Pee-wee's Playhouse

Pee-wee's Playhouse was a Saturday Morning television series on CBS that aired from September 13, 1986 to November 17, 1990. It starred Paul Reubens as Pee-wee Herman who lived in his Playhouse with a whole bunch of wacky characters.

Ice Cream Soup [1.1]

 * Pee-wee: Hey, Magic Screen, what's that red thing over there?
 * Magic Screen: What a silly question Pee-wee. It's the door.
 * Everyone else: [screams]
 * Mr. Window: Hey, Pee-wee!
 * Pee-wee: Yes, Mr. Window?
 * Mr. Window: Someone's at the do-- uh... Someone's at the red-padded entrance.
 * Pee-wee: Oh, you mean the door.
 * Everyone else: [screams]


 * Jambi: Hey, Pee-wee, are you ready to make your wish yet?
 * Pee-wee: No, but I'll take a prediction.
 * Jambi: Okay, I predict... we'll be back right after this!

Luau for Two [1.02]

 * [after Pee-wee wins dinner for two on Big Question]
 * Jack: Thanks for playing, and I hope you had fun!
 * [Pee-wee screams]
 * Jack: I get it! Secret word!


 * [Pee-wee attempts to putt his golf ball into the windmill, but misses; his friends cheer]
 * Pee-wee: But I missed!
 * Conky: But nobody misses like you do, Pee-wee.
 * Chairry: What style. What flair.
 * Randy: What a lotta hooey. Psst! Hey, Pee-wee, come here.
 * [Pee-wee walks up to him]
 * Randy: Lemme straighten you out. Can't you see what's goin' on? Why do you think everyone's bein' so nice to ya?
 * Pee-wee: 'Cause they like me.
 * Randy: Ah, wise up, Pee-wee. Put two and two together. Everybody's bein' nice to you, because they want you to take 'em to that dinner. That's the only reason.

Rainy Day [1.3]

 * Randy: What's the matter, Pee-wee?
 * Pee-wee: I'm bored, Randy.
 * Randy: Bored? There's plenty of things to do on a rainy day.
 * Pee-wee: I know Randy, but I've done all them already.
 * Randy: No, you haven't. See this phone here?
 * Pee-wee: Yes, I've called everyone I know.
 * Randy: So? Call some people you don't know.
 * Pee-wee: What do you mean?
 * Randy: Here, I'll show you. (goes into the picture phone and dials a number of a housewife who responds)
 * Housewife: Hello.
 * Randy: Hello. Is your refrigerator running?
 * Housewife: Why, yes.
 * Randy: Then you better go and catch it! [laughs; hangs up] See Pee-wee? It's easy. You try one.
 * Pee-wee: No, Randy. That's not fun. It's not nice to make prank phone calls!
 * Randy: Don't be such a chicken. [dials the number again] Here. It's ringing. [hands the phone to Pee-wee]
 * Housewife: Hello?
 * Pee-wee: Hello. Is your refrigerator running?
 * Housewife: I've had just about enough of this! My husband is a police officer. Darryl?
 * Darryl: Yes, dear? (takes the phone from his wife) What's your name, kid?
 * Pee-wee: Pee-wee Herman.
 * Darryl: Well, you listen to me, Pee-wee Herman. Making prank phone calls is against the law! If I wasn't such a nice guy, I'd take you downtown and throw ya into jail! And you'd have a criminal record for the rest of your life. Would ya like that?
 * Pee-wee: Uh, no, sir. I mean, no, officer!
 * Darryl: Yeah. All right. I'll let you go this time. But next time, you're goin' to jail.

Now You See Me, Now You Don't [1.04]

 * Tito: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppets, machines, and everyone else, big and little...
 * [everyone else screams]
 * Tito: Prepare to be stupid.
 * Voice backstage: Stupefied!
 * Tito: Oh, yeah. Prepare to be stupefied. For the first time anywhere, presenting the Amazing Pee-wee!
 * [Pee-wee enters, appearing to be levitating]
 * Pee-wee: I love levitating.


