Rocko's Modern Life

Rocko's Modern Life is an American animated series premiered on September 18, 1993 to November 24, 1996. The series follows a Wallaby named Rocko and his friends, Heffer and Filburt.

Carnival Knowledge [1.1a]

 * ["Note: first lines (in-production only) in the series", We see an animal riding on a roller coaster that looks like a bathtub prolongs the scream right before the next scene shows a kid crying over his spilled ice cream. A wallaby and a steer cow arrive and come across a carnival]
 * Rocko: Heffer, we're mates, right?


 * Heffer: You know for a second there I thought those carny games were rigged.
 * Rocko: Not everyone is out to rip you off.
 * Heffer: You have to learn to trust people.

Sand In Your Navel [1.1b]

 * Rocko: Spunky, well, I guess we better find a hose to wash off.
 * [A flock of seagulls floats down and eats the food that Rocko and Spunky are buried in, inadvertently biting them as well.]
 * Rocko: Or maybe just some iodine.

A Sucker for the Suck-O-Matic [1.2a]

 * [We see a mailbox, this says "Rocko + Spunky" the camera pans up to Rocko's house, fade to the window, a steer cow named Heffer Wolfe is seen watching TV, eating food]
 * Rocko Rama: [first lines (in-broadcast only) in the series, his voice is heard] I had it with you, you're a useless and pathetic like a USELESS AND PATHETIC thing, [A Wallaby named Rocko Rama is seen angry and is shown talking] this is the last straw you Good for nothing heap of rubbish! [holds up a hammer and starts hitting the suk-u-lox] Prepare to FEEL MY WRATH! [The bull terrier dog is named Spunky gets afraid] That will teach you!
 * Heffer Wolfe: Hey man, keep it down. [is seen watching a bowling show on tv] I'm trying to watch TV.


 * Rocko: I must cease this senseless sucking. It's stuck in suck!
 * Rocko and Heffer: (reading) "How to turn off your Suck-o-Matic..." [the page gets sucked up, and the page that reads...] ..."In case Suck-o-Matic sucks instructions, see page 101..." [another page gets ripped and is sucked, a page shows a skull on fire] "PREAPRE TO DIE?!?!?!" [Rocko, Heffer and Spunky scream as eyes bulge in horror]

Canned [1.2b]

 * [The episode opens with the Super Lot-O-Comics]
 * Filburt Shellbach: [voice is heard only] The problem with the comic books is the ink comes off on your hands. [we see a turtle named Filburt Turtle talking to Rocko] Everytime you turn a page, you have to wash your hands. You turn a page, you wash your hands. You turn a page, you wash your hands. And then you turn a page...
 * [The speaker starts coughing on Rocko]
 * Speaker: Rocko, to the... [coughs] ...Manager's Office. [then it finishes coughing]
 * Filburt: They've hurt very much and, um, I'm constantly in a state of wanting to throw up.
 * Geek: You'll never be satisfied with a moral woman because the elf wenches are so beautiful You'll spend the rest of your life searching for that same beauty again. [sniffs] Yes.
 * Nuclear Swan Elephant: Wow, you're and idiot.

Rocko's Happy Sack [1.3a]

 * Filburt: And your total is... [...the cash register shows "$1.50"]
 * Rocko: Phew!
 * [Then the total suddenly increases]
 * Filburt: One hundred and fifty dollars. Gee, looks like you just missed a big sale. Have a nice day.
 * Rocko: [snarls and gets bombs in his eyes, enraged and loses it] You CHEAP LITTLE ROTTER! I've been run over by a car, made to drag around a gimp shopping cart, threatened by your Gestapo security guards, had me head set on fire, I was attacked by wild lobsters, beaten by a very large woman, had me dog wrapped in plastic, nearly starved to death, and I still beat the 12:00 deadline! So if you don't change that total back to $1.50,   I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!!!!! 

Who's For Dinner? [1.4a]

 * Heffer: You're not my father! you're just a jerk in wolf's clothing! [starts bawling and runs out of the front door]
 * [The Wolfe family glares at Rocko]
 * Rocko: Well, [chuckles] I'm stuffed.


