Shrek the Halls

Shrek the Halls is a Christmas special that premiered on November 28 of 2007.

Shrek

 * I have to make a Christmas, and I have no idea what it is or how to do it.
 * [turns to Gingy] Excuse you for what?
 * Oh, Puss, not you too.
 * So, despite the fact that you drive me crazy at times,-- Yes, Donkey, I'm looking at you. --it would mean a lot to me if you'd all come back and join us.
 * Smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night!

Donkey

 * Merry Christmas, Shrek!
 * How are you gonna have Christmas without your family?
 * My mom used to always say: "Christmas ain't Christmas till somebody cries". Usually, that someone's me [sniffles]
 * [laughs] They got you good, Shrek! [snow dumps on him] Hey! That wasn't even funny. Who did that?

Fiona

 * This is gonna be the best Christmas ever. And we're going to do it together, so come on. [pulls Shrek's arm]
 * They're our friends, Shrek. They all mean well.
 * I have to go. I need to apologize to our friends. [walks away with the babies in her arms]

Puss in Boots

 * Okay, I will assume the position. [gets himself tortured by the ogre babies]
 * In my homeland, we tell a very different tale of the Santa Nicholas. He's not made of waffles.
 * I have shamed myself. [jumps off the chair]
 * Boss, there's no right way to do Christmas, you just do it.

Gingy

 * [talking to an angel-shaped cookie] Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven?
 * Santa?! AAAAAAHH!!! [slams the door]

Others

 * Pinocchio: C'mon, everybody, let's DANCE!
 * Big Bad Wolf: Apology accepted. Let's go eat.
 * 3 Little Pigs: Ja, with schnitzel.

Dialogue

 * Gingy: Excuse me. Excuse me!
 * Shrek: Excuse you for what?
 * Gingy: I don't feel very good. [pukes a chocolate chip] Ah, I feel better now. [runs away]
 * Donkey: Ooh, a chocolate chip! [eats off the floor] Mm!

Donkey

 * 'Twas the night before Christmas, and I spent all the day finishin' up on my Christmas display.
 * Now missin' all this would be nothing but tragic, so just follow me and I'll show you the magic.
 * Now, out in the yard, in the glorious clutter, is a spectacle there that'll make your heart flutter.
 * With 20ft cheese balls, and a big eggnog fountain, and yodelin' elves on an ambrosia mountain.
 * A stage where acrobats jump, leap, and prance, and honor the day through . [Acrobats: Ha!]
 * But just when you think the display is complete, the Christmas parade comes right down the street.
 * With holiday floats, all in silver and blue. With sugarplum fairies and a reindeer or 2.
 * There's a baton-twirlin' snowman all happy and perky, magical peacocks, and a dancin' roast turkey. ["Everybody Dance Now" plays]
 * And right when you think that you've just seen it all, comes a huge waffle Santa that's 50ft tall! [Waffle Santa: Ho ho ho!]
 * With syrup and butter, the sight just amazes. And it's flanked by a choir all singin' his praises.

Puss in Boots

 * This Santa was suave. He was nothing like that. [See Donkey's variation] The Santa I know was a hot Latin cat.
 * He was dressed all in fur from his head to his paws, and he stood there heroic. A real Santa...Claws. [Santa Claws scratches an S on the mantle]
 * Red are his boots, and so is his cape! [3 Blind Mice: Olé!] His sword is a cane that tastes like crab cake. [Santa Claws licks the candy cane]
 * He wears a fine belt and a leather cravat. And there's a cute fuzzy thing which hangs down from his hat. [eyes widen, starts hitting the bell on his hat]

Gingy

 * 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the prettiest sights were my sweetheart beside me and the bright Christmas lights.

Shrek

 * 'Twas the night before Christmas. Not a swamp rat did creep as mother and babe played kazoo in their sleep. [Fiona and the babies all fart]
 * Now the sight of the house would make any ogre droop, for it was sickeningly sweet as unicorn poop.
 * Yet who was arriving to help this lost cause? The foul, the vile, and handsome Ogre Claus. [Ogre Claus: Hey, how's it going?]
 * He looked all around and scratched at his beard and said... [Ogre Claus munches on flies] And said... [Ogre Claus: This place is worse than I thought. Uh, feared!]
 * So he grabbed up his belly, and screwed up his face, and let loose a [Ogre Claus burps and the burp explodes in the house] that transformed the place!
 * With the gleam in his eye, his work here was done. And then to the babies he gave 1-by-1...
 * ...a festering bottle of stinky swamp juice. And for mom a kiss and a good Christmas goose. [Ogre Claus: 425 degrees, 20 minutes per pound] [Fiona giggles]
 * Then digging a finger inside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
 * And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight: "Smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night!".