Regular Show (season 5)


 * Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Film | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season of Regular Show.

Laundry Woes [5.01]

 * Mordecai: Dude, Margaret's important to me. I can't just forget her.
 * Rigby: Okay, okay. You don't have to forget her, but you have to get over her for real. Staying like this is messed up, and is messing you up. I want my friend back.
 * Mordecai: Well, if you were a real friend, you'd understand.
 * Rigby: I am your friend. You would realize that, if you weren't such a sad sack chump!
 * Mordecai: [enraged] THAT’S IT!
 * (Enraged that Rigby called him that, Mordecai angrily stops the car and violently shoves Rigby out of the car and furiously drives away)
 * Rigby: Ah, man! (Rigby sighs and starts running after him) Wait! Come Back!



Silver Dude [5.02]

 * Rigby: [moving the refrigerator in a different place] This is gonna take forever.

Benson's Car [5.03]

 * [Jack asks V.I.C.K.I. to shut down the arm cannon, then he shoots Mordecai and Rigby, then Benson pushes Mordecai and Rigby to save their lives, and V.I.C.K.I. destroys his car]
 * Jack: Whoo! Bummer about your car, man! At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?
 * Benson:  POLICE!!! 
 * Jack: Brain check. Got it, Brah. [Police get Jack, then he acrobat backwards into the bushes]
 * Benson:  GRRAHHHHH...   YOU!!!!! 
 * Mordecai: Thanks for saving us, Benson!
 * Rigby: Yeah, thanks, man!
 * Benson: Damage to the house, damage to my car — my bus fare for the  NEXT MONTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT!!!! 
 * [Mordecai and Rigby groan, as Benson leaves in fury]
 * Rigby: He didn't say to clean up this mess, but--
 * Mordecai: [sighs] Yeah, let's get started.
 * Rigby: Oh Mordecai, check this out.
 * [they both lift up the sparkling unscathed windshield, with Muscle Man and Fives passing by]
 * Muscle Man: Told you my guy was good.

Every Meat Burritos [5.04]

 * Jimbros: Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos! Jimbros Burritos!
 * Jimbo: We are the Jimbros! Jimbo!
 * Jimmy: Jimmy!
 * Jim: Jim!
 * Jimbo: Introducing our new Every Meat Burrito! It's got every meat: Beef!
 * Jimmy: Bacon!
 * Jim: Crow!
 * Jimbo: Gator!
 * Jimmy: Bison!
 * Jim: Jackal!
 * Jimbo: Puffin!
 * Jimmy: Crustacean!
 * Jim: Naked Mole Rat...
 * Jimbo: [while animal names and meat appear for a split second] And every other! [it shows a pile of meat rolling into a ball, going into the meat grinder. After it comes out of the meat grinder, it starts getting wrapped in a tortilla, turning into an Every Meat Burrito, then cuts to the "Jimbros Burritos" logo] JIMBROS BURRITOS! JIMBROS BURRITOS!




 * Benson: No WAY. The last time I let you borrow my car, you totaled it. DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?! [angrily slams the door]
 * Rigby: [to Mordecai] You just had to take Margaret to the airport, didn't ya?
 * Mordecai: Uuuuugh!!! Somebody's gotta have a car.



Wall Buddy [5.05]

 * Mordecai: Oh, hey, Benson. Hey, Skips.
 * Benson: You want to explain why my phone is LEAKING?!?!
 * Mordecai: Oh — sorry, Benson!
 * Rigby: Yeah, we ment to give it back, but then a bunch of... different stuff... happened.
 * Benson: Different stuff?! You mean like the garbage that's all over this room?!
 * Mordecai & Rigby: Uhh...
 * Benson: This place is a BIOHAZARD!! I want both of you to clean it up NOW!!!
 * Mordecai: Both of us?! Rigby's the one who's the slob! Look it his chimichanga! [slush]
 * Skips: He's not wrong.
 * Rigby: Well, Mordecai even worse! Look at his junk at the corner! [no junk near Mordecai's bed]
 * Mordecai: Dude, that's my bed!
 * Benson: [Now red] I don't care who's responsible! But you're gonna have to clean this room if you wanna keep living here, for FREE!!!


