Rescue Me (season 5)


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Rescue Me (2004–2011) is an American comedy-drama TV series, airing on FX, about the professional and personal lives of New York City firefighters after the trauma of the September 11.

Baptism [5.01]

 * Mike: [about his inheritance] I already promised it to the Cancer Society.
 * Sean: Ugh. The Cancer Society. What's the cancer society gonna cure with your measly $100,000?
 * Mike: $250,000 actually.
 * Franco: If you give it to those people, you know what they're gonna use it for?
 * Mike: Research?
 * Franco: Postage, to send letters out to other people to get more money. It's a vicious cycle, Mike. Not to mention, that they're never gonna find a cure, 'cause there isn't one. Cancer is God's disease, it's his way of thinning out the herd. And it's cruel, and mysterious and no one's ever gonna figure it out, 'cause that's the way that God likes it.


 * Mike: [about opening a bar] Well, if I'm providing the money, then what are you guys bringing to the table?
 * Sean: Dude, I got my associate's degree from Scranton... almost. I would provide the business savvy. You would be the money, I would be the brain's. Got it?
 * Franco: Wait a second, if your dumbass is the brains, then what the hell does that make me?
 * Sean: Well, we're gonna need a bouncer for sure. I mean, if Mike's the money, and I'm the brains, you would be the brawn.
 * Franco: Why do I gotta be the brawn?
 * Sean: Well, first of all, Lou told me what you did to that bum in the fire the other day. Secondly, you're Puerto Rican, kinda scary. I mean, who's gonna mess around at a bar with a big, giant scary, Puerto Rican guy standing at the door, y'know? Except maybe other Puerto Ricans, but let's be honest, we're not gonna let them in.
 * Franco: Whatever, man. Give me whatever title you want, I just wanna be around to watch you two humps sink this damn ship.
 * Sean: Alright, what do you say, Mike?
 * Mike: As long as I get to name the place.
 * Sean: ... No.
 * Mike: Okay. Deal.


 * Sean: Hey, Tom? Did you hear?
 * Tommy: What?
 * Sean: Mike, Franco and I, we're buyin' a bar.
 * Franco: Uh, correction. Mike bought the bar, and I'm watching Garrity screw it up.
 * Mike: It's gonna be awesome. And if you have any suggestions Tom, we're totally open.
 * Tommy: Uh, cool. Yeah, I got a couple. Build it on the edge of a cliff, go inside and start fixing it up and then pay somebody to come along and just push it over the side. It'll save you a lot of time and money.
 * Mike: Yeah, well, that's actually not gonna work 'cause we're opening it in the city.


 * Tommy: Alright, quick quiz. You gotta pick one, you gotta lose one. Ball or eye?
 * Sean: Ball, or no eye. Or... ball. I mean, if you lose an eye, you can't even see your balls, so what's the point of that?
 * Franco: Pause, pause. I have the floor. Ball. It immediately cuts your chances of ball cancer in half.
 * Sean: That's a good point. I'm gonna go ball.
 * Tommy: What if you pick the wrong one?
 * Sean: Eye. Definitely eye.