 * Pee-wee: And now, for my next trick,... [rolls up his sleeves] Nothin' up here. Nothin' up here. [points at his head] And nothin' up here.

Just Another Day [1.05]

 * Pee-wee: What do cowboys eat?
 * Cowboy Curtis: Let's see. Uh,... Rattlesnakes, horn toads, cactus, armadillo, gophers, prairie dogs.
 * Pee-wee: [grossed out] If I was a cowboy, I'd never eat.
 * Cowboy Curtis: I's just funnin' ya, Pee-wee. It's a cowboy joke.
 * Pee-wee: Oh. [laughs] Cowboy joke.




 * Knucklehead: Knock-knock!
 * Pee-wee: Who's there?
 * Knucklehead: Boo!
 * Pee-wee: Boo who?
 * Knucklehead: I'll tell ya if ya stop cryin'! [laughs]

Beauty Makeover [1.06]

 * Jambi: Hey, I got a genie joke for you. How many genies does it take to cross the road?
 * Pee-wee: I don't know.
 * Jambi: 4. One to ride in the box, one to push the box, one to watch for traffic, and one to wish he was on the other side! [laughs] "Wish he was on the other..." [notices Pee-wee's confused look] Guess you had to be there.




 * [Pee-wee tosses Pterri's toy out the window]
 * Mr. Kite: Interception!
 * [he catches the toy; Pterri flies up to him]
 * Pterri: Hey! That's my toy!
 * Mr. Kite: Not anymore.
 * Pterri: You have no business with that toy. Give it back.
 * Mr. Kite: No. It's mine.
 * Pterri: Pee-wee! Pee-wee!
 * Pee-wee: Yeah, what is it?!
 * Pterri: Mr. Kite won't give me back my toy.
 * Pee-wee: Mr. Kite, give Pterri back his toy!
 * Pterri: See?! Pee-wee said you have to give me back my toy!
 * Mr. Kite: [tosses Pterri's toy back to him] Baby.
 * Pterri: [catches his toy] I am not a baby. Pee-wee, Mr. Kite called me a baby.
 * Pee-wee: All right, Pterri. Get in here.
 * [Pterri flies back inside]
 * Pterri: Why do I have to come in? Mr. Kite doesn't have to come in.
 * Mr. Kite: Baby.

Restaurant [1.07]

 * Mr. Window: Hey, Pee-wee, here comes Dixie!
 * ''[Dixie walks in with no jacket on and she is all oily]
 * Pee-wee: Hi, Dixie. I didn't hear your horn honk.
 * Dixie: All right. All right. If it'll make ya happy, "Honk! Honk!"
 * Pee-wee: Boy, are you uptight or what?
 * Dixie: I'm sorry, Pee-wee. [offers a handshake with her oily hand]
 * Pee-wee: EWW!
 * Dixie: Oh, my cab's got a flat tire! I had to walk all the way up the hill. You know, it's been a really bad day.
 * Everyone else: [screams]
 * Pee-wee So, where's the King of Cartoons?
 * Dixie: Hey, your majesty! [beat] STEP ON IT!!


 * Captain Carl: [looks at his bill] $2 for a peanut butter sandwich?!
 * Pee-wee: And jelly.

Ants in Your Pants [1.08]

 * Fish: Hey, Miss Yvonne, let's play something.
 * Miss Yvonne: Yes! Let's!
 * Globey: Let's play Army.
 * Miss Yvonne: No. The last time I played Army, I got hurt.
 * Pee-wee: I know! Let's play Headhunters.
 * Jambi: No! I'm not playing Headhunters again!


 * [Dixie enters the playhouse while Pee-wee is hanging from the ceiling upside-down]
 * Dixie: Pee-wee? Pee-wee! Pee-wee.
 * Pee-wee: Hi, Dixie! I can see your bald spot.
 * Dixie: [sarcastically] Whoops.

