Scary Movie 2

Scary Movie 2 is a 2001 black comedy film about a college professor who invites his class to spend the weekend in a haunted house. It is the second film of the Scary Movie series.
 * Written by Shawn Wayans. Directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans.

We Lied. (taglines)

Alex

 * [deleted scene] God is good. God is great. But not all the time, sometimes He could be a real asshole. Praying for twenty-four years, not one goddamn message on my answering machine. If You're listening and I know You're up there, thanks for all this food, since it's the least You could do. Amen. Let's eat.

Father Harris

 * [while exorcising Megan] Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Virgin Mary's baby daddy, Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God, who once concerned that Fallen Tyrant to the flames of Hell, who sent your only Son in the world to crush that Roaring Tiger, and who got that unholy bitch Jerri kicked off of Survivor!

Father McFeely

 * [grunting on the toilet] Oh, God. Please, Lord, help me to release this demon! (groans and farts forcefully and is relieved) Ahh! Thank you, Lord, the most merciful Almighty. Oh... hold on. (farts forcefully again) Ahhh, ah! Oh, those enchiladas!
 * (as Megan's head spins around, Father McFeely turns to leave) Fuck this!

Professor

 * Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight. I say when we pull the plug. We're about to make the scientific discovery of the century, and I am this close to getting laid.

Parrot

 * Check it out. You ever seen a bird dick this big? Too much for ya, eh, honey? Well, step off, sweet cheeks! Come back when you want some real love.
 * (to Cindy) Oh, God, will you shut the fuck up! Why couldn't you have just left me there to die?! Give me a fuckin' rope, I'll hang myself! (grabs the stick he's sitting on with his beak, hanging from it) Here I go, I'll hang myself!
 * God damn it, what the fuck did you put in this birdseed?! (screams as bird poop sprays the wall) God, that was a big one!

Dialogue

 * Cindy: (screaming) Oh my God, Brenda! We're gonna die!
 * Brenda: It would have just been you if you had just shut the fuck up!


 * Exorcist Party Go-ers: (singing) Shake ya ass! Watch ya self! Shake ya ass! Show me what you workin' with!
 * Mrs. Voorhees: (singing) Attention, all you young players and pimps, right now is the place to be.
 * Father Harris: (singing) I thought I told y'all niggas before, y'all niggas don't fuck with me!


 * Father McFeely: Let us pray.
 * Father Harris: Our Father...
 * Hugh Kane/Megan Vorhees: (laughs excessively in a deep voice)
 * Father Harris: Stop it!
 * Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees: (continues laughing)
 * Father Harris: Zip it!
 * Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees: (laughs some more)
 * Father McFeely: Thy kingdom come...
 * Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees: Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!
 * Father McFeely: Oh, shit...
 * Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees: (laughs)
 * Father McFeely: (pulls out a gun) Suck on this.
 * Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees: Uh-oh.
 * (he shoots her, and the title screen appears)


 * Father McFeely: How is she?
 * Mrs. Voorhees: It's gotten worse, Father. She won't eat. She won't talk. The child won't let me touch her.
 * Father McFeely: Yes, sometimes you have to give them candy.


 * Cindy: (singing terribly along with the radio to Vitamin C and swerving all over the road) As we go on, We remember, All the times we, Had together, And as our lives change, Come whatever, We will still be Friends Forever. -
 * (suddenly the music comes to an abrupt stop)
 * Vitamin C: Hey! Will you shut the fuck up and let me sing?!


 * Ghost Voice: (distantly) Cindy! I want you to know to what happened to me... Look in the music room! Check the music room!
 * Cindy: Where are you?
 * Ghost Voice: (very clear) Check the fucking music room!


 * Dwight: Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing?
 * Parrot: Fuck off, four eyes!
 * Dwight: H... h... I beg your pardon?
 * Parrot: I said: "Fuck off... four eyes."
 * Dwight: You know, I oughta kick your ass-!
 * Shorty: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi, little birdy... Polly want a cracker?
 * Parrot: Polly want your mama's sweet ass!
 * Shorty: (stunned) What did Polly say to me?
 * Parrot: I said: "Polly wants your mama's... sweet ass".
 * Shorty: You don't be talking 'bout my mama son, you don't know my mama, son!
 * Parrot: Yeah, I know your mama, I fucked her last night.
 * Shorty: You want beef?! I'll fuck you up!
 * Parrot: Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking!
 * Shorty: Aw no, fuck this, I'm handling this shit like a gentleman, y'all. Hold my tooth, son.
 * Parrot: Yeah, come on, bitch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me?! Come on, bring it on!
 * Shorty: What, you hardcore?! Gimme somethin'!
 * Parrot: Let me outta here, come on, pussy! Let me outta here, I'll fuck you up!


 * Dwight Hartman: Let's split up.
 * Brenda: Unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh-UNH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?
 * Theo: She's right, we should stick together.
 * Dwight: She's right. Okay. (pointing to Cindy, Buddy and Theo in the group) You three, follow me!
 * (Shorty, Brenda, and Ray are left alone)
 * Shorty: Ain't that a bitch?
 * (the three of them begin to cry)
 * Brenda: We gonna die, y'all.


 * Dwight: I know what you thinking. Did I fire three shots or 117? Well, do you feel lucky, (pause) punk? Do you (pause) feel lucky? (says faster) Do you feel lucky, punk?
 * Hugh Kane: (deep, growling voice) Shoot me, motherfucker!

Taglines

 * We Lied.
 * The Movie That Dares You To Come.
 * More Merciless. More Shameless.

Cast

 * Anna Faris as Cindy Campbell
 * Regina Hall as Brenda Meeks
 * Shawn Wayans as Ray Wilkins
 * Marlon Wayans as Shorty Meeks
 * Chris Masterson as Buddy
 * Kathleen Robertson as Theo
 * David Cross as Dwight Hartman
 * James Woods as Father McFeely
 * Tim Curry as Professor Oldman
 * Tori Spelling as Alex
 * Chris Elliott as Hanson
 * Andy Richter as Father Harris
 * Richard Moll as Hugh Kane (Hell House Ghost)