Shrek 2 (video game)

Shrek 2 is an action-adventure video game published by Activision and released in 2004. The game was developed by Luxoflux for the PlayStation 2, Xbox and GameCube, while a version for PC was developed by KnowWonder.

Shrek

 * Ogre Power!
 * If it ain't broke, break it!

Others

 * Princess Fiona: It's Fiona Time!
 * Prince Charming: How about this for a Happily Ever After? Not a troll fan?

Dialogue

 * Narrator: Newlywed fever continued to rise in the swamp and dear Fiona couldn't be happier. Her parents invited her and Shrek to Far Far Away to they could meet the handsome man she married. While packing their long, journey, Shrek realized he still needed some essentials for the trip.
 * Fiona: Look, I don't want to be late.
 * Shrek: Then I need help collecting eyeballs. It'll be a long journey and nobody wants to see me hungry.
 * Donkey: Why don't we just get some parfaits? You know the ones with whip cream. Oh, I love whip cream.
 * Shrek: Ogres eat nature, not parfaits.
 * Guy: Many thanks to you! Could you rescue my six brothers as well?
 * Guy 2: By the Gods! My brothers and I can't thank you enough!
 * Robin Hood: Oh, merry men!
 * Magic Mirror: This potion makes your team invulnerable for a limited time!
 * Guy: Hanging out can be fun, but that was ridiculous! THANK YOU!!!
 * Guy 2: WOOHOO!!!
 * Leprechaun'': There once was a motley crew who asked if I would let them through I'll open the gate for you and your mates if you were bring me the... Fairies.
 * Magic Mirror: Press button to slow down time with Fiona, then touch all the fairies to collect them! Thanks for helping out your wee fellow man.
 * Magic Mirror: These are cookies that Gingerbread Man can throw to attract creatures and enemies of all sorts! Aim the Cookie before throwing it by holding button, then releasing it to throw the Cookie.
 * Guy: Oh golly, what can I say? You folks rock! Or broke one, anyway.
 * Donkey: What's all that, Shrek?
 * Shrek: I don't know, but there's chickens all over the place. This is my home, not a petting zoo.
 * Donkey: I'll call you, Pecky.
 * Little Red Riding Hood: Name's Lil Red. I promised my grandmother I'd get some chickens to her to make soup. Will you help me? Good job, guys. I'll be long to meet you at grandma's house in a sec.
 * Magic Mirror: This potion increases your team's Attack power for a limited time! At the right moment, slow down time with Fiona to get through safety!
 * Guy: For your honorable acts of rescue, my six brothers and I are eternally grateful!
 * Little Red Riding Hood: Grandma, it's me. I got the chickens for the soup and I had help from my four new friends.
 * Grandma: Splendid. Now if your friends will fetch me some blackbirds, I'll make them the best blackbird pie they ever tasted.
 * Magic Mirror: Shrek's starvin for some great pie and an old shut-in wants to make it for him. But who will be able to bring home the blackbird? Fiona, doll, it's your HERO TIME!
 * Gingerbread Man: Well, it's been fun guys, but I have a blind date. She might be my sugar cookie.
 * Little Red Riding Hood: Got room in the carriage? I've go a game to pitch in Far Far Away.
 * Narrator: And so they came upon a dark. Creepy forest. And as if that weren't reason enough to turn back. An evil witch flew above them. Seeing the cartage horses were enchanted. The Wicked Witch turned them back into mice. For witches need mice for their witchery. The Wicked Witch then left a trail of cheese. So the mice would be let to her doorstep and into her boiling would be pot. Because she is really wicked... I could tell you some stories...
 * Mice: We have been rudely turned back into mice.
 * Mice 3: Yes, I can see that.
 * Mice 2: No, you can't.
 * Mice: By Jove, that smells like cheese.
 * Fiona: Great. Now we need another potion to turn them back... We'll never make it there.
 * Shrek: Relax, the Wicked Witch's place is that way.
 * Donkey: Wicked Witches, spooky trees, crazy mice on a lactose binge. We're doomed.
 * Shrek: Shut it, Donkey. Now how's this gate open?
 * Guardian: Who dares to disturb the Guardian...
 * Shrek: Sorry, I can tell you put down roots here. But if you could scootch to the side... Donkey.
 * Donkey: Oh, right! My Burro Blast!
 * Magic Mirror: Uh-oh... better take care of these traps before someone gets hurt.
 * Shrek: I'm sorry. I didn't see that.
 * Leprechaun: Welcome to Crazy Larry's Leprechaun's shop! One-stop shopping for all your magical needs. You're a shrewd customer. That's one of a kind. I'm open 24 hours if you change your mind.
 * Guy: You don't have to go back to your castle, but you can't stay here.
 * Knight: Your kind ain't welcome round here.
 * Little Red Riding Hood: And what are you do about it, tin man?
 * Leprechaun: There once was wee little man who held out his wee little hand fill it with gold or I... Look, will you pay me gold or not?! May the road rise to meet you... And smack you right in the kisser!
 * Magic Mirror: Use Donkey to Burro Blast these Tombstones to make a bridge! Press button to toss a Rotten Apple with Lil Red!
 * Fiona: Shrek, come here.
 * Shrek: How did that get up here?
 * Gingerbeard Man: Oh, Dragon and I flew it here.
 * Donkey: My fire-breathing beauty.
 * Witch: The mice, will be mine!
 * Donkey: Don't worry, we'll save Fiona. I saved the Princess... I mean we saved the Princess. We saved the princess.
 * Narrator: So a nervous Shrek waited to meet Fiona's parents. King Harold and Queen Lillian. Hoping to impress them. Shrek even remembered to trim his nose hairs. After that minor stumble. The King and Queen got along famously with Shrek. Welcoming him with the tolerance. Affection usually reserved for pop stars and heads of state or not... King Harold made it clear he wanted Fiona to marry Prince Charming, and wasn't so fond of his fat. disgusting, nose picking son-in-law. Shrek made it clear he loved Fiona and no pompous king was going to blatantly mock is ogre girth. Fiona and Queen Lillian were eventually able to break up the fight. The King was approached, by Fairy Godmother. Who was a powerful provider of happily ever afters. And a lot of people owed her favors. She makes offers you can't refuse and can make people disappear. Literally. You can understand where I'm going with this, right? Cause she could leave me sleeping, with the fishes if I said too much. And mirrors and fish don't mix. Trust me. In the morning, tempers appeared to have cooled and King Harold offered to show our group around Far Far Away.
 * King Harold: Welcome to Far Far Away. Fabulous shopping, great view, beautiful people. Why don't you make yourselves useful and be my deputies?
 * Shrek: Deputy Shrek at your service.
 * King Harold: Where you see this symbol, I need your help. There has been at fowl catastrophe. The Friars Fat Boy truck has overturned! We need to round up the chickens. Come on, they're even more cowardly than you. How brave of you to accept this grave chicken challenge. So the chickens are your friends now, eh? They're just chickens! There are scarier things in your belly button lint. A giant troll is after the family jewels... Can you collect the jewels, before the nasty troll gets away?! You should have no problem, I understand trolls and ogres are distant cousins. There are delinquent hooligans fighting in the streets like fifthly Ogres... ...I mean, beasts. Go arrest them now and throw them in the paddy wagon! Excellent. You take orders well. Well, Cinderella's come a long way from her house cleaning days. She no longer does windows, she only shops through them. But this neighborhood is full of muggers. Will you protect her while she looks for a pair of glass slippers to go with her new fall look? Splendid! Oh, and Shrek, pick yourself up some deodorant.
 * Fiona: You mess with me. You mess with my husband.
