Rat Race (film)

Rat Race is a 2001 American comedy film about six teams of people racing to a remote location to win a large sum of money in a locker.
 * Directed by Jerry Zucker. Written by Andy Breckman.

563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!(taglines)

Nick Schaffer

 * My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.

Owen Templeton

 * [Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl] It's really a commemorative coin.
 *  I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!! I DO NOT WORK FOR THE BUS COMPANY!!! ALL RIGHT?!!! I--I NEEDED A RIDE TO NEW MEXICO, SO I STOLE THIS UNIFORM!!! SEE THIS JACKET?!! THIS IS NOT MY JACKET!!! REMEMBER MARTY, THE BUS DRIVER?!! HUH?!! THIS IS HIS SHIRT!!! I STOLE IT!!! AND THESE PANTS, YOU THINK I'D WEAR THESE PANTS?!!! THESE AREN'T MY PANTS!!! THESE ARE MARTY'S PANTS!!! I STOLE THEM!!!  I AM NOT''...a bus driver!

Duane Cody

 * [Looking at a map, a plane lands behind him] Where the hell is the airport?!

Blaine Cody

 * [When he and Duane accidentally drive into the middle of a monster truck rally] WHEY DA FU AR WEY?!
 * [To Duane] Duane, Mom's watching 'ou from 'eaven righ' now. Wha' would 'he doo? For starving children, Duane. 'O it for mom.

Vera Baker

 * Oh good! A scam!!
 * [to Owen] I knew I recognized you, you're the referee, the bonehead!
 * We should've bought a squirrel.

Randy Pear

 * They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job.
 * Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!
 * I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!
 * You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield! Yay!
 * Bev, Bev, wake... Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on. Get down. You wanna have a nice life. Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot.

Kimberly Pear

 * Dad, I don't have to pee, it's number two!
 * Dad, I'm prairie-dogging!
 * Look dad, I'm Mrs. Hitler!
 * Dad, it's been a living hell.

Donald Sinclair

 * Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet. [Everyone looks shocked for about five seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist!
 * You haven't missed much, we're just cutting to the chase [Chuckles] "Cutting to the chase" [Laughs hysterically, then sees everyone else is silent] Eh, you'll all laugh later.
 * Now, as you all know, the odds of winning the state lottery or a jackpot at one of our casinos are astronomical, I mean, millions-to-one; the average sensible person doesn't even bother. However, today you have the chance of playing a game where the odds of winning are one-in-six. One...in...six. That's one throw...[Tosses a dice onto the table] of the dice.
 * [to Owen] I can do anything I want Nick. I'm eccentric! [growls like a tiger] Go!
 * Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's ''nearest to the door!
 * And, they're off!

Enrico Polinni

 * [Entering room] Am I too late? Look I won a coin! A gold coin! [looks around] Uh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room. What a beautiful room! Have you seen this room?
 * [Introducing himself] I am Enrico Polinni. Now I know what you are thinking, Enrico is a girl's name. No pun intended.
 * I am getting goose pimples.
 * It's a race! It's a race! I hope I win!
 * Is a race! I am winning, I am winning! [slows down and falls asleep standing up in the middle of the hotel lobby]
 * I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.
 * Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!

Others

 * Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? [to her squirrels] I was talkin' to Vera!

Dialogue

 * [A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill]
 * Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
 * Employee: Uh, those are your in-room movies.
 * Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch any movies.
 * Employee: Okay, let's see..."Afro Whores".
 * Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
 * Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
 * Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
 * Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
 * Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
 * Hotel Clerk: It's not a record, sir.
 * Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
 * Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it?
 * Nick Schaffer: Uh, none! I didn't watch it!
 * Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
 * Nick Schaffer: No, I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows] I didn't!