 * Mordecai: "Rigby's to-do list"? "Stay cool. Don't ever change. Have a great summer"? [Rigby snatches the paper back]
 * Rigby:' Okay, fine. [crumbles the paper again] Garbage Hoops then. Who ever misses the trash can first has to clean the room.
 * Mordecai: I'm not doing this.
 * Rigby: Come on, Mordecai what's the big deal? It's just a little game. You're afraid of a little game?
 * Mordecai: This is your mess, Rigby. Just clean it up, And when Benson Doesn't See Us Cleaning It, He's Going To Cut Our Heads Off.
 * Rigby: But it's our room. What's yours is mine, what's mine is-- [Mordecai grunts and snatches the paper back, flips the trash can over and slides it over to the other side of the room. He then throws the paper in a good aim to the trash can.]
 * Mordecai: Hm, hm! Your turn.
 * Rigby: Okay, sure. [Rigby gets another crumbled paper and then warms up for the throw by also grunting.]
 * Mordecai: RIGBY!
 * Rigby: Alright, alright! [He then closes his eyes, pants a little then throws the paper as good as he could, but then he ends up making him miss to get a hit at the center of his bedroom.]
 * Rigby: [runs away] Later!
 * [By not liking the idea of him almost leaving, Mordecai tackles Rigby]
 * Mordecai: DUDE! Garbage hoops was your idea. You lost, and now you have to clean the room. I'm leaving. [Rigby starts to glare while Mordecai leaves slamming the door shut, startling Rigby.]


 * Mordecai: Just clean up the room, dude.
 * Rigby: Cleaning's for chumps!
 * Mordecai: Quit being a baby and clean it up.
 * Rigby: You quit being a baby and clean it up.


 * Benson: This room is still not clean!?
 * Mordecai: But--
 * Benson: I'm sick of excuses. You have 24 to clean this room, or [Goes red] YOU'RE FIRED!!!


 * [Rigby whines while leaving his room and coming downstairs, where Thomas is watching the TV]
 * Rigby: Thomas?
 * Thomas: I'm Not gonna clean your room, dude.
 * Rigby:
 * [Rigby whines even more while Thomas tries to turn up the volume even more on the TV]
 * Commercial: Bobby, why so glum?
 * Bobby: Mom's having another baby and I have to share my room with it.
 * Commercial: Another baby? Bummer, you should try 'Wall Buddy'! Wall Buddy lets you divide your space! Once! Twice! Even three times a room!
 * Bobby: Whoa! Wall Buddy's awesome!
 * Commercial: Buy now and you will receive Wall Buddy's voice activation at no additional charge!
 * [Bobby's baby brother is seen crying]
 * Bobby: Wall Buddy, help me out!
 * [Wall Buddy makes a wall around Bobby's brother]
 * Commercial: Wall Buddy!
 * Bobby: Now my mom could have as many babies as she wants! Thanks, Wall Buddy!
 * [Bobby makes a wink ,which ends the commercial]
 * Rigby: Great. Even that baby has his own room.


 * Benson:  NRRAAAHHHH!!!! MORDECAI AND RIGBY!!!  
 * Rigby: Now before you say anything, we DID do what you said.
 * Mordecai: Yeah, we cleaned up Rigby's— I mean... OUR mess. So you can't fire us.
 * Rigby: Immunity, son!
 * Benson:  SO WHO CAN I FIRE FOR ALL THE DAMAGE YOU TWO DID TO THE PARK!!! 
 * [Short pause, then after a few seconds, Mordecai and Rigby point at each other, trying to blame each other for the damage.]

A Skips in Time [5.06]

 * Skips: Don't you guys have a time machine?
 * Rigby: Sure, we had a bunch of 'em. But Mordecai broke 'em over a girl who ended up leaving him.
 * Mordecai: Hey, it was mutual.
 * Rigby: That's what they all say. [Mordecai punches him] Ow!