 * King Harold: There's been a horrible eggs-plosion! Humpty has broken up and all the king's horses and all the king's men have struck out. Maybe your big ogre thumbs can help? Watch the peasants, they're feisty! Great, got any clue? Well, rats! The pied piper is here! He's gone piping mad. Will you get rid of him and all his disgusting vermin? Ratical! Ratastic! Ratitioulle! Makes you feel superior to beat up a troll, does it? Congratulations, Shrek. You're quite resilient! Fiona, why don't you show the others back to the castle?
 * Fairy Godmother: Curses! Plan B then! Go to the poison apple and hire the ogre killer!
 * Narrator: After a long day of saving fried chicken, stopping an inner-city riot. And helping, a wannabe princess get her shopping done, our hero headed back to he king's castle for a good nights sleep. Poor Shrek's evening would take a turn for the worse, as he stumbled across Fiona's childhood diary. A devastated Shrek spent the night reading about Princess Fiona's dream of marrying a handsome prince with washboard abs. A chiseled chin. Impeccable hygiene, in short... The Anti-Shrek tired of being green and peeling ugly. Shrek decided to take a walk in the woods. As his friends tried to cheer him up.
 * Puss: Now ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... in Boots! One life down, eight to go! One can not live la vida loca forever! En garde!
 * Shrek: Well, you've been a bad little kitty.
 * Puss: Please do not terminate me! I can take you to the Grande Fairy Madre. She is the answer to all your problemas!
 * Narrator: And so, hoping to solve Shrek's problems. Our gang moved forward to Fairy Godmother's house. Which was known for two things. It's pre-war Colonel Charm and the impossibility of getting inside without an appointment.
 * Guard: The only appointments today are Ms. Hood and a package from jack & Jill's Farm.
 * Donkey: I have an idea! We can intercept that package from the farm.
 * Puss In Boots: Better yet, we can go to the farm and get the package! (Shrek & Gingy applaud, Donkey gets annoyed by Puss in Boots's suggestion).
 * Fairy Godmother: Hocus Pocus, Pumpkins, focus, Come to life, Cause some strife!
 * Donkey: Shrek, do these pumpkins look a little funny to you?
 * Shrek: Donkey! They're just pumpkins.
 * William Gruff: Good day, cheerio, aren't you a sorry lot, oh, and so good to meet you, yes, yes. The name's William Gruff, and I wonder if layabouts might escort me across the bridge? Why, aren't you a bunch of fine fellows.
 * Larry: Top of the morning to you! I can tell that you're wanting to get past, but the hinges are a wee bit rusty don't you know. I'd be willing to part with some of my magic oil, but with the prices these days, it's not going to be cheap. Alrighty then, let's see what's behind number two, shall we?
 * William Gruff: Oh, the troll on the bridge is going to kill me. I don't deserve to die for what I did - eating the troll's tin cans. Won't you help me? I'll always remember you guys in my prayers, I promise. I suppose if you think I should be beaten again, I'll follow you.
 * Larry: Welcome to Crazy Larry's Leprechaun shop! My prices are so low, i must be insane! Oh, that's a good item. And at such a low price, how do i do it!? Well don't crowd me then. There are other customers waiting you know.
 * William Gruff: Help! Goat in trouble! Yous came just in time.
 * Shrek: Looks like the elevator's stuck!
 * Magic Mirror: An act of death defying danger? Wet, narrow ledges that could lead to a horribly gruesome death? This sounds like a job for a true, swashbuckling hero! Puss in Boots, come on down! You're the next contestant on Hero Time!
 * Narrator: And so, our heroes found themselves overlooking miles of rolling, Farmland. For it seems the water Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch, had magical properties. Despite Jack's broken crown and a possible skull fracture, he and Jill realized organic farming could make them a lot of gold. And they were right, because, really, who doesn't like a nice, juicy. All-natural salad the size of a dragon. A really fat dragon. I mean, seriously. Look at those carrots... That's a big salad.
 * Gingerbread Man: Hey, you aren't Jack and Jill!
 * Pig: No, we are taking care of this place as Jack and Jill are on vacation.
 * Pig 2: Ya but, we are not so good. We are lazy and pig out all day. Can you help us with some chores?
 * Shrek: Only if one of those chores includes delivering the package to Fairy Godmother's house.
 * Pig: You've got a deal. Just walk the farm and look for one of us to get another chore. We lost Jill's favorite sewing needle. We were playing "Find the Needle in the Haystack." Turns out it's really hard. Can you help us? Excellent, now Jill might sew me a scarf for my chilly chin chin.
 * Pig: The other pigs have accidentally cut down Jack's beanstalk! They thought it was a dandelion. I'm trying to grow another so Jack won't notice, But those fifthly rats keep eating it. Can you help me? Ooooh! You've made me happy as a pig... Wait, I am a pig! And happy! Gott in himmel! It's raining eggs! That Bertha doesn't know when to quit! I suppose I should never fed her that burrito. Can you catch the eggs so we can take them to market? Das good! You catch enough and I'll make you Denver omelet. We piggies need to get our water from a well at the top of Jack's Hill, but it's being guarded by giant tomatoes and these absolutely infernal pumpkins. It's very dangerous. Last week my Uncle Hans went up there and came back as side of bacon. Will you help us? Oh, I am just tickled pink... pink-er. You there! Stop! Help! Beasties! There! In the corn field! Got your attention, didn't i? Listen, these clucksters are eating the entire harvest. You guys mind giving me a hand here? Great! But careful you don't kill them. I don't want a field full of poultry-geists. Thank you for fixing the farm. Jack would have made chops out of us if you didn't help.
 * Pig 2: Yah. Now take this delivery to Fairy Godmother.
 * Gingerbread Man: You know what guys, I think I'm gonna stay behind and get some flour.
 * Narrator: And so, Shrek, finally got his chance to ask the Fairy Godmother for a happily ever after potion. But he didn't just ask her. He showed her why he deserved one. He showed her everything from gadgets to gidgets. A graph, a pie chart and a pie to go with it. He showed her numbers, statistics. Blab-jabbits and widgets-- He even showed her a couple of midgets. But the Fairy Godmother told him ogres aren't allowed to have happily ever afters. And so, her answer was...
 * Fairy Godmother: No, and now ogre you must go!
 * (Lil Red arrives)
 * Little Red Riding Hood: Hey, guys! I got my potion.
 * Shrek: Well, apparently ogre's don't get Happily Ever Afters.
 * Donkey: We should just go in there and take it.
 * Little Red Riding Hood: I know where the potions are. Follow me!
 * Fairy Godmother: You!
 * Little Red Riding Hood: Run! I'll hold her off!
 * Magic Mirror: The Fairy Godmother is one angry pixie and only Lil' Red and her basket of apples can clip her wings. I think we all know what that means. Yup, it's Hero Time! Good job, but she'll be back, you know. And usually the coming back is followed by the evil spell casting, which is only fun if you want to spend the rest of your life a toilet brush. You might want to get back and help Shrek.
 * Fairy Godmother: Wonderful, you're all back together. Now I can turn you all into rancid rump roast.
 * Puss in Boots: I will defend us from the evil witch.
 * Shrek: Kitty, she'll take five of your lives. Let's get out of here.
 * Prince Charming: I'll get you, Shrek.
 * Shrek: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Run!
 * Puss in Boots: Okay, let's get out of here and make sure the potion works.
 * Narrator: No one knew what the potion would do, after Donkey did a taste test. Shrek chugged the potion. Hoping it contained a happily ever after for him and Fiona. Nothing happened... At least at first. But then... In the middle of the rainy night. Something unexpected happened. Shrek and Donkey under went a massive transformation. Shrek was as handsome as a prince and Donkey his noble steed! Things seemed to be going great as the gang said thanks and goodbye to Lil' Red for now. But... After Shrek drank her potion, Fairy Godmother knew her son Prince Charming, had a handsome rival for Fiona's affection. So she made sure he was locked away in the deepest, darkest dungeon of a Far Away Prison. Where no escape was possible. What Fairy Godmother didn't count on was Shrek's friends finding out about his arrest through a concerned and extremely benevolent third party. So a jailbreak was planned, one that would most certainly test the fellowship of this thing.