 * Heffer: I guess no one loves me.

Leap Frogs [1.6a]

 * [Mr. Bighead gets hit by Cupid's arrow]
 * Ed: (seductively) Bev...
 * Bev: Yes, Ed...
 * Ed: We're almost out of mouthwash

Bedfellows [1.6b]

 * [Ed is spying on Rocko's backyard, where a nudist party is being held]
 * Ed Bighead: Bev! Oh, I can't believe it! Do you know what that weirdo next door is up to?
 * Bev Bighead: Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.
 * Ed Bighead: But, Bev! They're, well... Nude!
 * [Bev grabs the binoculars]
 * Bev Bighead: Oh, Ed! Oh, you're right! Oh, yes! This is disgusting! Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet!

No Pain, No Gain [1.7a]

 * Heffer: Ooh... buttons!
 * [Heffer pushes one button and it ends up freezing Rocko. He pushes another button and it heats Rocko making him sweat. He is about to push another one.]
 * Rocko: Heffer, no, not that one!
 * [Heffer pushes the attendant button and it ends up ejecting the co-pilot.]
 * Rocko: That one must be broken.

Who Gives A Buck [1.7b]

 * Heffer: I couldn't help myself. When I found out you were gonna lose everything, I went out and got the last one!
 * Rocko: Heffer, you're a pal! But wait, you don't have any money. Hey! You didn't use credit, did you?
 * Heffer: Heck, no. Only an idiot would use credit. I used this! [pulls out a card]
 * Rocko: [reading card] "The All Scottish Show Organ Exchange Program"?
 * Heffer: I sold my second stomach for cash!

Dirty Dog [1.8b]

 * Squirmy: Here we are, Mr. Icck. Fried lice fritters!
 * Bloaty: Mmm. Boy, uh, does that look good.
 * Mr. Icck: It better be good, Bloatman, or it's back to the colon mines for you!
 * Bloaty: (nervously) The colon mines. Right, boss.


 * Mr. Icck: You're FIRED! I mean, THE END!

Keeping Up With the Bigheads [1.9a]

 * Rocko: That's it! There's only so much a wallaby can take! Not only will this house not be torn down, but it will be the nicest house on the street! Even nicer than yours!
 * Mr. Bighead: [laughs] Stop! Stop! I might wet myself! [keeps laughing, but then piddles] Oops.

Power Trip [1.11a]

 * Rocko: FILBURT!
 * Filburt: Yes boss?
 * Rocko: I want to see you in my office IMMEDIATELY!
 * Filburt: Yes boss! [uses his teeth to drag himself to the office and he arrives in the office]
 * Rocko: Supply and demand, Filburt; supply and demand. People demand "Big Man" comics, and we supply them. If you, Filburt can't supply "Big Man", the system breaks down. Do you follow me Filburt!?
 * Filburt: Yes sir.
 * Rocko: If the system breaks down, I DON’T MAKE A PROFIT!  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!?
 * Filburt: No...? [Rocko turns around and shows Rocko is now the same shape and size Mr. Smitty is and Filburt screams in horror]
 * Rocko:   YOU'RE         FIRED!!!!! 
 * [Rocko's breath sends away Filburt down the stairs, out of the shop and into the street. Random vehicles run over Filburt]
 * Filburt: Where are you, Really Really Big Man?

I Have No Son! [2.1]

 * Sock puppet: PINEAPPLES!
 * Rollo: Oh, boy! When're we gonna have pineapples, mate?
 * Rollo and the Fatheads: (laugh) Goodnight, hosers.

Pipe Dreams [2.2a]

 * Rocko: [stiltedly] Hey, Heffer, how can we possibly fix this mess quickly and inexpensively?
 * Heffer: [also stiltedly] Good question, Rocko! Why don't we try new Tropical Plumber?
 * [Hef squeezes a tube and the bathroom becomes an island paradise with some singing fruits.]
 * Fruits: Tropical plumber, eh!
 * Unclog your pipes today!
 * Tropical Plumber, eh!
 * There ain't no better way!
 * [repeat until Spunky eats the fruit]

Tickled Pinky [2.2b]

 * Dr. Hutchison: Rocko?
 * Rocko: Dr. Hutchison? I thought you were a dentist.
 * Dr. Hutchison: I was, but I got tired of always looking "down in the mouth"! (giggles) Dental humor!

