Prisoner (TV series)

Prisoner (1979–1986) is an Australian soap opera that is set in the Wentworth Detention Centre, a fictional women's prison. In The United States and United Kingdom it was billed as Prisoner: Cell Block H, and in Canada as Caged Women.

Episode 010
(Helen stands up) Helen: I'm sorry, but we're not prepared to eat this Vera: Aren't you. Well that's up to you, you can eat it or starve, doesn't bother me either way Helen: I want to see the Governor Vera: Why don't you just sit down and eat your breakfast Helen: I want to see the Governor Vera: Sit down! (Bea gets up) Bea: She wants to see the Governor (Doreen stands up) Doreen: Yeah, she wants to see the Governor (Karen stands up) They all chant: She wants to see the Governor X 2 Vera: Shut up! They all chant: She wants to see the Governor Vera Shut up! They all chant: She wants to see the Governor (Vera leaves the dining area to get Erica) Bea: She's gone to get the Governor

Episode 015
Marilyn: Eddie Vera: You know the rules, Mason, no physical contact Eddie: Ah, look I don't work here anymore Ms. Bennett. You reported me remember. I'm just a plain ordinary visitor Bea: I didn't know you had it in you Vera. Helping out a couple of kids in love. Now they don't have to meet behind locked doors, thanks to you Vera: You've got a big mouth, Smith Bea: Yeah, so they say

Marilyn: You found a job yet Eddie: No, no one seems to want electricians Vera: They're probably looking for someone who works Bea: Let's walk. The airs better

Episode 017
Erica: I don't think it's at all funny, trying to ruin the reputation of a good officer Bea: I thought we were talking about Vera

Episode 029
Vera: well, you can all relax. I'm going off duty now Monnie: Oh, we'll miss you

Episode 030
Vera: Ferguson Monnie: That's me   Vera: Your not rostered here in the laundry Monnie: Haven't you heard the good news. Special request from the Governor "could we have the pleasure of your company in   the laundry" she says

Episode 040
(Vera walks into the dining area) Vera: Quiet (Erica, Jim and Meg all walk into the rec room after Vera) Erica: Settle down girls, this is Mr. Fletcher. He is taking over as deputy governor Bea: Well, well Erica: I want you to know that this is a departmental decision, and Ms. Bennett will continue on as senior officer Bea: Oh, I knew it was too good to be true (Lizzie laughs)

Episode 042
(Vera goes to Bea and Karen's cell) Vera: Come on you two, hurry up. Travers, your boyfriend will be here soon. He wouldn't want to see you looking like that Bea: Oh now come on Vera, leave her alone Vera: Get moving, Smith Bea: Oh go stick it you old bag (Karen laughs) Vera: I heard that Bea: Look Vera, you and I are going to be in here for the next 100 years, so lets get one thing straight; You are a bloody pain in the ass Vera: How dare you speak to me like that Bea: Because its true Vera: You report to me immediately after breakfast (Karen and Bea walk off) Karen: Was that worth it   Bea: Probably not (Bea and Karen laugh)

Episode 048
Vera: You put any holes in those sheets Martin, and you'll end up paying for them Bea: Ah, there's one thing you can say Joyce, Screws may come and Screws may go, but we'll always have our Miss Bennett

Episode 055
Lizzie: You'll get out, it won't be long now love Monnie: Oh, no longer than 2 months anyway Bea: Shut up Monnie

Bea: Now what do you think she's doing in here like this Officer Phillip: Orders Lizzie: She'll do herself mischief Bea: Yeah, I suppose it's the Governor's order to have her run a needle through her finger too, is it   Lizzie: Why can't she work in the garden Officer Phillip: The laundry's short staffed Bea: Then bring Burke back here Officer Phillip: Orders (Bea grabs Doreen and gives her to the officer) Bea: Take her to the Governor and tell her to put her in the garden, now have you got that right, Gar-den

Episode 057
Monnie: All right now, who is she? Lizzie: Mrs. Antonia McNally Monnie: I know that already, so what Lizzie: So what? Monnie: Would you stop repeating everything I say. What's the big bloody deal Lizzie: Her husband is only the Mr. Sean McNally Monnie: oh, terrific. My husband is only the Mr. Fred Ferguson, so what Lizzie: God your dumb. Her husbands one of the biggest men in the business, everybody knows that Monnie: Do they just

Episode 060
Lizzieː From what I am about to receive, may the Lord protect me

Episode 064
(Bea walks into the laundry with a newspaper) Lizzie: Did you get it   Bea: No sweat. Latest edition Eaves: There she is, there's Toni. Who's that? Bea: That's the girl that shot her. Can't you read Leach: Shot her Bea: yeah Eaves: How is she Bea: Considering she was shot three times at close range, I'd say she's not well

(Everyone goes outside for their exercise period) Bea: How long are we going to wait here Vera: Until I'm ready Officer Maguire: This is bloody stupid. You're never going to get them to co-operate. Fletcher couldn't   Vera: First we're going to warm up by running on the spot. When I blow the whistle begin. (Vera blows the whistle) (Bea runs on the spot as everybody else stands there and laughs) Vera: Alright Smith, you can stop (Bea stops running and Vera walks over to her) Vera: You think your pretty smart, don't you Bea: What have I done. I did what you told me

Vera: Stand up Coulson (Ros stands up) Vera: Presumably, you were in the toilets at the time, did you see her? Ros: Yes. Yes, I saw her there Vera: Another rotten little liar Lizzie: She is not a liar. She'd been bought up by the penguins. You know the holy penguins, the nuns

