Saint George (TV series)

Saint George (2014) was an American sitcom starring comedian George Lopez.

Won't Get Fooled Again [1.01]

 * Alma: The longest relationship you've ever had is with your hand.
 * [George holds up his left hand]
 * Alma: The other hand.

I Wish [1.02]

 * George: America was founded in 1776 with the Declaration of Independence. Now, think of that document like a birth certificate for the baby country. The U.S. shot out of England, it cried for a while, had to fend for itself, and the first law that it passed was called...
 * Student: The United States Constitution.
 * George: Man, I love it when you interrupt me and you're wrong! You're confident, I like that, but you're still wrong.

Why Can't We Be Friends? [1.03]

 * Alma: All you need to learn is in this box, not in those books.
 * [Alma pulls Harper over to her TV]
 * Alma: You see that guy? That lady is crying because the man chopped up her brother who was part of the cartel, put him in the trunk, and set the car on fire.
 * Harper: What does that have to do with math?
 * Alma: The man owed money. He got killed. That's math. He got chopped up into eleven different pieces and scattered in five different places. That's also math: fractions.

Having My Baby [1.04]

 * Harper [to George]: Where are we going?
 * George [to everyone in the restaurant]: We're going to Chipotle, where a Mexican can be treated with the respect that he deserves. Vámonos, Harper.
 * Harper: I don't know what that means.
 * George: Come on!

Superstition [1.05]

 * Student: Mr. Lopez, the online community pretty much agrees that aliens actually built the pyramids. How else would Maya have such advanced knowledge of astronomy and math?
 * George: There you go! Huh! People find it easier to believe in space aliens than in smart Mexicans.

Carry On Wayward Son [1.06]

 * George: Can I get you anything?
 * Alma: Some water.
 * George: Be right back.
 * Alma: George! From the tap. None of that bottled water you buy. You know who buys water? Stupids.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot [1.07]

 * [George's cell phone rings in class and he answers it]
 * George: Mom, I'm in the middle of my class. Well, tell Gloria that she can't. Why? Because we're not zoned for slaughtering sheep! Which bathtub? In my master, hello. Hello?
 * [Alma hangs up on George]
 * George: Son of a BITCH!... was one of Nero's favorite expressions. He is known for executing a lot of people, including his own mother, who people describe as a ruthless, violent, dominating woman. Who knew that Nero's last name was Lopez? Nero Lopez.

Hot Blooded [1.08]

 * George: Tio, she had a tattoo of a human sacrifice. Usually, they have like, a dolphin or a butterfly. She had a decapitation on one of her chi-chi's!

School's Out [1.09]

 * Headmistress: Mr. Lopez, you can't just buy your way into our school... for anything less than this.
 * [The headmistress writes a figure on a note and slides it to George]
 * George: Damn, that is a lot of zeroes. That would get him in?
 * Headmistress: Well, our school is very big on parental donations.
 * George: When you say donations, do you mean donations, or do you mean [George winks] donations?
 * Headmistress: That one with the wink!

Rich Girl [1.10]

 * George: Well, let me tell you something - it's refreshing to finally be in a relationship with someone that I connect with emotionally, spiritually.
 * [Mackenzie holds up the pajamas that were given to George by his new girlfriend]
 * Mackenzie: Is that why there are no bottoms?