Smiling Friends

 is an  created by  and  for 's night-time programming block, which revolves around a small charity dedicated to making people smile.

Desmond's Big Day Out [1.1]

 * [Charlie and Pim enter Desmond's room before seeing a terribly depressed and malnourished Desmond holding a revolver at his head]
 * Charlie: What's, uh... What's up, man? What's happening, big guy? What's with the gun?
 * Desmond: Oh, nothing. I was probably gonna use it to shoot myself or somethin'.
 * Charlie: Oh, you don't need to do that, man. Why don't you just... put the gun down, buddy?
 * Pim: Yeah, d-don't worry. Things are gonna be OK. W-what's wrong?
 * Desmond: Well, life's not going that great for me. [slowly zoom in with somber background music playing] My wife left me, my kids left me, my dog died from a broken heart last fall. So I don't know. Yeah, probably just gonna end it all or somethin'.
 * [Charlie and Pim take a short pause; Charlie turns to Pim]
 * Charlie: Pim, can I, uh... Can I talk to you for a second? [talks to Pim in a hushed voice] Look, Pim, I know it's our job to help this guy and everything, but I think this guy is a lost cause. He has obviously made up his mind. Why don't we just cut our losses and get out of here?
 * Pim: Oh, come on. That's nonsense, Charlie. We've never given up on a job so far. [walks up to Desmond in an innocent manner] Um, hello there, sir. I know you don't know who I am, but my name is Pim. I know right now things seem bleak, but I promise to you that by the end of this beautiful day, you will have a big gorgeous smile on that handsome face of yours. Oh, won't you give us a chance? [Desmond pauses for a beat]
 * Desmond: OK. But if you can't help me... [zoom in on Desmond talking in a disturbing deep machine voice] I'm gonna fuckin' shoot myself and make you two watch.
 * Pim: OK, not sure about that, but yaaay!


 * [Allen goes through a big hole behind the fridge and sees a person inside the walls browsing on a computer]
 * Allen: Uh... [the person frantically tries to close the tab but covers the screen from Allen with his hands] Hey, sorry to bother you, but did you a see a mouse run through here by chance?
 * Wall Guy: I don't know. [pause] Yeah, no clue, man. Maybe try down there.
 * Allen: [unsure] Thanks, I'll...check it out.
 * Wall Guy: By the way, for the record, you should probably knock or make yourself known next time you enter someone's place.
 * Allen: Dude, I don't even think you should be in here to begin with.
 * Wall Guy: Yeah, not really your business though, is it?
 * Allen: [bothered] When you're living in our office walls, yeah, it kind of is.
 * Wall Guy: [nodding him to leave] Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
 * Allen: [sighs deeply] OK, I'm not... I'm not doing this right now. Bye.
 * Wall Guy: Yeah, bye. [Allen takes one look at the person before moving on]
 * Allen: Whatever.

Mr. Frog [1.2]

 * [Charlie and Pim enter inside Mr. Frog's extravagant and spacious mansion]
 * Pim: Wow... W-what do you do here all day?
 * Mr. Frog: Hello. I just watch Jimmy Fallon clips on all day.
 * Charlie: Dude, this house is insane! There's like a thousand rooms in here. You have a gym, you got a theatre, [sees wild animals fighting aggressively to death behind a glass window] and you've even got a beautiful animal sanctuary.
 * Mr. Frog: Yes. But if I don't get my job back on the Mr. Frog Show, I'll lost it all. Hello.
 * Pim: Well, first things first, have you thought about just apologising for putting that reporter in your mouth? That was pretty bad.
 * Mr. Frog: Hello. But I'm not sorry.
 * Pim: [thinking] Hm... All right, that definitely makes it harder. Um, let's see... [Mr. Frog appears next to Pim's other side]
 * Mr. Frog: Um, can I pull your hair?
 * Pim: [scared] Uh, no. No, please don't.
 * Charlie: No, no, no, no. Screw apologising! All we have to do is rehabilitate his image.
 * Pim: I guess we could try to make the world see the good side of Mr. Frog. How hard could that be? [both look at Mr. Frog for a beat; Mr. Frog pauses before suddenly pulling Pim's "hair" on top of his head, later revealed to be an exposed nerve ending] GAHH--!!! [the scene transitions to the next one]


 * [late at night in Mr. Frog's swimming pool, Pim talks to Charlie in the hot tub]
 * Pim: All right, somehow no drugs was worse than drugs. Charlie, if we can't get him under control, I don't think we're gonna be able to help him.
 * Charlie: Don't worry, Pim, I am way ahead of you. [holds a canister of pills] I gave him some of these already.
 * Pim: [concerned] Charlie, what did you give him?
 * Charlie: My uncle had some laying around to help him sleep at night after he rammed his car into a crowd of people.
 * Pim: Your uncle seems to get into lots of car accidents.
 * Charlie: Yeah, he loves his cars. He loves his cars. [Pim sees a drugged Mr. Frog floating in the pool, laughs watching a video on his phone]
 * Pim: Is it safe for him to be in that pool when he's on them?
 * Charlie: Yeah, no-one's ever done anything crazy on sleeping pills.