Meg: There was an incident in the recreation room, previous to the attack. I saw Eaves threaten Coulson. Before I could take action, Smith had warned her off Fletcher: Did Smith threaten Eaves with physical violence Meg: I heard her use the words 'I'll knock your block off' Fletcher: And did you try to knock her block off, Smith Bea: Who me? I never laid a glove on her. Well, why should I get involved, it's the screws job to keep the peace here, not mine

Episode 068
Andrew O'Connell: She thinks your a Nurse Vera: A Nurse? Why would she think I was a nurse? Andrew O'Connell: Because they have nurses at hospitals, and she thinks its a hospital Vera: Oh, I see Andrew O'Connell: I know its not a hospital Vera: Well, if you know what it is, perhaps you'll grow up with enough sense to stay out of a place like this Andrew O'Connell: Then why are you here then?

Episode 072
Bea: Oh are you going to tell us or do I guess in one, Vera right? Pat: I have never in all my born days ever seen someone so mean, vicious and hard Lizzie: And stupid Pat: She's not stupid, she knows exactly what she is doing. So help me one of these days Bea: You'll what? Pat: I'll tell you Bea, she's going to push someone too far Bea: Well you better make sure it's not you, you want to be out by Christmas remember? Besides not all her fault you know. Pat: What? Bea: Well when they were making her they got all the ingredients all wrong, instead of putting in sugar and spice and all things nice they chucked in vinegar and malice and all things callus **Everyone laughs**

Bea: How would you like her teaching your kids? Pat: Oh, I'd take them out of school Vera: Smith, O'Connell, if you want to talk, go outside Bea: Yes teacher Vera: That's enough of that

Episode 081
Vera: This isn't a sideshow, get going Bea: Oh, if it was, I know what the main attraction would be, the ugliest woman in the world (Pointing to Vera) Vera: Shut up, Smith

Episode 085
Vera: Birdsworth, the Governor wants to see you Lizzie: Why? Vera: That's none of your business Lizzie: Well, if it's none of my business, why does she want to see me? (Bea laughs) Vera: Get a move on

Episode 119
Judy: You got a minute? Bea: Haven't you heard I got 10 years.

Episode 138
Ted: Look, couldn't you put up with her til the end of the year Erica: Until she retires? Ted: Hm  Erica: Wentworth is a prison, not a resthome for departmental geriatrics

Jim: Hey come on ladies, that's lunch or don't you want any Lizzie: I've something more important Mr. Fletcher, I've got to see the Governor Jim: You should've put you application in before breakfast Lizzie Lizzie: It's urgent. It's about my little grandaughter. She's still in hospital, see and I want to see her, so I gotta ask Mrs. Davidson Jim: Well, that's a job for the social worker Judy: Social worker, what social worker? I didn't know we had one Jim: Alright, what's all this about Judy: Nothing, just that my trial's coming up in a couple of days and I want to organise a lawyer. I'd like to see Mrs.  Davidson after Lizzie Jim: If you need that sort of help, that's a job for Ms. Forster, and you'll be seeing her and so will Birdsworth Bea: Might as well be seeing her cat

Episode 140
Jim: Yeah, alright Smith, out Bea: Ohh Jim: Come one, move it! Bea: Oh, what's wrong with you. Someone grind nasty pills into your dinner

Meg: Well, Jim I was wondering if you heard anything more about the Barnhurst job? Jim: Did you now? Meg: Well if you don't want to talk Jim: Oh no no, I'd love to talk. What do you want to know? Meg: Jim please Jim: No, you wanted to know. Let's start with the wonderful Mrs. Davidson first, shall we. Sitting up there in her ivory tower like some tin god. Wouldn't be all surprised to find out that she was a bloody robot. She's got no feelings at all, and anything that does get through to her, she's always got that self-rightious bastard Douglas to come and help her squash it, and then there's Vera. Well, the less said about her the better, and that leaves you doesn't it, sitting there pretending that you played no part at all in getting rid of poor old bloody Agnes

Episode 225
Bea: You know there's something funny about the atmosphere in this place today. Something is definitely different Judy: Yeah, Now I wonder what it is   Bea: The place doesn't smell the way usually does either, have a sniff (Bea, Judy and Doreen all sniff) Powell: Alright, what's the matter with you lot Judy: Nothing. Bea's just saying that the place don't smell like it usually does Powell: What do you mean Bea: Well, there's usually a distinct smell of vinegar in the air, but it's not hear today, I wonder why Doreen: I got it. That's it Vinegar. The place doesn't smell the same because Vera's not here anymore Bea: You're right, Doreen. They must have had the place fumigated Powell: That's very funny ladies, but what makes you think that now Miss Bennett's gone, that things are going to be any easier Doreen: Things couldn't get any worse, Mrs. Powell Powell: Well, I wouldn't bank on that

Powell: What do we have here. The geriatric rest centre for over-worked prisoners. Come on, move it   Bea: Calm down, Colleen. We've got a surprise for you Powell: And I have a surprise for you. The name is Mrs. Powell, and just you remember it   Judy: Oh my oh my, aren't we formal. How do you do Mrs. Powell, I'm Miss Judith Bryant, but you can call me Sir

