Pushing Daisies

Pushing Daisies (2007–2009) was a Golden Globe-nominated American television dramedy created by Bryan Fuller. It revolved around Ned, a man who can bring dead people back to life with just one touch—but if he ever touches them again, they die—this time, forever.

Pie-lette [1.01]

 * Ned: You can't touch me.
 * Chuck: So a kiss is out of the question?
 * Ned: I just lost my train of thought.


 * Chuck: You can't just touch someone's life and just be done with it.
 * Ned: Yes I can. That's how I roll.


 * Emerson: You know what? We all have childhood issues. Okay? Believe me. I got the full subscription, okay? Horror stories.
 * Ned: I kind of killed her dad when I was ten.
 * Emerson: Maybe not horror stories.
 * Ned: She doesn't know. But I wanted to make it better or different than what it was, because what it was was her dead and I didn't want that to be my fault too.
 * Emerson: Well, who died instead?
 * Ned: [shows Emerson an obituary for the funeral director] It's a random proximity thing.
 * Emerson: Bitch! I was in proximity.


 * Emerson: The fact that he was a very, very bad man makes you feel better about what you did?
 * Ned: Yes. Immensely. I would have felt horrible if it was... you, for example.
 * Emerson: [smacks Ned on the head with rolled up newspaper.]
 * Ned: I'm not proud!
 * Emerson: You know, I'm glad you did it. Makes the worst thing I did seem insignificant.
 * Ned: Listen to you, all judgey-judge.


 * Deedee: Hey, Charlotte!
 * Chuck: Hey, Deedee.
 * Deedee: Now, how'd I know you'd be the first person I'd see when I got to...? Is this...? Which one is this?
 * Chuck: This is neither. Well, maybe it's both, but, listen, this is the deal: you get to talk for, like, a minute, we're gonna catch up, and then you're not talking anymore.
 * Deedee: Does everyone get to do this? 'Cause, girl, we gotta break it down.
 * Chuck: Did you know I was gonna get killed?
 * Deedee: I thought there might be the possibility, yes. I'm real sorry about that. I probably should've said something. But to be honest, and really, why not, at this point, if it were safe, I would've done it myself. God, this is fantastic! Being honest is fun!

Dummy [1.02]

 * Narrator: One mile to the west, Emerson Cod was also not thrilled. During times of stress or anxiety, he liked to knit. Since the arrival of the dead girl who was not dead, he found the stockinette stitch relaxing.


 * Chuck: [regarding Emerson] Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?
 * Ned: He barely knows you're here.
 * Narrator: In fact, Emerson had finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.


 * Emerson: I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry God.


 * Emerson: If I'd wanted to hang out with geeks in leotards, I would've stayed in art school.


 * Narrator: As Olive considered how much she loved Digby for paying attention to her when the pie-maker would not, Digby considered how much he loved salt.

The Fun In Funeral [1.03]

 * Olive: This is a pie house, not some herbal crack den.


 * Emerson: Lookit here... You need a ticket to ride this ride, and if your ticket gets punched then you gotta take somebody else's ticket.
 * Ned: Why are you still talking?!
 * Emerson: I'm ripping off the band-aid!
 * Ned: I'm not a ripper. I pull up a corner a little at a time and then I run it under warm water and I pull it a little bit more. It's a process!
 * Emerson: Let 'er rip.


 * Aunt Vivian: Pies for breakfast always remind me of Mother.
 * Aunt Lily: Vermouth always reminds me of Mother.


 * Ned: You framed someone for murder you ASS!


 * [Ned has brought back funeral director Lawrence to apologize]
 * Charlotte: [noticing a pocket watch on Lawrence's body] My dad gave me a watch just like that.
 * Lawrence: Yeah, your dead body was buried with it.
 * Charlotte: You stole that off my dead body?
 * Lawrence: Well, your dead body wasn't doing anything with it.
 * [Charlotte closes the casket; Ned tries to open it but can't]
 * Ned: It's stuck.
 * Emerson: Oh, you better be playing.
 * Ned: [checks his watch] 29 seconds.
 * Emerson: Oh, hell no! [runs out of the funeral home making the Sign of the Cross]

Pigeon [1.04]

 * Ned: [stares at a squirrel waiting for it to die, when a dead bird falls from the sky] It's raining dead birds.


