P-Valley/Season 1


 * P-Valley 1 2 Main

Perpetratin' [1.01]

 * Autumn Night: Can't trust a man without a vice. We all need to give into something.
 * Andre Watkins: True dat.


 * Autumn Night: You've got a good eye.
 * Andre Watkins: That I do.


 * Patrice Woodbine: God is always grateful for an offering. But he'd be more grateful for your repentance.


 * Miss Mississippi: I fell.
 * Uncle Clifford: Don't tell me it's cornbread when I smell those biscuits burning.


 * Uncle Clifford: Nice ass. Got a nice jiggle to it. Those titties are two little beestings. But if you work hard, we can buy you some bigger ones.

Scars [1.02]

 * Andre: I'm certainly not too good for a lap dance. A kickback, that's another story.
 * Autumn: Well, I'm glad to know you got such low standards for your lap and not your bank account.


 * Andre: That ain't necessary.
 * Corbin: Ain't nothing necessary 'til it is.


 * Andre: Something in these wings. Everything all slow-motion like.
 * Corbin: All their asses just move in slo-mo up in here.


 * Mercedes: What you sipping on tonight? Brown liquor or white?
 * Andre: I'll try the white for tonight.


 * Mercedes: One man in the club, looking to spend money. Two men in the club, looking to make money.


 * Mississippi: I can't believe I do this shit sober.


 * Clifford: [To mayor's aide] You the mayor's new secretary? How you take dick-tation with them nails?


 * Wayne: [To Andrew] Tonight, [Corbin] is going to be right over there [The Pynk], blowing Daddy's hard-earned money on pussy and Jameson's.


 * L'il Murda: My shit's big but my future's bigger.
 * Clifford: You got potential but you ain't ready yet.


 * Big Al: Bank these Mexican niggers bringin' in ain't gonna be enough.
 * Clifford: Big Al, just count.


 * Clifford: Mo money, mo problems.
 * Mississippi: I'd have problems too if I was that light and still couldn't pass. I'd have problems too if I was that light and still couldn't pass. All that yella wasted.


 * Wyatt: Uncle Clifford. Fantasy Fridays are lean as usual.
 * Uncle Clifford: You know how we do it down in Pussy Valley. We ain't impressed like them heifers on the hill.


 * Diamond: [To Autumn] You know how we do it down in Pussy Valley. We ain't impressed like them heifers on the hill. Imma gonna need you to focus.

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 * Mississippi: I hear Master's been a very bad boy.
 * Wyatt: She caught me. She caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

Higher Ground [1.03]

 * Duffy: It's all there.
 * Clifford: You know I don't trust white people.

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 * Andre: Do you got Magnums?
 * Clerk: No, we don't sell condoms. But we sure got Bibles in our rooms for free.

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 * Andre: When I used to live here with my grandmother, this felt like paradise. From what I've seen, it ain't like that no more. I'd like to bring that back for folks that live here now.

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 * Mercedes: [To Terika] Well, Terika, I get paid for mine. You're out here shaking your shit for free.

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 * Clifford: [To Corbin] Look at chu. The son of the maid keeping the plantation going. If that ain't some reparations for your ass, I don't know what is.

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 * Corbin: That's that legacy money. That's that private-school money.
 * Clifford: That's that money money.

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 * Autumn: It's innocent.
 * Mercedes: Say the guilty.

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 * Gidget: I turned my regular into my boyfriend.
 * Autumn: Boyfriend?
 * Gidget: White girl magic!

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 * Clifford: [To Autumn] I want my tea. No tea, no ID.

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 * Clifford: You didn't talk to your regular yet?
 * Autumn: How someone you danced for once is a regular is beyond me.
 * Clifford: Heifer, don't get smart with me.

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 * Gidget: Look at you, gecko.
 * Autumn: You make a million?
 * Gidget: What you said? A stripper's always got to have her looks. That's what my momma said.

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 * Mercedes: Is there room for me on that lap of yours?
 * Coach: You know, I can always make room for the GOAT. You should have been with Alvin Ailey with all that talent.
 * Mercedes: I'm fine where I is, Coach, right here with you.