Monster in the Playhouse [1.09]

 * [Mrs. Steve barges into the playhouse]
 * Mrs. Steve: Pee-wee, lock the doors. Shut the windows. Hide!
 * Pee-wee: What is it, Mrs. Steve?!
 * Mrs. Steve: There's a monster on the loose.
 * Pee-wee: [screams] A monster! [screams again, then suddenly stops] Wait a minute. I don't believe in monsters.
 * Mrs. Steve: Look!
 * [everyone else screams]
 * Mrs. Steve: Is it the monster?
 * Pee-wee: No. You said the secret word, Mrs. Steve.
 * Mrs. Steve: I'm telling you, I saw a monster. It had a big round eye and two mouths. It was horrible! I have to go warn the other people in the neighborhood! [exits]




 * [Dixie enters and combs the playhouse]
 * Dixie: Announcing his highness, the King of Cartoons!
 * King: Oh, no, Dixie. I'm too afraid to get outta the cab.
 * Dixie: It's okay, your highness! I checked out the playhouse. The coast is clear. There's no monsters in here.
 * [the king nervously enters the playhouse]
 * King: You sure there's no monster in here?
 * Chairry: See, Pee-wee? The king is afraid of monsters, too.
 * Pee-wee: Did you see a monster?
 * King: Oh, no, but I heard all about it from Mrs. Steve.
 * Pee-wee: Oh, that Mrs. Steve's got everybody scared. There's no such thing as monsters!
 * Dixie: Ya can't be too sure.

The Cowboy and the Cowntess [1.10]

 * Pee-wee: Chairry, you're all damp!
 * Chairry: I was out in the pool. Tito's teachin' me to float.
 * Tito: Yeah. Chairry's doin' real good.
 * [everyone else screams]


 * Jambi: One pair of cowboy boots, coming up. What size?
 * Cowboy Curtis: Size 12, double-E.
 * Pee-wee: Boy, big feet.
 * Cowboy Curtis: Well, ya know what they say.
 * Pee-wee: No. What?
 * Cowboy Curtis: For big feet, big boots!

Stolen Apples [1.11]

 * Pee-wee: Randy, did you steal Mrs. Steve's apples?
 * Randy: No. I didn't steal 'em.
 * Mrs. Steve: You did so. I saw you with my own two eyes.
 * Randy: Did not.
 * Mrs. Steve: Did so.
 * Randy: Did not.
 * Mrs. Steve: Did so.
 * Randy: Did not.
 * Mrs. Steve: Did so!
 * [Pee-wee screams to silence them]
 * Pee-wee: [extracts apple cores from beneath the bed] Randy, if you didn't steal Mrs. Steve's apples, then what are these?!
 * Randy: I didn't steal 'em. I just sorta took 'em. Besides, what's the big deal? They were just some crummy crabapples.
 * Pee-wee: Those "crummy crabapples" belonged to Mrs. Steve. You shouldn't steal stuff that doesn't belong to you.
 * Mrs. Steve: That's right! I demand an apology from you, young man.
 * Randy: Eh...
 * Pee-wee: Go on, Randy. Say you're sorry.
 * Randy: All right. I'm sorry.
 * Mrs. Steve: Sorry isn't going to put those apples back on my tree. I want you to promise me you'll never do that again.
 * Randy: I promise, Mrs. Steve. I had no idea that taking your delicious apples was going to upset you so. I'm awfully sorry. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? Please?
 * Mrs. Steve: Well, I suppose I can forgive you this one time. But if it ever happens again, I'm calling the police, and you go to prison with all the other apple stealers. [casually] Thank you, Pee-wee. [exits]
 * Randy: [snickers] I had my fingers crossed.


