Preacher (TV series)

Preacher an American television series developed by Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen and Sam Catlin for AMC starring Dominic Cooper. It is an adaptation of the comic book series created by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon, and published by DC Comics' Vertigo imprint.

Pilot [1.01]

 * Tulip O'Hare: A woman needs to know how to be strong and stand on her own. Thanks for these, guys. Of course, boy or girl, if you're lucky enough to fall in love, you have to be even stronger. Fight like a lion to keep it alive. So that... So that on the day your love is weak enough or selfish enough or frickin' stupid enough to run away, you have the strength to track him down and eat him alive.
 * 10 Yo Kansas Girl: You're funny.
 * Tulip O'Hare: I know. Anyway, this is how you make a bazooka.


 * Jesse Custer: (to Chris) So, bring me a beer and maybe I'll do some of those things to your daddy. How hurt you want him? How far do I go? One punch? Two? Problem is, your daddy's a big fella, I imagine a couple of punches just gonna make him mad. He's gonna fight back. Then his buddies are gonna want to help out. I'll need to defend myself. things will escalate. That's what these things do. They escalate. And violence... makes violence. It makes nothing much at all.


 * Chris Schenck: Pray for me, preacher.
 * Jesse Custer: Anyone were listen', I would. Believe me. I'd pray.


 * Jesse Custer: I don't hate you, Tulip. I wouldn't know how.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Don't make me teach you, then.


 * Cassidy: Jesus, what kind of preacher are you?
 * Jesse Custer: The lousy kind.
 * Cassidy: No, I'm sorry, mate. I've seen the lousy kind. As long as you're not walking around with a little kiddie's arsehole around your finger like a bloody wedding ring, I'd say you were ahead of the game, then.
 * Jesse Custer: Drinkin' fightin', swearin'. I can't even afford to fix the damn air-conditionin'.
 * Cassidy: Sounds like the first verse of the worst country song ever written, man.


 * Hugo Root: Can't do it. I told them. You cannot just expunge a beloved cultural figure like that and not expect it to go over like shit on cold biscuit.
 * Jesse Custer: I imagine there's worse things that could happen.
 * Hugo Root: I just read the Japanese let a fellow marry his own pillow, I tend to agree with you. Much worse is on its way.
 * Jesse Custer: Pillows. That's a slippery slope.


 * Jesse Custer: Promises matter. It's the currency of faith.


 * Emily Woodrow: You were never really here in the first place, Jesse, so... what difference should your leaving make?


 * Jesse Custer: No sermon today. You're welcome for that. I'll try not to punch anyone, either. I do have an announcement. The other night, someone asked me why I'd come back to Annville. I didn't have an answer for her at least, not a convincing one. I've let you down. Week after week, I've been just another man that hurts by not helping. I've not had a single morning where I-I didn't wake up and have to force my feet to the floor to face you. The bottom line is, I've been a bad preacher. And for that, I am sorry. But "I'm sorry" doesn't change anything. My shortcomings, they're not news to anyone. What is news and, uh, what I've decided is... I can't, I can't, I can't quit. I've been quitting on you for too long. I've been quitting on this church. You deserve better. You... You deserve You deserve a good preacher. You deserve a good preacher, and, and that's what you're gonna get. As of today as of right now, I'm going to fight. I'm going to do what all good preachers have done since the Serpent and Man's Fall: pray for the sinner. Offer peace to the restless. Avenge the innocent.

See [1.02]

 * Mr. Murphy: "Silence is as deep as eternity, and speech is shallow as time." But this country, mm. It's more than just trees and rivers. It's a promise. An ancient contract 'neath these new landscapes and particulars, but it's terms are everlasting and made payable to the righteous. What do you say to that, sir? Do you agree? Yes or no? That this is paradise.
 * The Cowboy: It ain't.


 * Emily Woodrow: Look, I--I understand that Cassidy's sort of--of disgusting, rude, childish thing can be fun. I get--I get it. But, um yesterday, there was a case and half of communion wine in the supply closet, and today...
 * Jesse Custer: I'll talk to him.