Survival Skills [5.07]

 * Mordecai: Maybe if you just reminded us one more... (Benson throws his hat in Mordecai's face.) Uh!
 * Benson: I shouldn't have to remind you at all! You two never listen to me and I'm sick of it!
 * Rigby: Don't be mad, Benson.
 * Benson: Mad? I got mad the last time you ignored me. This time I'm...I'm...deeply offended! And now, I have six pounds of cheese and not one tortilla! What kind of quesadilla can you make with that, huh?! WHAT KIND?!
 * Skips: You can't make a quesadilla without tortillas; that's just cheese.
 * Benson: Thank you, Skips. So now, because of Mordecai and Rigby, here we all are, tired, hungry, nothing to eat. And if you two don't get those tortillas right now,  YOU'RE FIRED!

Terror Tales of the Park III [5.08-5.09]

 * Rigby: Hm-hm. So easy.
 * 1 HOUR LATER...
 * Rigby: Done! [the bed collapses]
 * 4 HOURS LATER...
 * [Rigby frantically hammers his bed]
 * 8 HOURS LATER...
 * Rigby: Done! Thanks for your help, Skips.
 * Skips: Yeah, don't mention it. [leaves]


 * Rigby: NOW!
 * [all the park members, sans Benson and Rigby ambush Johnny Allenwrench with axes, and hack him to pieces. The camera pans out to see Benson and Rigby watching the whole process]
 * Benson: Rigby, you're getting ALL the promotions.
 * Rigby: YES!!
 * PROMOTION!
 * Muscle Man: Wait, did he just say Rigby was getting ALL the promoti-?
 * THE END


 * Jebediah Townhouse: Happy Halloween, homies!

Bank Shot [5.11]

 * Mordecai: Dude, what are you doing?! We don't have 36 grand!
 * Rigby: I don't care how much it is, 'cause I'm not gonna lose!


 * Mordecai: Way to rope us into your mess.
 * Skips: I don't know you.
 * Muscle Man: If my future at Wing Kingdom is at stake because of you, [jabs his finger into Rigby's chest; threateningly] that $36,000 will be the LEAST of your problems.


 * Benson: [off-screen as the basketball goes through his office window, making a hole; outraged] OH, COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!


 * Rigby: I really messed this up for everyone. [looks at the photo of him and his friends, then lowers it, seeing them all glaring mad at him and walk off; sighs] Guess there's only one person who can help me now. [picks up the phone and calls a number] Hey, can you come over? I need your help.
 * [Later, Rigby sits outside of the house on the stairs and sees his brother, Don, pulling up in his corvette]
 * Don: [steps out of his car; happily] Rigbone! How's my big bro?
 * Rigby: [gladly] Thanks for coming, Don.
 * Don: [walks up to him] Man, it's been a while. You look good. Gotta say, I'm a little surprised you called me. What's up?
 * Rigby: I'm in a lot of trouble, Don. There's these guys--
 * Don: Oh, hey! Bank shot! [runs up to it] I haven't sen one of these since we were kids! [performs a perfect bank shot] Whoo! Good times. So, uh, what's the problem?
 * Rigby: I ran my mouth off to the wrong guys and now I'm in trouble. I gotta win a bank shot match. All my money's ridin' on it.
 * Don: But you're great at this.
 * Rigby: Not anymore. I lost my touch. You're the only guy I know who's better at this than me. You gotta help me out.
 * Don: Well, here. [passes the ball to his brother] Show me what you got.
 * [Rigby shoots the ball, but it hits the hoop, bounces off Rigby's head, and goes through Benson's office window, again, which was supported with cardboard]
 * Benson: [off-screen; outraged] Ugh, not again!
 * Don: I see. We've got a lot of work to do.
 * Rigby: Well, let's get started.
 * Don: Wait. Lemme get my workout gear on. (puts on a headband) Alright, let's go!


 * Rigby: How do you do it man? You never miss!
 * Don: You're just overthinking it. I've seen you do bank shots I can't believe. You're just as good as me. Maybe even better. You've always trusted your gut ever since we were kids. Why stop now?
 * Rigby: I did trust my gut on that epic shot and I lost my trucker hat. My gut doesn't know anything. I can't rely on feelings. If I lose that rematch I'll let all my friends down.
 * Don: You won't lose, Rigby. I believe in you.
 * Rigby: Really?
 * Don: I know it right here.
 * Rigby: Thanks, man. (Goes to try again) Time to show that square-faced sucka who's boss!

