One Trick Pony

One-Trick Pony is a 1980 film written by and starring Paul Simon. Simon portrays Jonah, a once famous musician attempting to record a new album in the face of losing popularity.
 * Directed by Robert M. Young. Written by Paul Simon.

Rock 'n' roll will give you some laughs...but it won't do you any favors.

Jonah Levin

 * Well, what do you expect? "A grown man living in a kid's world." What do you think I'm doing out there? Cashing in my E tickets for a ride through the Magic Kingdom? You think I'm playing my gigs in The Haunted House?


 * See, it's not that we don't want to have our heart torn out, it's just that we're trying to make a ballsy record here.


 * [Reading Matty's song lyrics to Marion] "Hey, baby, don't be cruel. I'm gonna pick you up and we'll have a date at the pizza parlor. You can have a pizza, and I can have one, too. But you didn't want a pizza, so I said 'So long, babe.'" See that? And you were worried that he was going to be a songwriter.

Dialogue

 * Hare Krishna: [Offering Jonah a book] You said that your mind is troubled, why don't you check it out, brother?
 * Jonah: You know, this is such a minor point, I hate to even bring it up but... I have a brother.
 * Hare Krishna: We're all brothers.
 * Jonah: No, I mean I have a real brother.
 * Hare Krishna: We're all real brothers!
 * Jonah: Well, this real brother used to sleep in the other bed in my room.
 * Hare Krishna: Look, look, all I'm saying to you is if you want to purify your existence, get into your spiritual self, check it out.
 * [Jonah accepts the book]
 * Hare Krishna: Okay, okay, Hare Krishna!
 * Jonah: [Softly, as he walks away] Okay, okay, Harry Chapin.




 * Clarence Franklin: Hey, Jonah, what time’s the first set?
 * Jonah: Clarence, come right in! Taking a bath’s usually a private moment for me. But I don’t mind sharing this time with you.
 * Clarence Franklin: What time’s the first set?
 * Jonah: Nine o’clock. But we leave at about 8:15.
 * Clarence Franklin: [looking at Jonah’s genitals] That’s it, huh?
 * Jonah: I am, after all, a Caucasian.
 * Clarence Franklin: I understand, and I sympathize.


 * Jonah: Hey... Cal van Damp. What's the good word with you?
 * Cal van Damp: Well, you're the bright boy, I figured you'd know.
 * Jonah: Steatopygous.
 * Cal van Damp: What?
 * Jonah: Steatopygous. It means a large rump, a fat ass.
 * Cal van Damp: Why's that the good word?
 * Jonah: Well, it's like, see, what if I was to—if I was to say to you, "Cal, you have a very fat ass.", you could be offended. But if I say, "Hey! Good evening, Cal. You sure look steatopygous.", then you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, do you?
 * Cal van Damp: Hope you don't have any plans for getting your records played on any radio stations.
 * Jonah: Not really, no.
 * Cal van Damp: Well you shouldn't, 'cause you won't get any.


 * Jonah: Well, what was I supposed to say? "Yes, Walter, I am sort of fucking your wife"?
 * Lonnie Fox: Is that what we're doing? Sort of fucking?


 * Marion: You don't always have to be sarcastic.
 * Jonah: Well, I'm not always sarcastic. Well, I was sarcastic in the late seventies, maybe '77, '78, but really, since... February '79 I have hardly been sarcastic.


 * Marion: It's the longest adolescence I have ever seen. Well, admit it, in six years, you'll be forty years old. Now, you've gone directly from adolescence to middle age.
 * Jonah: In six years I'll be forty years old. In sixteen years, I'll be fifty years old. In twenty-six years, I'll be sixty years old. In a mere sixty-six years, I'll be a hundred years old.


 * Jonah: The fern is doing very well.
 * Marion: Yes, the fern is doing well, it's doing very, very well.
 * Jonah: You spray it regularly, do ya?
 * Marion: I spray it every day, I talk to it, give it lots of encouragement.
 * Jonah: [whispering] You haven't told her about our separation?
 * Marion: No, absolutely not. I didn't think it would be wise at this time, it's just beginning to sprout new leaves.


 * Marion: What are you so afraid of? That young girls won't like you on the road?
 * Jonah: I'll tell you what I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of you boring me to tears. Yeah, you know, Marion, you know, you used to, you know—YOU'RE SO FUCKING BORING!
 * [Marion starts crying, Jonah hugs her]
 * Jonah: I-I'm sorry. I don't know what you want. You want me to drive a cab? You want me to give guitar lessons to 13-year-old kids? I'm a player, that's what I do.
 * Marion: No, I just want—I just wanted... I just wish that when you were here, you were really here. I mean, really with us. Not just sleeping here, or talking on the phone here, or trying to write songs here, but... here. A family. The road is the road. This was supposed to be home.


 * Clarence Franklin: What about our bread?
 * Jonah: What about our bread?
 * Clarence Franklin: Let me tell you something. We've been friends a long time. But I can't live on no $400 a week. It doesn't cover my alimony or my dope bills.
 * Danny Duggin: What dope bills? You haven't bought anything in years!
 * Clarence Franklin: Fuck you, years!
 * Jonah: You're not the only one with alimony and dope bills.


 * Jonah: You got any percodans?
 * Marion: No, but I got some aspirin in the bathroom. What's wrong?
 * Jonah: Pain, uh... I got a pain.
 * Marion: You really should watch it, you know, you just like to take pills.
 * Jonah: Who, me? That's the truth.
 * Marion: You sound like Matty.
 * Jonah: I am Matty, just older.
 * Marion: Here's your aspirin.
 * Jonah: It's not what I really need.
 * Marion: What do you need?
 * Jonah: A job.
 * Marion: A job?
 * Jonah: A hug?
 * Marion: Jonah, what are you talking about?
 * Jonah: I figure the band is broken up.
 * Marion: That's crazy, what about the album?
 * Jonah: Gone.
 * Marion: Well, I don't understand. I thought you said everything was going well.
 * [Jonah hugs Marion and starts crying]
 * Marion: You said everything was going well.


 * Jonah: We had some good times... Didn't we?
 * Marion: Yeah, lots.


 * [Last lines]
 * Jonah: I think I left my glasses in the studio this afternoon.
 * Studio attendant: Okay.

Cast

 * Paul Simon - Jonah Levin
 * Blair Brown - Marion Levin
 * Rip Torn - Walter Fox
 * Joan Hackett - Lonnie Fox
 * Allen Garfield - Cal van Damp
 * Mare Winningham - Modeena Dandridge
 * Michael Pearlman - Matty Levin
 * Lou Reed - Steve Kunelian
 * Steve Gadd - Danny Duggin
 * Eric Gale - Lee-Andrew Parker
 * Tony Levin - John Dibatista
 * Richard Tee - Clarence Franklin
 * Harry Shearer - Bernie Wepner
 * Daniel Stern - Hare Krishna