The Trap [1.04]

 * Gidget: Something's happened to her.
 * Clifford: Gidget, we ain't got time for those white-girl tears, although they are very tasty.

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 * Mercedes: You throwin' me out now?
 * Clifford: That's what a boss bitch does to her baby birds.

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 * Keyshawn: [To Mercedes] I ain't like you. You don't care what nobody think of you. You're strong. I'm just pretty. That's my only strength.

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 * Mercedes: Who went and done this and fucked up my mascara?

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 * Mayor Ruffin: [To Andre] You stay your ass up outta that Pussy Valley. That whole hood is known for loose lips, if you...

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 * Uncle Clifford: Lord, I love to be taken in the night but my booty is gonna be torn up after this.
 * Autumn: What you said.

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 * Honking driver: Could you hurry the hell up?
 * Patrice: You have a blessed fuckin' day, too.

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 * Realtor: [To Mercedes] Dreams are expensive. Make them pay for what it's worth.

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 * Realtor: You ain't selling a product. You're just selling an experience.
 * Mercedes: If there's one thing I know how to sell, it's an experience.

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 * Autumn: You know how fellas go crazy for the new girls.
 * Bank official: Don't me and my husband know it.

Belly [1.05]

 * Autumn: [To Mercedes] Life is just a long day's journey into tomorrow. You just have to make it through the dark...

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 * Clifford: Chile, you know good and goddamn well that you and I ain't meant for the outside.
 * Murda: So that's how it's always gonna be? We just gonna suck and fuck in the dark?

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 * Clifford: Ain't it time for your break?
 * Big Al: I ain't had a break since 1999.

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 * Clifford: You trying to erase folk.
 * Ruffin: Some niggers need to be erased.

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 * Autumn: Where to?
 * Mercedes: Anywhere but here.

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 * Patrice: Judge not lest ye be judged (although she need to be judged).

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 * Gidget: God's a bitch.
 * Autumn: And she got jokes tonight.

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 * Gidget: What would you do if someone took all your stacks?
 * Autumn: Kill him.

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 * Mercedes: They say Jesus come like a thief in the night. Well, they ain't met no Patrice Woodbine.
 * Patrice: God forgave me for that. You gonna have to forgive me too.

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 * Clifford: [To sheriff] Sheriff Bailey, that girl is like the daughter my ass can't ever have. You let me see Mercedes.

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 * Sheriff: All laws ain't right but some rights is wrong.
 * Clifford: Run that back, Emmitt Smith.

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 * Jesse: [To guard] You make sure these heifers don't cross the 50-yard line, ya hear?

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 * Big Al: I told Uncle Clifford this shit wasn't long for the world.
 * Diamond: The Pynk foreclosed on, for real?

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 * Keyshawn: [To Gidget] Let's get this bagged.

Legacy [1.06]

 * Eloise: One thing I do know is these niggers roun' chere love them some titties on Saturday night.
 * Clifford: And don't they love God on Sunday morning.

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 * Clifford: [Watching Keyshawn] Oh. I taught her so well.

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 * Corbin: Daddy told me we need to make something out of our inheritance.
 * Wayne: Daddy didn't give a shit about our inheritance. The only things he gave a damn about was guns and pussy. And he damn near ran this family into the ground playing with both.

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 * Mercedes: [To Autumn] Damn. You finessed (Andre) without even looking. Goddamn, you high-yella helpless.

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 * Mercedes: You stupid if you're trying to hide money in a locker.
 * Autumn: Not as stupid as the church building fund.
 * Mercedes: Duly noted, bitch.

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 * Clifford: Girl, this coffin shape makes my fingers look fat.
 * Nail stylist: Uh, uh, Uncle Clifford. Call it "ballet." Don't put death on yourself.
 * Clifford: What you said.

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 * Clifford: I think it's time you get on your knees and ask God for a favor.
 * Ernestine: God don't want his dick sucked by me. I still got my teeth.
 * Clifford: Oh, God! You just so uncouth.