Episode 226
Powell: Sounds like a complete waste of a day Bea: Oh, I don't know. The neighbours found us very entertaining Powell: Ok ok, that's enough. Right, now I want you all to report to the showers Doreen: Oh, I never though I'd be pleased to see a Wentworth shower Mouse: I'll race you Dor Powell: No you wont. Now look, you're back in a prison now, don't forget it   Bea: Is this a prison. I must have got off at the wrong bus stop Powell: Oh, just get to the showers

Episode 275
Colleen: Well, what are you going to do with that lot? Lizzie: Oh Mrs. Davidson gave me permission to make a birthday cake for Bea’s surprise party. Colleen: A cake? With sardines, crackers and mushrooms? Lizzie: It’s an old bush recipe. Colleen: Put them back. Lizzie: Oh you haven’t got any heart Mrs. Powell. You just wait till it’s you birthday and we won’t even give you a present. Colleen: Do me a favor. If you’re gonna use that recipe, don’t make me a cake either.

Episode 297
Doreen: I'm starving Bea: Yeah, come on, when do we eat? We're all present and correct, so what's the hold up? Doreen: Hey, wait a minute, where's Chrissie Ferguson: Latham wont be joining you for the evening meal Bea: Oh, we must have left her off the invitation list by mistake

Episode 309
Erica: Well, there's really quite a queue isn't there Bea: Oh, it's always like this Mrs Davidson. What we really need is an ensuite bathroom Latham: No, what we need is less showers each Bea: Trust a Pom to come up with something like that Latham: Who's calling me a Pom Bea: Me

Episode 310
Steve: I’ve done no more for Barbara then I have for Bea or Lizzie. So what’s the difference? Colleen: Uh, the difference is that Bea and Lizzie don’t look like Barbara. Steve: You mean I’m not allowed to help the pretty ones. Colleen: I mean you’re not allowed to help YOURSELF to the pretty ones

Episode 312
Meg: I wonder what the police want with her? Tony: Maybe they found out that she's only masquerading as a woman

Episode 315
Colleen: Come on Birdsworth. Lizzie (to Neil): But what about me poor joints. Neil: Well just keep them moving and they’ll be fine. Colleen: You heard. Let’s move them back to the laundry.

Episode 321
Bea: You better sling us a couple of fifty's. I think I'll have lunch at the Hilton today. (The officer passes Bea two notes) Bea: I meant fifty bucks not fifty cents

Gaffney: It's bloody typical isn't it. We do all the hard yakka and Po-Face gets the pat on the back

Colleen: I wonder how Geoff Carlson will react to someone like Joan being issued with a set of Woodridge keys. At least the male prisoners will be safe.

Episode 322
Morris: Oh, hello Bea. What sort of day have you had. Bea: Oh, just terrific Morris: Well it doesn't sound to terrific, what happened? Bea: I'm on permanent holiday. I've been sacked. Morris: They what. But you were doing so well Bea: Yeah, that's what I thought, well they did to for that matter, but business is lousy and they had to lay someone off, so guess who copped it   Morris: You haven't been fired, you've been retrenched. At least you'll get a good reference. Bea: Fat lot of good thats going to do me. Thousands of people out of work and if I don't have a job, I don't get my parole. Maybe I shouldn't have come back here, should have just kept walking in the opposite direction Morris: Now, that's nonsense. You got one job and you'll get another, and the parole board will help you all they can, as long as you go by the book Bea: Yeah, well so far playing by the book has got me nothing but a big fat zero

Ferguson: Well Smith, your back. What happened did they wake up and finally sack you. Bea: No they didn't. They layed me off because work was a bit slack Ferguson: Oh, I don't think the parole board will be too impressed with that, what do you think Smith? Bea: If I told you what I think, your hair would curl.

Morris: Come on, hurry it up please Bea: And so begins another exciting day. Woopee Fields: Oh, it's not too bad. If you get too bored, why don't you get a job in reception. Lots of interesting things happenen down there.

Bea: Oh shit. I hope Jude's having better luck than I am. Sweet bugger all in there Lawson: Well, what did Mrs. Morris say before. Bea: Oh, she said she'd check a few jobs for me, give them a ring and let me know how they went. Well, I better get back to work I suppose, no chance of losing this job, worse luck

Colleen: Get it together Gaffney, you’re going back to your cell. Margo: I thought I’d cop at least 3 days. Colleen: Well you thought wrong. Come on, hurry up. Margo: I want a transfer to another block. Colleen: What? Margo: I wanna be moved. Why can’t I go to B-block. Colleen: Because you go where you’re put. Don’t tell me you’re sick of your friends. Margo: But they’ll bloody well kill me. Colleen: Oh no, no I doubt that. But I’ll tell you what; when I have actual proof that you’re in physical danger, I’ll consider moving you. Margo: You’re gonna wait till you find me bashed up in some corner. Colleen: Yeh, that will probably do it. Come on.

Episode 323
Powell: Hello, what's going on here. Nothing to do have we? Bea: Smoko, Mrs. Powell. Union rules Powell: Yeah, well get back to work. My rules

Latham: What I'm worried about is what if we get sprung. There we are using the Freak as a football and somebody walks in on us. It's going to be ta-ta Chrissie, isn't it

Episode 324
Powell: Alright Smith, tell me again, what were your movements between getting up this morning and breakfast Bea: Oh, I'll only have to disappoint you again Mrs. Powell, it was a normal boring routine day. A usual rising, followed by   a faster than usual shower, followed by a routine stroll down the corridor to the dining room, where I remained until this fiasco erupted Powell: Yes, yes, yes, you've made your point Bea: Besides, you can bet your life that if I had been involved Ferguson would not be walking around talking about it.