 * Emerson: Just because there's vodka in my freezer doesn't mean I have to drink it. Wait... yes it does.


 * Ned: I can't catch her, Emerson.
 * Emerson: Can't suck on her toes, neither. Some women like that.


 * Emerson: [takes Ned aside] What is the rate of exchange on the life of a bird? 'Cause if it's equal to or greater than mine, I need to get back to my car.


 * Olive: Its a miracle bird. Its swimming in miracles, not diseases.

Girth [1.05]

 * Emerson: Check please.
 * Olive: [slams two large wads of cash down on Emerson's table]
 * Emerson: Or cash. Cash is good. [grabs money, puts it on his lap]
 * Olive: I want to hire you. Technically, I already have, since you were so grabby with the cash.
 * Emerson: Think of it as an escrow between my thighs.


 * Ned: Is this a bad idea? Olive as a client? It's a little too close for comfort.
 * Emerson: [sarcastically] Oh, hang on a second, let me ask the money. [makes his hand a telephone] Hey money, it's me, Emerson. [Ned rolls his eyes] I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, thanks for asking. Say, can I still pay my bills and buy stuff with you, even though you was Olive's money first? Uh huh.
 * Ned: Wait.
 * Emerson: [laughs] Yeah, okay then. Thanks. [laughs again] The money don't care. Touch him.

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 * Emerson: I love you, shovel.

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 * Ned: Where'd you get this pie?
 * Aunt Lily: We thought you were having them delivered. Comes every week.
 * Aunt Vivian: I don't know how we survived without it: it's like a sex addiction! [beat] I would imagine.

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 * Chuck: I don’t know, but hurry up and open if before he comes back! What if he changes when his blood sugar level drops?
 * Olive: Maybe like a hypoglycemic werewolf!

Bitches [1.06]

 * Emerson: That girl dropped a bomb in your subconcious with her saliva.

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 * Emerson: Some women love like gangstas. They be like "Ooh baby, you bleedin'!  How dat happen?"  While dey hidin' the razor in their weave.

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 * Emerson: Dreams are just your brain processing random rigmarole it couldn't find a place for: it don't mean nothin'. Except you feel guilty about kissing Olive when you want to be kissing some dead girl you can't.

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 * Ned: The police wrestled little Hallie Hundin to the ground and she's small: it was like a lion taking down a baby zebra.
 * Chuck: And we were awful tourists sitting safe in our camouflaged SUV watching the injustice.

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 * Ned: You're the only one for me.
 * Chuck: I know you feel that now, but there are things you want. There're things we both want.
 * Ned: So? Everyone wants stuff, we wake up every day with list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy.
 * Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
 * Ned: You.

Smell of Success [1.07]

 * Emerson: Death by scratch and sniff. What the hell happened to people shooting each other with guns?

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 * [Olive holds up a glass of water]
 * Olive: Look carefully ladies, this is your future.
 * Lily: Is it vodka?
 * Olive: Water.
 * Lily: Hm. As in Russian for vodka?

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 * Emerson: Your book was a bomb.
 * Napolean Le Nez: [Outraged] Who are you to criticise my life's work?!
 * Emerson: [Holds up evidence bag containing burnt shreds of book] Your book. Was a bomb? It exploded?

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 * Olive: We're not at that stage in our friendship yet. Please don't cry in front of me.

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 * Oscar Vibenius: Nothing sells books like a little murder and mayhem.

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 * Vivian: It used to make you so happy, the water. I think it's brave to try to be happy. You've gotten so comfortable being unhappy. Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up in the morning and choose to be happy, to let the water wash everything away?

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 * Chuck: Follow the yellow thick hose!
 * Ned: Follow the yellow thick hose?

Bitter Sweets [1.08]

 * Ned: Candy might be sweet, but it's a traveling carnival blowing through town. Pie is home. People always come home.