 * Tinkerbell: Alright, listen up. The mice will sneak into the Warden's office and get the keys to free the boys.
 * Big Bad Wolf: But they’re Blind...
 * Mice: Pardon you!
 * Tinkerbell: Alright, alright. But let's not forget Porkchop's Brothers. We'll need their help.
 * Pig: Oh zank you all! You will zave my brothers too, ya?
 * Pig 2: You! You owe me for my house! My insurance covered huffing! But not ze puffing!
 * Big Bad Wolf: Talk to my lawyer.
 * Tinkerbell: Zip it, ladies. The mice must have been caught! No time for coffee breaks.
 * Larry: Welcome to Larry's Discount House of Magic! We're slashing prices! Everything must go! Thank goodness! I thought i'd never unload that...I mean thank you for your business. No you weren't wasting my time...really.
 * Gingerbread Man: Holy shortbread!
 * Big Bad Wolf: Oh, here they are, just hanging around.
 * Donkey: Come on, wolf, no time to spare. We've got to get back to Far Far Away before the fat lady sings.
 * Gingerbread Man: How are we gonna get them out of there?
 * Magic Mirror: Dressed for bed, but ready for action, Big Bad Wolf...
 * Big Bad Wolf: What? I know, I know. It's Hero Time.
 * Magic Mirror: Ahem, yes, well Wolf, your hero time is full of fabulous prizes and the key to free your pals. But in order to free your pals, you must survive the staircase of doom. Get ready for Hero Time!
 * Narrator: The only thing now standing between Shrek and Far Far Away was Mt. Grimm. Known amongst mountaineers as the heaping-ginormous-mound-o'-rubble-o' death. Big Bad Wolf claiming to have been a big bad sherpa in his puppyhood, knew a shortcut--why go over a mountain when you can go through it? And remember, if Shrek and the bunch don't move fast... Prince Charming will kiss our unsuspecting Fiona. And Shrek will lose Fiona forever.
 * Shrek: Our special charge team attack will get us through.
 * Guy: Grumptious o goshness! Thank you all!
 * Shrek: We've noticed you have a froggy infestation.
 * Guy: Mumptious o harshness, yes! Overrun by Clan Froggy. Under control of the Fairy Godmother. They've captured Snow White, too! Blumptious o scrumptious, you gonna save Snowy and my Dwarven brethren or not?
 * Guy 2: I say, hruff-hruff, mighty good show there.
 * Shrek: We're on our way to the other side of Mt. Grimm. Are we close, by any chance?
 * Guy 2: I dare say, sweet Nancy not by a long shot! It only gets harder from here on out.
 * Fairy Godmother: Oh Stone Warriors. You are my aces. Pound those smiles. Right on their faces!
 * Guy 3: Uhh... Oh... Thanks for saving me. Now hurry up and rescue Snow White.
 * Guy 4: Beards and whiskers, free at last! Listen, guys, first things first, We need to save Snowy from the clutches of Fairy Godmother. Once you do it's smooth sailing to Far Far Away. Goshness on safeness, she's alive!
 * Fairy Godmother: Not so fast! Fiona will marry Prince Charming, and you all can take a dirt nap! Catch me if you can! You may have stopped me this time, but I'll get you, and your little donkey too!
 * Shrek: Now on to Far Far Away and my Fair Fair Fiona.
 * Narrator: Handsome and the crew made their way to Far Far Away. They arrived to find Gingerbread Man brought a little friend. Well, okay... a big friend! Unbeknownst to the crew I Gingerbread Man had whipped up a monstrous cookie creation to help defeat Fairy Godmother. Unfortunately, his weapon of mass destruction turned out to be a mass of doughy devastation.
 * Papa Bear: Help! Knights are attacking the giant cookie, but destroying the city. Only you can put out the fires.
 * Shrek: We'll take care of this.
 * Papa Bear: Great. I'm going on a porridge break. Meet me at the trucks when you're done. Now, will you get that lunatic cookie monster out of my town! He is a HUGE fire code violation!
 * Leperchaun: Pay me a billion pounds if ya want to pass!
 * Gingerbread Man: We don't have that kind of dough.
 * Leperchaun: There once was a Ogre with a wish. Who had all the grace of a fish his motley crew will pay me my due. Or all this will end with a...
 * Gingerbread Man: Squish?
 * Leperchaun: Hey, that rhymes!
 * Magic Mirror: Where ever lies a cookie, the Big Guy will strike. So toss cookies wherever you like! A princess in distress? An army of balloons? And a giant cookie man allergic to milk? It's gotta be Hero Time!
 * Gingerbread Man: Go get 'em!
 * Narrator: Well, things were about to get ugly. If Shrek and Fiona didn't kiss before midnight, they would be transformed back into ogre form. But what do you know. Those crazy kids decided to go for the ugly. Love can make you do some pretty strange things. If you don't like awkward kissing scenes. Then turn your head.
 * Shrek: Now that's more like it. You're beautiful.
 * Fiona: And you are truly handsome, Shrek.
 * Fairy Godmother: Oh nooooooo! Why? Why? Why?
 * King Harold: Aaaah, I think my carriage is double-parked.
 * Fairy Godmother: You're not going anywhere, you incompetent little toad!
 * King Harold: Ribbitt.
 * Fiona: Hey, toots, you can't zap my father like that! I will never marry your son!
 * Shrek: Looks like we got our happily ever after without your help.
 * Fairy Godmother: AARGH!!!!!!
 * Shrek: Guess you underestimated us.
 * Fairy Godmother: The only things I underestimated were trolls and elves. If you want something evil done right you have to do it your evil self.
 * Prince Charming: How about this for your happily ever after? What's the matter? Not a troll fan?
 * Donkey: Yeah! It's about time we kicked this dork to the curb. Or to the tree. Whatever.
 * Fairy Godmother: That's it! I'm sending you straight to the glue factory. What do ya know? I can be beaten.
 * Donkey: I'm gonna need a whole box of tissues.
 * Puss in Boots: Ah, lovers make the world go round.
 * Magic Mirror: Well, Shrek and Fiona got their happily ever after all. Now put down the controller and go outside to play. We're done. Really. It's over. That is all. Folks.

GBA Version

 * Narrator: Once upon a time there was an ogre named Shrek who found married his true love, Princess Fiona. After returning from their honeymoon, they found that their friend Donkey has moved in and taken care of their home. Worst of all, he would not leave them alone. It was then that hey received an invitation to a kingdom Far Far Awa. Princess Fiona's parents were throwing a royal ball in honor of her "Happily Ever After" and were anxious to meet her new husband. Nervous and with some hesitation, Shrek reluctantly agreed to go to Far Far Away.
 * Shrek: We are ready to leave for Far Far Away. Where is Donkey?
 * Princess Fiona: I don't know, he went looking for Dragon two hours ago. Would you go look for him?
 * Shrek: Look for him? I'd rather leave him behind!
 * Princess Fiona: Don't be so grumpy.
 * Shrek: Oh alright, I'll go look after Donkey!
 * Princess Fiona: Don't worry, Shrek, I am sure my parents will love you to pieces.
 * Shrek: Do you know where Donkey is?
 * Mice: No, but I heard some strange growling noises. I would be careful if I were you.
 * Leprechaun: It's time for a mini-game! How many times can you bounce a mouse?
 * Pig: It seems peasants won't stop trying to run you out of your swamp.
 * Shrek: Yeah, although I wonder who gave them enchanted pumpkin seeds?
 * Pig: Maybe there is a magic fairy that really has it in for ogres.
 * Shrek: That's ridiculous. Donkey is not in this part of the swamp. Where can he be?