Latham: Oh, can you believe that bitch, she was actually challenging us to have another go   Mouse: Oh, she's an A grade looney that one. Well, she outa be locked up in here Latham: Yeah, except it would be my bleedin' luck to end be up in a cell with her

Episode 326
Latham: Oh, come on Bea, fancy you copping the laundry ay, I'll tell you what, if you like, I'll let you have a   go on the steam press ay, It's ever so easy, you soon pick it up    Lawson: Yeah, help build up your muscles after your holiday in isolation Morris: Bea, I'd like a word with you. In here Bea: Must be important or are you going to bash me

Morris: Ah, I've got some good news for you all Bea: Ah, that'yl make a change Gaffney: The Freaks just fallen off the roof

(Lawson eats some of her food) Latham: Oh blimey, don't put that muck in your mouth, you'll be sick. Lawson: It's edible Bea: Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that

Episode 327
Latham: Oh, I wish someone would tell us what's goin' on   Gaffney: What difference would it make Stanton: Don't you care about your mates Gaffney: Oh, what do you want to do, tick their names off in the right order or something Stanton: Apparently one of the Screws has gone missing too Gaffney: Yeah, Ferguson Stanton: God, that's weird, I mean you can see how one of us would get trapped with the gates going like they did, but I mean a screw would have keys Latham: Maybe the smoke got to her first. I bloody hope so anyway

(Gaffney grabs two washers) Powell: Uh, what do you need two washers for Gaffney Gaffney: One for me face and one for me bum Latham: Ha   Gaffney: Unhygenic, that's what it is    (Gaffney passes her second washer to Latham)

Officer Bailey: Transports here Mrs. Powell Powell: Alright everyone, come on, get your things together Gaffney: Hit em up, Move em out Powell: And we'll do it in an orderly fashion, come on

Episode 328
(A Woodridge Officer opens the door and He, Bea and Morris walks inside) Morris: Righto ladies, move over Latham: Bea. Oh god love, are you alright Bea: Yeah, great. When do we eat Gaffney: Your just in time for what they call lunch, courtesy of the Woodridge Hilton Latham: Yeah, what's goin' on here Mrs. Morris. We can't keep eatin' out in that yard Morris: It's been attended to. You'll be having lunch in half an hour Latham: I've got a good idea. Why don't you put us all up for early parole, the you wouldn't have to go to all this trouble

Bea: Bloody hell. what a dump Latham: Yeah, we didn't realise how lucky we were at Wentworth Bea: And who's fault's that. I asked for a diversionary fire not burn the whole bloody place down

Carlson: What's going on   Powell: Smith's got a complaint Smith: We are not eating this food, until it gets better we are all going on a hunger strike, and another thing, we want better sleeping and recreation facilities and work, give us some work, you can't lock people up with nothing to do, you'll drive us all crazy Powell: Well you should have thought about that when you, and your cronies, burnt Wentworth down Bea: Oh, so now I had help did I. Your smartass offsider in the hospital reckon I did it all on my own

Episode 329
Powell: Smith, Latham. Come with us   Smith: What for Carlson: Never mind the questions, move it. Latham: I wanna know where we're going. Oh, Bea Bea: Don't worry love. Guess with the great job we did on Jeannie, now we have to do brain transplants on all the screws.

Episode 330
Morris: That's enough Smith, your on a charge Bea: Oh goody, what are you going to do, throw me in jail

Episode 333
Bea: Hey, I wouldn't worry too much Mrs. Powell. Your bound to find another job eventually. I did hear there looking for keepers at the zoo (Latham laughs)

Episode 334
(Bea sniffs) Bea: You know, I can swear something just crept in here and died. Ah haha, It was you Ms. Ferguson.

Episode 335
Davidson: Now, to show our good faith, I intend to give you 200 points to start off Latham: Oh, thank you very much Bea: Yeah, well they've got to give us something haven't they Latham: Yeah Bea: Otherwise how can they take it away Davidson: This offer is not acceptable to you Smith. Very well, you can all start from zero

Bea: Hey Mrs. Morris, don't suppose there's any chance of getting 2 points on sunday, you know, double time

Episode 341
Colleen: Quinn, come on you two I want you to do a job for me in the library. Faye: The library? Oh God, I hate books. Colleen: Really? I heard a rumor you used to run one.

Nola: What the hell am I supposed to do out here? Colleen: Well you can start by pulling out the weeds. Nola: I wouldn’t know a weed from a gumtree. Colleen: Oh, that’s easy. If you get a hernia you’ve pulled out a gumtree.

(Powell, Erica and Ferguson walk into the rec room) Powell: Everything alright ladies Bea: Oh fine, Mrs Powell, uh just asking Nola what Western Australia was like. She says it's a lovely place, but she wouldn't want to live there

(Ferguson walks into the laundry) Ferguson: No work ladies Maxine: Just taking a smoko Ms Ferguson Lizzie: Yeah, without the smoke Ferguson: Well you better get back to work then Bea: Why should we? We're way ahead of schedule, so why bust a gut, if you'll pardon the expression

Coleen: Now, you will do as you’re damn well told. Nola: Yeh? Colleen (to another officer): If she gives you any trouble just call the gate guard. Nola: And who am I gonna call if she starts giving me trouble? Colleen: Try me. Hope your lungs are good though, I don’t know where I’ll be.