 * Cassidy: (seeing Eugene's face) What the bloody hell happened there?
 * Jesse Custer: Shotgun. He tried to kill himself.
 * Cassidy: He's walking the earth with a face like an arsehole. Should've tried harder. Was that an un-Christian thing to say, was it?
 * Jesse Custer: Pretty much.
 * Cassidy: All right. Fair enough.


 * Jesse Custer: Do you know what? He has a plan for me, too.
 * Cassidy: His plan for me is to let you know that his plan for you is the dumbest, most boring plan He's ever come up with.
 * Jesse Custer: So selfishness--that's your answer. Just run around, do whatever whenever you want. What kind of a life is that?
 * Cassidy: An honest one.


 * Jesse Custer: What's your story, Cassidy?
 * Cassidy: No, it's pretty typical, really. I'm a 119-year-old vampire from Dublin City. And I'm currently on the run from a group of vampire-hunting religious vigilantes who keep tracking me down somehow.
 * Jesse Custer: What else?
 * Cassidy: I'm a right-handed Sagittarius. I love Chinese food. I've never seen the Pacific Ocean. And I think that The Big Lebowski's overrated.


 * Cassidy: Honestly, boys, I don't know how you keep finding me. Truly, I don't. But I do know that you're going to be sorry you did. Ah? And not just the kind of "I took half a sheet of LSD down at the bullfight" kind of sorry, neither. No, no, no, no, no, boys. No, this this kind of sorry is much worse.


 * Tulip O'Hare: Door's open. Nothing keeping ya.
 * Jesse Custer: My ankle is chained.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Hm. That is predicamental.


 * Jesse Custer: Look, I'm just sayin', boring's not the worst thing a person can be, Cassidy.
 * Cassidy: I think you're wrong. I think boring's the worst.

The Possibilities [1.03]

 * Hugo Root: El Paso Gazette. Young family in Indiana take their children to an amusement park. Three kids. They'd been there for about an hour, playing, having fun. Parents turned around, one of the kids is gone. The little one. The parents is frantic. So they leave the two older kids with this fella sellin' pretzels. And they go in search. About a half-hour, they found him. He was cryin' his eyes out over by the spinnin' teacups or some such. Well, the parents was ecstatic. They was full of "thank yous," "praise the Lords." Celebratory ice cream for everybody. However the other two kids took three days to find the one, naked, stuffed in a drainage ditch down by the interstate. And the hard part in this from a law-enforcement perspective was the old man. He worked in that park for 30 years sellin' pretzels. Never a single complaint or incident. That third baby, they never found at all. This world.


 * DeBlanc: We just want what's inside the preacher.
 * Cassidy: Yeah, I'm sure you do. Power like that, who wouldn't want it? The question is, what do you want it for? Military? Economics? Mass-scale psycho-sexual mind control?

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 * Emily Woodrow: D--Delivery dropped that off over an hour ago. You're taking the van and handling this right?
 * Cassidy: I'm on it.
 * Emily Woodrow: Don't look very on it.
 * Cassidy: No? This is my "very on it" outfit.

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 * Cassidy: Just...tell me how it feels.
 * Jesse Custer: It feels like... there's a big blender in my gut. And inside that blender, there's everything. Love... hate... fire, ice... polonium, ice cream, tarantulas--everything. All of god's creation... inside of me.

Monster Swamp [1.04]

 * Odin Quincannon: My grandfather, Jonas Quincannon. One time, the Gormann Brothers had a pork concern out at Las Cruces. Hoping to move in on his territory, they were pressuring wholesalers, something like that. Uh, anyway, Jonas found out about it. He took care of it. Took care of them. Didn't ask, didn't warn, didn't get angry. Just got what needed doing done. Nobody said a damn word.

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 * Cassidy: But I mean, after that, these two fella come by, right, dressed as cowboy blokes on the outside, but sounded more like two blokes who just stumbled in out of a pub in Clerkenwell, if you know what I'm tryin' to say.
 * Jesse Custer: I have no idea.

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 * DeBlanc: When will you be back?
 * Cassidy: Soon.
 * Fiore: Be specific.
 * Cassidy: Very soon.