 * Donkey: Why can't I find Dragon? Did she get mad and leave? Maybe if I keep looking. Who are you?
 * Leprechaun: I am the Leprechaun. If you can get a good score playing my mini-game I will give you a prize. Let's see how many times you can bounce on the platform.
 * Gingy: Fairies slow your fall if you hold down when you jump.
 * Donkey: Why do I keep finding gold coins?
 * Mice: Those gold coins were stolen from the Leprechaun. People say that they are scattered all over the land.
 * Donkey: What happens if we find them all?
 * Mice: That's for you to find out.
 * Pig 2: My brother thought he was clever by hiding his house key up here. You can "Equip" it.
 * Pinocchio: Watch out, Donkey! There are some peasants up ahead who look dangerous.
 * Donkey: I don't have to worry about peasants. They think I am a regular donkey. As long as they don't see someone they don't like, I should be able to beat them easily.
 * Shrek: You are late! Where is Dragon?
 * Donkey: Dragon? The thing is... ..she's kinda moody and doesn't feel much like traveling.
 * Shrek: Um, right... Well, let's go then.
 * Princess Fiona: Shrek, our driver says he is lost. Could you find out where we are?
 * Shrek: Sure, dear. I could walk use a quiet walk.
 * Donkey: Wait for me!
 * Shrek: Can't you leave me alone for one minute?
 * Donkey: I can help!
 * Shrek: You can start by not talking.
 * Princess Fiona: Where did we get this driver anyway?
 * Leprechaun: It's time for a mini-game! How many times can you bounce on the platform?
 * Magic Mirror: I hate the smell of rotten apples, but they sure are handy when there is trouble. If you ever get one, hold down and it will get rid of anything that can smell it.
 * Donkey: Look Shrek! A road sign!
 * Shrek: It says we're still far far away.
 * Donkey: We better get back or we're going to hit traffic.
 * Princess Fiona: We haven't moved in 4 hours!
 * Shrek: I'm going out to see what's going on.
 * Donkey: Hey can I go? People just love Donkey.
 * Shrek: Okay, but you must promise not to sing anymore songs.
 * Leprechaun: Have you found of my clovers?
 * Donkey: Not at all. What's so special about them?
 * Leprechaun: Which equipped, these lucky clovers will protect yo from 1 hit.
 * Magic Mirror: Did you meet my friend the Magic Shield? If you "Equip" him, you will be invulnerable.
 * Donkey: Looks like there was an accident.
 * Shrek: You go tell Fiona and I will see if I can help them out.
 * Driver: You cut me off!
 * Driver 2: No, you cut me off! I had the right of way.
 * Shrek: Excuse me, gentlemen, is there anything I can do to help?
 * Driver: Ahhh! It's an ogre! Protect the city!
 * Shrek: We haven't entered town and people already hate me. I hope people get nicer.
 * Narrator: When Shrek and Fiona arrived at the Castle, everyone was surprised to see that they were ogres. The king did not like his daughter being married to an ogre and Shrek did not like his father-in-law judging him by his appearance. Dinner was a mess and everyone was upset. Fiona stormed up to her room.
 * Shrek: Fiona left very upset. I better go talk to her. Oh no, the tower is locked! I will need to find another way to our room.
 * Fairy Godmother: I am Fiona's Fairy Godmother and you must be the reason she is stuck in this ugly form.
 * Shrek: Why can't you accept us for who we are?
 * Fairy Godmother: Because, that's not how it's supposed to be. Please take my card Fiona, in case you ever need me.
 * Shrek: I'll take that card. We'll call you if you ever need a scarecrow.
 * Donkey: HELP! HELP! I just saw an Unidentified Flying Object fly out of King Harold's window! I need to see Shrek.
 * Knight: You are one crazy talking Donkey if you think we will let you into our castle.
 * Magic Mirror: Certain ghosts can be quite friendly. If you "Equip" them, no one will see you. Just be careful. The magic will wear off it you take damage.
 * Donkey: Shrek! You won't believe these knights! They are rude and angry and there was this UFO and... Why are you smiling?
 * Shrek: The King wants to make up. He said to meet him in the forest tomorrow morning. It says here the City Gate won't open until noon. If we wait that long I will miss my appointment with the King.
 * Donkey: I don't think we can open it ourselves.
 * Shrek: Let's see if we can find another way out of town.
 * Leprechaun: How many times can you bounce a mouse?
 * Donkey: Look, Shrek! This bridge leads to the Forest.
 * Shrek: We did it! Let's hurry or we'll be late.
 * Donkey: Are you sure you know where you're going?
 * Shrek: The King said to meet him by the Big Tree. It has to be around here somewhere.
 * Donkey: Look out, Shrek, someone's out there!
 * Shrek: What a cute kitty!
 * Donkey: I don't like this. That cat has a piece!
 * Puss: Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from, Puss n' Boots!
 * Donkey: The cat is crazy!
 * Shrek: If I can dodge his attacks I might be able to pick him up!
 * Puss: You will never catch me, Ogre. Please forgive me, Senor! I have hungry family and the King offered me much in gold...
 * Shrek: King Harold hired you?
 * Donkey: What happened to making up?
 * Narrator: Shrek spared Puss n' Boots' life, but was hurt that the Kign and plotted against him. The happy life he wanted to share with Fiona was constantly threatened because people hated ogres. Shrek remembered he had the Fairy Godmother's card. Maybe he could ask her for a "Happily Ever After" potion. In gratitude for sparing his life, Puss n' Boots volunteered to help Shrek find her house. He was allowed to come, much to Donkey's dismay. Donkey was jealous.
 * Puss: Master Shrek, please allow me to find the way to the Fairy Godmother's house.
 * Donkey: I don't think so, mister cat. I am the sidekick and I get to help Shrek.
 * Shrek: I say we give him a chance. He is just trying to help.
 * Donkey: What's he going to do, climb up there?
 * Leprechaun: How many times you can jump across?
 * Puss: Mama mia! There is the house! I will go get Master Shrek immediately. Here is the Fairy Godmother's house as I promised.
 * Donkey: Would you please tell this hairball to stop bragging? I knew how to get here.
 * Shrek: That's enough! We need to find the Fairy Godmother.
 * Fairy Godmother: Ogre! What are you doing here?
 * Shrek: I need a "Happily Ever After" potion for Fiona and me.
 * Fairy Godmother: Never! I don't allow for ogres to have "Happily Ever Afters" leave now or I'll turn you all into slugs.
 * Shrek: She won't give me a potion, but I'm not leaving empty handed.
 * Donkey: What are you going to do?
 * Shrek: You will stay and keep watch while the kitty and I look got the potion.
 * Donkey: Why does he get to go?
 * Shrek: Because he can keep his mouth shut and he can help me avoid those searchlights. This must be the potion room.
 * Puss: Looks like the coast is clear.
 * Shrek: The potion is pretty high up.
 * Puss: Like taking candy from a baby.
 * Shrek: Would you really do that? Take a baby's candy away?
 * Puss: Of course not. It's just an expression. Excelente! I made it to the potion. Master Shrek will be most pleased.
 * Voice: Security breach in lab area! Close all exits!
 * Donkey: Uh-oh, I better find Shrek before time runs out and we are locked in! Shrek!! Where are you? We're trapped, Shrek!
 * Puss: This place will be crawling with elves in no time.
 * Shrek: Don't worry, I have an idea that will get us out of here.
 * Narrator: Thanks to Shrek they were able to escape the lab with the potion. Later that night Shrek and Donkey drank the potion. At first it didn't seem to take effect, nut the next day Shrek and Donkey awoke a handsome man while Donkey awoke as a noble white steed. That same morning Princess Fiona awoke to find herself in her true love's form. Not knowing her husband Shrek had been in the last 2 days, she wondered if her new appearance meant something bad happened to him, or if he had just stopped loving her.
