Scenes from a Mall

Scenes from a Mall is a 1991 satirical film directed by Paul Mazursky with a screenplay by Roger L. Simon and Mazursky, starring Bette Midler and Woody Allen. Woody Allen's character, Nick, is married to author Deborah, played by Midler. After years of a happy marriage, Nick reveals to her he's had an affair. Deborah is shocked and requests a divorce, but later admits she herself has been unfaithful. On their 16th wedding anniversary, Deborah and Nick decided to work out all their differences ...in public. (taglines)

Dialogue

 * [looking for his car in the mall parking garage]
 * Nick: Christ! where's my fucking Saab?!


 * [after though negotiations with a tennis prodigy's mother]
 * Nick: I think Mrs. Jong is Jewish.


 * [on mimes]
 * Nick: These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas!


 * [Deborah wants to give Nick his Christmas present]
 * Deborah: I have something to get you out your midlife crisis.
 * Nick: Than can only mean a full-body vibrator!


 * Nick: How many 16th anniversaries does a person have in a lifetime? One... maybe two.


 * [Nick and the mime hang up the phone at the same time; the mime holds out his hand]
 * Nick: [annoyed] Fuck off.


 * [Nick's given Deborah a family photo with an antique frame]
 * Nick: I had to have it engraved, because I could never remember your name.


 * [on an affair Nick had]
 * Nick: I liked her. I loved the sex.
 * Deborah: [scornful] Oh. So, you LOVE me, but you only LIKE the sex.


 * Nick: Well, now I feel like the scumbag of all time.
 * Deborah: You are.


 * Nick: I don't know how our marriage lasted.
 * Deborah: Mutual death wish.


 * Nick: Your constast interrupting of me...
 * Deborah: Please! In sixteen years, I've never finished a sequence.


 * Deborah: No alimony, no special stipends, just plain child support - a LOT of it.


 * Deborah: How about those two beautiful creatures? Think you can handle them?
 * Nick: Handle them? I can salivate over them.


 * Deborah: I betrayed you? You betrayed me! What about your seven month adventure with a girl named Ed?


 * Nick: You look like my Aunt Minna in that dress!


 * Deborah: Do you really hate this dress?
 * Nick: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.


 * Nick: Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.

Taglines

 * On their 16th wedding anniversary, Deborah and Nick decided to work out all their differences ...in public.
 * A hilarious adventure in marriage, infidelity and bargain shopping!

Cast

 * Bette Midler – Deborah Fifer
 * Woody Allen – Nick Fifer
 * Bill Irwin – Mime
 * Daren Firestone – Sam
 * Rebecca Nickels – Jennifer
 * Paul Mazursky – Doctor Hans Clava
 * Marc Shaiman – Pianist
 * Joan Delaney – Woman interviewer
 * Fabio Lanzoni – Handsome Man
 * Dealin LaValley – Waiter