The Thanksgiving Special [5.13-5.14]

 * Benson: What happened?
 * Mordecai: The golden wishbone. We wished to come back home safe and sound, and it worked!
 * Rigby: Well, almost. It didn't grant the part where our families would be here. [he and Mordecai both hang their heads down, sadly]
 * Thomas: [running out of the house] Guys, guys! Remember when I said everyone wasn't coming? I was wrong! [Mordecai and Rigby's parents emerge from the house] I checked the departing flights instead of the arrivals.
 * Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops and Skips: [annoyed] Thomas!
 * Mordecai's Dad: Hey, Mordo!
 * Mordecai's Mom: Hi, son.
 * Rigby's Mom: Is that grown man over there my Rigby?
 * Rigby's Dad: Come here, Rigby.
 * [Mordecai and Rigby happily run up to them]
 * Rigby: Mom! Pop!
 * Mordecai: It's so good to see you, guys. Except--
 * Rigby: There's no food because we destroyed it all.
 * Rigby's Dad: [chuckles] Well, that's what families are for. [opens the door, revealing a new Thanksgiving feast that's been prepared by all the families]
 * Mordecai and Rigby: [surprised] Woah!
 * Thomas' Mom: [holding out a turkey] Who's ready for some turkey?
 * [Later, all the performers, footballers and Thanksgiving characters, as well as some friends, have joined everyone for the feast]
 * Benson: [tapping a glass of water with a spoon trying to get everyone's attention] Ahem!
 * Benson's Dad: Oh? [shouting out to everyone] HEY, EVERYBODY! PIPE DOWN! [to his son; kindly] Go ahead, son.
 * Benson: I just wanna thank everyone for coming. Thanksgiving can be a hectic time for many. But to see everyone here makes it all worth it in the end. Mordecai and Rigby, would you please stand up? [Mordecai and Rigby do so] I know you guys aren't perfect, pretty much all the time. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You saved Thanksgiving! And for that, I raise my glass. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
 * Everyone: Happy Thanksgiving!

The Postcard [5.19]

 * Benson: Mordecai, Rigby, another issue of Fart Weekly magazine came today, which I distinctly remembered telling you not to get sent here! They're flooding the mailbox!
 * Rigby: Relax, man! It's natural.
 * Mordecai: Rigby's right. It's not healthy to hold it in.
 * Benson: Ugh! Just cancel it already!
 * Muscle Man: Yo, is my tax return in there?
 * Benson: No. But Fives, this came for you. Now all of you stop eating donuts and get back to work!

Rigby in the Sky with Burrito [5.20]

 * Rigby's Mom: You're always making so much trouble for yourself. Now Don never gets into any trouble when he's at school.


 * Jumpin' Jim: Okay, when you're in the air, you wanna stay focus. There's only a limited time frame. (Rigby takes out a burrito) Woah, son, what are you doing?
 * Rigby: Eating a burrito!
 * Jumpin' Jim: No! No snacks on my fan! (He and Rigby are struggling for the burrito)
 * Mordecai: Rigby!
 * (Rigby and Jumpin' Jim continue to struggle for the burrito until he accidentally drops it into the fan, and it splatters all over Jumpin' Jim, Rigby And Mordecai's faces, then Jumpin' Jim throws Mordecai and Rigby out)
 * Jumpin' Jim: Get OUT of my school! AND STAY OUT OF MY SKY!!!! (slams the glass door, causing it to crack slightly)

Journey to the Bottom of the Crash Pit [5.21]

 * Benson: Alright listen up, we've gotten some complaints about the huge sinkhole in the park.
 * Mordecai: Sinkhole? You mean the Crash Pit?
 * Muscle Man: You're talking smack about the Crash Pit, bro?
 * Benson: Yes. It's a potential liability and we're not properly insured for it. It has to be filled immediately
 * Mordecai and Muscle Man: Aw, what?
 * Rigby: Aw, no way!
 * Muscle Man: Come on Benson, you can't fill up the Crash Pit.
 * Rigby: Can't we just put up more warning signs or something?
 * Benson: No! A thing called a "Crash Pit" shouldn't be even at the park in the first place.
 * Rigby: What if we call it a "small hole"?
 * Benson: JUST FILL IT UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!