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 * Mosie: Fun, funny, such a great spirit. But that temper of yours--not even your mama could handle it.
 * Tulip O'Hare: My mama never tried, Mos. She was too busy up there, handlin' all them boners and balls.

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 * Tulip O'Hare: Comes to men and their deviancies, I threw my hands up long ago.

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 * Tulip O'Hare: Please God! Please God, or whatever the hell you call yourself, I know we hate each other, but please, please, please, just this once, do the right thing here. I'll be good, I swear. I'll be good. I'll be so damn good, you won't even know it's me.

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 * Odin Quincannon: Now, you know the rules. I don't talk how my meat gets made, you don't talk about your magic man in the sky.
 * Jesse Custer: No shame in having questions.
 * Odin Quincannon: I'm not ashamed. And I know what comes next. Nothing.
 * Jesse Custer: Maybe. But what if you're wrong? What if there's Judgement?
 * Odin Quincannon: "Judgement."
 * Jesse Custer: What if we're held to account for our actions? What if there's punishment? What if there is fire?
 * Odin Quincannon: What if there's ice and darkness? What if there's beasts with cloven hooves and tortured children and screams that curdle your blood? What if they tear you apart real slow-like, with chains and spikes? What if it's deeper than that, like some say, and you spend all eternity living your worst memory over and over and over? Or what if you feel nothing? Except for all the pain you caused everybody else? Jeez.
 * Jesse Custer: Aren't you afraid?
 * Odin Quincannon: Nope. Seems to me you are, Preacher.

The South will Rise Again [1.05]

 * Tulip O'Hare: You kill people?
 * Cassidy: Not if they don't deserve it.
 * Tulip O'Hare: But you drink blood?
 * Cassidy: Yeah. Helps me heal. All things bein' equal, I'd rather have single malt.

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 * Macready: We lost a lot of good men that day. Lost a lot of horses, too.

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 * Cassidy: All right. Well, go on, then. Ask me.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Fangs?
 * Cassidy: No.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Turn into a bat?
 * Cassidy: No.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Sleep in a coffin?
 * Cassidy: Not if I can help it.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Afraid of the cross?
 * Cassidy: It's a 2,000-year-old symbol of hypocrisy, slavery, and oppression. But it won't burn me face off.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Silver bullets?
 * Cassidy: That's werewolves.

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 * Donnie Schenck: All them years I was a knocker, watchin' those cows wind their way through the maze, turnin', turnin', marchin' into the kill floor. But just at the last second, at the very last second, 'fore they get the bolt and drop, they get a look in their eyes, 'cause they know what's comin' and they're realizin' all the "don't wanna" in the world is not gonna change this, 'cause they're gonna.

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 * Odin Quincannon: We grow or we die, Miles. We grow or we die.

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 * Tulip O'Hare: Now I found him. Alls that's left to do is go over there and get him, tie him to a table, cut his freakin' balls off, and, over and over, stab him in the face with a screwdriver.

Sundowner [1.06]

 * Jesse Custer: So, you're saying this Genesis is some sort of angel/demon baby?
 * DeBlanc: If by "baby," you mean the most powerful entity ever known, the singular force that could shift the balance of power, threaten all of creation, then, yeah, it's a baby.

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 * Cassidy: I doubt everything all the time, all right? It's the only way to live.

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 * Jesse Custer: What about you? You look like a men's room wall.
 * Cassidy: I went through a period of low self-control.
 * Jesse Custer: Thank God that's over with.

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 * Cassidy: God may not make mistakes, but people are bloody famous for it!

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 * Jesse Custer: I made a promise. That's what this is for. I'm gonna open those doors. I'm gonna make them see the light and fulfill my promise. Then I will be free. That's what I'm gonna do.

He Gone [1.07]

 * Emily Woodrow: What do you think?
 * Jesse Custer: I think they should be more scared. An inferno at your back consuming every man, woman, and child in its path. And you're what? Smiling? They should be terrified. The world's ending. Otherwise, who gives a shit?