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 * Keyshawn: Bitch gotta wanna fuck you and niggers gotta wanna be you.
 * Murda: Ooh, I likes that line. I'm gonna throw it in my next joint.
 * Keyshawn: Well, credit the right person. That's Uncle Clifford's line, not mine.

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 * Mercedes: [To Autumn] You can be Thelma and I'll be Louise.

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 * Mercedes: Cortez probably rolling over in his grave.
 * Shel: Cortez ain't rollin' nowhere because I burned his cheatin' ass up.

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 * Mercedes: You loved dance.
 * Terrica: No. I just loved being around you.

Last Call for Alcohol [1.07]

 * Autumn: I shot you.
 * Montavious: Not well enough.

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 * Derek: [To Gidget] It's be a cold day in Hell before Keyshawn leaves me so stay in your line, trailer park.

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 * Gidget: I just don't understand why [Keyshawn] won't just leave.
 * Autumn: Because that's when they're most likely to kill you.
 * Gidget: It sounds like something you know personally.

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 * Clifford: Nigga, how you get my car down here?
 * Murda: How you think? I stole it.

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 * Autumn: But you gotta want something more than that.
 * Mercedes: Ain't no love for ladies selling lust because that's all they ever want from you.

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 * Clifford: [To Mercedes] Don't you make me bury The Pynk without my bottom bitch. Without this club, I don't have nothing. And these girls, these girls. Ain't no orphanage for ho's. And who's gonna hire Big L? Hell, I barely wanted to hire Big L. He's scary.

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 * Clifford: [To Mercedes] I've got a message for the mayor. You tell that if The Pynk going down, I ain't gonna be the only one suckin' dick. Because I'm blessed and highly favored. So those casino folk best get ready because I love me some deep throat.

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 * Clifford: [To Sheriff Bailey] I've got a message for the mayor. You tell that if The Pynk going down, I ain't gonna be the...

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 * Corbin: You know how these backwoods niggers are.
 * Clifford: Crawl up now. Your cracker side's riding. You'd best replace that "er" with an "a."

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 * Ruffin: I have to keep the promises to certain folk around here, Andre.
 * Andre: You got bad knees, God-daddy. Don't stay down there too long.

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 * Wyatt: Ain't this pouring sugar on shit.
 * Mayor Ruffin: Shit with sugar on it is better than nothin', don't ya think, Wyatt?

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 * Patrice: What in the hell?
 * Uncle Clifford: Now you listen here, Patrice. OK? What you're not going to do is disrespect me, 'cause I could have easily let your ass rot in that jail for what you did to Mercedes. But this thing here is bigger than the both of us.

Murda Night [1.08]

 * Hailey: I'm sorry. I don't drink.
 * Ernestine: What kind of ho is you?

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 * Mayor Tydell : [To Andre] I'm going to put a cap in your monkey ass.

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 * Hailey: $200,000.
 * Ernestine: Oh, Lahd! That's more than my coochee's worth.

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 * Montavious: She ran out on me like a thief in the night.
 * Mercedes: Don't hate her for loving her child more than you. Because mothers are built that way.

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 * Mercedes: [To Montavious] It looks like you're getting white and brown liquor tonight. Careful of the mix though. Sometimes it can make a nigger sick.

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 * Hailey: I'm not your wife.
 * Montavious: You could have been. You should have been.
 * Hailey: The only thing you're married to is that fuckin' gang of yours.

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 * Uncle Clifford: [To Big L] Look what the riffraff done bringeth to the clubbeth.

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 * Big L: Diamond, ain't nothing poppin' off tonight with you at the door.
 * Diamond: Better not be. It smells like rain.

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 * Hailey: They always under-estimate how smart the pretty girls are.
 * Montavious: Yeah. You pretty-ass bitches can get away with murder.
 * Hailey: Almost.

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 * Big L: Diamond, ain't nothing poppin' off tonight with you at the door.
 * Diamond: Better not be. It smells like rain.