Boob Tubed [2.5a]

 * Spider: Well, out with it! What the heck do you want?!
 * Rocko: Well, actually, we have a... really odd request. You see, um...
 * Spider: Don't tell me, you came to get your buddy's brain back.
 * Rocko and Filburt: Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah!
 * Spider: I'd be glad to give it back to ya! Help yourselves! I wish you kids would stop sitting so close!

Commuted Sentence [2.5b]

 * [When Rocko is later for work too many times.]
 * Mr. Smitty: I've tolerated your laziness for the last time, Rocko. If you are late again, consider yourself TERMINATED!!! Clear?
 * Rocko: Crystal.


 * [Impound Lot, everyone else is in line to get their cars back. In front of the line is a disgruntled Mr. Smitty who had parked in a no parking zone.]
 * Mr. Smitty: I want my car back and I want it, NOW!
 * Impound Lot Director: Let's take a look at this chart, shall we?
 * [He sternly pulls down the chart and Mr. Smitty frowns.]

Rocko's Modern Christmas!: Can't Squeeze Cheer From a Cheese Log [2.6]

 * Filburt: Welcome to Pine Palace!
 * Rocko: Filburt, you're selling trees?
 * Filburt: Shush! Don't interrupt my sales pitch

Hut Sit Raw [2.7a]

 * Heffer: I got all the essentials: Marshmallows, potato chips, Pasture Puffies, cheese...
 * Rocko: Where's your sleeping bag?
 * Heffer: What?! There's no beds?!


 * Rocko: Ah, the great outdoors. Smell that mountain air, boys.
 * Filburt: Actually, that's my pine-scented air freshener for the tent.


 * Rocko: This is where the lightweights camp! Sissies, fat tourists, and couch potatoes!
 * Heffer: Great! So we can drop our stuff here?


 * Filburt: We can't drink that water!
 * Rocko: Why not?
 * Filburt: Fish are dating in it!

Born to Spawn [2.9a]

 * Newscaster: We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to give you this O-Town special report. A crazed turtle has just hijacked the Jolly Roberts seafood restaurant in the marina.
 * Rocko and Heffer: What the?
 * Newscaster: Witnesses say the alleged turtle kept screaming... [looking at his script] "Fish... sticks... fish sticks," as he forced patrons out the backdoor to safety.
 * Eyewitness: It was awful. Awful. He was CRAZY! Tartar sauce everywhere! Craziest turtle I ever seen! FISH STICKS! FISH STICKS! AHH!!!!
 * Rocko and Heffer: Filburt!

Hair Licked [2.10a]

 * Rocko: Well, Heff, how's it look?
 * Heffer: Paper or plastic?

Gutter Balls [2.10b]

 * Virginia: I'm taking my ball and going home. You won't have Virginia Wolfe to kick around anymore!
 * Heffer: Bye, Mom!
 * Mr. Bighead: Fine! We'll be able to win without you! Right, girls? Girls?
 * Tammy and Mrs. Bighead: Get a life, Ed!
 * Tammy: You've taken all the joy out of the game.
 * Mr. Bighead: This is mutiny!
 * Tammy: If you want that trophy so bad, Bozo, finish the game yourself!
 * Mr. Bighead: I don't need any of you.

Day of the Flecko [2.10b]

 * Flecko: Wait... Wait a minute, big guy. You don't wanna do that. I got kids. Millions of 'em. They'll be orphans. Never getting to play catch with old Dad. No one to tuck 'em in at night. Please, Mister!
 * Rocko: [sobbing, in a puddle of tears] Please, please, stop. I can't take anymore. You're free to go, Mr. Fly. Run along and take care of your family.
 * [Flecko pokes Rocko in the eye.]
 * Flecko: You were gonna kill me, ya big jerk!