 * Shrek: Do you guys think Fiona will like the new me?
 * Puss: The townspeople loved you. You are as handsome as me.
 * Donkey: Yeah Shrek, she won't believe her eyes.
 * Shrek: Well then, I am off to find my Princess. Wish me luck. What are you doing in our room? Where is Fiona?
 * Fairy Godmother: She is meeting her new Prince Charming.
 * Shrek: What are you talking about? Step aside, I am going to find her!
 * Fairy Godmother: I already called the palace guard. The only place you are going is prison.
 * Donkey: This is terrible. Shrek was arrested and now Fiona is hanging out with some strange dude.
 * Puss: They are somewhere in this store, so maybe I can sneak up close to the King and see what they are up to.
 * Donkey: Good idea, Cap'n Kitty. Don't let them see you.
 * Fairy Godmother: Why has your daughter not fallen in love with my son yet?
 * King Harold: I don't think she believes that Prince Charming is Shrek.
 * Prince Charming: What shall we do, Mother?
 * Fairy Godmother: I will give you a potion to put in her drink. She'll fall in love with the fist man she kisses.
 * King Harold: I don't like this, but I can't lose my own "Happily Ever After"... I'll do it.
 * Puss: I better tell Donkey about this. I need to get back to Donkey. They will force her to fall in love with Prince Charming!
 * Donkey: Let's go get Shrek.
 * Voice: Security! We have 2 shop lifters in the store!
 * Donkey: Wait, I'm not stealing, I'm just trying them on!
 * Gingy: I can't believe Donkey and Shrek are in prison.
 * Mice: We both saw it on Magic Mirror TV!
 * Gingy: I better check on the rest of our rescue team.
 * Pinocchio: I've got a fresh set of puppet strings!
 * Gingy: That can work as a rope.
 * Pig: I'm bringing hay!
 * Gingy: Good. We can light torches.
 * Leprechaun: How many pumpkins can you hit without hitting a fairy?
 * Pig 2: I am bringing wood!
 * Gingy: That will work well for ladders.
 * Pig 3: I couldn't find any bricks.
 * Gingy: You were supposed to find something to break the bricks!
 * Pig 3: Well, that's different.
 * Mice: Is everyone time to go?
 * Gingy: Yep, and they're heading this way.
 * Magic Mirror: While everyone is climbing down to free Shrek and Donkey, you must find and destroy all the searchlights so we can escape.
 * Gingy: I'll be back when I'm done. What's happened!
 * Magic Mirror: Our plan failed. Everyone fell down to Shrek's cell!
 * Gingy: We are the only one small enough to escape, but what do we do once we're out?
 * Shrek: I have a plan, but you must get out of here before they close the main gate to the forest.
 * Gingy: Leave it to me. I did it! Now I have to find the muffin man.
 * Narrator: At the castle a celebration Shrek and Fiona's honor was underway. The only problem was that Prince Charming was pretending to be Shrek. Just as things started to look hopeless arrived in a BIG way. The only things that stood in the way were the castle gates and the royal guard. Prince Charming must be stopped!
 * Shrek: The knights are dropping milk on the big guy. If we don't stop them, he will not be able to open the castle's drawbridge.
 * Gingy: Don't worry big fella, I will use my candy cane to stop the milk before it hits you.
 * Shrek: He's barely holding the drawbridge open but I think I can make it in! I made it inside but everyone else is still locked out. I think I can open the drawbridge if I get to the top of this tower.
 * Leprechaun: Let's see how good you are at avoiding arrows.
 * Shrek: This must be the lever that opens the castle's drawbridge. Now everyone can enter.
 * Donkey: I will hold this door closed while the rest of you go look for the princess.
 * Shrek: Thanks, Donkey.
 * Donkey: Hey! I'm a Steed, remember?
 * Puss: This is it! The entrance to the courtyard.
 * Shrek: Fiona! It's me, Shrek! Don't kiss that imposter!
 * Gingy: As long as the Fairy Godmother continues to use her magic, you will never be able to get Fiona.
 * Shrek: She is powerful but she can't fight all of us if we work as a team.
 * Puss: Viva la Revolucion!
 * Fairy Godmother: Ouch! Where is my spray bottle? This is not the end!
 * Narrator: Shrek and Fiona were united. Prince Charming had managed to kiss Fiona to his surprise King Harold had not given his daughter the magic love potion. When the clock struck midnight Shrek and Fiona returned to their ogre forms. But, they had not seen the Fairy Godmother.
 * Fairy Godmother: I created this artificially beautiful realm with my magic. It is supposed to be perfect. But you have ruined everything I worked so hard for! I won't let you destroy my perfection!
 * Princess Fiona: Watch out for her magic, Shrek! Don't let it hit you!
 * Fairy Godmother: I would like to see you dodge this one.
 * Shrek: I won't let you hurt Fiona!
 * Fairy Godmother: (Laughs)
 * Narrator: Fairy Godmother shot her most powerful spell towards Shrek and Fiona. Everything seemed lost when suddenly King Harold jumped in the way. His suit of armor reflected the blast back and she was finished. One by one all the spells Fairy Godmother had given to the people of Far Far Away began to break. This included King Harold who regained his true form. People realized they felt being better being themselves and a great joy swept across the crowd. Now best of friends, Puss n' Boots and Donkey grabbed the mic and took over the party. Everyone began to boggie they all lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

PC Version

 * Allister: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a loveable ogre, and a beautiful princess. One day, the ogre and the lady met, and they fell in love.
 * Donkey: Whoa, whoa, back it up there, Chauncey.
 * Allister: It's Allister.
 * Donkey: Allister? What kind of name is that? You must have got kicked a lot at school.
 * Allister: I am trying to tell a story.
 * Donkey: Well, you're telling it wrong. Look here. Once upon a time there was an ogre, a princess, and a noble, handsome gorgeous... donkey!
 * Allister: Oh, excuse me for getting the donkey! Ahem...so one day, the ogre and the lady met, and they fell in love.
 * Donkey: ...with the donkey.
 * Allister: Evil forces to come between them, but as the script here says, love conquers all.
 * Donkey: And before they knew it, they were hitched. The bouquet was delicious.
 * Allister: They returned home from a long honeymoon to find their faithful friend, their ever-present, constant companion, and Irritatingly loyal donkey pal awaiting their arrival.
 * Shrek: Donkey! We're back!
 * Donkey: So soon!
 * Shrek: What in the name of all the king's horses has been going on around here?!
 * Donkey: What's been going on? I'll tell you what's been going on!...All kinds of crazy things have been going on! That's what! Get a load of this! Soldiers are trying to arrest the fairytale creature again! Can you believe it? You've got to rip this poster down, Shrek! Man, we've got to protect our friends! And, Shrek, these posters ain't the half of it. Look at this! Coins, just floating in the air! And we've got to pick them up, man; we're going to need all the coins we can get. They're all over the place too. Over here. Over there. Up in the air! There are some even hidden in the crates. And look at THIS! When you jump on these lily pads - WHOO! - you bounce! And then we got energy bars, floating in space! WHY?! Why are they here?! I mean, they taste all like rattlesnake and they make you fell all powered up...but still, you know... Yes, that's right: Hero Energy Bars for the Hero everyone. Giving Heroes that extra energy boost since ... well, last year. It's kind of spooky they're just hanging in the mid-air like that. Huhhh. They're giving me heebie-jeebies! Oh and, by the way, we're going to Far Far Away for your wedding ball.
 * Fiona: Uh...Our what?
 * Donkey: Your wedding ball! Invitation came while you were gone. Oh, I did forget to mention that? My bad. But we can't leave until you get rid of all this hoodoo-voodoo! So c'mon. Let's get a move on. Time's a wasting. We got a wedding ball to clipperty-clop to. Go to it, boy!
