Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion is a 1997 film about two women who are determined to show the people they went to high school with that they are not losers.
 * Directed by David Mirkin and written by Robin Schiff, from a play Ladies Room by Schiff

The blonde leading the blonde. taglines

Dialogue

 * [at the store where Romy is working, she reconnects with Heather Mooney, but when Heather brings up that their batch reunion is coming up and she wouldn't come]
 * Romy: Wonder why we didn't get an invitation? I'm sure Michele would have told me if she got one.
 * Heather: Michele Weinberger?
 * Romy: Umhmm.
 * Heather:  Do you live with Michele Weinberger?
 * Romy: Yeah.
 * Heather: I just figured she'd be married to Sandy by now.
 * Romy: Sandy Frink?
 * Heather: Yes, Sandy Frink! He could barely contain his erection every time she walked by! Why do you think he always carried around that huge notebook?
 * Romy: The Frink-a-zoid and Michele, I'm sure! Besides, didn't you have a thing for Sandy in high school?
 * Heather: I did not have a thing! I did not have a thing, I did not have a thing! I was very much in love with him! Very much in love and there's a difference! [to customer behind her] There's a difference! [to Romy] There's a difference! I have to go now!


 * Michele: To me, fashion is just like... everything. [looks at a customer looking into a mirror] By the way... Hi! That blouse looks great on you!
 * Irate Customer: [looking pleased] Thank you!
 * Michele: And see? I have this really believable way of telling people they look really good, even though I'm just, you know... [does masturbating gesture; Irate Customer looks embarrassed and leaves] I think she heard me.


 * Christie Masters Christensen: So, Mi-chele! What are you up to?
 * Michele: Oh, okay. Um, I invented Post-Its.
 * Christie: No offense, Michele, but how in the world did you think of Post-Its?
 * Michele: Uh...
 * [looks across the room at Romy talking to Billy Christensen]
 * Romy: And I thought of them completely by myself. I mean, all Michele did was say: "What about making them yellow?"
 * Michele: [turns to the A Group] Actually I invented a special kind of glue.
 * Christie: Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?
 * Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin, and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns...out I was right.


 * [having been humiliated earlier by Lisa and the A-Group, Romy and Michele decide to come back as their real selves in flashy dresses]
 * Cheryl: [scoffs] I don't believe it!
 * Christie: What?
 * Cheryl: That!
 * Kelly: They're ba-aaack!
 * Christie: Nice outfits. Post-It's must be really lucrative!
 * Michele: [as they close the distance] Romy, are you sure you wanna do this?
 * Romy: Oh yeah, Michele. I am so sure! [when they finally confront the clique] What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why are you always such a nasty bitch? [people react] You get some kind of sick pleasure from torturing other people? I mean, yeah okay, so Michele and I did make up some lame story. We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings, but you know what I finally realized? I don't care if you like us, 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think! [everybody is stunned at them standing up to the A-Group. Cheryl and Kelly laugh sarcastically] Come on Michele.
 * Michele: Okay, and...yeah!
 * Christie: Unbelievable! They're as deluded about their lives as they are about those hideous clothes.
 * Lisa Luder: [comes from behind the clique] Actually, Christie. They've got nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All in all, I'd have to say they're really... [looks at Christie] not bad! [classmates react positively]
 * Christie: [dismisses positive reception] Well, we still think they're ridiculous. Don't we girls?
 * Lisa: [seeing the other two women keeping quiet and looking away] Why don't you just let them think for themselves for once?
 * Christie: You're just jealous, because unlike a certain ball-busting dried-up career woman, I might mention, we're all happily married!
 * Lisa: That's right, Christie...keep telling yourself that. [looks at Romy and Michele before walking off]


 * Toby: Since you never got around to it in high school, I was wondering if you would sign my yearbook. And please don't tell me to fuck off, because it really hurts my feelings.
 * Heather: [reacts at the revelation] I hurt your feelings?
 * Toby: Yeah, all the time.
 * Heather: Tremendous! That's tremendous! Go get your stupid yearbook, I would be happy to sign it!


 * [Sandy Frink has arrived by helicopter, and everybody is wide-eyed at his entrance in a three-piece suit and white-soled sneakers]
 * Heather Mooney: That's Sandy Frink? The hell was I thinking? [goes somewhere else]
 * Christie: [tries to greet Sandy] Sandy, hi! You look so rich. I mean, great. [Frink slightly smiles at her but moves on]
 * Sandy Frink: Michele. After all these years, you still take my breath away.
 * Michele: Thanks. So you must be, like, the most successful person in our entire graduating class.
 * Sandy: Well, I guess that depends on how you define "success." If, to you, success means having a house in Aspen. one in Acapulco, penthouse in New York, mansion in Malibu, 60-foot yacht, an eight-seat Windstar, a Bell Jet Ranger, a Bentley, a personal trainer, a full-time chef, a live-in masseuse, and a staff of 24, then, yeah... I guess I am successful. But no matter how much I accumulate... there's still one thing I just don't have.
 * Michele: [lost in his monologue] Your own country?
 * Sandy: I don't have you, Michele. Will you dance with me?
 * Michele: Only if Romy can dance with us.
 * Sandy: Sure. [they perform a dance rendition of Time After Time]


 * [Heather is attempting to light a cigarette, but when someone offers her a light, she sees it's the Cowboy]
 * Heather: Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what do you want?
 * Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain-dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.
 * Heather: Why not, couldn't catch 'em?
 * Cowboy: Guess I deserve that. I was a jerk. I'm so miserable in high school, I don't think I spoke more than two words the entire time. Just couldn't breathe there, you know, plus I was a really bad stutterer. Listen do you, uh, want to go somewhere quiet? Somewhere we can talk?
 * Heather: [surprised at the invite] You...you want to talk to me? [the Cowboy nods] OK cowboy, I don't know what your trip is, but if this is some kind of a sick game.
 * Cowboy: What? No!
 * Heather: If you fuck with me, in any way, I will rip each and every appendage from your body, starting with your dick. Capice?
 * Cowboy: Look, I just wanted to talk.
 * Heather: OK what the hell... [they head off] What is your name?
 * Cowboy: Clarence.
 * Heather: Clarence, I like the name.
 * Cowboy: Thank you.
 * Heather: Pick up the pace.


 * Romy: I've been killing myself for eight days and I gained a pound.
 * Michele: That's impossible. Did you deduct 16 pounds for your shoes?

Taglines

 * Coming Soon To Theaters Everywhere... Okay?
 * The Blonde Leading The Blonde.
 * A Comedy of Blonders.

Cast

 * Mira Sorvino - Romy White
 * Lisa Kudrow - Michele Weinberger
 * Janeane Garofalo - Heather Mooney
 * Alan Cumming - Sandy Frink
 * Julia Campbell - Christie Masters
 * Mia Cottet - Cheryl
 * Kristin Bauer - Kelly
 * Elaine Hendrix - Lisa Luder
 * Vincent Ventresca - Billy Christensen
 * Camryn Manheim - Toby Walters
 * Justin Theroux - Clarence the Cowboy