 * [Pee-wee gazes into the fish tank and presses his face against the glass]
 * Fish 1: Hey, Pee-wee!
 * Fish 2: Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.
 * [both fish laugh]

The Gang's All Here [1.12]

 * [Rusty shows Pee-wee his drawing, which appears to be blank]
 * Pee-wee: Rusty, you didn't draw anything.
 * Rusty: Yes, I did. I drew you in a snowstorm! [laughs]




 * [Rusty pokes his fingers into the fish tank]
 * Fish 2: Hey! No fishing!
 * Fish 1: Boy. This is one of those days I wish I was a piranha.
 * [both fish laugh]

Party [1.13]

 * Captain Carl: Hey. Can I get you guys somethin'... to drink?! [laughs raucously]
 * Fish 1: Wise guy.
 * Fish 2: That joke's so old, it has algae on it.


 * Jambi: Hey, Pee-wee, what about me? Where's my present?
 * Pee-wee: Your present's from me, Jambi. I'm giving you my wish!
 * Jambi: Thanks, Pee-wee! And I know just what to wish for.
 * [he conjures up a second box that appears in Pee-wee's hands]
 * Jambi: Open says me!
 * [the other box opens, revealing a female genie]
 * Female genie: Two heads are better than one.
 * Jambi: You can say that again.
 * Female genie: Two heads are better than one!
 * [both genies laugh]

Open House [2.01]

 * [when Ricardo removes the teepee, Cowboy Curtis removes the cloth from the floor and sees that part of it awakens, much to his surprise]
 * Cowboy Curtis: WHOO-WHEE!!!
 * [Pee-wee has overheard his whoop and runs to investigate]
 * Ricardo: Wow!
 * Cowboy Curtis: Hey! Lookie here, Pee-wee!
 * [Pee-wee walks up to the living piece of floor]
 * Pee-wee: Gosh! Who are you?!
 * Floory: Uh, my name is Floory.
 * Pee-wee, Ricardo, and Cowboy Curtis: Hello, Floory.
 * Floory: Hello, everybody.
 * Pee-wee: How long have you been here?
 * Floory: I've been here forever. You just didn't notice me, 'cause I was underneath your teepee.
 * Pee-wee: Well, why didn't you say somethin'?
 * Floory: Uhhh... I don't know. I guess I just didn't think of it.
 * Pee-wee: Well, from now on, I'm gonna keep my teepee over there, so you can play with us.
 * Floory: Thanks, Pee-wee.
 * Pee-wee: Gee. You never know where you're gonna meet a new friend, huh?
 * Cowboy Curtis: Sure does make ya think.


 * Jambi: [after a sip of tea] Mmm. This tea is so good, I wish I had another cup. [reacts] Wish?! Did I say wish?! [grants the wish, and a second cup of tea appears; he takes a sip from both cups] Ahh!

Puppy in the Playhouse [2.02]

 * Randy: Why don't you just keep the puppy, Pee-wee?
 * Pee-wee: I can't, Randy. He doesn't belong to me.
 * Randy: Well, you like him, don't you?
 * Pee-wee: Sure I do.
 * Randy: So? Finders keepers, losers weepers.
 * Pee-wee: But, Randy, somebody's out there looking for him right now. I know I'd want him returned to me if I'd lost him.
 * Randy: Eh, if they were dumb enough to lose him, you should let 'em suffer.


 * [the gang makes macaroni art]
 * Pee-wee: What are you making, Randy?
 * Randy: Macaroni and cheese. At least you can eat that.
 * [everyone laughs]

Store [2.03]

 * Mrs. Rene: Good morning, everybody. Pee-wee's letting me use his exercise belt this morning. [laughs] Okay, Pee-wee. Turn it off now.
 * Pee-wee: No!
 * Mrs. Rene: Pee-wee, Mrs. Rene is asking you nicely, dear. TURN IT OFF!!
 * [Pee-wee does so]
 * Mrs. Rene: Oh, my. What a workout.
 * Exercise belt: Whattaya talkin' about? I did all the woik!