 * Black Shawn: You and Tommy are tight, right?
 * Lou: Well, if you mean, we're close, then yeah. In terms of actual tightness, I can only speak for myself.
 * Black Shawn: So if Tommy were to find out that one of the guy's on the crew was doin' somethin' behind his back that he might not be--
 * Lou: Oh my God, you're sleeping with Colleen.
 * Black Shawn: How'd you know?
 * Lou: I'm right?
 * Black Shawn: So is that bad?
 * Lou: It-- It could only be worse if you were banging Katy. Tell me you're not banging Katy.
 * Black Shawn: Of course not. I'm not banging either one of them.
 * Lou: Wait a minute, you just said you were sleeping with Colleen.
 * Black Shawn: I am.
 * Lou: So?
 * Black Shawn: See, we're sleeping together but we're not like, y'know-- [makes a motion with his hand]
 * Lou: So you're not-- [makes a sex noise]
 * Black Shawn: No, no, no. And if we ever do, I pray it won't look or sound anything like that.
 * Lou: So, what's the deal? Tommy's gonna kill you anyway, for just seeing her, you might as well get a little piece before you go.
 * Black Shawn: Those days for me are over.
 * Lou: What getting laid days?
 * Black Shawn: Listen, Lou, there's somethin' that you need to know about your man, Shawn, I've tapped plenty of asses in my day, good ass, and usually pretty quick. The quicker I tap it, the quicker I'm out the door. I'm looking for a real relationship here. You know, I want the sex to have value.
 * Lou: Well, your life's on the line, that's valuable.
 * Black Shawn: Come on, you mean to tell me that you've never had a relationship where you waited to have sex?
 * Lou: Not on purpose.
 * Black Shawn: Well, this is on purpose. The next ass I tap, is the ass I marry.
 * Lou: Oh, yeah, that's sweet. I'd like to see that on a sampler. But I would leave Tommy out of it, it's gonna be really hard to tap that ass from beyond the grave.

French [5.02]

 * Sean: I'm sorry, you bought a lezbo bar? What are you crazy?
 * Mike: Well, it was a lezbo bar a long time ago.
 * Sean: Well, Mike, the whole reason we're doin' this, the whole reason we're buyin' this bar is because of the pussy vibe.
 * Mike: And to make money, dude.
 * Franco: No, Sean-o's right, it's because of the pussy.
 * Sean: Yeah, and now you stuck us with a place that possibly has the wrong pussy vibe...
 * Black Shawn: Is there any pussy vibe that's wrong?
 * Mike: And you know what? The Realtor said that years ago this whole building was a gynecologist's office.
 * Sean: Okay, now, I gotta rethink the whole pussy vibe thing. Maybe it was a gynecologist's office longer than it was a lezbo bar. Which then, the good pussy vibe might counteract the bad.
 * Lou: I've waited my whole life for this. We're actually having a discussion about pussy Feng-Shui.


 * Lou: Thomas, you're just in time for another in a series of gripping exchanges and deep thought and personal wisdom.
 * Tommy: What are we talkin' about?
 * Lou: Today's topic is the most number of times they've masturbated in one day.
 * Franco: Yeah, I'm 7, Sean's 4. Lou?
 * Lou: 3.
 * Sean: Just 3?
 * Lou: Well, it's only 8:30, the day's young. I'd go for 4, but I'm doing food prep.
 * Sean: Well, yeah, but it takes a little longer now, I mean, the older you get... don't you need more time in between... you know...
 * Lou: Ejaculations?
 * Sean: Well, I mean, that's if you get technical, I was gonna say jizzes.
 * Tommy: We did have a kid in the old neighborhood, Bobby Morgan, claimed he jacked off 17 times in one 24 hour period.
 * Sean: No way.
 * Franco: 17 times, is that even possible?
 * Tommy: Well, even more amazing than that, it was a school day.
 * Sean: Shit, 17 times.
 * Tommy: Yeah, he said the last time, it pretty much just came out air.
 * Sean: So his cock farted? I mean, come on, if it comes out air, it's a fart.


 * Black Shawn: I'm just waitin' for Tommy, I gotta talk to him.
 * Needles: Oh, about bangin' his daughter?
 * Black Shawn: What the hell! Who told you? ... Lou!
 * Needles: Lou's bangin' her, too?
 * Black Shawn: That's some bullshit, I cannot believe he told you. It's supposed to be top secret!
 * Needles: I heard it from Neills.
 * Black Shawn: Neills knows?
 * Needles: What are you so surprised about? People hear juicy gossip, they're gonna spread it around. This is a firehouse, you take away the rig, the gear and the testosterone, it's nothing but a goddamn sorority in here.