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 * Emily Woodrow: I know... there's things I don't know about him, things that would... surprise me.
 * Cassidy: Yeah. But, then again, that's true of all of us. Don't you think?

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 * Jesse Custer: I'm not giving you my father's church.
 * Odin Quincannon: Yeah. You know, toward the end there, William Travis wrote a letter, one of them cold nights of his up behind the garrison walls. When I was a boy, I kept a copy folded under my pillow. "I have answered the demand with a cannon shot. I shall never surrender or retreat." "Victory or death." Exactly right. Yeah. I'll be back.

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 * Jesse Custer: If his reason, if his judgment is to send one more sinner, one more lost soul into the fire, what can I do? Except stand aside and watch him burn.

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 * Tulip O'Hare: You son of a bitch. Throw someone out on their ass, just 'cause they don't live up to your uptight, redneck Christian standards. Your daddy would by proud.
 * Jesse Custer: Don't you talk about him! What do you know about standards? O'Hare? Frozen vegetables? Vanilla hash browns? Gimme a break. What are you even doing here?
 * Tulip O'Hare: That's a real good question. Dick.

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 * John Custer: Jesse, much bigger things are coming for you, much bigger things than this here. So you got to be one of the good guys. 'Cause why?
 * Jesse Custer: 'Cause there's way too many of the bad.

El Valero [1.08]

 * Odin Quincannon: We were lied to. All along lies.
 * John Custer: Odin, you have experienced a terrible loss. Your entire family gone. Let God help you.
 * Odin Quincannon: Oh, yeah. Good. You and God can help me with a question, something that's been consternating me all night. [holding up two sets of intestines] Which is my daughter [Voice breaking] and which is the cow? Exactly. There is no difference. It's all meat! I've looked. There's nothing else. There's no spirit. There's no soul. There's nothing.
 * John Custer: Odin -
 * Odin Quincannon: You need to let the people know. You need to stand in that church and you need to, t-to denounce Him. You need to shout. You need to scream. You need to spread the word. Okay, Preacher? You need to denounce Him!

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 * Odin Quincannon: Now, just so everyone understands, this is gonna be a night assault over open ground against an expert marksman in an elevated position, so you know drink lots of water. Lighten up, boys. I was joking. Water ain't gonna make a damn bit of difference.

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 * Hugo Root: Regardless of the state of Custer's mental faculties, taking church land? With all due respect, that church is holy ground.
 * Odin Quincannon: No, Sheriff. That church is nothing more than wood and paint of bits of colored glass. It's a lie, and I'm going to tear it down peg by peg. Grind it into dust. "Holy ground," my ass.

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 * Jesse Custer: You dug out of Hell with your hands?
 * Eugene Root: It's not that far.
 * Jesse Custer: What's it like?
 * Eugene Root: Crowded.

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 * Odin Quincannon: Now, I don't want you to feel like you're human shields, but let's not mince words. You are human, and you're gonna be acting as shields of a sort.

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 * Jesse Custer: And what happened to them?
 * Fiore: They exploded.
 * Jesse Custer: Why haven't I?
 * DeBlanc: We don't know.
 * Jesse Custer: You see, this is my point. What else don't we know?
 * Fiore: We don't know.

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 * Odin Quincannon: The more active targets we can offer the preacher, the more likely we are to overwhelm him with our faceless wave of humanity. Again, to clarify, I don't say "faceless" in the pejorative sense, so much as a practical sense, as it will be night and your faces will be indistinct and immaterial.

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 * Odin Quincannon: When you hear the battle cry, I want y'all to race forward and try real hard not to get your penises shot off.

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 * Jesse Custer: I just don't understand what happened. I told you to serve God, Odin.
 * Odin Quincannon: I am devoutly.
 * Jesse Custer: What kind of God wants to tear down a church?
 * Odin Quincannon: The God of Meat, of course.
 * Jesse Custer: The God of Meat?
 * Odin Quincannon: The God of what's tangible what's touchable and true. God of Meat.
 * Jesse Custer: [Laughing] I see. I see.
 * Odin Quincannon: You think that's funny?
 * Jesse Custer: No, no. It's batshit crazy.
 * Odin Quincannon: You know what's crazy, Preacher? What's completely banana balls insane? Following a God who is silent. That is crazy.

