Rick Cook

James Richard Cook (1944 – January 13, 2022) was an American author of light fantasy novels. His writing includes many computer jokes, and is best enjoyed by those who have a background in computers.

Wizard's Bane (1989)

 * Wiz thought about what it would be like to work with a computer that killed the programmer every time it crashed and shuddered.
 * It is a pity the universe doesn't use a segmented architecture with a protected mode!
 * Murphy said, 'Constants aren't', and Murphy was apparently one of the gods of this universe.
 * He deliberately left them out of the code. After all, he rationalized, this is only version 1.0.

The Wizardry Compiled (1989)

 * Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
 * Judith looked at the demons and shook her head. "I'm glad we didn't build four processors. I'm not sure I could take a barbershop quartet!"
 * Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing it well is the opportunity to do it again.
 * "The question is, is that a bug or a feature?" Karl asked.
 * Always secure your files, you never know who is lurking about.
 * The law of similarity made any map a magical instrument.

The Wizardry Cursed (1991)

 * "What was that?" Jerry asked, peering over the edge. "I think it was a ninja dwarf." Wiz said wonderingly...
 * "We learned dwarves are not meant to fly." came a voice from the edge of the circle.
 * It's how you get rid of cats. You get a 500-pound parakeet and teach it to say, "Here, kitty kitty kitty."
 * Never ask them for an explanation. You only end up worse confused.
 * It's always the details that get you in trouble.

The Wizardry Consulted (1995)

 * The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.
 * As flat as an open can of coke, left on a programmer's desk over the weekend.
 * What happened, get lost in the directory tree again?