 * Tommy: [about his dad] Teddy, his was 82, okay--
 * Teddy: What are you puttin' time limits on people now? Shut your mouth. Just because it's okay for you, doesn't mean it's goddamn okay for the rest of us.
 * Tommy: Who says it's okay for me?
 * Teddy: I seen 'ya, I seen 'ya at the funeral. I'm up there cryin' my eyes out like a bitch and you're sitting there like a goddamn stone. And then all that shit you said the other night after we watched the movies? You make me sick just to look at you. You're glad he's gone, you're glad because now you don't have to look at the kind of man that you'd never be.


 * Tommy: [about his hearing] You know guys, I'm sure you're aware, if this doesn't go my way, which I'm sure it won't, they're gonna put me on immediate light duty and the odds are that I'm not gonna be comin' back to the firehouse. I just wanted to say--
 * Mike, Sean, Franco: [at the same time] Nah, nah, Tommy. We feel that same way. It's been an honor working with you.
 * Tommy: Lemme just get this out of the way, and say it out loud, as firefighters, it's like a football team, y'know our pluses and minuses balanced out and we made a great team, we really did. And I felt really safe working with you guys, and you saved my ass many times and vice versa. But... you know, I felt blessed, and the other thing that I wanted to say... [they all tell him he doesn't have to] Let me just say this stuff, very quickly because it needs to be said, in case the guy that comes in and stands in my shoes doesn't put it out on the table, I'll do it for him. #1, you're a moron. [points to Sean] Don't argue with me, because you proved it in spades when you married my goddamn sister, okay? [Mike laughs] What are you laughin' about? Because if he's a moron, you're the king of the morons. Don't give me the look... Do me a favor, spell "moron".
 * Mike: Okay, spell what? [they laugh]
 * Tommy: Franco, I really, wished you weren't the guy who laughed the hardest at that because, if you took one iota of energy that you spend everyday chasin' pussy and you put into somethin' good, like I don't know, helpin' mankind, I'm pretty sure at this point we'd have stitched up the whole in the ozone layers, there'd be no more wars, and this party would be in a bar owned by you and the planet Neptune. [to Black Shawn] You, can't really say too much about you, because I don't know well enough and it wouldn't be fair to judge you. But, life's unfair, so let me get it out of the way, you probably suck, too. [points to Lou] And this, my best friend, who is not only a loser with women and a giant slob, but a goddamn lush. [Lou nods] Case closed. So what does that say about me? Good luck, guys. See 'ya later.

Wine [5.03]

 * Tommy: [about Colleen and Shawn] But the kid's great, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink, I got nothin' bad to say about the kid. Is he my first choice to date Colleen? No.
 * Lou: Yeah, and I think you're real lucky too about the deciding to not have sex thing.
 * Tommy: Yeah. ... What?
 * Lou: What you didn't know that?
 * Tommy: What? They're not havin' sex? Why would they not be havin' sex?
 * Lou: Oh, I dunno, I dunno.
 * Tommy: Why are they not havin' sex?
 * Lou: I don't know. [looks away]
 * Tommy: Lou.
 * Lou: No reason. [Tommy makes a face at him] They're waiting.
 * Tommy: Waiting for what?
 * Lou: Why don't we get this chair outta here?
 * Tommy: Lou.
 * Lou: Until they get married... [Tommy bites down on his glove as Black Shawn passes by]
 * Tommy: Oh, that sneaky little black son of a bitch!


