Spitting Image

Spitting Image (1984–1996) is a satirical comedy show using latex puppets of politicians, celebrities, sports stars and the Royal Family to portray events of the previous week.

Margaret Thatcher

 * [Margaret Thatcher is treating her Cabinet to a meal at a restaurant.]
 * Waitress: Would you like to order, sir?
 * Thatcher: Yes. I will have the steak.
 * Waitress: How would you like it?
 * Thatcher: Oh, raw, please.
 * Waitress: And what about the Vegetables?
 * Thatcher: Oh, they'll [The Cabinet] have the same as me!




 * Thatcher: Geoffrey, you're a complete imbecile. We can't have a quick war just to win votes! [Beat] Though, now that you mention it, look into it, will you?




 * Cecil Parkinson: Do we have any other business?
 * Thatcher: I bloody well hope not; we've sold it all off!




 * Thatcher: We have to get rid of Enoch. There is no room for racists in the Conservative Party - we're choc-a-bloc as it is!

Ronald Reagan

 * Reagan: [Having just passionately kissed Margaret Thatcher] Well, so long hunny-bun. What a fine-lookin' woman. Pity I'm only screwing her country!


 * Reagan: [In the White House bedroom, going back to sleep after being awake for 2 minutes] This is a great country, I wonder who runs it?

Dialogue

 * Thatcher: Oh dear. We're never going to win the next election now! We need some way of winning votes!
 * Geoffrey Howe: I suggest a quick war in early '87. That should get some votes.
 * Thatcher: Geoffrey, you're a complete imbecile. We can't have a quick war just to win votes! [Beat] Though, now that you mention it, look into it, will you?
 * Leon Brittan: In the meantime, sir, how about the anniversary of a war?
 * Nigel Lawson: Yes! How about the twenty-fifth anniversary...
 * Douglas Hurd: Or Silver Jubilee.
 * Lawson:...or Silver Jubilee, of 1962!
 * Thatcher: But there wasn't a war in 1962, you doughball! [To man with his hand up] And you are...?
 * Kenneth Williams: Williams, Prime Minister, from the department of Kenneths. They sent me to replace Kenneth Clarke.
 * Thatcher: And what's your idea?
 * Williams: Gentlemen, it's obvious! The fiftieth anniversary of [speeds up] Hitler first thinking about invading Poland, thus leading to the start of World War II! [slows down again] Today.
 * Thatcher: You're fired! Get out of my sight!
 * Williams: Oh, Bitch! [Leaves]
 * Michael Heseltine: This is an outrage! I'm leaving again! [Also leaves]
 * Thatcher: Right, I have it: The Sixtieth Anniversary of roughly halfway between both World Wars which we both won today. So Vote Conservative.
 * Cabinet: Oh, brilliant! Marvelous! etc.


 * David Steel: David?
 * David Owen: [Putting on lipstick] Yes, David?
 * Steel: Um, people are becoming worried.
 * Owen: [Donning a wig] About what?
 * Steel: Worried that your becoming, um, a closet Conservative.
 * Owen: A closet Conservative? [Now with Thatcher's voice] That's ridiculous.
 * Steel: Yes, that's what I thought. So you're still committed to the Alliance?
 * Owen: [Still with Thatcher's voice] I care passionately about the Alliance, David. I certainly don't intend to do a U-turn on that one.
 * Steel: Oh. Great. Um, glad we had this chat. [Leaves]
 * Owen: You wet wimp!
 * Brittan: Oh, good evening, Prime Minister. You look lovely today!


 * Unnamed characters: [chanting] Immigrants out! Immigrants out!
 * Bill Clinton: Immigrants out? So you want me to send all white Americans back to Europe on the Mayflower?
 * [beat]
 * Unnamed characters: Yeah! [chanting] Send us back! Send us back!
 * Clinton: [face in palm] Who are these people...?


 * [A parody of BSkyB's early '90s Stalin commercial, set to the the footage of archive Nuremberg rally footage]
 * Adolf Hitler: [voiced with Yorkshire accent] 'Ey up, missis! I'm another one of those tasteful adverts for satellite dishes! 'Oo wants a free subscription, then?
 * Nazi officer: I do!
 * Crowd: [chanting] Me too! Me too! Me too! Me too!
 * SA: I'll 'ave one!
 * Nazi officer: Save one for me, Adolf!
 * Hitler: You bunch of Panzers!
 * [cut to band footage as a drum ensemble sounds out Hitler's joke]
 * Hitler: So get Sky! It'll be Reich up your street! Ooh, they've got that Pol Pot on next week! He'll sell a few more!