Episode 342
(In the rec room; Faye is writing down peoples names for the insurance policy) Lizzie: Oh, cut it out Faye: Hey, come on ladies don't push, everyone will get their chance, and keep the noise down will you, we don't want screws poking their nose in   Lizzie: That's not a bad idea. I reckon the screws should take out insurance. What's the going rate for screw bashing (Faye turns her notepad over) Faye: Name? Lizzie: Elizabeth Birdsworth Faye: Age? Lizzie: 39 (Everybody laughs) Faye: Ancient

Episode 356
Maxine: You know, I gonna arrange a couple of visitors for The Freak one day. Mafia hit men (Lizzie and Maxine laugh)

Episode 360
(Colleen to Meg while censoring the mail) Colleen: Kennedy’s sexlife, that’s one thing. Birdsworth’s spelling, that’s in a class of its own.

Episode 361
Ferguson: Stand on the line, Smith (Bea walks to the line) (Ferguson grabs the clipboard off the cop) Ferguson: Your name is Beatrice Alice Smith, is that correct? Bea: Yep Ferguson: Speak up   Bea: YES! Ferguson: Yes what?

Episode 363
Lizzie: God, would you get onto The Freak. Anyone would think we had god on a tour of inspection Bea: Yeah, but did you cop onto what Powell called him, Major Ferguson. Maybe he and The Freak are related Lizzie: No way that those two come from the same family, you could tell. He's a real gentleman Phyllis: Hey come back Major, Lizzie's got the hots for you Lizzie: Don't be such a dirty little bugger, he wouldn't bloody believe you anyway. He could tell that I'm a lady (Everybody laughs)

Episode 365
(Morris walks into the laundry) Morris: Lizzie Lizzie: Oh, Mrs M, I want a word with you. Now what's this I hear about giving the Governor's job to an outsider Morris: Oh Lizzie, she's hardly an outsider. She's been working with the department for years Lizzie: That's not the point is it, she's not one of us. Anyone with half a brain would know that you should have got that job. Now who picked her? Douglas I suppose. God, everybody knows he couldn't even pick his nose unless he read the instruction Morris: Oh, for heavens sake Lizzie. Why don't you wait until you meet her before you pass judgement. After all, you may even like the lady

Episode 368
Meg: Well maybe we’re imagining it. Colleen: Oh like hell. She knows all about Chris. Meg: But how? Colleen: I won’t mention any names, I’ll just give you the initials; Joan bloody Ferguson.

Joan: I keep forgetting how close we all are. Colleen (to Meg): I’d like to remind the bitch, with a sledge hammer.

Episode 371
Kennedy: Do I get a cell to myself Powell: No, you'll be sharing with a woman about your age Kennedy: Oh, I'm not too keen on bunking with an oldie. They get a bit funny you know.

Kennedy: Am I sharing with you? Bea: No, this used to be mine, but they were afraid that I might get too settled after 14 years. The names Bea Smith Kennedy: Oh hi, I'm Maggie Kennedy Bea: Oh, the geriatric drug peddler Powell: Ok, that's enough. Listen, you behave yourself, and uh, keep your hands off. A repeat of the Tyler episode, and you'll be in big trouble Bea: Well, by the looks of this one, she isn't going to make the distance anyway, so why should I bother

Episode 375
(Ferguson walls into the laundry) Ferguson: Kennedy. Your wanted in the Governor's office (Kennedy gets up) Bea: What have you been up to now Kennedy, nothing that's going to make me mad I hope.

Episode 376
Lizzie: What are you getting at? You mean The Freak was trying to protect her Maxine: Well, something like that, because then she put her arm around her real friendly like Lizzie: Oh, what did Carol do then Maxine: Well nothing much, but I mean she didn't tell her to rack off or nothing Bea: Eugh, sounds like she's got the hots for her alright. She's not the kind of person to be nice to anyone out of the kindness of her heart

Episode 377
(Ferguson walks into the rec room carrying leaflets) Ferguson: Alright you lot, the holidays over Lizzie: Oh, did you get the machines fixed Ferguson: No, not yet Brandy: When are they going to get around to it   Ferguson: Oh, I didn't know you were so concerned about your work Brandy: I'm not, but it beats sitting around on your bum doing nothing doesn't it   Ferguson: Well, don't worry, I've found something that will keep you all occupied Bea: This'll be good Maxine: And what's that Ferguson: Proof-Reading leaflets from the workshop Lizzie: Oh god Ferguson: Oh no, don't worry, you can work in pairs, if that will help you with the two syllable words

Lizzie: Oh bloody reading, I'm sick of reading Maxine: Lizzie, I didn't know you could

Episode 379
Pixie: I came to see if there was a letter for me. Colleen: Well not unless it came through a time warp. Pixie: A time warp? Colleen: I’ve heard. The king of France’s carrier pigeons, they’re all dead.