 * Mordecai: Aw, man. Dead end.
 * Rigby: Well, we tried. Let's go back.
 * Mordecai: No, Rigby. We can't leave without the camera.
 * Rigby: Dude, forget this. The camera's gone and we're running out of time. Benson's probably gonna fill up the hole before we even get back! Then we'll be trapped!
 * Muscle Man: Easy, bro! The dark is messing with your head. Now just calm down.
 * Rigby: Don't touch me! I can't breathe! Dark spaces! Need air!
 * Rigby on the camera: DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!
 * Muscle Man: (laughing) That sound never gets old.
 * Rigby: That wasn't me.
 * Rigby on the camera: DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!
 * Mordecai: Wait. It IS you, but... on the camera.

<hr width=75%>

Saving Time [5.22]

 * [repeated line]
 * This is the clock song, we're setting all the clocks wrong

<hr width="50%" />
 * Rigby: This is the clock song, we're setting all the clocks wrong--
 * Mordecai: Not now, dude.

<hr width="50%" />
 * Benson: Well, look who decided to show up. An hour late.

(Mordecai and Rigby laugh)
 * Rigby: They don't know. I guess you guys haven't heard of a little something called Daylight Savings.

(The others don't say anything)
 * Mordecai: Haha, yeah. Technically, you guys showed up an hour early.

(Rigby laughs)
 * Benson: (Benson mocks Rigby's laughter) Technically, Daylight Savings isn't until tonight.
 * Rigby: Really? Huh.
 * Mordecai: Oops.
 * Rigby: Whatever, dude; it's just an hour.
 * Benson: Oh, is it? Well, I guess you won't care that it's an hour you aren't getting paid for.
 * Mordecai and Rigby: Aw, what?
 * Mordecai: C'mon Benson, what's the big deal?
 * Benson: Being on time is the big deal. This is a business we're trying to run. If everyone showed up late like you two, this whole park would fall apart.
 * Mordecai: It was an honest mistake, Benson. It's not like you've never been late to work.
 * Benson: Actually, I haven't. Because, unlike you two, I take my job seriously. And since you're having so much trouble keeping track of time, you can be in charge of setting the clocks back for the real Daylight Savings Time.
 * Mordecai: Ugh, fine. Come on Rigby, let's get this over with.
 * Benson: Hold it, not yet. You're gonna do it when the rest of the world does it: at two in the morning.
 * Mordecai: What? That doesn't even make any sense. What does it matter if everyone's on the same time?
 * Rigby: Yeah, what difference does it make?
 * Benson: Are you seriously making me defend the right time? You either set the park clocks back at two in the morning like everyone else, or you're fired!

Return of Mordecai and the Rigbys [5.26]

 * Benson: (temper rising) I came to check up on you guys. I'm the only one taking this seriously and you BACKSTAB ME LIKE THIS?!!?!!
 * Mordecai: Uhh...
 * Benson: WELL, I QUIT!!!!!!  (he furiously throws the drumsticks on the ground)
 * Mordecai: Good riddance!! And don't come back!

Bad Portrait [5.27]

 * Benson: [buries his face in his hands and sighs after the painting fell onto the floor] Why did I have Mordecai and Rigby hang it?

Video 101 [5.28]

 * [City College; Eileen is seen passing all of her advanced classes; Then cut to Video 101 introductory filmmaking class]
 * Mr. Murphy: So for your final project, I thought we'd do something fun - a music video! [Eileen is unsure of this as the class cheers] Projects are due at the end of the week. Good luck.
 * [As everyone leaves, Eileen walks up to Mr. Murphy's desk]
 * Eileen: Um, Mr. Murphy, what exactly are you looking for in the assignment? I wanna do a good job so I can pass the class.
 * Mr. Murphy: Don't ask me what I'm looking for, Eileen, ask you what you're looking for, in here. Because making a good film takes more than what you have up here.

