Coca Cola salesman set in a Berlin divided between the capitalist west and Communist East.
 * Written by Billy Wilder and written by him and I.A.L. Diamond, based on the 1929 Hungarian one-act play Egy, kettö, három by Ferenc Molnár.

C.R. MacNamara, the Coca-Cola (Berlin) boss, and Schlemmer, his German assistant

 * C.R. MacNamara: Just between us, Schlemmer, what did you do during the war?
 * Schlemmer: I was in der Untergrund: the underground.
 * C.R. MacNamara: Resistance fighter?
 * Schlemmer: No, motorman. In the underground, you know, the subway.
 * C.R. MacNamara: Of course you were anti-Nazi and you never liked Adolf.
 * Schlemmer: Adolf who?


 * [But later, Schlemmer recognizes the reporter Untermeyer]
 * Schlemmer: Herr Oberleutnant!
 * C.R. MacNamara: You two know each other?
 * Schlemmer: He was my commanding officer.
 * C.R. MacNamara: In the subway?
 * Schlemmer: No, after that, when I was drafted.
 * C.R. MacNamara: Aha! Gestapo!
 * Schlemmer: No, no, SS.

Otto, the young East German communist, Scarlet, his (to begin with secret) wife and daughter of the Coca-Cola top boss, the MacNamara's should take care of

 * Otto: I will not have my son grow up to be a capitalist.
 * Scarlet: When he's 18 he can make his mind up whether he wants to be a capitalist or a rich communist.


 * Otto: They have assigned us a magnificent apartment. Just a short walk from the bathroom.


 * Scarlett: Tell daddy I'm going to the U.S.S.R. That's short for Russia.
 * C.R. MacNamara: Are you out of your seventeen year old mind? Russia is to get out of, not to get into!


 * Otto: ''[bursts into room wearing boxers, shirt, tie and morning coat] I'm going to like this job!
 * C.R. MacNamara: It's about time you started cooperating.
 * Otto: You know what the first thing is I'm going to do? I'm going to lead the workers down there in revolt!
 * C.R. MacNamara: Put your pants on, Spartacus!

C.R. MacNamara dealing with Russian biznismeni of East Berlin, and they with him, with a brief comment by Otto

 * C.R. MacNamara: Cigarette? Cigar?
 * Peripetchikoff: Here, take one of these.
 * C.R. Macnamara: Thanks. Hm, 'Made in Havana'.
 * Peripetchikoff: We have trade agreement with Cuba. They send us cigars, we send them rockets.
 * C.R. Macnamara: Good thinking.


 * C.R. MacNamara: You know something? You guys got cheated. This is a pretty crummy cigar.
 * Peripetchikoff: Do not worry. We send them pretty crummy rockets.


 * Borodenko: When will papers be ready?
 * C.R. Macnamara: I'll put my secretary right to work on it.
 * Mishkin: Your secretary? She's that blond lady?
 * C.R. Macnamara: That's the one.
 * Peripetchikoff: [after conferring with the others] You will send papers to East Berlin with blond lady in triplicate.
 * C.R. Macnamara: You want the papers in triplicate, or the blond in triplicate?
 * Peripetchikoff: See what you can do.


 * Peripetchikoff: Well, Comrades, what are we going to do? He's got it - we want it. Are we going to accept this blackmailing capitalist's deal?
 * Mishkin: Let's take a vote.
 * Peripetchikoff: I vote yes.
 * Mishkin: I vote yes.
 * Peripetchikoff: Two out of three. Deal is on!
 * Borodenko: Comrades, before you get in trouble, I must warn you, I am not really from Soft Drink Secretariat. I am undercover agent assigned to watch you.
 * Mishkin: In that case I vote no. Deal is off.
 * Borodenko: But I vote yes!
 * Peripetchikoff: Two out of three again! Deal is on!


 * Otto Ludwig Piffl: Is everybody in this world corrupt?
 * Peripetchikoff: I don't know everybody.'''


 * MacNamara: You've defected?
 * Peripetchikoff: Is old Russian proverb: "go west young man."

Otto on the space race
Venus! American missiles (hand goes up then down) phft phft. Miami Beach.
 * Soviet missiles (shoots hand into the air) fffffffffffwwwwwwwwwwoooooosssh.

Otto on the US

 * Otto: Capitalism is like a dead herring in the moonlight. It shines, but it stinks!


 * C.R. MacNamara: Schlemmer!! [Last line in movie as MacNamara finds a Pepsi-Cola in the Coke machine.]


 * Otto: I spit on your money. I spit on Fort Knox. I spit on Wall Street.
 * C.R. MacNamara: Unsanitary little jerk, isn't he?

Cast

 * James Cagney – C.R. "Mac" MacNamara
 * Horst Buchholz – Otto Ludwig Piffl
 * Pamela Tiffin – Scarlett Hazeltine
 * Arlene Francis – Phyllis MacNamara
 * Leon Askin – Peripetchikoff
 * Howard St. John – Wendell P. Hazeltine