Small Time Crooks

Small Time Crooks is a 2000 American comedy film abouta loser of a crook and his wife who strike it rich when a botched bank job's cover business becomes a spectacular success.
 * Written and directed by Woody Allen.

They took a bite out of crime. taglines

May Sloane

 * It was a really tragic story, because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name.
 * I met a wonderful man downstairs. He seemed to like me. He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead. But I assume he meant when she was alive.

Dialogue

 * Ray: I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius.
 * Frenchy: Yeah, you don't have to sell me.


 * Ray: I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.
 * Frenchy: Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.




 * Ray: For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.
 * Frenchy: Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies.




 * Ray: Today Benny got bit by a rat. We had to give him a rabies shot.
 * Frenchy: Who, the rat?


 * Denny: Ray really is a genius, Frenchy.
 * Frenchy: Compared to you, this chair is a genius, Denny.




 * Ray: What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man?
 * Frenchy: I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist.




 * Ray: What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop?
 * Benny: Burn it down.
 * Ray: What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance?
 * Benny: I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college.


 * David: So, you can see the difference between this Tintoretto and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at? What would you say is the most significant difference?
 * Ray: Me? I'd say the frame's bigger here.


 * Ray: I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him.
 * May: Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are...
 * Ray: May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with me. I can take it.




 * Benny: You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share.
 * Tommy: I'd go for that. Yeah.
 * Denny: Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?
 * Benny: What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us!
 * Denny: How do you figure?
 * Benny: Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add?
 * Denny: I don't do fractions, all right?




 * Denny: Did you get your share?
 * Tommy: My share of what? Oh, oh, yeah. I got it. I sold some stuff.
 * Denny: What did you sell?
 * Tommy: A rented car.


 * May: Then the lights begin to flash. Little pinpoints of light. Then my tongue turns black and I can't swallow.
 * Dr. Henske: Really?
 * May: The diagnosis is Parkinson's, but they think it could be the Ebola virus, or mad cow disease.




 * Frenchy's Lawyer: You've lost it all, Frenchy. Or should I say, you've been swindled out of it all.
 * Frenchy: You mean I got...?
 * Frenchy's Lawyer: Nothing, Mrs. Winkler. You have nothing. No... no house, no bank account, just a couple of large, outstanding loans which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy.
 * Frenchy: Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the B-words yet!


 * Frenchy: Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe.
 * Ray: That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing.
 * Frenchy: Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.
 * Ray: Sweetheart, you are the greatest.
 * Frenchy: Yeah.

Taglines

 * They took a bite out of crime.
 * Explodes with big-time laughter.

Cast

 * Woody Allen - Ray Winkler
 * Tracey Ullman - Frances "Frenchy" Fox-Winkler
 * Elaine May - May Sloane
 * Elaine Stritch - Chi-Chi Velasquez Potter
 * Hugh Grant - David Perrette
 * Michael Rapaport - Denny Doyle
 * Tony Darrow - Tommy Walker
 * Jon Lovitz - Benjamin "Benny" Bukowski
 * Brian Markinson - Officer Ken DeLoach
 * George Grizzard - George Blint
 * Larry Pine - Charles Bailey
 * Kristine Nielsen - Emily Bailey