Episode 381
(Pixie tries to climb into the dryer) Bea: oh come on, we have to have this finished by the lunch time pick up. Will you cut it out! (Ferguson walks into the laundry) Ferguson: My feeling exactly, Smith. Mason Pixie: Yes Miss Ferguson Ferguson: Report for kitchen duty, you too Daniels Maxine: Ah beauty Bea: Oh, wait a minute. How the hell are we supposed to have this finished in time if your going to take everyone away Ferguson: Just watch it Smith, or they'll have to do without you too

Episode 382
Powell: Okay Mason. What have you done to your hair Pixie: Oh, I didn't do anything Mrs Powell. It was the martians (Everybody laughs) Pixie: Well, they were hiding in my cell Powell: Oh I see, I get it   Pixie: They had these big silver laser guns and they went zap and my hair turned red. Well, Mars is the red planet you know Powell: Well... Zap, let's go   Pixie: Back to the martians Powell: To the showers. Get out (Everybody laughs) Maxine: Bye Pixie

(Pixie walks into the rec room) Powell: Ah good Mason, just in time to clean up   Bea: Well, well, now I wondered where you got to    Lizzie: What's the matter love. You look as though it's the end of the world Maxine: Here we go   Pixie: It is Lizzie. Eddie, he's divorcing me   Bea: Sounds like a nice, painless way to get rid of a bloke to me    Pixie: But it's a sin Bea. Why would he do that to me? Bea: Well, it could have something to do with the fact you married 5 other blokes

Episode 383
Bea: And so that's it in a nutshell really. Ferguson's a raving maniac, Powell thinks she's a super screw and, oh Mrs Morris is alright I suppose. She has helped us in the past

Episode 384
Bea: You're not still reading that letter are you Pixie: No, justing holding it that's all Bea: Sounds like some old Uncle carked it and left you the lot Pixie: Oh, much better than that. Oh Bea, I'm so happy Bea: What, in this place. Keep that up and they'll really think you're nuts Maxine: Hey Bea, do you have any bickies, wha... Don't tell me she's still reading that letter, what's in it anyway Pixie: Well, I wasn't going to tell you Maxie, but, but I need your help. It's not just a letter Maxie, It's a   Billet-doux. A wonderful, wonderful Billet-doux Maxine: Someone send you a bill aye, god they never leave you alone. Put address unknown, that'll fix them Pixie: No, not a bill Maxie, a Billet-doux, a love letter

(Bea walks in) Bea: Hi, settled in alright Petra: Yes, thanks Bea. Didn't get much sleep though Bea: Oh, that's pretty normal for first timers, but sleeps the least of your problems in Wentworth. Your stomach has to   get used to the food and you have to get used to the boredom Petra: Apart from that it's home away from home aye Bea: Oh, the greatest. People have been known to kill to get into this joint (Bea remembers that Petra murdered her father) Bea: Oh sorry love, bad joke Petra: That's okay, you're right about one thing though. The boredom. There's got to be a way to beat it   Bea: Yeah well there is. There's a way we can all beat it, if you're interested? Petra: of course I am. What is it? Bea: Like I said, some of the girls aren't too bright, but they're real battlers if you know what I mean. When they get out of here they try and make a go of it, but they haven't got a hope. They're beaten at the very first question; What is   you're level of education Petra: Hold on Bea. I think I know what you're getting at, but would they allow me to take classes? Bea: Oh, a teacher they didn't have to pay, you could bet on it

Episode 385
(Powell walks in) Powell: Come on Smart, get back to your cell, lights out in 5 minutes Helen: Oh, isn't it nice not to have to watch the clock. There's all these lovely officers around to do it for you Powell: Get out

Scott: It’s gonna take me a month of sunday’s to get through this lot. It would be nice to have them all programmed into a   computer. Colleen: The staff are the only computers around here. And the way I feel today my silicone chip’s cracked.

Episode 390
(Bea walks into the laundry) Bea: Alright everyone, stop work Lizzie: Oh god Bea, me old ticker Pixie: What's wrong Bea: I've just been speaking to Arthur Richards, and he says if I go ahead with this law suit, the department is going to   slap full security and censorship on the lot of us    Petra: They can't do that Bea: Oh   Lizzie: Oh, don't you bet on it. What are you going to do Bea? Bea: I don't know yet. I thought you should have a say in it   Phyllis: Yeah well I say back down. It's your fight not ours Lizzie: You would, you yellow looking bugger. I say go after him Bea Phyllis: What? And she ends up with a bag full of dough, and what do we get, Screws breathing down our necks day and night, you can count me out Pixie: Well, he's not the sort of man I'd go after. He's got mean little eyes (Bea looks at Pixie) Bea: Thanks Pixie

Phyllis: Invest it? Geez, I thought the racehorse was a lousy idea, we'd never see any bloody money if we invest it   Bea: Will you let me finish Lizzie: Yeah, keep your bloody big mouth shut, if you can't come up with anything better. Go on Bea Bea: Mrs M reckons we can get approximately $4000 return per annum Pixie: Oh, that's wonderful, every year (Bea rolls her eyes)

Bea: We give it away to any woman that's leaving Wentworth and who needs cash Phyllis: Why should me give it to people that are getting out, when we're stuck in here Bea: Because you can't use it in here, the time you need dough is when you're on the outside. We assess every woman who's   being released, as to how much she's earned in here, what her setup is on the outside and how much she needs to give her a    fresh start, and we give her that from the fund, then hopefully she has a chance to go straight. Now, what do you say? Lizzie: Ripper. Good old mum, and it would be just what she wanted too Pixie: Well, I think it's a lovely idea. Well, when I get out of here, there will be lots of things I'll need to get started again Phyllis: Like what? A truckload of confetti, I think it sucks Judy: Uh, how many times have you been inside Phyllis Phyllis: Oh about... Hell, I don't know Judy: Yes, you'd need a computer to work it out, and why is it that you keep getting back inside Phyllis: Because I keep getting caught don't I   Judy: Oh, well have you ever thought of going straight Phyllis: Of course I have, I don't stand a chance