Shrimp's Odyssey [1.3]

 * Jennifer: I like your hair...
 * Pim: [Pim runs his hand through his single strand of hair] Oh, this old thing? Uh, yeah, it's actually just an exposed nerve ending. But thanks!


 * Shrimp: How do I look, yellow man?
 * Charlie: ...Y-You look like you're about to tell your friend not to come to school tomorrow, man.


 * Charlie: [drunkenly] Goddamn, Shrimp... you’re just, like... you’re just, like FUCKED, man. [Charlie takes another gulp of his spaghetti drink] And I ain’t even trying to be offensive or nothing like that, but... I don’t know how you had a girlfriend in the first place.
 * Shrimp: That is why I do not even bother.
 * Charlie: Yeah, I know. I’m just saying, you’re just, like... you’re just, like, really, really fucked. I-I genuinely feel bad, it’s not even your fault, man. You’re just a shrimp, you was born like that. You was born like that, you was born a shrimp. You can’t even--... It’s your nature.


 * Pim: W-Wait, you're Shrimpina, right?
 * Jennifer: My name is Jennifer.
 * Shrimp: I have never met this woman in my entire life.
 * Charlie: ...Pim, who is this? Where... Where did you meet this woman?
 * Pim: I went where Shrimp told me to go. The cafe on 153 Meep Boulevard.
 * Charlie: Pim, there's no cafe at 153, there's a cafe at 158. You went to the wrong place.
 * Pim: W-W... Well, wait a second, what about that thing you said at the cafe? About... like, moving on or something?
 * Jennifer: Yeah. My boyfriend Jason died in a motorcycle accident a few months ago.
 * Charlie: Jesus Christ, man, Pim. Pim. Aauuughh.
 * Shrimp: Where is Shrimpina?
 * Charlie: I have no idea, probably at home? I don't know. P-Pim, did you even see Shrimpina one ti--once?

Enchanted Forest [1.6]

 * [Charlie has a headache listening to Alan and Glep playing a fighting video game at high volume]
 * Charlie: Hey, can you guys turn that down? I just have a little bit of a headache.
 * Alan: Oh, sorry. [he turns down the video game's loud volume]
 * Charlie: No, no, it's-it's all good, it's fine. It’s just that, erm... these guys started doing construction inside of my place at like 6:00-- [two fairies suddenly fly into the office and one of them blows a bugle next to Charlie's ear] ARGH!! THAT WAS RIGHT IN MY EAR, DUDE!!
 * Fairies: [in unison] We officially deliver a royal decree from the Princess of the Enchanted Forest! She's been unable to smile for a royal portrait and needs your assistance!
 * Pim: [gets overexcited] Th-the Enchanted Forest? Oh my God! I LOVE THE ENCHANTED FOREST!!!
 * Charlie: My ear's still ringing from that noise.




 * [Pim recalls a childhood memory with his dad Steven, seeing a wizard and a goblin in the Enchanted Forest]
 * Young Pim: Daddy, Daddy! Can we go inside and do an epic quest with those mythical creatures?
 * Steven: No, Pim! The Enchanted Forest isn't for children. It's only for heroes with unrelenting dedication, bravery and wisdom. Perhaps one day.
 * Young Pim: Oh, I love you, Daddy!
 * [Pim and his father kiss each other on the lips. Scene transitions back to the present]
 * Pim: [sighs with relief] I can't believe after all these years, I'm finally here.
 * Charlie: [pause] You kiss your dad on the mouth?