Finish the Song [1.09]

 * Travel Agent: Occupation? You're going to hell. Someone may ask.
 * DeBlanc: Serial killer.
 * Fiore: Architect.

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 * DeBlanc: You left a telephone with a direct line to heaven's throne under the bed?
 * Fiore: I thought it was clever. Who checks under a bed anymore?

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 * The Cowboy: I love my horse. I love my wife. And I love my little girl. And as for Jesus... he can join us all in hell.

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 * DeBlanc: Why don't we just call heaven instead? We confess, tell them everything, and throw ourselves on their mercy.
 * Fiore: We discussed that. They'd separate us forever. Still, we wouldn't be going to hell, also.

Call and Response [1.10]

 * Cassidy: Leave it up Brokeback Mountain for now.

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 * Cassidy: I sort of lost my head there a bit. Crime of passion.
 * Hugo Root: Judging from this, you're a very passionate man, Mr. Cassidy.

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 * Jesse Custer: That's why we're gonna go out and actually find God.
 * Cassidy: Oh, like a--like a road trip? With buckets of guns, sex, drugs, and shady characters dressed in bikinis?
 * Jesse Custer: Yeah. I imagine there'll be a bit of that.
 * Cassidy: I'm in. Done.
 * Tulip O'Hare: I'm sorry, we're just gonna, like, drive around, shooting people, getting sated, and looking for God?
 * Cassidy: Oh, I'm so in!

On the Road [2.01]

 * Jesse Custer: Nothing in all these books?
 * Mike: Books? You call heaven on an angel phone to discover God's gone to roam the earth. What book is that exactly?

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 * Tulip O'Hare: I just want to take a shower. I keep finding bits of... I don't know what in my hair.

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 * Mike: I'm sorry. I know you had your hopes up. But that's why there's whiskey.

Mumbai Sky Tower [2.02]

 * Jesse Custer: Our hometown blows up in a mushroom cloud of cow shit, things He has to answer for are piling up by the minute.

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 * Tulip O'Hare: You hate marriage.
 * Jesse Custer: When did I say that?
 * Tulip O'Hare: You always said it was stupid and pointless.
 * Jesse Custer: I'm pretty sure that was you.

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 * Frank Patel: Whatever it is, no matter the question, music's your answer. Maim and kill until your blue in the face, for all I care. But in the end, you gotta remember the music.

Damsels [2.03]

 * Jesse Custer: I like jazz.
 * Tulip O'Hare: I like tacos. Doesn't mean I go to Mexico.
 * Jesse Custer: You have gone to Mexico.
 * Tulip O'Hare: I didn't go to Mexico for tacos, Jesse. I went to kill a guy. That's my point.

Viktor [2.04]

 * Cassidy: Alright, so... God's an expert crier and he yells a lot. Well, we kinda knew that already.

Dallas [2.05]

 * Tulip O'Hare: You maybe wanna take a shower. All of like North America would appreciate it.

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 * Tulip O'Hare: How's your food?
 * Dany: Well this I can't eat. Or this, or this.
 * Tulip O'Hare: Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. Is--is that a Jewish thing?
 * Dany: It's a human being thing. It's disgusting.

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 * Cassidy: Why did you marry him?
 * Tulip O'Hare: He's got two pools. Who wouldn't marry him?

Cast

 * Dominic Cooper - Jesse Custer
 * Joseph Gilgun - Cassidy
 * Ruth Negga - Tulip O'Hare
 * W. Earl Brown - Sheriff Hugo Root
 * Lucy Griffiths - Emily Woodrow
 * Tom Brooke - Fiore
 * Anatol Yusef - DeBlanc
 * Ian Colletti - Eugene Root / "Arseface"
 * Derek Wilson - Donnie Schenck
 * Graham McTavish - The Saint of Killers / The Cowboy
 * Pip Torrens as Herr Starr
 * Noah Taylor as Adolf Hitler
 * Julie Ann Emery as Lara Featherstone