Episode 391
Powell: Please, can you hurry up with that Deliveryman: Ok, that's your lot. Good luck girls Pixie: Oh, and good luck to you too Powell: Shut up Mason

Maxine: Now listen to this one. Echo, and the answers got 11 bloody letters in it   Tinker: Wheelbarrow Maxine: Wheelbarrow? What's that got to do with echo Tinker: I don't know, but it's got 11 bloody letters hasn't it

Episode 392
Scott: Bea, can I have some water for Miss Ferguson please Bea: You asked the wrong person doc. She can fry in her own fat as far I'm concerned

Scott: Good news everyone. Miss Ferguson is out of danger. Her fever's broken Helen: Well, if that's the good news, I can't imagine what the bad news is going to be

Episode 395
Colleen: Stevens report to reception, you got a visitor Phyllis: Another one?, that makes 2 in 2 days Colleen: Good girl you can count, mind your own business and get on with it

Episode 404
Petra: Thank you Lizzie, and thank you everyone else. The things you've done just to make this such a special day. I don't   know how I could ever repay you Lou: Let the doc make housecalls (Everybody laughs)

Episode 423
Cass: Oh, poor little Pix. It's not fair. She never done nothing to nobody, now she's gone and lost her new job Sonia: Oh, come on, the girls got a brain the size of a pea, she was bound to foul up sooner or later Helen: have you ever thought of lacing up your mouth and renting out your head as a football

Episode 456
Myra: Pixie, I've got you down for the kissing booth ok  Pixie: Oh well, I'm not so sure about that, I mean, well it's not very hygienic is it. Well, I might catch something Phyllis: Yeah, another husband Pixie: Oh yes, well that too, I mean I wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong idea

Myra: Cass? Cass: Oh, I don't know Myra Reb: You can have a lucky dip. Make yourself the boobie prize Myra: Why don't you make yourself scarce. Come on Cass Cass: Well, I can whittle a bit, I suppose I could make something Myra: Yeah Phyllis: A bit dangerous isn't it. Aren't you scared the knife will slip and cut your wrists

Cass: Hey Myra. Don't suppose we could get our hands on some clay Myra: Hey, that's an idea Cass. Wally's left all the equipment, we could have a go  Pixie: Hey. Perhaps a cake stall or, or fortune telling. Thats it, I can tell all the ladies there going to meet a tall, dark, brooding stranger Myra: Oh, The Freak

Powell: Right, now. What can I do? Ann: Oh, nothing really. Correction, you can keep Meg away from the food

Episode 461
Joyce: Right, well. Will you stop work for a moment ladies. I want you to meet our new officer, this is Miss Rodgers Heather: Oh, hi everybody. I hope i'll get to know...  Marlene: Buck? Geez, I don't believe it, it's me Rabbit. You remember, Kenton High Heather: Well I'll be blown. Marlene, right? Marlene: Yeah Heather: What are you doing here? Oh, stupid question

Episode 470
Meg: Well, you now have my official resignation Joyce: Oh, it's such a pity. You were a really good union rep Meg Meg: Well, that's how it is. You can't be management material and still a member of the union. I hope you don't treat me  like the enemy though Ferguson: Oh, can we got on with it  Meg: Oh Joan. It's not like you to show enthusiasm at a union meeting Ferguson: Since I'm forced to be a member, I also have the right to demand some action, instead of all this needless chit-chat

Joyce: Right. Nominations (Nobody answers) Joyce: Oh, come on. Someones got to do the job. What about you Dennis Dennis: Oh, well, maybe it'd be better if it was someone that's been here a bit longer Joyce: Oh, come on. You're a pom, they always make the best shop stewards Ferguson: Yeah. An official excuse to whinge

Rachel: Not a very exciting menu is it? Marlene: It's been ages since Mrs O got excited over anything I reckon (Marlene looks at the menu) Marlene: Oh yuck. Stewed mince potatos and sprouts. I hate brussel sprouts Rachel: Well, no wonder. She boils them half to death Marlene: Look, let's just chuck that in and think of something else ay  Rachel: I don't think she would like that Marlene: She's not going to know about it and by the time she does know about it, we'll have eaten anyway

Rachel: it'd be great to do something really tasty wouldn't it? Marlene: Tell you what I could go for. Chicken Maryland and then Pavlova with heaps of ice cream for sweets, what do you reckon Rachel: I reckon it'd take a miracle with what we'd find in this kitchen Marlene: Oh, well your a good cook Rach. Why don't you jazz up the mince a bit or just find something else Rachel: Why not. Have a look in the fridge, see what's there (Marlene looks in the fridge) Marlene: Oh, no prizes for guessing. Mince, mince and more bloody mince

Marlene: And I've got a great idea for the sprouts. We'll flush them down the loo

Episode 471
Marlene: Those trays we took up to solitary. Who do you reckon the second one was for? Rachel: A new prisoner, I expect Marlene: Give the lady a cigar