 * [Miss Yvonne and Cowboy Curtis look through the store window]
 * Pee-wee: Welcome to Herman's Department Store. Can I help you?
 * Miss Yvonne: No, thank you. We're just window shopping.
 * Pee-wee: Well, the window's not for sale.

Pee-wee Catches a Cold [2.04]

 * Ricardo: I brought some huge rubber bands for your rubber-band ball, Pee-wee. Shall I put 'em on for you?
 * Pee-wee: Sure. Go ahead. I can't do anything, anyways. I'm sick! You know, sometimes when you're sick, you don't feel like putting rubber bands on your rubber-band ball. YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING AT ALL!!! [calmly] I'm awfully sorry, Ricardo. You see, sometimes when we're sick, we snap at people when we don't mean to. Our emotions are awfully close to the surface. You understand, don't you?
 * Ricardo: Oh, sure, I do, Pee-wee.


 * Ricardo: Hey, how 'bout something to eat, Pee-wee? I made some soup especially for you.
 * [Pee-wee mumbles quietly]
 * Ricardo: What?
 * Pee-wee: I said YES!! YES! I'll have some soup! OKAY?!!
 * Ricardo: ¿Para que me mortifico? ¿Vengo a verlo, le traigo sopa, y para que?

Why Wasn't I Invited? [2.05]

 * Pee-wee: Why wouldn't the Cowntess invite me to her birthday party?! It doesn't make any sense at all! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! WHY?!!!
 * [Floory pops up]
 * Floory: I don't know. But I wish you'd stop walking so hard. I'm gettin' a headache.
 * Pee-wee: Gee, I'm sorry, Floory. Gosh, I thought the Cowntess was my friend.

<hr width=50%>
 * Magic Screen: Is celery a fruit or a vegetable, Pee-wee?
 * Pee-wee: It's a vegetable, Magic Screen! Duh!
 * Magic Screen: I knew that. I was just making conversation.

Pajama Party [2.10]

 * Roger: 1, 2, 3, 4,...
 * [the others wake up]
 * Pee-wee: Psst! Roger, what are you doing?
 * Roger: I'm counting sheep so I can fall asleep.
 * Pee-wee: Well, please count to yourself, Roger. You're keeping everyone awake!
 * [everyone shuts their eyes]
 * Roger: [quietly] 5, 6, 7, 8...
 * Pee-wee: SHH!
 * Ricardo: Cállate, por favor!

<hr width=50%>
 * Pee-wee: Mmm! Fruity! I love fruit salad.
 * Everyone else: Then why don't you marry it?
 * Pee-wee: All right, then. I will!

Reba Eats and Teri Runs [3.1]

 * Pee-wee: Hi, Reba.
 * Reba: Pee-wee?
 * Pee-wee: How's it goin'?
 * Reba: What are you doin' in my house?
 * Pee-wee: I'm not in your house. You're in the playhouse.
 * Reba: The playhouse?! How did I get here?
 * Jambi: Uh-oh.
 * Reba: Jambi, did you put a wish on me?
 * Jambi: He made me do it!

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 * [at breakfast]
 * Pterri: I want to sit next to Reba.
 * Globey: Sorry, Pterri, I'm already sitting here.
 * Pterri: But you've got all the room in the world.
 * Globey: I am the world.

To Tell the Tooth [3.2]

 * Pee-wee: If you're good to your teeth, your teeth will be good to you.

<hr width=50%>
 * Conky: See, Pee-wee? There's nothing to be afraid of.
 * Pee-wee: That's easy for you to say, Conky. You don't have any teeth!

Dr. Pee-wee and the Del Rubios [4.1]

 * Dr. Pee-wee: What kind of work do you do, Reba the Mail Lady?
 * Reba: I'm a mail carrier.
 * Dr. Pee-wee: Oh, well, I hope you're not contagious. [laughs] Just a little doctor humor there to ease the pain.