Short Story [2.13a]

 * Rocko: I wish I was really big.
 * Tyrone: [taps his wand on Rocko's forehead, granting his wish] Done. [poofs away]
 * Rocko: [starts growing at a slow rate and becomes 50 feet tall] Wow! This is great. [looks down at Spunky, shaking fearfully at his height] Don't be afraid, Spunky. It's only me. [picks up Spunky and puts him in his shirt pocket] There you go, my little pal. Smell that fresh air.

Ed is Dead: A Thriller! [3.1b]

 * Heffer: [imitating Hitchcock] Good evening. [puffs out chest] Tonight's selections is a chilling tale of mayhem, shrubbery, and a wallaby who knew too much. [puffs out chest] So without further ado, we bring you... [normal voice] Just a second. [runs backstage to open the curtains, back to Hitch voice] "Ed is Dead"

Old Fogey Froggy [3.4b]

 * Bev: Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.
 * Rocko: It was the least we can do.
 * Bev: [as Filburt gives her flowers] Won't you come in?
 * [The trio went with Bev and the bed is a stressful, not-up, Ed Bighead]
 * Rocko: Did he go peacefully?
 * Bev: Yes, he just kind of drifted off and... and... that was it.
 * Heffer: He looks all warm and sticky.
 * Bev: Oh Ed, You were so convinced that you were old that you wished yourself to death. [cries]
 * Filburt: Well, no sense In dragging this out, let's get to the good part.
 * Heffer: [about to lift up the bed] One... two... three... LIFT! [lifts up the mattress and Ed slides down and falls into the trash can]
 * Filburt: And now, for the appropriate dirge.
 * [Bev starts crying uncontrollably as Heffer, Filburt, Rocko and she walk outside]
 * Heffer and Filburt: [sings the wedding march while Bev continues crying] Da dum da-dum! Da da-da-dum!
 * Rocko: [takes off his hat] We have gathered here today to pay our last week's day to our beloved Ed Bighead, wasted away his entire life worrying about how old he was. Heff [Heffer holds up the lid to the trash can] Lid. [then Heffer puts the lid in the trash can] Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. We stick Ed Bighead in the Earth's crust.
 * [Heffer kicks the trash can with Ed Bighead in it to the hole that was dug up, making the latter groan in pain while Rocko, Heffer, Filburt and Bev cry wildly together]
 * Rocko, Heffer, Filburt and Bev: [start sobbing wildly] WAAAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA-HAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Camera Shy [3.6a]

 * Heffer: Okay, Rocko, do that goofy face you make when you're buying eggs.
 * [Heffer and Filburt are about to film Rocko walking downstairs in the night for a glass of milk.]
 * Filburt: He's not dressed for the occasion, if you know what I mean.
 * Heffer: You heard right! He's completely...naked!

Dear John [3.8a]

 * Rocko: My living room, it's a bathroom. My closet is a bathroom. My basement is a bathroom! My ballroom is a bathroom! Even my bathroom is a bathroom! Well, I guess that's okay. THERE'S TOO MANY BATHROOMS!!!!
 * Bucky: Too many bathrooms? What do you mean? You can never have too many bathrooms.
 * Rocko: [enraged] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU WACKO!!!

Fortune Cookie [3.8b]

 * Filburt: It is only a stupid fortune cookie. I should listen to Rocko more often.


 * Filburt: THEY ALL SAY THE SAME THING! No matter what I do, the fortune is always the same! [breaks down, sadly] I'll never win Mega-Spin.