Rachel: Oh, cut it out. You really are awful Marlene: Oh, come on, he's a horses-hoof Rachel: So what. He's nice, I like him Marlene: Yeah, so do I and we can all go camping after brekkie darls. Anyway, he's greener than a row of cucumbers and that gives me an idea (Marlene grabs a bag and steals some food) Marlene: How come we never see any of this stuff Rachel: Are you out of your mind. You can't go ripping off supplies Marlene: Why not. Margret Fulton in drag isn't going to know, and by the time Mrs O gets back, we'll just tell her that he  used it all, sinch Rachel: And how do you propose to get it out of the kitchen Marlene: Simple. Dirty laundry Rachel: You're incouragable Marlene: So, Incourage me

Rachel: Honestly Rabbit, sometimes you're a pain Marlene: Now what have I done Rachel: You took the cheese. Now how am I supposed to do cheese potatos Marlene: I didn't take the cheese. What would I want with the cheese Rachel: Same thing you wanted with all the other stuff Marlene: I didn't take the cheese, you didn't look properly Rachel: And I'm telling you, I saw it at breakfast and now it's not there Marlene: Give us a look (Marlene stops by Ray's bag and looks in it) Rachel: Marlene, that's private Marlene: Pigs. Look Rachel: I don't believe it  Marlene: Everything we didn't rip-off, he did

Dennis: Ok now, now cut the chatter, or we wont go on with it  Bobbie: Ah, beauty girls, we don't have to work today (Everybody cheers) Dennis: Instead, you'll all get the mops and buckets and clean the prison from top to bottom

Bobbie: Well, I've finished that, now what do you want me to do? Ray: Well, you can be Mrs Clean and get rid of this apple peeling, if you like Bobbie: I can't, the bins full Ray: Well then empty it, pet Bobbie: Alright, alright, don't get your wig wet Ray: Oh, don't be cheeky Bobbie: Sorry, Auntie Ray

Ray: Bobbie was trying to escape. Is that what was going on out there? Myra: It didn't happen, so let's forget it ok  Ray: How exciting. I was in the middle of an escape bit, and I didn't know, and maybe as head chef I'm supposed to report the incident Myra: Now you do that buddy boy, and I will tell the very same officer that you have been helping yourself to the kitchen stores, then you'd be in for some real thrills, wouldn't you?

Episode 473
Myra: So, you really think there are little green men and monsters from outerspace Marlene: Well, of course there are Myra: Now we know where the Freak comes from Judy: Yeah, they just dump their rubbish on Earth

Episode 489
Judy: Ah, at least Rachel can keep an eye out for her Myra: Don't wish that on poor Rachel

Episode 493
Pat: That was the gate house. The new officer Len Murphy is on his way up  Meg: Mmm, should be interesting Pat: Why? Meg: Seems Joan Ferguson heard good things about him Pat: Oh, I can imagine what that means Meg: Uh uh, we musn't prejudge, must we

Ray: I love the smell of bacon in the morning. It reminds me of breakfast Pixie: Yeah (Marlene runs in) Marlene: Quick. They're stacking on a huge turn Ray: What about? Marlene: They reckon the porridge is too salty Ray: Well, that's ridiculous, I asked Pixie to check it  Pixie: Oh, well I thought it needed a bit extra Ray: How much? Pixie: Well, I worked it out. One teaspoon per bowl, times the number of serves, And then I looked up the front of a  cookbook to convert tablespoons to grams... Oh, I think I just said tablespoons, didn't I... Oh what Ray: How could she, how could she

Ann: So you'll appreciate that I have to interview everyone Ray: Yes, yes of course Ann: Is it possible that Warren could have stolen any of your personal belongings Ray: No, I would have noticed. I'm fussy about my appearance, not to the point of bringing shampoo to work

Episode 494
Pixie: I'll go and start porridge Ray: Pet, we're cooking dinner. Porridge is breakfast Pixie: Oh golly, is it that time already?

Episode 496
Marlene: Hi, did you get anything out of the PRG lady Myra: Yeah, somehow I wish I hadn't  Bobbie: Why, what happened? Myra: What Stan told you was right love. According to some ex-Woodridge guys, Officer Len Murphy is big trouble Judy: How bad? Myra: Male version of the Freak

Murphy: What are you up to Kelly? Lou: Nothing. I just been in the toot Murphy: You sure? Lou: Yeah, I'd never forget a thing like that

Episode 497
Murphy: What happened to you Warren. Your face looks a mess Marlene: Hurt myself Meg: How did that happen? Murphy: Her nose looks broken to me  Marlene: Must have been sleepwalking. Woke up when I banged into the wall Lou: Always said she needed a padded cell

Episode 550
Lou: Hey, I just thought of something to cheer youse up. Maybe The Freaks dead (Everybody cheers)

Joyce: Joan, Joan are you alright? Nora: Well, she's alive at any rate Joyce: Oh, thank god Lou: Yeah, bad luck more like it

Lou: Shit, we've got her where we want her. Let's finish her off Myra: Just like you Kelly isn't it, kicking a dog when it's down Lou: Just taking after your example, Desmond. Didn't seem to worry you when she was having those blackouts

Nora: Please, is there something we can cover her with Lurch: Nah, fresh out of cement

Lexie: Bloody freezing, myself Joyce: Well, the heatings gone off. It won't come on again until 6 Lou: Oh lovely Ettie: Oh, stop moaning Kelly, you've been sounding off all night Lou: Go count your wrinkles, Granny

Episode 551
Ruth: Why don't we set a deadline, oh I'm sorry, what an unfortunate choice of words

Episode 643
Martyː I want to KNOW about Joan Ferguson Rita Connorsː She's mid forties, looks like a truck driver dressed in drag