 * Fiona: Uh...Okay...I guess I need to pack...
 * Shrek: Oh! And one other thing...
 * Fiona: DONKEEEEEY!!
 * Donkey: ...I really haven't had the chance to tidy up with all these bright, tinkly distractions. What was that?
 * Shrek: Donkey!!!
 * Donkey: Now come on, Shrek! Don't get hung up on the details! You've got to get that poster down, man. And grab all the coinage on the way. We're going to need beacoup bankroll for Far Far Away, so make sure you get them all! To jump on the lily pad, hit the control key or your right mouse button while your running around. Walking through water really kind of slows things down. It'd be way faster if you just jump across the lily pads. So c'mon, hop to it. And check out your Farquuad punching bag? Give it the old one two wam-bam-hu-ha-chu and rake in your reward! Punch is face by clicking your left mouse button! If you see a high ledge that's just out of reach, run up to it and you'll climb up automatically. Yeah, it's weird isn't it? If you can jump here, you can grab a hold of those vines. Alright, lookin' sharp. Now use your left and right arrows to shimmy along the vine. When you're drop off, hit the down arrow. To make it over to that dilapidated bridge, you'll need to do a double jump. Just lick your right mouse button twice. Here's the trick to double jumping. Click your right mouse button once to jump and then when you're the highest point of your jump, click the right mouse button again. You'll see - it's easy when you get the hang of it. Hey, with a little practice, you'll be double jumping in no time. See all those crates? You can smash them to toothpicks by clicking your left mouse button. Oh, look, look: there's four leaf clover! But you're going to have to get that later. You can't reach it from here, believe me. Jumping on that sparkly lily pad will fly you right over those nasty briars. Punch through those boards with your left mouse button. Keep your eyes peeled for these Hero Bars, Shrek. They'll give you a health boost. And they're nougat-ey!
 * Roy: Hey, I'm Roy, your save fairy. If you see me flying around, run up to me and I'll save your game. Really sparks your sense of wonder, don't it. You made it.
 * Donkey: Stand in front of this lever and hit your left mouse button to pull it. Break through those boards to get that four leaf clover. Usually, you have to hunt around in secret areas to find them and they're not easy to get but once you do, they'll increase your health capacity. So go for it! Shrek, look! It's a FGM Drive Through, where they sell magic potions and whatnot. They've been popping up everywhere. You've seen the commercials, right?
 * Shrek: We should stock up for the road.
 * Donkey: Yeah, here's that rotten poster I was telling you about. Click your left mouse button to rip it down! Leave no poster untorn! Rumor is, somebody's offering a reward for people that rip down three of these posters. Hey! You should start a collection. Probably he worth something one day. You did it, Shrek! Everything's back to normal. Who ordered the carriage? I don't have to tip this guy, do I?
 * Fiona: I did. Far Far Away is...so very far away. Everything is packed and ready to go. Ready to meet my parents?
 * Shrek: Um, sure.
 * Fiona: Don't worry, they'll love you.
 * Donkey: Yeah, Shrek, they'll love you. I mean love you. What's there not to love?
 * Shrek: (Sighs)
 * Donkey: We're going on a adventure, we're going on a adventure. We could be more than going on a really, really, really long road trip with me?
 * Shrek: Uhhh. A root canal? Uhhh. Having my rose hairs plucked out one by one?
 * Donkey: Are we there yet? How bout now? I was just kidding. Seriously, though...now? You know what I've been thinin'? We should start a band! Hey, that reminds me, who brought oats?
 * Fiona: Shrek. Doesn't this reek of an ambush?
 * Donkey: Actually that might be me. hat wedding invitation's kind of coming back on me. Sorry.
 * Shrek: Donkey!
 * Donkey: Yeah... Sorry, Shrek! Hey, look! That dude just ran off with our wheel!
 * Shrek: I'll go take a look...
 * Donkey: Shrek, please don't go out there. You heard what she said. Something, something, ambush!
 * Shrek: Relax, Donkey. I'm an ogre. Unless you know a four-legged beast who could carry all our luggage?
 * Donkey: Shrek, get out there and find that wheel! And hurry! And don't worry trees fall all the time, everyday. You'll be fine!
 * Fiona: Bandits! Shrek, let me help!
 * Donkey: No! Please don't leave me, I'm really losin' it here. Besides, Shrek can handle it. Watch. Click on your left mouse button when you want to punch something! If bandits hit you, they'll steal your coins. Just clock'em good and get your money back. Click your mouse left button twice to do a double punch! Left mouse. Two times. C'mon, Shrek. Click on the left mouse button three times to do a combo punch! Don't hold back with these guys! Give 'em what for! You need to get our wheel back so we can get a move on! Ooooh, Shrek, you showed them! Yeah, those bandits didn't stand a chance against you! First it was BAM! Then it was KAPOW! Then it was, "I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my legs!-
 * Shrek: Well, the wheel's back on. Guess we can resume this magical journey.
 * Donkey: Hey, Shrek, you're looking a little green round the gills man. Here, try a box of these. Maybe we can find some more of that stuff later. Now we just have that road block in the way...
 * Shrek: Could anything ELSE go wrong today?!?!
 * Donkey: Now Shrek, for every problem there is a solution. Say, you know, those logs look kind of weak and crackly. I bet you could combo punch our way outta here! Come on, hop to it, big guy! Now that's what I call dead wood! Let's make like a tree and get inside our onion carriage! Far Far Away, here we come! Four wheels and all!
 * Shrek: Oh, yeah. Here we come alright.
 * Allister: Finally our heroes came to Far Far Away. Fiona's parents were quite curious what their new son-in-law looked like. Needless to say, Shrek failed to meet the royal exceptions.
 * Donkey: Man! This is taking over! Hey, if people wanted to read, they'd buy a book, alright?
 * Allister: To make a long story short, the King and Shrek sniped at each other over dinner.
 * Donkey: Making Fiona all sad...
 * Allister: And suddenly, a Fairy Godmother appeared.
 * Donkey: Yeah, you know what, Allister? I got it from here. She's all like, "Oh you can be beautiful again, just marry my son Prince Charming, but of course Fiona's having none of it. Why? Two words: "Sha-rek"! So what's this nasty crone do? She goes threaten to the King instead.
 * Allister: And the next morning, the King invited Shrek on a hunt. But all was not as seemed.
 * Donkey: I, of course, smelled a rat right away. So I figured I'd tag along, you know, just to be on the safe side. Where is everybody? Man, I love hunts. This is going to be great. But, where're they all that?
 * Shrek: I'm not sure. The King said to meet him by some tree.
 * Donkey: Oh! Of course, a TREE! Well, that should be easy. There are only about four million trees in the forest. In fact, I can't even SEE the forest for all these darn trees.
 * Shrek: I don't know... He must be around here somewhere...
 * Donkey: Do you ever get the feeling that we're being watched? Oooh! What was that?
 * Shrek: Donkey, I seriously doubt there's anything scarier in the forest than an ogre.
 * Donkey: Ogres?! Where?!
 * Shrek: Eww boy. Hello? Anybody there? I know I saw something that time. Hello out there!
 * Donkey: Okay. Yeah. Very funny. Let's scare the donkey.
 * Shrek: I'm going to check it out. Keep going that way and I'll catch up with you. And if you see the King, tell him I'll be right there.
 * Donkey: Okay, but don't be long, I don't want you getting scared without me. I'll just keep going now... deeper and deeper... into this dark, creepy, forest like the brave, noble Donkey that I am. (Gasps) What was that?!?!?! Ooh, look at those pumpkins. Go over to them and click your left mouse button to pick them up. Click your left mouse button again to throw them before they explode. W-what was that?
 * Roy: You made it.
 * Donkey: Looks like the only way I can lower that bridge is by kicking that rope over there. Maybe I can get that guy up there to help me?