 * Tommy: [about Colleen and Shawn waiting to have sex] She's not gettin' married, I'm tellin' you that. How did we go wrong? We purposefully raised her the wrong way, as a lapsed Catholic so now she enjoying herself on birth control, bangin' her brains out, but now she wants to reclaim her virginity and wait to have sex 'til she gets married. My daughter turned Amish on me, how's that possible? She's not gettin' married, she's not gonna end up like her mom, I'm tellin' 'ya.
 * Lou: Wh- What do you mean? Gorgeous, 40, and angry? She's Irish, she's gonna end up angry no matter what.
 * Tommy: She's not gettin' married, I'm tellin' 'ya. Too young!
 * Lou: Tommy, you keep that act up, she's gonna get married even sooner.
 * Tommy: I'm gonna tell 'ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk to her, have a conversation with her, and she's gonna end up having sex with him, okay? She's gonna have lots of sex with him, she's gonna have so much sex, that it's gonna turn into what sex is supposed to be: Boring, monotonous chore, just like it is for everyone else who's in a long-term relationship, and then he's gonna get bored, and then he's gonna leave, and then we're all set, and the marriage is off.
 * Lou: Right. So lemme get this start, you're gonna have a conversation with your teenage daughter, telling her to have sex with her boyfriend?
 * Tommy: Yes, I am.
 * Lou: Can I sit in on that conversation? Because it's gonna be so creepy, it's gonna reset the high end of my creep-meter for the rest of my life.


 * Mike: You know, uh, Frank, I got this uncle out in Staten Island and he owns this company, they transport hazard waste. I was gonna work for him, but a couple days before, 9/11 happened. And uh, I watched the news, and I saw all the people postin' flyers around town lookin' for their loved one's, and I just really felt, like I'm sure everybody did, that I had to do something, y'know. ... So, I decided to become a firefighter. You know, how a lot of kids wanna be firemen when they get older, well, I wanted to be a superhero. Even after, I knew that they really didn't exist, I still wanted to be one, because I wanted to fight the bad guys, you know. Frank, what I'm tryin' to say is... that I became a firefighter because of the bad guys did on 9/11, and if you're tellin' me that there are other bad guys and that they're our leaders, our people, the people who are supposed to watchin' out for everybody, that's too scary. I can't even think about that. I mean, I understand that there's evil in this world, but I just feel a lot better if it comes from some place that I don't call home.
 * Franco: Yeah. ... You say you were gonna take up transporting hazardous waste?
 * Mike: Yeah, I was gonna be a driver.
 * Franco: Jesus. I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for 9/11. [they laugh]


 * Colleen: What did you wanna talk to me about?
 * Tommy: Uh, I just wanted to say that, your mother and I... we're very proud of you, and we think Shawn's great.
 * Colleen: He is.
 * Tommy: Yes, and the being black thing, doesn't bother us at all. I mean, I think we've raised you kids with that color, creed, religion, you know... none of that stuff, you know, doesn't matter to us. And... you know, love, it's a big thing... it's... you know, it-- it, it just happens. And I think it's kinda important to... you know... What?
 * Colleen: What's the problem?
 * Tommy: There's no problem, honey, I just wanna... okay... If you were gonna buy a car, you'd test drive it, that's what I'm tryin' to say.
 * Colleen: Oh, my God.
 * Tommy: No, no, listen. If you were gonna test drive a car, you'd take it out and you'd drive it around, and you'd maybe take it on the highway...
 * Sean: [walks up]: Hey, Col, how are 'ya? You're gonna buy a car so I hear? Y'know my friend, Mark, is gettin' rid of this old--
 * Tommy: Y'know, she's all set, she's got a car. That's nice though. Thanks. [Sean walks off, Tommy continues his thought before Sean interrupted] Listen, I just think you know, it's important that the parts... fit.
 * Colleen: What parts?
 * Tommy: You know the parts, and don't make me say the parts, you--
 * Colleen: His penis in my vagina.
 * Sean: [overhearing]: You guys aren't talkin' about cars, are you? [Tommy makes a face, and Sean walks off]
 * Colleen: Are you actually tellin' me to have sex with Shawn?
 * Tommy: No... kinda... yeah. I'm just sayin' that I don't think it's such a bad idea for you to do it, okay? You don't have to do the whole thing... just y'know, do the Clinton thing, you don't have to go all the way--
 * Colleen: Oh, my God!
 * Tommy: Honey, what? I thought that would be easier.
 * Colleen: Dad! Dad, are you tellin' me to-- Oh, my God.
 * Tommy: I'm not tellin' you anything, what? What? It's a suggestion, I'm suggesting some stuff to help you with your--
 * Colleen: I'm telling mom.