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Eileen: Hey, guys. Refills? Refills?
 * Mordecai: Eileen, that's the third time you topped us off.
 * Rigby: Yeah, what gives?
 * Eileen: Well, there's kind of this favor I wanted to ask you guys. Look, I gotta make a music video for my introductory filmmaking class, which I only took because I'm required to graduate. But I don't know the first thing about this kind of stuff. You guys are so creative. Can you help me?
 * Rigby: Can we be in it?
 * Eileen: Sure!
 * Rigby: Aw, yeah, we can help!

<hr width="50%"/>


 * Rigby: Ugh! Who made this garbage?
 * Mordecai: Dude, we did!
 * Rigby: Oh, yeah. I knew we should've used more zebra.
 * Eileen: This is terrible! I can't turn this in!
 * C.J.: I thought you guys knew everything about music videos.
 * Rigby: Yeah! Watching them, not making them!
 * Mordecai: Eileen, I hate to say this, but you probably gonna fail.
 * [His voice lowers down when he says "fail" as the camera zooms in on Eileen's face, in a horrified state of shock]
 * Eileen: I-I've never failed a class in my life!
 * Rigby: Eh, it gets easier after the first few times.
 * [Eileen sighs sadly and bangs her head on the table]
 * Mordecai: Sorry, Eileen.
 * Rigby: Yeah, sorry we messed this up for you.
 * C.J.: Well, there's still an hour left. We can re-edit it?
 * Eileen: Re-editing this isn't gonna make it work. Ugh! Think, Eileen. Think! [Flashback to what Mr. Murphy told her, back to present] There's only one way I can make this work-- Eileen's way!

Catching the Wave [5.32]

 * Mordecai: When am I supposed to get my chip on?!
 * Pops (entering the living room): (crying in humiliation)
 * Mordecai: Pops, what's wrong?
 * Pops: I'm just having a bad day with nature, I suppose.

Paint Job [5.34]

 * Rigby: Dude, that was like really close this time!
 * Mordecai: Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of the tension in -- oh hey, Benson.
 * Benson: [grows enraged] AAAHHHHHH!!! Did you put pizza all over this house? Don't deny it. I SAW YOU!! I SAW YOU PUT PIZZA ALL OVER THIS HOUSE!! And you, you're just as guilty! Don't think I didn't see you do the whole thing! Guess what, you -- WHAT!!? You're cleaning it too, don't worry!! GHAHH!! [angrily punches pouch] YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!!?
 * [clock wipe]
 * Benson: [furiously screaming in the garage] This is a pressure washer!! You know how to use it? You better, otherwise I'm gonna fire you.
 * [2nd clock wipe]
 * Benson: You’re cleaning every last inch of this house or you’re fired./ DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!! [storms off furiously]
 * Mordecai: [sigh] Alright, let's get this over with.

<hr width=50%>
 * [after missile explodes Benson's car]
 * Mordecai: Oh man... your car!
 * Benson: Car?! What car?! I don't SEE any car! Maybe it's invisible! KINDA LIKE THE CHECKS I'LL BE PAYING YOU WITH FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS!!!! [walks to invisibly camouflaged house] AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE!?!?
 * Mordecai: Yeah. about that....

Take the Cake [5.35]

 * Benson: All right, time for your assignments. Skips, set up the table. Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost, go buy balloons. Mordecai and Rigby, you're picking up the cake.
 * Rigby: Really?
 * Benson: Yup, it's prepaid and everything. All you have to do is pick it up. Just give them the receipt and bring the cake back. That's it.
 * Rigby: Aww, yeah!
 * Both: Pickin' up the cake, pickin' up the cake!
 * Pickin' up the cake, gonna do it great!
 * Benson: Just pick up the cake and try not to ruin my big day.
 * Mordecai: I though it was Maellard's day.
 * Benson:  JUST PICK UP THE CAKE!!!!!!!!