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 * Emerson: The truth ain't like puppies, a bunch of them running around, you pick your favorite. One truth and it has come a knockin'.

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 * Alfredo: If I loved you... Then I would love you in any way I could, and if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty... And if I went blind, I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind...

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 * Narrator: The pie-maker considered how not telling Chuck the truth about her father was a lot like being locked in a prison. Then he considered how being locked in a prison was actually much worse than some silly metaphor about truth.

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 * Narrator: Sometimes a crime of passion is not realizing the passion in time. While other times the crime is not seeing the world as it is. But most crimes of passion are actually a crime.

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 * Olive: Wouldn't it just be rock 'n roll if liking someone meant they had to like you back? 'Course that would be a different universe and something else would probably suck.

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 * Olive and Chuck: Don't mess with the pie hoes.

Corpsicle [1.09]

 * Olive Snook: Boy it's cold. [laughs] You know, you could use a witch's bosom as a hot water bottle on a day like today.
 * Ned: Any sign of Chuck?
 * Olive: [imitating Ned] And how are you today, Olive?
 * I'm fine, thanks for asking, Ned!
 * [imitating Ned] That was a funny joke about the witch's bosom, Olive.
 * Well thanks, Ned!
 * [imitating Ned] And, and I appreciate you using the word bosom.
 * Why, Ned? Because it's less offensive than other words?
 * [imitating Ned] No, I just simply like the word bosom. I say it to myself all the time. Bosom bosom bosom. I just can't help myself. I'm a bosomoholic.
 * Ned: Are you done?
 * Olive: Think so.

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 * Ned: We were talking about phantom limbs and I blurted it out; it was like word vomit.
 * Emerson: Then you slipped on that word vomit and fell on your ass and now you all covered in word vomit.

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 * [Ned walks into Olive's apartment, where Chuck has been hiding from Ned]
 * Ned: Been looking.
 * Chuck: Been hiding.
 * Ned: How much does Olive know?
 * Chuck: Don't worry about what Olive knows. Even if I told her the truth, that I died and you brought me back to life, she wouldn't believe me.
 * Ned: You don't know that.
 * Chuck: Yes I do, because I told her and she wouldn't believe me.

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 * Narrator: As Madeline McLean prepared to grant one last deadly desire, Bobo the bonobo monkey had a wish of its own, to play with the ball on a stick called the shifter. And so, its wish was granted... as was the wish of Madeline McLean, for though her sanity was torn asunder by a boy named Abner Newsome, and her body was torn apart by a bonobo named Bobo, her heart was still intact, which allowed her to grant one final wish, and that was for Abner Newsome to have a change of heart... Madeline McLean’s heart.

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 * [Lily hallucinates after eating a pie with an overdose of anti-depressants.]
 * Lily Charles: When Charlotte was young, after we moved in, she used to stand right, right there, where you're floating, and watch the snow with me. At night, while she slept, I'd sneak into the backyard and make two snow angels. She never said anything, and I'd always play dumb. She thought they were her parents. One was her father, and the other one was me.
 * Olive Snook: You?
 * Lily: I'm Charlotte's mother.

Bzzzzzzzzz! [2.01]

 * Ned: Could that have happened to me on the roof? Could I have be swarmed? ...In my underwear too. I could've been swarmed in my underwear.
 * Emerson: Hey, you don't just get to put them pictures in my head. That's an assault on my imagination.

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 * Chuck: Boy, Kentucky sure had it in for Betty but, who had it in for Kentucky?
 * Ned: The Terrifying Bee Man.
 * Chuck: What if he was made entirely out of bees and that's why she couldn't see his face because he didn't even have one. I mean, what if there's a whole "Bee-folk society" who'd walk around shaped like people?
 * Ned: You're thinking about how you can train your bees to walk around in people shapes, aren't you?
 * Chuck: Yeah.