 * Black Shawn: Hey, Tommy? Did you tell Colleen to go down on me?
 * Tommy: What?
 * Black Shawn: She said you said somethin' about Bill Clinton. ... I just find that shit, very, very disturbing.
 * Tommy: I didn't say anything like that.
 * Black Shawn: Now, here I am a good brother, tryin' to keep it real, and here you are tellin' her to go down on me, and service me in an oral fashion.
 * Tommy: Wh-what? Wh--What? See? This is the reason you can't tell anybody anything any more, it gets blow out of proportion!
 * Black Shawn: I'm gonna stay strong, and focused, and give her that good lovin' on our weddin' night!
 * Tommy: Wh-- Al-alright, but you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it!

Sheila [5.05]

 * Sheila: My husband was a firefighter when we met in high school, in his mind. His uncle Mike, Tommy's dad, had been a firefighter. His uncle Teddy. He and Tommy, that's the only thing they ever thought of being. So when I saw that new footage of Jimmy...it made me happy. I can't explain it, but I knew that he didn't...that he wasn't in the first building.
 * Geneviéve: But all the reports were saying that...
 * Sheila: Do you know that feeling that you get when you just, like, so barely escape a car crash? You know, someone suddenly stops short or races in front of you at an intersection, and you think to yourself for a second, like, right as you slam the brakes, like, "oh. Oh! Okay, this might be it." You know? And all the air skips out of your lungs, and your heart feels like it's gonna explode with fright, and your skin sits up real tight on your bones, and there's this huge rush of breath and blood and... That shiver just shot, like, right through me, but not when the first building fell. It was during the second. I knew that Jimmy was gone during the second collapse. I stopped breathing. My eyes—I couldn't blink. My hands froze up like claws. And I thought to myself, "oh, we're never going to finish the kitchen." You know, cause we were working on the kitchen, putting in new counters and cabinets and stuff. And as those first floors began to tumble down...I mean, like, I don't know, however long it took, like, eleven seconds, my whole life, my love, the way I wake up in the morning every day, the way I go to sleep every night, all of that just changed forever. Floor by floor, I just disappeared. When you lose that one person that you, you know, were meant to be with for the rest of your life so unexpectedly and so soon, I don't— It's like, you know, who can walk into your... Real love? It's just gone. Talk. Touch. Sex. And breakfast. It's funny, you know. I totally thought that I was going to just go fetal and curl up in a ball and...and cry. But I didn't. I made arrangements. I carried my husband's helmet to the funeral. I listened to the mayor and the chief and Tommy talk about my husband. I buried him. I held my son as he cried against my shoulder, and I tucked him in that way every night for months. And then I went fetal for five years. Among many other things, I— I completely zeroed in on Tommy because he was the closest thing that I could find on this entire earth to replace Jimmy. I cursed Tommy. I slept with Tommy. I blamed Tommy. I made Tommy breakfast. Tommy finished my kitchen. I know that Tommy is haunted by Jimmy's death, literally. And I...I...I think that sometimes Tommy wishes that Jimmy had lived, and that he had died in Jimmy's place. And so do I.

Play [5.07]
  