 * Guy: Hmmm. I fancy some nice fried Donkey ears tonight.
 * Donkey: Uhhh. Maybe not. Now, I'd say this would be a perfect time to use some love potion... Or any kind of potion come to think of it. I'm going to have to go up there and kick that rope down, potion or not. And one guy is no match for a donkey with a black belt in button mashing. There's a sparkly mushroom I can bounce on. Make me jump and then press that left mouse button while I'm in the air and I'll do a jump attack. Shrek, is that you, man? Alright. A four leaf clover. Free food? Now that's what I call a perfectly lucky and unsuspicious coincidence, seeing as how I'm too hungry and all to think very clearly right now. Mmmm..mmm! It's too bad Shrek isn't here to get some too. Oh man, this is going to hit the spot...! Aaaarghhhh! Shrek! Help! They've got me!
 * (Shrek arrives)
 * Donkey: I knew it. There's no such thing as free lunch!
 * Shrek: Uh oh. What trouble have you gotten yourself into there, Donkey?!
 * Donkey: Oh, man! Am I glad to see you!
 * Shrek: Here's one for you.
 * Donkey: Help! Oh please, help me! Whew, thanks Shrek! Must feel kind of weird to be the one saving me for a change.
 * Shrek: You just need to stop thinking with your stomach, Donkey! For five little seconds?
 * Donkey: Consecutively? Oh, Shrek, you can crack me up. So where to?
 * Shrek: This way, ...Uh, Donkey? Little less towards the trap just a wee bit?
 * Donkey: ...Excellent, thank you. How am I going to get my donkey butt across the water?
 * Shrek: This is going to take some strategy.
 * Donkey: Looks like a bear traps. Good thing I'm not a bear!
 * Shrek: Whoa! That's one giant pumpkin!
 * Donkey: Fight pumpkins with pumpkins I always say.
 * Shrek: Let's turn you into a pumpkin pie!
 * Donkey: Flat top mushrooms. You know, my Uncle Clarence mentioned these one time. I can still hear him like it was yesterday, "Red is bad, green is good." So I just need to jump on them when they're green!
 * Announcer: All right, contestant, race through this level and collect as many coins as you can! You're on a strict time limit so no clowning around like the rest of the game! Start the clock! And...GO!
 * Donkey: Shrek? You hear that?
 * Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.
 * Donkey: No. Whew. That was a close one.
 * Puss: En garde.
 * Donkey: Oh my gosh! Shrek! HELP! It's a pirate! With a tail! And galoshes!
 * Puss: Excuse me, I'm a musketeer. My name...is Puss in Boots.
 * Donkey: You are a pirate in galoshes.
 * Puss: What are you talking about? I look good in this. These boots are Italian leather. They accentuate my -- ENOUGH! I am here to kill the ogre. Prepare... to die. And now, senor, prepare to feel my blade's cold sweet kiss. Cough, cough...COUGH COUGH COUGH...
 * Shrek: Uh...Are we supposed to pat him, or what?
 * Donkey: Nah, he's a goner. Let's just watch.
 * Puss: GAK!! YURK!!
 * Shrek: Hah! Gotcha! Who's in the catbox NOW?
 * Puss: You defeated me, senor. I await your pleasure.
 * Donkey: You heard the man, Shrek! Pleasure his awaitance! Take him down! Hi-yah!
 * Shrek: What? No Donkey, I don't hurt little kitty cats.
 * Donkey: Yeah you do! You eat kittycats for breakfast! You turn 'em inside out and wear them as hats! You pulverize them! You...
 * Shrek: Never. They make scratchy hats and they taste greasy.
 * Puss: So be it. Then I must become your faithful companion...
 * Donkey: Uh... think again, hot sauce, because that job's taken!
 * Puss: ...as repayment for sparing my priceless storied life. After all, I was sent here to kill you.
 * Shrek: Sent here? By whom?
 * Puss: Why... the King, of course.
 * Donkey: See, I knew it, I knew it! Never trust a cat who wears mink, Shrek. It's redundant first of all...
 * Shrek: Why is the King so against Fiona and me living a happy life together?
 * Puss: Oh! Well, if all you want is happiness, then you need to see the Fairy Godmother. The offices of the most eminent one in all the land lie not far from here. Permit me to escort you thence.
 * Shrek: Do you know how to get there?
 * Puss: Si, senor. I have marked that territory many times. Happiness - that's a no-brainer.
 * Fairy Godmother: Ogre?! What's an ogre doing here?
 * Shrek: Er...I'm here for my Happily Ever After...Cat said something something..
 * Fairy Godmother: Ogres don't GET any Happily Ever Afters. Now GET OUT!! I need that Happily Ever After potion.
 * Donkey: Well, That was thtupid, wouldn't you thay, Puth in Bootth?
 * Puss: The blood of some women boils like lava.
 * Donkey: Oh, you loo fine in that suit, Shrek!
 * Shrek: Oh thanks, Donkey! Let's get going - it's sweltering in this thing.
 * Puss: I would wager half a stolen kiss the potion we seek lies somewhere within in that room. I should go. I am more grateful than you, smarter than the donkey, and I can fit through those vents.
 * Shrek: You're right, pussycat. You'll be able to climb the pipes and get through the vents. We'll hide in here while you go find the potion. Oh, and I spotted a lever over by that room on the right. Maybe it'll get you through the door. Too bad this uniform doesn't have a key card.
 * Puss: I shall return successfully and with the utmost speed.
 * Shrek: Avoid the hazmat elves.
 * Puss: Check.
 * Shrek: And the machinery.
 * Puss: Check.
 * Donkey: And the mirrors! Wouldn't want to get distracted or anything.
 * Puss: Methinks those pipes are climbable! All I need do is spring up to them with my trademark grace and elan. Perfect timing will get me in. And "in" is my middle name... Laser beams are no match for my feline grace and agility. I'll break this vent with my claw attack. These lasers do not look so friendly. Let us go! Hurry, my friends!
 * Donkey: Was this part of the plan?!? (Shrieks) Shrek! I'm trapped!
 * Shrek: Donkey!
 * Donkey: Oh that was definitely not part of the plan.
 * Shrek: Donkey, you're going to have to find another way out! I think I saw another way out back in the main lab, hurry! We'll meet you outside!
 * Fairy Godmother: Release Pink Potion of Pain in 3... 2... 1.
 * Shrek: Psst! Donkey! Up here! Come on, Donkey! The window!
 * Puss: That was closer than anticipated.
 * Donkey: Who do we have to thank for that, Mt. Covert Ops.
 * Shrek: Donkey! Ease up. We've had enough fighting for one day.
 * Puss: Perhaps no would be the ideal time to try the Happily Ever After Potion.
 * Donkey: Huh...you sure you grabbed the right bottle?
 * Puss: Of course I am sure.
 * Donkey: I don't know. I mean, you know, what if this makes us all scaly or makes us grow another head out of our butts?
 * Puss: In your case, it would be an improvement and we would know the potion worked.
 * Shrek: Shut up! I'll try it. Well? Do I seem happier yet?
 * Puss: I would try it, senor, but I am perfection incarnate. Perhaps we should stress test it on the Donkey. Give it a real workout.
 * Donkey: Who? Who, me? Uh...Ahh...Uh.
 * Puss: Scared?
 * Donkey: Donkeys don't get scared, tuna breath.
 * Puss: Irritating as ever. Forgive me, senor. We have failed.
 * Shrek: I didn't work. We annoyed all those elves for nothing.
 * Puss: Perhaps a Plan B will suggest itself after a little beauty rest.
 * Donkey: And where are we going to stay for the night?
 * Puss: A barn lies just on the other side of this forest.
 * Donkey: What?! Barn?! Oh, no, no, no. Donkeys don't do barns.