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 * Benson: Did I not make myself perfectly clear?! Papa eagle is out there and NO CAKE AND NO GUESTS!! What PART of "surprise party" do you NOT UNDERSTAND?!
 * Mordecai: It'll be fine! We just had a few setbacks. There was this angry woman...
 * Rigby: And these shaggy-looking business guys...
 * Mordecai: But C.J. and Eileen helped us to make this better cake. It's just a little too big to get out the door.
 * Rigby: But now we got this teleporter, so--
 * Benson: Are you kidding me?! I've had this whole surprise party planned out, AND NOW THERE'S NO SURPRISE!!!
 * Rigby: But the teleporter--
 * Benson: FORGET THE TELEPORTER!!! [Benson snatches the teleporter]
 * Mordecai: No! We can still save the party!
 * [The three wrestle over the device teleporter which finally goes off and the teleports the cake and everyone else out of the room]

Thomas Fights Back [5.37]

 * Mordecai: [through walkie-talkie] Bad news! Benson, come in!
 * Benson: [on walkie-talkie] This better be important. I'm in the middle of something.
 * Mordecai: It's the statue! It's gone!
 * Benson: What?! [cut to the gang standing in front of where the statue of Curtis Montgomery has been stolen; throws his clipboard on the ground, angrily] Ugh! I can't believe Gene did it again!
 * Thomas: Wait, who's Gene?
 * Skips: Gene's the prank obsessed manager from our rival park. Every year, he and his goons steal the statue of Curtis Montgomery, and we have to go recover it.
 * Thomas: Wait, who's Curtis Montgomery?
 * Benson: He's the park's founder. [shows him a postcard picture of Curtis Montgomery punching a bear in 1851]
 * Thomas: Huh. So, how can I help?
 * Benson: Thomas, you're just an intern. You're not necessary in this one. Besides, we already have a backup plan. Suit up, you guys, we're going with Operation Alien Strike Force.
 * Rigby: Yes! I knew we'd do one of mine eventually.
 * Thomas: Can I come at least?
 * Mordecai: Well, we only have enough costumes for the six of us.
 * Rigby: Plus, there's no time to brief you and this plan is air tight! You'll just be dead weight.
 * [Everyone runs off, except for Thomas and Benson]
 * Benson: Just go take a seat in my office and wait for me there, okay? I still need to talk to you when we get back.
 * Thomas: I am necessary. I just need to prove it.

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 * Benson: I still can't believe they didn't invite me to the park managers' formal!
 * Muscle Man: You need to work on your networking skills, bro.

Real Date [5.40]

 * [Mordecai walks up to the front desk, and the concierge hands him the phone]
 * Mordecai: Hello?
 * Matchmaker McIntyre: Matchmaker McIntyre here, CEO of Couple Corral. This is not a recording.
 * Mordecai: Uh, hi?
 * McIntyre: We noticed earlier you deleted your profile. So sad to see ya go. We really appreciate your business, so I'm beggin' ya to rejoin.
 * Mordecai: [Talking over McIntyre's voice] Hello? Hello?
 * McIntyre: If you come back to us today, you'll get free romantic coupons. To rejoin, say "yee-haw!" To cancel, say "adios".
 * Mordecai: Adios! Adios!
 * [Mordecai hangs up, and the screen pans over to show McIntyre standing behind him]
 * Mordecai: Aah!
 * McIntyre: Told ya I wasn't a recording! What do ya mean "adios", pardner?
 * Mordecai: Uh, I don't need Couple Corral anymore. I'm in a relationship now, so...
 * McIntyre: Here's what I'm thinkin'. Break up with CJ.
 * Mordecai: [Angrily] Excuse me?
 * McIntyre: Break up with her and rejoin my site! [Wraps an arm around Mordecai] Couple Corral could help you find somebody better.
 * Mordecai: Dude, I'm happy with CJ.
 * McIntyre: Will you be though after we dredge through her profile? [Takes out his phone] Okay, let's see what we dig up here.
 * [McIntyre shows Mordecai photos of CJ with different hairstyles.]
 * Mordecai: Isn't keeping her information, like, really illegal?
 * McIntyre: You'd think. [He stops on a photo of goth CJ] Whoa! How do you expect her to be committed to you when this girl can't even commit to a hairstyle?
 * Mordecai: [Shoves McIntyre away] So? I like CJ. Now leave me alone.
 * [Mordecai walks away, and McIntyre glares at him menacingly.]