Charlie Dies and Doesn't Come Back [1.8]

 * Pim: Oh, this is gonna be great. I can’t wait to find the perfect Christmas tree. Which one do you guys wanna get? There’s - Oh, there’s a bunch.
 * Charlie: Yeah. Look, look, uh, let’s just make it quick. I really don’t want to be here all night.
 * Pim: What’s up with you today, Charlie?
 * Charlie: Huh? What- What are you talking about?
 * Pim: I don’t know. You just - I don’t know. It seems like you’re agitated or something.
 * Charlie: I’m not - I’m not agitated, Pim. I just don’t want to be working on Christmas Eve. And I think that’s a pretty reasonable position to have.
 * Pim: When you’re in this mood, I don’t know if you realize, but it actually affects everyone else’s mood. It - it brings us down a bit.
 * Charlie: Wait. Hold on. Hold- No, no. It affects you. Nobody else- Alan, are you affected by whatever- whatever is supposed to be happening?
 * Alan: I don’t really care.
 * Charlie: Are you affected?
 * Alan: I just want to find a tree.
 * Charlie: Okay. So, in other words, he’s not affected. See, Pim, here’s the thing-just because you are, you know, very positive and cheery about everything, does not mean everyone else has to conform to that.
 * Pim: I’m just saying, it seems like you’re often in this mood, like, it’s not just a one-off thing. It seems like you’re often like this.
 * Charlie: What do you mean? What is that - What is that supposed to mean?
 * Pim: Well, it was the same with Desmond, wasn't it? I had to get you motivated for that.
 * Charlie: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
 * Pim: Charlie, you didn’t want to do that job, and I had to get you motivated, like I often have to do.
 * Charlie: Okay. Yeah, Desmond was how many months ago. Also, dude, that’s a weird thing to bring up specifically, because that was one of the instances where you were not in the best mood. So the fact that you’re roping me…into asking me.
 * Pim: Charlie, I’m just bringing stuff up, and it’s not just Desmond.
 * Charlie: Oh.
 * Pim: It’s - it’s every job we do. You never want to do anything. It sometimes just gets a bit exhausting. That’s all I’m saying.
 * Charlie: You know, I could do the same thing back to you. I could throw stuff at you…
 * Pim: Okay, say it. Tell me. I’d love to say what people are saying about me.
 * [The Smiling Friends approach a Christmas tree to chop down with an axe.]
 * Alan: Okay, how about this tree?
 * Pim: Yeah, it’s fine. Let’s just do it.
 * Charlie: It looks fine to me.
 * Alan: Alright. Pim, do you want to chop it down?
 * Pim: Yeah, sure.
 * Charlie: No, no, you know what? Let me do it. [Charlie grabs the axe from Alan.] I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.
 * [Charlie starts chopping down the tree with the said axe.]
 * Pim: Careful, Charlie.
 * Charlie: Pim, I'm just helping out, right? Something that I never do, according to you, right? Oh, is this- is just putting anyone in a bad mood, huh? Is this putting anyone in a bad mood?
 * [The Christmas tree that Charlie chops down ends up falling onto him, and even kills Charlie in the process. Pim, Alan and Glep are all stunned with silence.]

Gwimbly: Definitive Remastered Enhanced Extended Edition DX 4K (Anniversary Director’s Cut) [2.1]

 * [With the help of Pim and Alan, Gwimbly goes back to his old video game company, Insane Ground Breaking Games, and meets with his old CEO]
 * IGBG CEO: (in between dipping chicken nuggets in at least 7 different sauces and eating them endlessly) Ah, Gwimbly! Nice to see you after all these years! I see your "solo career" is going successfully, hm!
 * Gwimbly: [ready to rip the CEO's head off, and yelling so loud he audibly distorts his mic] Oh, I swear to God, if I had my Gwimbly GUN ON ME RIGHT NOW I'D-  [runs forward to punch him, but gets held back by Pim]


 * James: Hey! [James snaps his fingers to garner Charlie's attention] Where is it?
 * Charlie (dressed up in a maid costume): [tired] I - I don't know how good this is going to be. I've - I've never made a casserole before.
 * James: Why are you dressed like that?
 * Charlie: Because you said it would make you smile.
 * James: [He inspects the dish more closely, but finds it unsatisfactory.] I want McDonald's. [Throws a casserole dish against the wall]
 * Charlie: [concerned] Look, I've literally done every single thing you've asked. I - I don't know why you're doing this to me but I'm begging you - I'm begging you, please. *inhales* Please, I want you to genuinely smile, please? Just smile.
 * James: [rips off a piece of Charlie's nose.] Dude, I couldn't focus on what you were saying with that thing on your face. I was sick of staring at it.
 * Charlie: [screaming in pure agony] AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!