 * Puss: We still have a long way to travel. We must make haste, my friends! That is, if the slow mule can keep up.
 * Donkey: Slow mule?! Oh, bring it on, fur ball! I'd like to see you lose this Donkey. I'll race you over the pass! Yeah! Eat my dust kitty cat!
 * Shrek: Thanks for waiting up, guys! Oh, well - maybe I'll get a little peace and quiet now. This must be the well I have to jump down.
 * Donkey: Shrek? What too you so long?
 * Shrek: Oh, I took the scenic route. Met some really friendly fellas along the way. You guys missed out.
 * Donkey: Uh-huh, yeah, whatever. Can we get out of the rain now? Man, I can't believe that stupid potion didn't work.
 * Shrek: It doesn't matter. I'll find another way to win Fiona back.
 * Puss: Tell me. Is this woman of yours worth it?
 * Shrek: She's the most beautiful, delicate flower to ever grace our world.
 * Puss: It is hard for me to imagine such a creature tolerating the reek to which I am now exposed.
 * Donkey: You don't know Fiona. Oh Man. Shrek.
 * Shrek: What? It was the cat!
 * Puss: Don't make me ill you, senor.
 * Shrek: Sorry.
 * Allister: And so our heroes, who had failed to read the small print on the potion bottle, slept on. The next morning, it was discovered that the Happily Ever After potion had worked after all. And how. The Fairy Godmother may have been a witch in high heels, but she knew a thing or two about enchanted pharmacutials.
 * Donkey: Allister, Allister... I thought I told you faster, man! These people haven't got all day! Anyway, cutting to the chase here...Shrek and Fiona weren't the only ones with a hot new look. They had,, in their company, one Noble Steed. Thank you.
 * Allister: Now the ogre transformed into a handsome prince. And the princess was beautiful again.
 * Donkey: Of course, this posed a small problem for the Fairy Godmother who had her sights on becoming Fiona's mother-in-law. So she had the king send his men to arrest us! Cut to prison scene. End parentheses. Oh wait. I wasn't supposed to read that part.
 * Shrek: Well, here we are.
 * Donkey: Shrek, I'm claustrophobic. I can't spend the rest of my life in a cell. I mean look at this place! It's dark! It's slimey! It's stinky! Oh Shrek!! I think the walls are closing in!!!
 * Shrek: Yeah, Donkey. They'll do that!
 * Puss: Look. I think I can slip through the grate, and perhaps find a way to open the cell door.
 * Donkey: Oh than goodness, I was worried... Phew! I don't think I could handled another second behind bars...
 * Shrek: I'll hold them off! You two get out of here!
 * Puss: Puss In Boots does not run form a fight.
 * Shrek: Does he run from certain death?
 * Puss: Um...yes. Yes he does. Quite quickly, in fact. The time has come for us to part ways. You do what you do best.
 * Donkey: Go another way.
 * Puss: Exactly. Try up.
 * Donkey: It's about timing, baby. I just gotta time it just right so I can get across. Looking good, Shrek!
 * Shrek: Feeling good, Donkey. Need to wrap up a few things here. I'll meet you on the outside.
 * Knight: Halt, equine! Get thee back to the royal stables afore the blunt of mine blade finds thy hindquarters.
 * Donkey: Sorry. No can do, Mr. Fancypants-a-lot. I got some places to be. Alright! I'm getting pretty good at this fighting thing. Well if bein' this good-lookin' is a crime, arrest me. I'll just bust out again. Phew! I don't think I could handled another second behind bars...
 * Shrek: I'll hold them off!
 * Puss: The time has come for us to part ways. You do what you do best.
 * Donkey: Go another way.
 * Puss: Exactly. Try up. Shrek!
 * Shrek: Is that you, Puss in Boots? Pe--uw! It's normally me who stinks!
 * Puss: I am deeply ashamed.
 * Shrek: Cheer up! We're almost out.
 * Knight: Halt, flea-bitten knave!
 * Puss: Forgive me, clanky one. I have come through too much to be delayed by one such as you. Do not tangle with the gato.
 * Shrek: I'll hold them off! You two get out of here! Is that you, Puss in Boots? Pe--uw! It's normally me who stinks!
 * Puss: I am deeply ashamed.
 * Shrek: Cheer up! We're almost out.
 * Puss: Yeah, right! You said that in the last level!
 * Donkey: Looking good, Shrek!
 * Shrek: Feeling good, Donkey. Need to wrap up a few things here. I'll meet you on the outside.
 * Donkey: (Dismissive) Unhh, you said that in my level. Man! Do we have to keep saying the same lines, over and over?
 * Knight: What the...! Not another one! Defend thyself, fiend!
 * Shrek: They make true love look so easy on the reality shows... Whoa.
 * Donkey: Hel-LO dessert! I didn't know they had room service in prison... AAAGH!!! Cavities!!!!
 * Puss: This is not dessert, Donkey. This is our secret weapon.
 * Donkey: Secret what-pon?
 * Shrek: The Muffin Man baked him up for us.
 * Gingerbread Man: To assist us in storming the castle.
 * Donkey: Storming the what-stle?
 * Puss: He's made out of gingerbread... ...with vanilla and gumdrop buttons... ...hmmmmm.
 * Donkey: ...Who's going to be afraid of him?
 * Knight: Giant piece of angry gingerbread INCOMING!! Man the catapults! Milk bombs to the battlements!!! Now, people!!! This is the Big One!
 * Puss: It has begun. What are our orders?
 * Donkey: Uh, I'll take it from here, slick. Shrek, what are our orders?
 * Shrek: Let's break down these gates, get Fiona, and worry about the rest later! Yank out those and throw them! They're only props! Smash the doors where the knights are coming out. Kick the tents! There might be some Hero Bars in there! Over there! Pick up the trolley car and use it to bring down the bridge! Quick, knock down the walls to get to the castle! Here's a little cheat code for you: Steer away from the milk. Oh, and watch our for those milk bombs! Take out the cowapults! They're no match for your mighty sweetness! Let's go! Fiona is in here somewhere.
 * (Shrek, Donkey and Puss are going inside the castle)
 * Shrek: Now to find the marriage ball and save the woman I love!
 * Donkey: Well... A ballroom. Now isn't this typially where wedding balls are usually held?
 * Puss: There will be bridemaids. Perhaps I should handle this.
 * Shrek: Wait here and guard my back. I'll clear us a path through the muckety-mucks.
 * Fiona: Get away from me! Shrek!
 * Fairy Godmother: You!
 * Shrek: Left my invitation at home. Let's dance, Granny. Do you feel lucky, Granny? Nohhhhhhh!
 * Donkey: What the...? Yeaah! Check me out! Hey! Looks like I've evolved even more!
 * Puss: Actually, you have only regressed back to your misfortune original form.
 * Donkey: Meow, meow, meow. Well, we'll see who's back for Shrek 3. I might be a donkey, but I ain't no one-trick pony! Phew! That's more like it!
 * Shrek: Well Fiona, here's your handsome prince.
 * Fiona: He's not here yet. There he is. Rrrrrrr! Now, how about some of that Happily Ever After you promised me?
 * Allister: And so the...
 * Donkey: And so the ogre and the princess were together at last. With Shrek and Fiona reunited, the fairy godmother vanquished, everyone returned to their true form, the wedding ball went ahead as planned. The fireworks lasted all night long and everybody stayed up way past their bedtime. The... THE END. Bye.

Cast

 * Michael Gough as Shrek and King Harold
 * Mark Moseley as Donkey
 * Holly Fields as Princess Fiona
 * Andre Soguillzo as Puss in Boots
 * Claudia Christian as the Fairy Godmother
 * James Arnold Taylor as Gingy, Prince Charming and Leprechaun
 * Cody Cameron as Pinocchio, Three Little Pigs
 * Tara Strong as Lil Red