Wacky Deli [3.11]

 * Rocko: O-kay! So Betty wakes up and says "Oh, what a beautiful day". And then the telephone...
 * Heffer: Or doorbell!
 * Rocko: Or doorbell ringing, and she answers it and says "Hello?" And then the salami...
 * Filburt: Or cheese!
 * Rocko: [getting angry] Or cheese says "I hate bologna" and attacks her through the phone before belching while all the stuff comes out of his mouth while we hold on him for a long time!
 * [He struggles to contain his anger]
 * Rocko: ... Okey-dokey? So... then... she walks up to the counter, and...
 * Heffer: HOLD IT!
 * Rocko: [furious] WHAT?!
 * Heffer: Hmm... y'know, I was thinkin'...
 * Rocko: [at the limits of his patience] Yeeeeesss?!
 * Heffer: ...Do we really need the cheese at all?
 * Filburt: Why, you big stupid cow.
 * Heffer: What? What'd I say?
 * Filburt: Why do you torment me like this?
 * Heffer: I'd probably do now!
 * Filburt: Just let me do it the way I want it!

Pranksters [4.3a]

 * Heffer: [repeated line] Yes, Granny Rocko.

From Here to Maternity [4.3b]

 * Filburt: [imitating Rocko] "Hey, look, fellas! I'm in jail! Heh heh..."
 * Rocko: Oh, come on, Filburt.
 * Filburt: Back off, Peter Cottontail! You're the reason we're in this mess!


 * Dr. Hutchinson: Hi honey, how are you? Oh, my babies!
 * Gilbert, Shellbert and Missy: [first words] Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...
 * [The egg breaks, revealing there are four babies including a steer cow with glasses, turtle twins with glasses and a yellow cat]
 * Heffer: Oh, Rocko. Aren't they cute?
 * Dr. Hutchinson: Come to mommy. Oh, my little ones.
 * Heffer: Oh, I'm so happy for you, Filburt!
 * Filburt: Not now, I fainted.
 * Dr. Hutchinson: No, you haven't. You're still conscious.
 * Filburt: Oh, but I have.
 * [Norbert then walks over to the two]
 * Dr. Hutchinson: But your eyes are open, Silly.
 * Filburt: Oh, what do you know?
 * Rocko: Go away.
 * Dr. Hutchinson: Oh, Daddy's just playing. He didn't faint at all.
 * Filburt: Oh, yes I did.
 * [Hutchinson then kisses Filburt as the camera irises out on them; during the end, in the black screen is Norbert following Rocko]
 * Rocko: No, no. Go away. [he leaves as Norbert follows him] Go home.

Wallaby On Wheels [4.4b]

 * DJ: Okay, all skate.
 * Heffer: Try not to flail so much.
 * DJ: Now backwards.
 * Heffer: Be the skates, Rock.
 * DJ: Skate on your hands.
 * Heffer: Try to get all five of your stomachs evenly distributed over the skates.
 * DJ: Skate on your nose.
 * Heffer: Put your nose... [muffled]
 * DJ: Skate all willy-nilly like an idiot.
 * Heffer: [imitating Rocko's skating] Now you're getting it, Rocko!

Seat to Stardom [4.9b]

 * Rocko: Can you see anything, Heff?
 * Heffer: Just the back of a bunch of heads. How about you, Rocko?
 * Rocko: Naw. Looks like a forest of ankles down here. Filburt?
 * Filburt: [looking at someone's butt crack] I've got a bird's eye view of the Grand Canyon.


 * [during the end of the episode, we see that Heffer is wedgie boy and then we cut to the "The End" screen]
 * Heffer: "The End!" Get it?! "The End"?! [laughs] No "butts" about it!

Future Schlock [4.13b]

 * [In the future of O-Town, Filburt's sons, Gilbert and Norbert, are searching around inside Rocko's abandoned house]
 * Norbert: [from upstairs as sound of glass shatters] Ouch!
 * Gilbert: What was that?!
 * Norbert: I think I broke an antique!
 * Gilbert: [annoyed] Ah, for Pete's sake. [heads upstairs and finds Norbert in a room, sitting on the floor and holding a photo frame] What'd you break?
 * Norbert: It's a picture.
 * Gilbert: I believe the correct term was "phonograph."


 * [last lines of the series]
 * Rocko: So, Filb, what have you been up to these past 17 years? [beat]
 * Filburt: Are you kiddin'?
 * Heffer: [singing] Nine hundred bazillion bottles of root beer on the wall... / Nine hundred bazillion bottles of root beer...