 * Sean: I’m so full of shit now, really
 * Lou: Finally, a moment of self-awareness
 * Sean: No, seriously, I haven’t taken a shit in like five days. I’m really getting backed up. I feel like I have a shit turduckin sitting in my colon.
 * Mikey: What’s a turduckin dude? I mean I get the turd part, but -
 * Lou: Fancy poultry thing. It’s a chicken jammed inside a duck jammed inside a turkey.
 * Sean: Yeah, except in my case it’s a shit jammed inside a bigger shit jammed inside a really big shit.
 * Tommy: Okay, never thought I’d say this, but can we go back to the twins?
 * Lou: Alright, here’s my theory: I think there’s some guy with this super twin producing sperm, running around Hollywood impregnating all these broads.
 * Sean: Who? Who is it?
 * Tommy: Here’s one way to find him, look for a guy with four balls.
 * Mikey: Four balls, how do you think he deals with the chaffing issues?
 * Lou: Well, I have another theory and that theory involves fact that I think this guy put some of the celebrity baby money into design and construction of the special ball harness.
 * Sean: Oooh, like a basket.
 * Franco: No, more like a cradle.
 * Tommy: Like a ball hammock.
 * Lou: Ahh!
 * Tommy: And with that gentlemen, I bid you adieu.
 * Hotel Manager: Remember, she's got a boyfriend.
 * Tommy: Yes, she does... who's paralyzed... You know, his thing still works...
 * Janet: Are you kidding me?
 * Janet: Are you kidding me?
 * Janet: You know, I guess when people are looking that far down their noses at you, you want to give them a good goddamn show. Yeah, you like it? I think we can go. You know, I'm not a fashion designer, but here's a fashion tip for you - never wear yellow because kids might try to ride you to school.
 * Janet: You know, I guess when people are looking that far down their noses at you, you want to give them a good goddamn show. Yeah, you like it? I think we can go. You know, I'm not a fashion designer, but here's a fashion tip for you - never wear yellow because kids might try to ride you to school.
 * Sean: Do you think it's possible to die of shit poisoning? You know like if your shit backs up and you haven't shit for days and days and days? Do you just die or does it have to come out eventually? Because if so, I'm going to have invest in some earplugs.
 * Franco: Well, have you thought about getting your kidneys checked out?
 * Sean: What's that supposed to mean?
 * Franco: I'm just saying think I they have something to do with your waste functions. You might have a problem, you know?
 * Sean: Yeah? Well maybe you've got a problem, asshole, talking about other people's functions. What are you, a doctor?
 * Franco: You know I'm not, Sean.
 * Sean: Yeah, well shut your mouth.
 * Franco: Maybe ought to shut yours, shit's starting to come out of it.
 * Sean: Yeah, I wish.
 * Sean: Yeah, I wish.

Control [5.10]

 * Franco: [about his next boxing opponent] Yeah. No, this guy looks a little bit questionable chief. I mean is he in the department or what?
 * Needles: He's in the system.
 * Franco: The system. What system?
 * Needles: The penal system. Killed a guy with his thumb. Allegedly. Don't worry he's wearing gloves.


 * Teddy: Oh my God. Your father would be spinning if he knew you were having sex with these old timers.
 * Maggie: Oh please, dad would have given his God damn Purple Heart. Besides some of these Vietnam and Gulf war vets are totally hot. And I dabbled in Korean but that's where I draw the line. Anything beyond Korea would just be gross.

Mickey D [5.11]

 * Shelia: What are you doing?
 * Tommy: Flying a kite out of my ass. What do you think I'm doing?
 * Shelia: Okay don't say that, now every time I look at your ass I'm gonna think about Ben Franklin coming out of it.


 * Black Shawn: You don't turn a ... hose on a black man.
 * Tommy: Yeah?
 * Black Shawn: Yeah, yeah, did you see the footage from Birmingham?
 * Tommy: See the footage? I was there.

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Tommy: Great. He's drinkin' again?
 * Teddy: Like a Kennedy on election day!

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Tommy: You’d better pray that if your Wall Street office, or your luxury, lonely loft that you’re always talkin’ about, if it’s full of smoke, that there’s a guy with balls as big as mine who jumps off a rig and runs in and carries you out. And I tell you what: If I do, if I happen to save your ass, or your ass, you know what I’m doin’ afterwards? When I get home, I’m gonna have a nice, big, tall, cold glass of vodka, or a nice, warm tumbler full of whisky. That’s what I’m gonna have. You guys got nothin’ for me? That’s what I’ve got for you. That’s my little message. I’m gonna spend the rest of my time on this particular planet drinking, and liking it. My suggestion to you: Try doin’ the same. Bottoms up, folks.