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 * [They run up to the edge of the pier, and McIntyre's submarine rises out of the water. The hatch opens and McIntyre comes out.]
 * McIntyre: Last chance, Mordecai! Break up with her!
 * Mordecai: Dude, what's your deal?! Aren't we the point of your site? Shouldn't you want us to stay together?
 * McIntyre: [He sighs and shakes his head] Whoever here knows how to run a website, raise their hand. [He raises his hand] Happy couples don't use Couple Corral; lonely people do! Lonely people lead to subscribers. Subscribers lead to more clicks. More clicks somehow lead to millions of dollars. Millions of dollars lead to sweet corporate-branded stuff. See?! [He gestures to his blimp and begins to sob] My site's too good! There's nobody left! Happy couples have been leavin' in droves! I'm bankrupt!
 * CJ: Dude, just sell your stuff!
 * McIntyre: No! My crooked lawyer told me this is the only way! Break up with her!
 * Mordecai: No way! We're really into each other!
 * McIntyre: If you won't break up with her... [Takes out a bazooka] ...I'll do it for ya. Let me introduce you to the Couple Corral "Breakup-ulator".
 * [Mordecai and CJ scream in terror as McIntyre takes aim at CJ. He fires a missile with "It's not you, it's me." written on its side.]
 * Mordecai: Look out!
 * [Mordecai pushes CJ out of the way of the missile, and it explodes into the pier. CJ falls back, and Mordecai's body rolls onto the beach. He lies lifeless with CJ's gift in his hand with bruises and scrapes on him along with his hair and suit cut up a little and messed up.]
 * CJ: Mordecai! [glares furiously at McIntyre]
 * McIntyre: Well, darn. That didn't work out like I wanted it to. CJ! Rejoin my site? [CJ's eyes turn red, and she begins breathing heavily] Uh-oh.
 * CJ: NO!!! [turns into a giant gray storm cloud, leaving her clothes behind; The water around McIntyre becomes turbulent] LEAVE... US... ALONE!!!
 * [Lightning strikes the pier under McIntyre's car, and it falls onto a gas tank and explodes. The car's bull horn-shaped hood ornament flies up into McIntyre's blimp, rupturing it. The blimp plummets down toward McIntyre's submarine.]
 * McIntyre: Hubris!
 * [An explosion destroys the blimp and submarine and kills McIntyre. Transition to CJ, back to normal, crying over Mordecai's body with his head on her lap.]
 * CJ: [Sobbing] Mordecai... Mordecai... Mordecai... No!!!
 * [As CJ holds Mordecai, her tears splash onto his face and CJ hugged his head. Then Mordecai began to cough and groan]
 * CJ: [Gasp] Mordecai?! [they hugged each other] I thought you were dead!
 * Mordecai: [He sits upright] I would be... if not for this gift box. I hope you like it.
 * Mordecai opens the box. The charm bracelet now only has a single charm on it shaped like a heart.]
 * CJ gasps slowly]
 * Mordecai: There's a different charm for- [Looks at the new bracelet] Whoa! Well, there used to be different charms. I guess they must've all gotten welded into a heart by the bazooka blast.
 * [CJ puts the bracelet on her left wrist]
 * CJ: I love it.
 * Mordecai: I thought that you would.
 * CJ: I guess the thing I had for you must've exploded.
 * Mordecai: That's okay. I got my wish.
 * CJ: What, that you can run faster than me?
 * Mordecai: No, for a cute girlfriend that likes-
 * [CJ cuts him off with a kiss as the sun rises in the background. Cut to Rigby and Eileen. Eileen is holding the waffle cake and gives it to Rigby, who's holding a fork.]
 * Rigby: [Gasp] Is this waffles and a cake and chocolate?
 * Eileen: Yeah.
 * [Rigby takes a bite of the cake]
 * Rigby: I love it.
 * Eileen: I thought that you would.