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 * [Olive comes in while Ned, Chuck and Emerson discuss the case]
 * Olive: I know, they were lovers at the same-sex persuasion, and the key is for their love nest.
 * Ned: We've ruled out "Workplace Romance".
 * Olive: Oh... I'll just, cross that off my list then.
 * Chuck: I haven't ruled out "Workplace Romance".
 * [Chuck and Ned smile at one another]
 * Emerson: Romance does give you motive. Somebody's always lovin' somebody they shouldn't be lovin'.
 * [Glares at Olive, who glares back.]

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 * [Chuck hides with Emerson while her aunts are in the Pie-Hole.]
 * Chuck: They're here, because you stopped delivering their special pies, all this time I've been making special pies and what have you been...?
 * Olive: [Cutting Chuck off] And dosing them with God knows what, you claim that is vanilla, but that ain't vanilla.
 * Emerson: I'm gonna dose the both of you with a scoop of Shut the Fudge Up.

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 * Olive: I got something to say, and I'm gonna say it to you, [points to Ned] you, [points to Lily] and you and your hump! [yells to Emerson who has Chuck hiding under his coat]
 * Narrator: Olive wanted to let loose the secrets and lies shes been force fed by her friends, that Chuck was still alive, that Lily was her mother, but instead what came out... was this.
 * Olive: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Circus Circus [2.02]

 * Chuck: Look, I took care of Lily and Vivian for twenty years, they never even left the house. What happened was incredibly unusual.
 * Ned: Please take this the right way, but so is being dead but not dead.
 * Emerson: Amen.

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 * Narrator: In less then sixteen seconds, the dead girl who was not dead would be involved in the smallest of ironic coincidences, for just as she said to herself...
 * Chuck: I wish I were where the action were at.
 * Narrator: ...she was where it were at.
 * [Door opens in the Pie Hole]
 * Chuck: Sorry, we're closing early today.
 * [Chuck sees Vivian attempting to get through the door while her umbrella gets caught; Chuck then runs, jumps and rolls over the counter to avoid being sighted]
 * Narrator: Her Aunt Vivian, who would've dropped dead from shock of seeing her niece alive again...
 * Vivian: Hello?
 * Narrator: ...arrived again.

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 * Chuck: There was a young man named Von Deenis.
 * Ned: Who they said had a very big... [commercial break]

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 * Ned: Could I just say that I know you can take care of yourself. When you moved out I panicked because I thought everything was changing...
 * Chuck: Everything is changing.
 * Ned: Way to ruin a good apology.
 * Chuck: What is so terrible about starting fresh?
 * Ned: Because starting fresh means something else is ending stale. Chuck, who I destroyed Play-Doh cities with; Chuck, my best friend, my first kiss; I don't want that to change.
 * Chuck: Yeah, and I'm also Chuck, who went on a pleasure cruise and got a plastic bag put over her head.
 * Ned: That's not as much fun to remember.
 * Chuck: But it happened, and when it was happening I was thinking... well, actually I was thinking "Son of a bitch, why did I have to go get ice for my ginger ale?" but, really I was thinking "I finally get to live my own life and it's already over" ...And then you, you came and you gave me another chance.
 * Ned: So it's my fault.
 * Chuck: My first time around I was terrified of change and I'm not going to make that mistake again; I can't.

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 * [Ned and Chuck roleplay in the morning]
 * Ned: Hi.
 * Chuck: Hi.
 * Ned: You must be the new girl in 44, I'm Ned.
 * Chuck: I'm Charlotte, but you can call me Chuck.
 * Ned: Hi Chuck... I... really wanna kiss you now.
 * Chuck: But, we've only just met, we're two strangers in a big city, these things take time... I work at the Pie Hole downstairs.
 * Ned: Really? I own the Pie Hole downstairs. May we walk together?
 * Chuck: Well, that'd be swell, Harvey.
 * Ned: It's Ned, actually.
 * Chuck: Ned, that's a very nice name.

Bad Habits [2.03]

 * Olive: [Praying] Father, I wish to stay here forever and serve. If this is not thy will, then drop me a line.
 * [Sister LaRue falls to her death and lands infront of Olive]

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 * [Ned and Emerson standing infront of Sister LaRue's body]
 * Ned: I'm not sure how I feel about doing this... here... with her [Indicating the Statue of Mary]...and him. [Indicating Jesus on the crucifix]
 * Emerson: Well it ain't like he ain't never done it before; remember Lazarus?