The Alan Episode [2.3]

 * Mr. Boss: Oh, Alan! I actually have a very exciting job for you too! I just ran out of those little metal things that hold paper together. The eff are they called again? You know, the thing that's all like-- [he bends his pointer finger backwards, instantly breaking it]
 * Alan: Paperclips?
 * Mr. Boss: Yeah, that's it! If you could fetch some for me, I might have a special reward for you.
 * Alan: Hm, what's the reward?
 * Mr. Boss: Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, Alan, now would it?
 * Alan: No, I guess not. Okay, I'm gonna go get those paperclips, then.
 * Mr. Boss: [deeper, "normal" voice] Cool. Cool... I really hurt my finger doing that paperclip bit.
 * Alan: Yeah, no, I-- I saw.

Brother Egg [2.5]

 * Doug: Yo.
 * Professor Psychotic: Uh... Yo, what's up? What's up, man?
 * Doug: Vanessa's over, we're trying to watch TV; you're being incredibly loud.
 * Professor Psychotic: Uh... You just-- Like, my volume, or--?
 * Doug: (starting to get annoyed) Yeah, "volume". That's what "loud" means, doesn't it?
 * Professor Psychotic: Yeah-- I have the door closed, I mean...
 * Doug: We're on the couch, on the other side of this paper-thin wall, we're trying to watch a nice, romantic movie, and all we're hearing is injecting DNA into an egg!
 * Professor Psychotic: Yeah, well, that's what I do, yeah.
 * Doug: (fed up with his excuses now) Yeah, that's what you do- you waste time. You do stupid shit, all the time!
 * Professor Psychotic: You know, this-- this is what I care about, Doug. C'mon.
 * Doug: This is what you care about?! Care about something better! Care about yourself, maybe- care about me! The people who are keeping you alive!
 * Professor Psychotic: I-- I care about you! This is, like, my-- This is my job, basically.
 * Doug: (knowing full well his excuses are just bullshit) Oh, no, you care about me? That's so good! You know what you oughtta do- "your job"? Get an actual job! Get one that pays you!
 * Professor Psychotic: You know, I looked? It's a hard economy out there right now!
 * Doug: "It's a hard economy?" How about the economy of my patience, is runnin' thin, buddy! Paper-thin, like these walls.
 * Professor Psychotic: Dude, you have your problems, too.
 * Doug: (finally snaps) I got my prob--? Okay, okay! Get the fuck out! GET THE FUCK'' OUT! Go!


 * Doug: I oughtta knock your block off, you little freak.


 * Charlie: Pim, the world we live in stresses me out, dude.
 * Pim: Really? Why?
 * Charlie: Just, like, never-ending constant chaos, no-- It-- It never lets up. I hate it, I-- It's not good.
 * Pim: Oh, okay. I mean... Like, you didn't like when the man came out of the egg, though? That was kinda nice, wasn't it?
 * Charlie: No, that's what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I mean.
 * Pim: Oh, oh. You didn't like that-- Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
 * Charlie: What? It's not-- You didn't do it, it's not your fault.
 * Pim: Yeah, okay.

Charlie, Pim, and Bill vs. the Alien [2.6]

 * Charlie: Wait, what? What am-- Dude, what am I looking at? What is that?
 * Pim: Charlie, that-- that's not Earth, right?
 * [Reveal: The Flat Earth.]
 * Charlie: Pim, that's completely flat, that a hun-- that's a hundred percent flat, dude!
 * Pim: I know, that's what I mean, that-- I'm-- that's what I'm saying, that-- That can't be real, right? That's not, like--
 * Charlie: I-- It-- We're looking at it, dude! That-- The-- The Earth is, uh-- the Earth is flat! The Earth-- I just-- look at-- I dunno, the Earth is flat!
 * Pim: Charlie, the Earth can't actually be flat, right?
 * Charlie: There's the glass dome! Dude, dude, oh my God, dude, oh my--
 * Pim: This is-- This can't be real.
 * Charlie: I need to sit down.
 * Pim: This can't--
 * Charlie: Pim, we-- we need to take this to the grave, we cannot tell anybody. This changes literally every-- This changes everything.
 * Pim: No, I-- I know. I c-- We can't-- We can never tell-- We can never tell anyone.
 * Charlie: I might actually puke, get back a little. I might puke. Stand back. I'm gonna throw up.
 * Pim: Oh my-- Okay.
 * Charlie: I'm gonna throw up.
 * Pim: The Earth is flat, Charlie.
 * Charlie: I know.

Cast

 * – Charlie / Glep / various
 * – Pim / Alan / various
 * Marc M. – Mr. Boss