<hr width=50%>


 * Randy: Hey, Pee-wee, where's my section?
 * Pee-wee: I'm awfully sorry, Randy. But I only have one section left.
 * Randy: That's okay. Only want one.
 * [he eats the last orange section]
 * Pee-wee: HEY!
 * Randy: Thanks, Pee-wee!
 * Pee-wee: But that was my section!
 * Randy: Okay, Pee-wee. I'll share mine with ya. Here. You can have the seed. [hands Pee-wee the seed; laughs]

Playhouse for Sale [5.10]

 * [Last lines]
 * Pee-wee: You have my word!
 * Everyone else: (screams)
 * [Pee-wee scoots to the supermarket, ending the whole series]

About

 * I'd had the stage show originally, so I was much more interested in doing something closer to that, something live-action. So when they suggested doing a cartoon, I said "I'm not really interested in that; let's do a real kid's show." I was a big Howdy-Doody freak growing up — I was actually on one show when I was a kid, in the audience — and was more interested in doing something like that. Howdy-Doody, Captain Kangaroo, a lot of the local kids shows that were on a long time ago — those were the influences.
 * I've never agreed with people when they've said that last part, actually. When we were doing the midnight show back in the early Eighties, we'd do a kid's matinee show as well. I never felt like anything was changed, really. It was a bit slicker. It was made for Saturday-morning TV. But it wasn't like the character changed. Everything was like a toilet joke, but it wasn't like we gave the censors a lot to worry about. When you're writing a show for six-year-olds, you know, pee-pee and poo-poo…that's your bread and butter.
 * But if you're a kid and you understand a joke that may have been quote-unquote risqué or an innuendo that might have made it in to a Playhouse episode, then you learned it from your parents or the schoolyard. I didn't teach them that.
 * I was involved in pretty much every aspect of it. I'd hired the design team and came up with conception of stuff overall. I mean, someone designed and built Chairy, obviously, but it was my idea.
 * The team was basically Gary Panter and two associate production designers he brought in, and these guys were really, truly brilliant. We talked every day about where things would be laid out — where was the kitchen, where was the window, where did the genie live? Then they drew hundreds upon hundreds of sketches of what everything would like, and I'd basically weigh in. I don't think there's one aspect of what you see on the show where I didn't have the ability to say, "I don't like the way this looks" or "Let's redo that."


 * The magic screen was originally about the size of a double-door entrance…it was gigantic! [Laughs] I think the door was a different color, too. But yeah, I was involved in every minute detail.
 * I worked really closely with [series composer and Devo founder] Mark Mothersbaugh on the music for every episode, but the theme was a little different. It's essentially in two parts: there's the actual theme and the music that leads up to the theme. You know, that Martin Denny-esque lounge music as you watch the beaver gnaw on the wood, and everything sort of winds around as you eventually end up at the playhouse's door. Mark, the director of our first season Stephen R. Johnson and I talked a lot about the feeling that bit of music was supposed to evoke — the words "dream-like" and "hypnotic" were used a lot. I wanted kids to feel like they were being drawn into this world.
 * You might find this hard to believe, but I got virtually no feedback the whole time we were making the show! In the ensuing years, since we stopped making it, I've met hundreds of fans, from little kids to grown-ups who watched it as kids when the show was originally on. But I was so busy with the making of it that I just didn't have much of life outside of the show. I was very rarely in situations where I'd meet fans. It was staggering when I finally did start to hear all that stuff, because I just didn't have an outside picture of it all.
 * What I think a lot of people didn't realize was, this wasn't a goof on kids' shows. I felt like it was a mission and this was what I was supposed to do; I considered it important work. I always sort of thought that this would have a positive effect on kids. And they picked up on that, I think. [Pause] I've spent a lot of time rewatching these episodes during the restoration process for this set, and I'm still really proud of what we all did.
 * Paul Reubens