Clean [5.16]

 * Needles: The deal is 30 days. You quit drinking for 30 days.
 * Tommy: In a row?

Lesbos [5.17]

 * Sheila: How's the baby?
 * Janet: Oh, the baby's fine. [Sheila has a blank look on her face and sits back in her seat] Okay, okay, so what just happened? What was that?
 * Sheila: Hmm?
 * Janet: What? Th-That look on your face.
 * Sheila: Hm, what? Did I have a look?
 * Janet: Yeah.
 * Sheila: [looks to the side] Oh, you know what? It was probably the look of, um, disbelief.
 * Janet: Okay, you lost me.
 * Sheila: Yeah, it was disbelief in reaction to that, uh, strange little smile that crossed your face when I asked you about the baby. [Janet gives her a look] Don't even try to act like you didn't have a little smile on your sour little puss before you answered my question about the baby.
 * Janet: I-I don't even know why I bother to be nice to you.
 * Sheila: [laughs] I'm sorry. Was that you being nice to me? Why don't you go to hell, Janet?
 * Janet: Aren't you already there?
 * [Sheila stops and looks at Janet. Sheila then picks up her cell phone and sends a text to Janet. Janet's cell phone rings and she picks it up]
 * Janet: You spelled it wrong.
 * Sean: [walks in] Hey!
 * Janet: Hey.
 * Sean: Hey, ladies. Wow. Fancy meeting you two here. What are the odds that the two of you be here at exactly the same time? Huh? It's really-- [laughs and pauses] I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
 * Janet & Sheila: No.
 * Sean: Oh, good, good. Oh, hey! Is that the new cell phone everyone's talkin' about? That's awesome! [Sean picks up Janet's cell] What's a cunf? [Sean laughs nervously, they are all silent] I, uh, just came by to say hi to the guys, so, I'm actually late so I'm gonna-- I'm gonna pick up my watch-- I left it at the, uh.. It's good to see you both. So, you look great. Both of you.
 * Sheila: Oh, hey! I'm glad you're feeling better!
 * Sean: Thanks.
 * [Janet taps her fingers on the table and then picks up her cell phone and texts Sheila]
 * Sheila: The correct spelling?

Carrot [5.18]

 * Sheila: Furniture.
 * Tommy: What, you want me to move stuff?
 * Sheila: Food, furniture, smitten.
 * Tommy: I have no idea what you're talking about. Now, I got to get this done, and I got to get out of here, so...
 * Sheila: See, that's how it works for me. A fine Italian sofa, couple of glasses of wine, fresh handmade pasta in a white sauce, and a man that I am so begoggled by that just the sight of his ass in the right pair of jeans or a glimpse of his shoulder bursting from a short sleeve is enough to make me want to tear off all his clothes and just go. Smitten. You see...right now, that guy is you. And you leave...I'm eventually gonna find someone else, and the same goes for her. You see...you're not the only cock on this walk, brother. But still...after all the bullshit...I still get wet when I watch you or when I hear the sound of your voice. You choose me, and you know what you're getting both in and out of bed. You know how I kiss, you know how I taste...and I happen to know that you like that taste. You see...the spark and the edge on that very fine line that we ride, when you've got my legs hung hard around your hips and there's sweat and there's a hum...and there is this need, this really deep hunger that...is so deep that we could just swallow each other whole. And then evaporate in ecstasy. That all goes away. And as far as my crazy train is concerned, I'm not the one who sees my dead husband. How's he doing, by the way?

<hr width="50%"/>
 * Needles: Lou, we're not putting him in the ring with Keira Knightley. We are gonna find the biggest, ugliest, meanest lesbian on this planet.
 * Lou: Hillary Clinton would never do this.
 * Needles: She's not a lesbian.
 * Lou: Yeah, I know, but would you fight her?
 * Needles: Not without weapons.