See No Evil, Hear No Evil

See No Evil, Hear No Evil is a 1989 American comedy film about a blind man and a deaf man who work together to thwart a band of murderous thieves.
 * Directed by Arthur Hiller. Written by Earl Barret, Arne Sultan, Eliot Wald, Andrew Kurtzman, and Gene Wilder.

'''One's blind. The other's deaf. The girl's a killer. And they're in it over their heads.'''taglines

Wally Karew

 * You mean I'm not white?!?
 * I hear prison isn't so bad if you like it up your butt.

Dave Lyons

 * Today, I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection. That doesn't happen every day.
 * Well excusez-moi, monsieur hot shit!
 * We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.
 * Did she say ship, or shit?

Other

 * Captain Braddock: What's the story here, Gatlin? I got the commissioner crawling up my ass!

Dialogue

 * Dave: Tell me the first thing that pops in your head.
 * Wally: Pussy!


 * Eve: Any last requests, Mr. Karue?
 * Wally: I suppose a fuck is out of the question.
 * Eve: I'm afraid so.


 * Wally: So, you're the fat fuck who's running this show!
 * Sutherland: Beautifully put, Mr. Karue. You're obviously a poet, a man after my own heart.


 * Dave: And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broomstick and take off. She could actually achieve flight.
 * Wally: I think I was married to that woman once.
 * Dave: Small world.


 * Hotel Clerk: Dr. Kesselring, we thought you wouldn't make it, did you have trouble with your visa?
 * Dave: Yes, and then suddenly they excepted American Express.
 * Wally: Yes, don't go home without it.


 * Captain Braddock: Okay, no more bullshit. [to Dave, talking fast] Was there or wasn't there a woman?
 * Dave: Are you serious?
 * Captain Braddock: Yes, I'm goddamn serious.
 * Dave: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?
 * Captain Braddock: What the hell is he talking about?
 * Wally: He reads lips. You're talking too fast.
 * Captain Braddock: [to Dave, talking slowly] Was there... a wom-an... pres-ent?
 * Dave: [to Captain Braddock, talking slowly] Yes. There was... a wom-an... pres-ent.
 * Captain Braddock: [to Wally] Why is he talking like that?
 * Wally: [to Captain Braddock, talking slowly] Because he's deaf... not stu-pid.


 * Dave: You swear an awful lot.
 * Wally: You're fucking-A right!


 * Dave: Who are you talking to?
 * Wally: I'm talking to you, you prick.
 * Dave: Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?
 * Wally: I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.
 * Dave: You're blind?
 * Wally: Yes, I'm blind. What are you, fucking deaf?
 * Dave: YES! I'M FUCKING DEAF!
 * Wally: You're really deaf?
 * Dave: I'm really deaf.
 * Wally: Then how do you know what I'm saying?
 * Dave: Because I'm reading your lips. Now you want the job or not?


 * Wally: Where are we?
 * Dave: Probably on our way to New Jersey by now.
 * Wally: No kidding! I got family in there! Do you want to come with me?
 * Dave: Of course. You've earned my trust, Wally. You've been a very good friend to me these past couple days. You're always there for me. You never get me into trouble. Sometimes it seems a bit boring but that's a small price to pay for such a wonderful friendship.
 * Wally: That's beautiful, Dave. Do you mean everything you just said?
 * Dave: I'll tell you how I really feel in about a minute or two. Right now, I'm a little overwhelmed by the STINK of the seven tons of garbage that you drove us into!
 * Wally: Is THAT what it is? I thought you let one go! That's why I didn't say anything!
 * Dave: That's very kind of you! Thank you!


 * Wally: These streets are bumpy.
 * Dave: You're driving on the sidewalk!


 * Adele: I think David got a little messed up.
 * Dave: What did she say?
 * Wally: She said she thinks you're an asshole!


 * [Dave doesn't hold up any fingers]
 * Dave: How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?
 * Wally: Three!
 * Dave: That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind.


 * Wally: [yelling in Dave's ear] Shazaam! Can you hear me?
 * Dave: Wally! I heard you! I heard your voice!
 * Wally: Hooray! You can hear me!
 * Dave: What?
 * Wally: You can hear me!
 * Dave: [shouts] No, schmuck. I'm deaf! I'm deaf! Now do you get it?


 * Dave: Fucking-A. Something bothers you, fuck it. Your wife leaves you, fuck her. Your boss fires you, fuck him. Fucking-A. Fucking them. Right?
 * Wally: You're fucking right!
 * Dave: It's a gift to be able to do that.


 * Dave: Wally! He could put a hole through your *head*, Wally!
 * Wally: *Fuck* him and his holes!


 * Dr. Cornfeld: WHO are you, sir?
 * Dave: [misreading Cornfeld's lips] Fine, thank you!


 * Cabbie: Let me see a badge!
 * Kirgo: [holds up gun] This is my badge!

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 * Captain Braddock: 32 years on the force, a wife and three kids and a blind guy and a deaf guy are making me look like a real asshole.
 * Gatlin: You got that right.
 * Captain Braddock: What?
 * Gatlin: [talking into radio] Charlie over.

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 * Dave: [to Raoul] Stop right there or I'll throw this knife through your head! I mean it! I throw your brains out!
 * Cop with Bullhorn: [to Raoul] Freeze!
 * Dave: [to Raoul] That's more like it! Now put your hand up!
 * Cop with Bullhorn: [to Raoul] Put your hands in the air!
 * Dave: [to Raoul] Oh, so you do speak English!

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 * Reporter: Do you really think you can stop Khomeini?
 * Dave: Not if it's funny.

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 * Adele: Why do you feel you have to pass for someone with 20/20 vision when you're blind as a bat?
 * Wally: I don't feel. I have to pass.
 * Adele: Yes, you do. It's a sickness in your brain, just like if you were trying to pass for white.
 * Wally: You mean I'm not white?

Taglines

 * One's blind. The other's deaf. The girl's a killer. And they're in it over their heads.
 * The first drop dead comedy of the year.
 * MURDER! The blind guy couldn't see it. The deaf guy couldn't hear it. Now they're both wanted for it.

Cast

 * Richard Pryor – Wallace "Wally" Karew
 * Gene Wilder – Dave Lyons
 * Joan Severance – Eve
 * Kevin Spacey – Kirgo
 * Alan North – Braddock
 * Anthony Zerbe – Sutherland
 * Louis Giambalvo – Gatlin
 * Kristen Childs – Adele