 * [Duane and Blaine Cody walk up to the top of a flight of stairs, Duane places a glass on the ground]
 * Duane Cody: Okay, see that shot glass? Walk across the lobby, slip on the glass, let gravity do the rest.
 * Blaine Cody: I-ight 'eak y eck!
 * Duane Cody: It's true, you could break your neck, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.
 * Blaine Cody: Hy ont u oo it?
 * Duane Cody: Because, Einstein, one of us needs to be the victim and one of us needs to be the witness! What kind of witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying. How's your tongue, let me see.
 * [Blaine opens his mouth, showing a blackened tongue with a stud in it; Duane cringes]
 * Blaine Cody: Ows it ook?
 * Duane Cody: ...It looks good, getting better.


 * Randy Pear: [seeing Blaine's infected tongue] Oh my God! You ought to sue somebody!
 * Blaine Cody: Ay id it y-elf!
 * Randy Pear: What?
 * Duane Cody: He said he did it himself. Sent away for a kit.


 * Donald Sinclair: [after explaining the game] The first one there, keeps it all! Oh, by the way, I put little tracking devices on your key rings so I'll always know where you are and...that's it! Go.
 * Owen: Y-You can't just pick people at random!
 * Donald Sinclair: I can do anything I like, Owen! I'm eccentric! [Growls] Go!
 * Randy Pear: Wait. So, it's like a race? [Sinclair points to him with an "Ah-ha!" expression]
 * Enrico Pollini: A race! It's a race! I hope I win!
 * Duane Cody: Uh, what are the rules?
 * Donald Sinclair: There's only one rule. Are you ready? Here it is: There are, no rules! Go! [Nobody moves] Go!!
 * Merrill: So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
 * Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving, [looks at his watch] theoretically you have been racing for about forty-five seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.
 * [Everyone continues staring at Sinclair, visibly confused. Finally, he sighs in frustration, pulls out a revolver, and fires it into the ceiling.]


 * [In the initial stage of the race, everyone, with the exception of Nick and Enrico, try to beat each other down the stairs and fall over one another into a pile on a landing]
 * Owen: Hey, wait-wait-wait! Wait! This is crazy! Listen, if we're all going to go for it, why don't we go for it together? You know, split the money fifty-fifty?
 * Blaine Cody: Fifay-fifay?
 * Owen: Oh, you know what I mean. Fifty-fifty; whatever!
 * Vera: Yes, yes, that's a good plan.
 * Enrico: [Running down the stairs] It's a race! It's a race! [Goes past everyone on the landing] I am winning! I am winning!
 * [After a pause, everyone runs after him]


 * Kimberly Pear: Dad, I'm prairie-dogging it!!
 * Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean?
 * Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
 * Randy Pear: Oh...Oh, God, I do not want to picture that!


 * Randy Pear: That's Hitler's harmonica; you can't play Hitler's harmonica.
 * Jason Pear: Well, you're driving his car.
 * Randy Pear: Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not sucking on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!


 * Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
 * Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
 * Vicki: So far so good.
 * Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails and you shave my buttocks.

Taglines

 * 563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!
 * Make a Dash, for the Cash
 * Join the Race August 2001

Cast

 * Breckin Meyer as Nick Schaffer
 * Amy Smart as Tracy Faucet
 * Cuba Gooding Jr. as Owen Templeton
 * Seth Green as Duane Cody
 * Vince Vieluf as Blaine Cody
 * Whoopi Goldberg as Vera Baker
 * Lanai Chapman as Merrill Baker Jennings
 * Jon Lovitz as Randall 'Randy' Pear
 * Kathy Najimy as Beverly 'Bev' Pear
 * Brody Smith as Jason Pear
 * Jillian Marie Hubert as Kimberly Pear
 * Rowan Atkinson as Enrico Pollini
 * John Cleese as Donald P. Sinclair
 * Dave Thomas as Harold Grisham
 * Wayne Knight as Zack Mallozzi
 * Silas Weir Mitchell as Lloyd the Locksmith
 * Paul Rodriguez as Gus the Cabbie
 * Dean Cain as Shawn Kent

Six Racers

 * Nick Schaffer and His love interest Tracy Faucet
 * Owen Templeton
 * The Cody Brothers: Duane & Blaine
 * Vera Baker and Her biological daughter Merrill Jennings
 * The Pear Family: Randy, Bev (wife), Jason (son) & Kimberly (daughter)
 * Enrico Pollini