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 * [Chasing Sister LaRue after reviving her]
 * Ned: Nun on the run! Nun on the run! Nun on the run!
 * [Catches up to LaRue and touches her again]
 * Ned: We are so going to hell.

Frescorts [2.04]

 * Ned: The truth is that there are a lot of people like you, us, with strange hobbies or talents or gifts and we try to hide it because we're afraid that it makes us seem weird or it will turn people off, but that's a mistake. What makes me unique has brought every person I love into my life.

Oh Oh Oh...It's Magic [2.06]

 * Maurice: Are you going to kick someone's ass, Frere Pie-maker?

Robbing Hood [2.07]

 * Chuck: The world would be a better place if everybody dabbed calamine on welts of bad news.
 * Lily: It's time to nip you in the budding romance.

Comfort Food [2.08]

 * Vivian: But lying to yourself about love never works.
 * Emerson: Here Lies Dwight, Here Lies His Gun, He was bad, Now He's Done.

The Legend of Merle McQuoddy [2.09]

 * Ned: [Having just been threatened by Chuck's father, whom he recently brought back to life] Hate to contradict you, Charles, but nobody in the village was after Doctor Frankenstein; they were after his monster.

The Norwegians [2.10]

 * Emerson: Oh look: a dumb idea just found a friend!

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 * Narrator: Oh! Hell no!

Window Dressed to Kill [2.11]

 * Olive: Ned, I really appreciate you going along with all of this.
 * Ned: You don't have to thank me. I've been curious having a normal relationship. This one has been really interesting to try on.
 * Olive: Try on? You try on a sweater at the mall. You try on your best friend's bra and you smile on the inside because yours are bigger and better. You don't try on a person!
 * Ned: Clearly not the right choice of words.

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 * Narrator: The pie-maker helped his friends in need. Not by pretending he was something he was not but by embracing the very thing he always was.  It gave him a feeling of joy he would later liken to leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

Water and Power [2.12]

 * Olive: [to Randy Mann] Sorry if I was sending you mixed messages.  But, you know, messages are like nuts.  Who wants all the same kind?  Mixed is the best.

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 * Chuck: But why, why do we love something if loving something just makes us stupid and just have more to lose?
 * Ned: Why love something? Because we can.
 * Chuck: Aww.

Kerplunk [2.13]

 * Narrator: At that very moment, time stopped, as it was wont to do when present, past, and future collide; when one's existence ceases to be measured in days, hours, and minutes, but instead in immeasurable quantity of life events. For Lily and Vivian Charles, the reappearance of a daughter and niece was the life event that would eventually overshadow a thirty-year-old betrayal and result in a splash of water, the roar of a crowd, and a whirlwind tour around the world—twice. Private investigator Emerson Cod would experience a life event, when life found him through the pages of a pop-up book and he was reunited with his own little gumshoe.
 * Penny: [knocking at Emerson's office door] Hello, I'm looking for Emerson Cod.
 * Narrator: Jockey cum waitress cum private investigator Olive Snook would experience two life events in quick succession: the first, opening her heart to a formally friendless taxidermist; and the second by opening a culinary palace dedicated to the art of macaroni and cheese called the Intrepid Cow. For the Piemaker and a dead girl named Chuck, their shared life event began with a touch and became the promise a new family brought about by the words
 * Chuck: I'm alive.
 * Narrator: At that moment, in the town of Coeur d’Coeurs, events occurred that are not, were not, and should never be considered an ending. For endings, as it is known, are where we begin.

Cast

 * Lee Pace - Ned
 * Anna Friel - Charlotte Charles
 * Chi McBride - Emerson Cod
 * Kristin Chenoweth - Olive Snook
 * Ellen Greene - Vivian Charles
 * Swoosie Kurtz - Lily Charles
 * Jim Dale - Narrator